Storyrider Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Because everyone hated Glen Close in fatal attraction !! Spookie isn't the other woman, she's not a homicidal psychotic, and the only stalking she's done was on facebook.
wuggle Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Firstly Spookie, Apologies. My wife has just corrected a misconception I had, she tells me that Jack is NOT in a relationship with someone else, which I must have assumed he was. However if he is not in a relationship why do you think he hasn't asked you out ? honestly
Trialbyfire Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Yes, but I'm not talking about a movie like that. If Spookie's story were a movie, of course the character would probably do something at least as bold as she did, if not moreso, because doing the wise and socially correct and polite thing is boring and would yeild no confict or tension, so the story would have no plot. She likes guy. She does nothing about it because it would be too risky. End of story. In a movie, the character would jump Jack in the office and the two would have wild and passionate sex on a desk. This would result in the following: Jack's boss or fiancée would walk in on scenario and all hell would break loose.Jack would declare undying love for Spookie, kiss, kiss, then comes marriage. I wasn't knocking therapy as a tool to deal with whatever one needs to deal with. I just don't think that "see a therapist" is the answer to everything. Nor do I think that experiencing something that isn't "normal" is a reason to run to therapy.In this we agree. Not every little thing needs to be addressed by therapy. How that's applicable in this situation, I don't understand. We're talking about Spookie in her entirety, not just this situation as a stand-alone incident. I am an HR generalist. And I know that this is not a reason to fire someone. Of course each industry and company is different, but firing someone, searching for a new person and spending time and money training a new employee is not something anyone wants to do. Go back to some of my input in the other thread about what I thought might happen. You might be surprised at it because it's pretty moderate. As for spending time and money, if she gets transferred to the fraud squad, she will need to be retrained and so will her replacement. Same difference.
Trialbyfire Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Firstly Spookie, Apologies. My wife has just corrected a misconception I had, she tells me that Jack is NOT in a relationship with someone else, which I must have assumed he was. However if he is not in a relationship why do you think he hasn't asked you out ? honestly wuggle, spookie boinked the MM about a month ago, whereby he felt he was in love with her and left his wife. The MM was her best friend at work, a coworker that works in another department and floor. Previous, during and after the above drama, spookie was obsessed/in love with her immediate single supervisor, Jack.
Author spookie Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 wuggle, spookie boinked the MM about a month ago, whereby he felt he was in love with her and left his wife. The MM was her best friend at work, a coworker that works in another department and floor. Previous, during and after the above drama, spookie was obsessed/in love with her immediate single supervisor, Jack. Correct, except he would have left his wife regardless. They had the most dysfunctional relationship I've ever witnessed.
Author spookie Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 However if he is not in a relationship why do you think he hasn't asked you out ? honestly It took me half a year to tell him I was attracted to him. Perhaps he hasn't made a move because he's my boss, and because he can't easily ask for a transfer like I did, being currently involved in big projects that were planned years ago, and because HIM making a pass at ME is much wronger as far as power dynamics go than the other way around.
wuggle Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 They had the most dysfunctional relationship I've ever witnessed. Spookie , PLEASE tell me this is a joke .
Author spookie Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 Spookie , PLEASE tell me this is a joke . What? No, it wasn't a joke. I'd say it's pretty dysfunctional that they had sex less than 10 times total during their 2-year relationship. Ah... the irony of waiting till marriage.
wuggle Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 It took me half a year to tell him I was attracted to him. Perhaps he hasn't made a move because he's my boss, and because he can't easily ask for a transfer like I did, being currently involved in big projects that were planned years ago, and because HIM making a pass at ME is much wronger as far as power dynamics go than the other way around. Trust me, I'm a bloke. You are delusional. He is not interested in you. If he was and he wasn't in another relationship he would have started a relationship with you. He is probably scared (and rightly so) , does he know you boned the co-worker who left his wife for you and you then dumped ? Again as a bloke if I knew you I would stay clear. You are a life mistake waiting to happen for any man until you get your own head sorted. If I was him I would probably get another job to get away from you.
Lucky_One Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 I'm already trying to get clean. (Keep in mind the progress I HAVE made, like considerably cutting down on my drinking when I used to be an alcoholic (haven't had a drink since long before xmas, and prior to that I was getting really good at moderating myself and actually having "just a beer")) You're joking, right? People don't STOP being alcoholics. You didn't USED to be an alcoholic. You ARE an alcoholic.
JamesM Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 You're joking, right? People don't STOP being alcoholics. You didn't USED to be an alcoholic. You ARE an alcoholic. Actually, this would be a whole new thread, but yes, people can stop being an alcoholic. Same goes for smoking. "I used to be a smoker, now am a non-smoker." Or am I always a smoker even after I quit? I used to be overweight. Now I am fit. Or am I still overweight even though I lost weight?
