wiseluv34 Posted September 27, 2003 Share Posted September 27, 2003 can someone pls tell me the right thing to do? ok, here's the issue...one of my girlfriends set me up with a nice, educated guy. i was doing fine before we met, b/c i have such difficult times with men. i hate being hurt, and it seem to always happen to me. well....this guy she set me up with, called me, asked me out. we had dinner, visited and enjoyed each others company. at least i enjoyed his. we continued on dating for a good while. he took me out alot, and he attended church with me, and so on. well, one night while we were watching movies at his place, i made the mistake of calling him 'sweetheart', and i just really wanted some tender care. like, while we watched movies on his sofa...he sit on one end, while i sit on the other end, no closeness or touching whatsoever. well, i wanted him to sit close to me, and maybe hold me. he never made a move, although he looks at me in a way that's sexxy, i can tell he wanted to make a move. also, he told me i was cute and that he liked me. well, after i left that night, i felt lonely. because after the movie was over, he just hopped up and said, "ok..that's over, do you want to watch me do some work?"...i was astounded. i know that we hadn't spent much time together..but why didn't he at least kiss me? or hold me? i decided to leave early, and he asked me to call him when i got home (we live 30min. apart), and i did, i called him. while we ended our conversation over the phone that night, i called him "honey". and i could tell by his voice, that he was shocked! so, the next day..he called me..and asked me where did i think our relationship stood? he said i acted a way that he didn't undestand! he told me that we were just friends, and that he didn't know what the future holds. well, get this! the next couple nights when i called him, he said he was with friends and couldn't talk. i didn't know what was happening. because, one of his friends..told me that he said i was trying to go to fast! i didn't even get a kiss from him! the only thing he did, was hug me a couple times. the next day, he called me and said we should take some "time apart". so, can someone that's experienced this...help me out some? what should i do? and what did i do wrong? do he just not like me? what's up? PLEASE RESPOND, SOMEBODY Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 27, 2003 Share Posted September 27, 2003 continued on dating for a good while Can you define 'a good while'? It's hard to tell if you moved too soon without knowing that, but clearly you were at different stages of the relationship in his mind. I do think it's odd that he didn't want to kiss or do anything after several dates but he could be very religious or something. Is he a different nationality? You have to remember that a lot of men run like scared rabbits if they think you're lying in wait with a ball-and-chain in your hand. Half the dang fools think you're trying to land them for life if you so much as hint that you might actually be positively inclined towards them. Stupid, but there it is. You ran into one of them, unfortunately. Probably it's not a good idea to use endearments like 'sweetheart' and 'honey' until after some sort of physical contact has been established because of this. This one may not be salvageable but keep in mind for next time that these people are terrified of being 'trapped' so bite your tongue off before you say something like that to somebody who hasn't kissed you even. At a guess, I'd suspect he'd have been less freaked out if you'd stripped off all your clothes in front of him but you made the mistake of appearing fond of him and we all know that's a capital sin. Pardon the cynicism, but these things drive me nuts. Sorry about this guy. I'm afraid you'll have to find a new one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wiseluv34 Posted September 27, 2003 Author Share Posted September 27, 2003 hello and thanks for your wondeful advice, moimeme. you helped me alot. my "a good while", was about a month or so. and i do agree with you. i did the math and figured that this guy is scared of a commitment. he told me that he came out of a hurtful 8yr. marriage, which wasn't his fault. his ex had a child by another man. so, i can imagine the pain he experienced. but, it pissed me off, because he judged me too quickly, he said that he felt like he's being pushed. i explained to him that i wasn't out for his heart, and i've moved on. apparently, he don't get me, so i just can't be with a man who can't read me. i like compassion and romance, i'm very affectionate. and just like one of my co-workers told me, i need someone with the same likes as my own. if this guy get upset just b/c i use "honey" or some other soft word, then i just can't tolerate him. he admitted that he need to sort out his feelings, i just don't have the patience to stand still. i liked him, but like you said....i scared him, and guys like him usually shy away from women like myself, for good. but, i'm cool with it...b/c there's more fish in the sea, some just like me! pls holla back:cool: p.s. he's a/b 4yrs my senior, so i figure he think i'm a little "immature". b/c he said i need to take some time, maybe i do...but i let him know that he need to stop judging all women the same. he said he's afraid of getting hurt by me, i'm not even like that..b/f i hurt someone, i'll be the one getting hurt. i'm not trying with him anymore, he thinks he's mr. know-it-all. so i made a mistake, if he really wanted to get to know me better, then he would'nt have dismissed us so quickly. he don't care for me, and i've accepted this and moved on from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Fancy Posted September 27, 2003 Share Posted September 27, 2003 Yes, I think you should definitely let this one pass right on by. He's got too many issues and emotional baggage at this point and it's going to only make you uncomfortable having to watch every word you say and every move you make. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 27, 2003 Share Posted September 27, 2003 Glad to be of assistance! you wrote he don't get me, so i just can't be with a man who can't read me You are so right! Life is much easier if you aren't always second-guessing each other because you know what each other is about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wiseluv34 Posted September 28, 2003 Author Share Posted September 28, 2003 well, if it's meant for this guy and i to come together again, we will. i do care about him, and he admitted likewise. he has shut me out since i scared him, he say's we're still "friends", but he needed time. so, i had time to think about it, and i told him how i felt. i told him that we do need time apart, to sort out issues and to see other people. he's also going through the loss of his guardian mom, who raised him (she's slowly dying of cancer). so, he has to just sort through it all. i just hate the fact that he shut me out, but...i figure he'll regret that move. i am moving on, not approaching him...since i let him know how i feel, i can go on now. the ball's in his court! i do like him, and it's hard to let him go. if he do come back a changed man, i would go back with him, moving slower this time. but, i'm not waiting around for noone to change, it's on him. i have issues, too...don't we all. Link to post Share on other sites
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