Update, cont.: Cast your votes on what happens

[ColorCube]

You should be fired but nobody really knows what will happen.

If you are lucky, after they weigh your productivity and give more weight to that than the need for harmony then you will stay and not get a transfer.

 

Can you honestly believe this is how you should act at work and not expect there to be consequences for your inappropriate behavior?

[BlueEyedGirl]

I refuse to believe that this eternal and selective optimism is bourne from human reasoning, common sense or logic but from a malady of some sort. Several people post telling you this relationship isn't going to happen and you ignore these and respond to the one that gives you hope that it might.

 

 

Well you haven't been following spookie's threads like I have. Have I read her "update" thread and this thread only, I would have agreed with you. But everything in her previous threads points to the fact the he is attracted to her too. Also there is the fact that spookie never gets rejected by men. You either have "it" or you don't when it comes to men and spookie most definetly does. Given her "instability" you would think men would run away from her, but in almost every case in the past she got the guy and then got bored of him. All this points to Jack asking her out even though if you only look at logical facts here you might think otherwise.

[Trialbyfire]

There are men who are addicted to drama, who enjoy the drama queens. And then, most grow up but not all. The same holds true for women, except the men are known as "bad boys".

[johan]

None of the above, exactly. I vote for the following:

- You get fired, but it has nothing to do with anything you've posted about. It will have something to do with a house-sitting job and your CEO's cat inhaling too much smoke.

- Soon after getting fired you realize you're pregnant, and it's Jack's child.

- But you never actually did anything with him, so you are stupefied.

- You find out in your investigations that he frequents the ladies restroom, and you got it from the toilet seat.

- You sue the firm and the settlement makes it so you never have to work again.

- Donald Trump finds himself attracted to you, because you're not likely to clean out his accounts when you leave.

- You marry Trump and somehow manage to keep the relationship going happily for decades.

[Touche]

"Like sands through the hourglass... so are the Days of Our Lives"

 

Although the Young and the Restless might be more apt here.

[ColorCube]

Well you haven't been following spookie's threads like I have. Have I read her "update" thread and this thread only, I would have agreed with you. But everything in her previous threads points to the fact the he is attracted to her too. Also there is the fact that spookie never gets rejected by men. You either have "it" or you don't when it comes to men and spookie most definetly does. Given her "instability" you would think men would run away from her, but in almost every case in the past she got the guy and then got bored of him. All this points to Jack asking her out even though if you only look at logical facts here you might think otherwise.

 

You do realize that she has just altered her career in a negative fashion just for some dick that may never find it's way inside her?

 

Why would anyone think that what she is doing is the good right thing?

[BlueEyedGirl]

You do realize that she has just altered her career in a negative fashion just for some dick that may never find it's way inside her?

 

Why would anyone think that what she is doing is the good right thing?

 

I really do not think that this is as big of a deal as people make it. This will blow over in a few weeks. If she starts dating Jack, it will look even better (rather than unrequited infatuation). It's not "just some dick", she has really liked this guy for 6 motnhs and there was reasonable evidence that he feels the same way.

[ColorCube]

I really do not think that this is as big of a deal as people make it. This will blow over in a few weeks. If she starts dating Jack, it will look even better (rather than unrequited infatuation). It's not "just some dick", she has really liked this guy for 6 motnhs and there was reasonable evidence that he feels the same way.

 

Even if it blows over it that still doesn't make it right or mean it hasn't had a negative effect on her career. WTF?

 

This wasn't a job at McDonalds cleaning toilets that if she lost she would be okay, If she loses this job for this reason she might possibly not find another job or career in this field and she will be back to stripping.

 

This is self destructive behavior that you and a few other posters cheered her on to do and it is just some "dick".

[johan]

I find it hard to be critical in this case. I've done my share of unwise things, both in and out of the office. Spookie is young. I know people 15 years older who make her look like a cross between Thoreau and Gandhi. And they remain employed.

 

It is right to criticize blind stupidity and negligence. It is hypocritical to criticize youthful mistakes based on emotion and inexperience. In the end it's people like Spookie who become the most interesting, reliable people you'll ever know.

[ColorCube]

I've done my share of unwise things, both in and out of the office. Spookie is young. I know people 15 years older who make her look like a cross between Thoreau and Gandhi. And they remain employed.

 

It is right to criticize blind stupidity and negligence. It is hypocritical to criticize youthful mistakes based on emotion and inexperience. In the end it's people like Spookie who become the most interesting, reliable people you'll ever know.

 

This does ring some truth, I'm no different to doing dumb things when I was younger as well and have learned from them.

 

I do feel that this would be a hard lesson for her to have learned though if she winds up on the street back to stripping.

