looking for drama

[sarah]

hi, i have a confusing problem that maybe someone can relate to. my boyfriend and i fight quite infrequently but we tend to argue or bicker a lot. on days when we are not arguing or bickering i feel let down. i feel that i need to do something to start a bickering session so i might innocently and unconsciously say things to try to get a rise out of him, then when he calls me on it i deny it vehemently, but afterwards i do realize exactly what i did, and i feel so angry with myself for feeling that i need this drama in my life. i get so tired of it all when it is really happening but then when it is gone and things are so smooth between us it has become boring and i wish for it to be stressful again. i don't know what is wrong with me to do this, this surely can't be normal, can it, or has it just become such a habit?

[Fancy]

Hi Sarah! I'm just curious.........what was your homelife like as a little girl? Did your parents bicker a lot? Was there a lot of dysfunction in your home?

 

The reason I ask is that many times when people grow up with a lot of drama going on, they become comfortable with it and feel uneasy when things are calm and smooth.

[Jamie31]

Fancy is right. And maybe you should just try to work on doing other things in the relationship to keep in interesting so you don't have to fight. Be sponateous. Leave one weekend and go on a little mini-vacation. Me and my husband do stuff like that and it helps keep some excitement in our lives and allows us to get away from the day to day grind. It helps to get away from routine every now and then.

[sarah]

well i did grow up in a chaotic house with fighting all around me with my siblings. so you think trying something different like going away for a weekend would help? that sounds too easy and i do not think that would solve the issues during the days and weeks that we are home before the outings. i just wish i could feel like a normal person without needing and i think craving the drama of a relationship, mainly with my main squeeze but not with others. maybe he brings out the worst in me. last night we went out for a bit and we slowed, and he had stars in his eyes like when we first dance a year or two back. i could not believe the love i seen in his eyes, either the beer or something else maybe. but either way i was pretty surprised to see that in his face but then this morning back to work and the ole humdrum and the look is gone again. i thought that was pretty cool that i had that effect on him still, and wondered how i could keep it there, i am just not that way towards him anymore, we have so settled into routine and things that it is boring. i will suggest to him maybe a weekend getaway and see what happens and thanks for the advice from both of you.

[2SidestoStories]

It sounds like your relationship has become boring due to predictability. I really like the idea of a weekend getaway as a suggestion. It may help break the monotony of your situation that you are otherwise practicing a destructive pattern of bickering to help break!

 

I would also recommend that you perhaps seek out a new hobby or interest for yourself that may or may not involve your partner. I understand craving drama; perhaps you should apply that whimsically and go volunteer at a local community theatre for a while. I kid you not, they're almost everywhere, and it could be a brilliant release for you to be surrounded by other people's drama, even if it's enacted and directed, and all made up in pancake makeup!

 

i could not believe the love i seen in his eyes, either the beer or something else maybe.

The way you said this concerns me, though. Do you truly care about this man? Because based entirely on this description, he still has feelings for you a plenty. Maybe he has a hard time expressing them without the aid of alcohol because you're constantly bickering with him?

If I were you, I'd seriously take a step back and appreciate what you've got. You may lose the chance at being happy and loved due to this craving for drama.