Trialbyfire Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Actually, this would be a whole new thread, but yes, people can stop being an alcoholic. Same goes for smoking. "I used to be a smoker, now am a non-smoker." Or am I always a smoker even after I quit? I used to be overweight. Now I am fit. Or am I still overweight even though I lost weight? No James. A true alcoholic is always an alcoholic. They "need" alcohol. Whether spookie ever was one or she just used alcohol for a short-term crutch, are two different scenarios. I think people bandy the term "alcoholic" around, a little too lightly.
Isolde Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Spookie, I share your values, but I don't think that Jack is even possibly the right person for you until he expresses interest. The right person for you is never an unrequited crush. Once I realized this, things began to make so much more sense in my life!
Author spookie Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 Spookie, I share your values, but I don't think that Jack is even possibly the right person for you until he expresses interest. The right person for you is never an unrequited crush. Once I realized this, things began to make so much more sense in my life! Thanks Isolde. I meant to reply to your post about whether I did honestly want a relationship with him. Of course I do, it would just need to be on the right terms, which means we'd need to take it slow, and he'd need to have patience. I agree that he's not the right person until it stops being unrequited. He may never express interest; then I'd move on. But I knew I couldn't move on as long as I was working for him, and had no way to really "know". Now, time will tell.
Lucky_One Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Spookie, it just hit me. You posted from work the other day. You may want to curtail that, as they could have IT watch your workstation now. I can't imagine that your career would be enhanced by some of your statements, and work time should be, according to your employers, for working.
Author spookie Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 Spookie, it just hit me. You posted from work the other day. You may want to curtail that, as they could have IT watch your workstation now. I can't imagine that your career would be enhanced by some of your statements, and work time should be, according to your employers, for working. Yah, I do need to curtail that. I didn't post DURING work though.
Author spookie Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 Does anyone think HR will possibly tell me that they've thought about, and decided I need to deal with my feelings and keep working with Jack? That's pretty unlikely, right?
allina Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Does anyone think HR will possibly tell me that they've thought about, and decided I need to deal with my feelings and keep working with Jack? That's pretty unlikely, right? If they have absolutely nowhere to put you they might. HR can't create a position just because someone wants to be transferred. They need to talk to other managers and see who, if anyone needs a new team member. If they are going to reshuffle anything it has to make sense and be good for the company.
Author spookie Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 If they have absolutely nowhere to put you they might. HR can't create a position just because someone wants to be transferred. They need to talk to other managers and see who, if anyone needs a new team member. If they are going to reshuffle anything it has to make sense and be good for the company. There are open positions.
allina Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 There are open positions. Then I wouldn't worry about it. What is key is that they value you as an employee, because when they do they keep you, they work with you, even cater to you. I'm actually more concerned about the other guy you work with, the married one. Don't allow for Jack to find out about him. I think Jack is a good catch, I don't buy this "he's a player, he has an ego" stuff based on the fact that girls contact him on FB. A solid, good catch won't want to get involved with a woman who just had sex with the married guy that also works with them. What is things move ahead with Jack? Is there a chance that MM will freak out?
Author spookie Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 Then I wouldn't worry about it. What is key is that they value you as an employee, because when they do they keep you, they work with you, even cater to you. I'm actually more concerned about the other guy you work with, the married one. Don't allow for Jack to find out about him. I think Jack is a good catch, I don't buy this "he's a player, he has an ego" stuff based on the fact that girls contact him on FB. A solid, good catch won't want to get involved with a woman who just had sex with the married guy that also works with them. What is things move ahead with Jack? Is there a chance that MM will freak out? Nah. MM is my friend, he's not the gossipy type, and I can't think of a situation wherein he tells someone at work he cheated on his wife with me. It's hard to verbalize exactly why, but I'm confident what happened between us will stay between us.
allina Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Nah. MM is my friend, he's not the gossipy type, and I can't think of a situation wherein he tells someone at work he cheated on his wife with me. It's hard to verbalize exactly why, but I'm confident what happened between us will stay between us. Good. Maybe my thought process is completely backwards but I was worried about that. Like you put all this effort in to the Jack guy thing having a chance, it would suck if MM ruined it.
Author spookie Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 Good. Maybe my thought process is completely backwards but I was worried about that. Like you put all this effort in to the Jack guy thing having a chance, it would suck if MM ruined it. I don't think he's going to ruin it.
Touche Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 I don't think so either because next week Jack will be hit by a bus as he crosses the street to get a bite for lunch. After that, he'll wake up in the nearest hospital not even remembering his own name. After that, things we'll be calm for awhile. Well, for at least another week...
Dumbledore Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Actually, this would be a whole new thread, but yes, people can stop being an alcoholic. Same goes for smoking. "I used to be a smoker, now am a non-smoker." Or am I always a smoker even after I quit? I used to be overweight. Now I am fit. Or am I still overweight even though I lost weight? Exactly. Everybody in college gets plastered every night at parties, and I do mean everybody. And they don't all grow up to be alcoholics.
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