[BlueEyedGirl]

I find it hard to be critical in this case. I've done my share of unwise things, both in and out of the office. Spookie is young. I know people 15 years older who make her look like a cross between Thoreau and Gandhi. And they remain employed.

 

It is right to criticize blind stupidity and negligence. It is hypocritical to criticize youthful mistakes based on emotion and inexperience. In the end it's people like Spookie who become the most interesting, reliable people you'll ever know.

 

Great post Johan. I would really hate to live in a world where everybody thought as say Alpha Female in the other thread does. I have advised spookie to do this because if I were in her position I would have done exactly the same thing. What I meant by "it will blow over" comment is that this won't have lasting negative impact on her career. Spookie was led by her emotions and she knew she was risking something to possibly gain a lot more. Geez you all sound like cold, heartless robots (not you Johan).

[ColorCube]

Geez you all sound like cold, heartless robots (not you Johan).

 

Nah, just employed robots and going to stay that way

[sunshinegirl]

It is my desire to avoid this scenario that propelled me to make an appointment to see a shrink tonight. I really do hope someone can stop me from destroying myself.

 

This seems rather telling, no?

[johan]

Self-righteousness is hypocritical, too.

[ColorCube]

Self-righteousness is hypocritical, too.

 

Giving another poster advice or even criticizing her actions that she posts about isn't necessarily being self righteous Johan.

 

I'm not posting for my entertainment, I was posting to possibly help this young lady.

 

I'm not the one is this position and looking for advice, she is

[johan]

Well, at least you have a position of superiority from which you can give your helpful advice.

[ColorCube]

Well, at least you have a position of superiority from which you can give your helpful advice.

 

****

[Alpha Female]

Great post Johan. I would really hate to live in a world where everybody thought as say Alpha Female in the other thread does. I have advised spookie to do this because if I were in her position I would have done exactly the same thing. What I meant by "it will blow over" comment is that this won't have lasting negative impact on her career. Spookie was led by her emotions and she knew she was risking something to possibly gain a lot more. Geez you all sound like cold, heartless robots (not you Johan).

 

Blue Eyed Girl: All I did was give Spookie the HR perspective. I honestly don't know why I continue to be attacked for telling it like it is. There was only one other person who worked in HR who responded to the thread, and that was James. And he pretty much echoed what I said.

 

You may not like the reality, but in professional corporate environments, this is how all employees are viewed (including HR people and the executive team). We are all merely replaceable capital, and if you step too far out of bounds, then don't expect to be kept around. I see people day in and day out who over-estimate their worth in the workplace, and seem to think that a good job performance trumps infractions in other areas. It just doesn't work that way, unfortunately. It is certainly true that the higher up the food chain and/or the more you financially contribute that you can get away with a bit more, but that doesn't translate to erratic, threatening, unprofessional or unhealthy behavior being tolerated for too long.

 

The landscape of the work place has changed incredibly since the early 90's, and even moreso in the last 10 years. Again, you all may not like the messaging, but don't shoot the messenger.

[JamesM]

AlphaFemale is right. When I first began being part of such conversations, it was an eye opener. The fact is that all of management is paid to further the interests of the COMPANY. It is all about profit. While every person is important, situations which threaten the welfare of everyone else are treated with the whole workforce in mind.

 

I had one boss (who was very successful and VERY admired by his employees) tell me that in order to set his emotions aside when dealing with subordinates, it became necessary for him to look at everyone as a herd of cows. And the goal was to get as much milk from them as possible. He needed to discover HOW he could get the most milk out of them. And lest you think he was cold to his people, he actually had to fight not to get too close to them. In order to be fair to everyone, he needed to view them as "a herd." He was known to do whatever it took to make someone happy.

 

I understand. My feeling is that a relaxed and enjoyable environment contributes greatly to a person's performance. And situations such as mentioned in this thread take away from such an environment for the group as a whole.

 

Drama is not good for a company.

 

If you were an employee working with Spookie, how would you feel if she was "in love" with your boss, too? How would this affect her position and yours? How would you feel if he seemed to notice only Spookie? What would happen if the "relationship" ruined your boss' career, and you got a new one? And these are the easier questions. What would happen if this "relationship" resulted in a lawsuit which cost the company money which meant that they needed to reduce their workforce to pay for the settlement and court costs...and this meant you lost your job? Would you not want the company to handle this as soon as they found out about it? Would you then view this "romance" with the same feelings?

 

Prevention is the key.

 

Back to topic....

 

Spookie, I am going with 1 E unless your "shrink" helps you see what you are doing to yourself. And this is entirely possible. If that is true, then I would go with 1 D.

[Lovelybird]

You know... I was thinking about boring today.

 

I had gotten off of work early and had the sunny Friday afternoon stretched before me. It frightened me to realize I only had a couple of bowl-fulls of weed left, and the whole weekend with nothing special to do, and I started thinking about why I feel the need to be stoned, drunk, or at least dangerously caffeinated, all day.

 

Like literally, almost all the time.

 

The conclusion I came to, before I smoked the rest of my weed, was that I can't handle sobriety because life is so boring. So fckving boring as it drags painfully on.

 

I just can't GET into things. I don't enjoy hanging out with other people; even movies don't hold my attention. At least going on runs and listening to music when I'm stoned is fun. As long as I have weed, life feels like a Gorillaz song, and I'm ok.

Because you lack fountain of life: a well of water in your heart springing up into everlasting life.

[wuggle]

Good posts AlphaFemale & JamesM, the workplace really is very much like this these days. Johan you really need to lay off with the 'self righteous' digs, many posters on here are trying to help, I'm sure no-one knows how exactly but it's obvious Spookie needs help and advice or she wouldn't be asking for it.

[imani]

You do realize that she has just altered her career in a negative fashion just for some dick that may never find it's way inside her?

 

OMG, ColorCube, you have me laughing to tears with this quote (sorry Spookie).

 

I think she'll be fine as long as she focuses on her career and let the issue or non-issue with her boss fall where it may.

 

Spookie, I've read through a lot of your post and you seem to have more "lives" than a cat. Someone with the background as you have posted about yourself usually wouldn't have the chances you've gotten to make something of your life, especially the job you've got now. Please don't screw it up over the guy.

 

You've said yourself somewhere on here that you usually aren't able to have relationships with a guy that you actually like (I'm paraphrasing here). Even if "Jack" wants to date you eventually, it would more than likely be best for you to get yourself together first before even entertaining getting something started with him.

 

It would probably do you a disservice to date him right now. If it didn't work out, would you leave the job you worked so hard to get? I would hope not because this seems to be a career, and not just "a job".

[spookie]

I agree with what many of you have said. I don't even doubt that work environments nowadays treat everyone like herds of cows needing to be milked - Jack's boss put it to me that way himself, but he turned it around saying they wanted to transfer me BECAUSE they were really impressed with my milk, and wanted more.

 

It wasn't the "best" move career-wise, maybe. I know that. However, I don't think the consequences are going to be very severe. I'm not going to get fired for being attracted to someone who is otherwise clearly an acceptable partner for me (my age, single). I'll still have the same job title, I'll still be making just as much money; HR will probably be more suspicious of me, but I'm not living my life to please HR.

The way I see it, there's no point in having worked as hard as I have, late weekends and all, if I can't get what I want; if I have to suck up the very strong feelings I've had for this man for half a year, lest I rock the boat.

I'm sorry, maybe I'm crazy, but that's how I feel. I love my job, but that doens't mean I can't have my own agenda.

 

The most important thing for me is the freedom to do what I want, and I've paid for this freedom by exceeding expectations (and I'm not just saying that, I know I have blown everyone I've worked with away). In exchange, I've made a demand, which, IMO, was not all that unreasonable in the first place.

 

I know myself. I defintiely know about love, and these feelings I have for Jack, that's what they are. I am way too obsessive to EVER be able to get over it. Would it really have been better to pathetically pine over this man for another year, or two, just because it's "inappropriate" in the eyes of some HR lady to speak up about the high level of stress I am under because of this?

[allina]

Spookie, I think it'll be fine. As long as you're good at your job and productive, which you are, it pays off for them to have you. At the end of the day it boils down to money, as an employee are you a good investment. Some crush isn't going to change that. Hopefully after the drama from this boils down he'll make a move. You can't expect him to do anything now while things are so up in the air, but hopefully he will once things calm down. For the time being focus on work, don't do anything crazy and good luck.

[spookie]

Spookie, I think it'll be fine. As long as you're good at your job and productive, which you are, it pays off for them to have you. At the end of the day it boils down to money, as an employee are you a good investment. Some crush isn't going to change that. Hopefully after the drama from this boils down he'll make a move. You can't expect him to do anything now while things are so up in the air, but hopefully he will once things calm down. For the time being focus on work, don't do anything crazy and good luck.

 

Thanks, allina.

 

One other thing I should mention is that the company culture here seems very employee-oriented - the company tends to take personal situations into account. That's probably how I managed to land this job with my ridiculous resume, it's probably why they wanted to keep me on in a very professional role even though I wasn't done with school, it's why they go out of their way to meet the scheduling needs of women with young children and people who want to go back to school, etc. It's a great place to work for these reasons, and I don't see anything wrong with taking advantage of this philosophy so I can be happier and more productive.

 

I mean, I've been working hard in the interests of this company, too. It's a give and take. They can see that.

 

Our motto is think outside the box. At least I've never given any indication that I could do otherwise.