Co worker has a bf. Yet what's all this I'm getting from her?

[Beachead]

I've given some hard thought to this past few days..

 

The flirting is definately there and we do talk about more meaningful things such as school and life plans and these conversations are great but she hasn't really talked about us two doing anything together outside of work.

 

I mean aside from a sportsbar that she mentioned about with her tagging along with her boyfriend to watch fights at and how I should check it out since I'm into that stuff, and the movie she wanted to see with her friends, a common movie we both like...and that concert which is really for teenage girls....I haven't heard anything from her mouth that suggested "we should do this sometime."

 

Then again, her flirty vibes and her nice attitude really balances out the lack of meeting up..so I don't understand why the two of us haven't hung out yet..or why she hasn't bothered to reply to me when I've contacted her online.

 

I don't want to set myself up for regret..and if she's waiting for me to make a move..I don't want to do it without a clear sign and there isn't is there..aside from flirting at work.

 

Maybe she is looking for attention..but I still find it hard to believe that with the way we are at work...so I'm absolutely puzzled as to what I should do and confused by her actions and the various replies I am getting on this thread. I don't know what's what.

 

What the hell is going on?

[Yellowboy]

The flirting is definately there and we do talk about more meaningful things such as school and life plans and these conversations are great but she hasn't really talked about us two doing anything together outside of work.

 

That should answer your question. No matter how much interaction is going on at work, if nothing happens beyond OUTSIDE of the workplace, then it's a no game. I've had this happen enough times to know that the girl is not interested in you on that level.

 

There can be many reasons why she acts like that, but that's irrelevant to your issue. She just likes your company (hey, some people have trouble looking for fun co-workers), she likes the attention, she enjoys flirting, who knows? But one thing for sure is, she is not interested in dating you.

[BackonTrack2]

I've given some hard thought to this past few days..

 

The flirting is definately there and we do talk about more meaningful things such as school and life plans and these conversations are great but she hasn't really talked about us two doing anything together outside of work.

 

I mean aside from a sportsbar that she mentioned about with her tagging along with her boyfriend to watch fights at and how I should check it out since I'm into that stuff, and the movie she wanted to see with her friends, a common movie we both like...and that concert which is really for teenage girls....I haven't heard anything from her mouth that suggested "we should do this sometime."

 

Then again, her flirty vibes and her nice attitude really balances out the lack of meeting up..so I don't understand why the two of us haven't hung out yet..or why she hasn't bothered to reply to me when I've contacted her online.

 

I don't want to set myself up for regret..and if she's waiting for me to make a move..I don't want to do it without a clear sign and there isn't is there..aside from flirting at work.

 

Maybe she is looking for attention..but I still find it hard to believe that with the way we are at work...so I'm absolutely puzzled as to what I should do and confused by her actions and the various replies I am getting on this thread. I don't know what's what.

 

What the hell is going on?

 

 

Man DON't QUIT. Just kiss her and see what she does, fawk it, go for it. Be a MAN, take risk(s), what do you have to loose? Worst comes to worst, she'll just feel disrespected, then you apologize and say sorry, then try to kiss her again, and if she smacks you or something to that effect, you KNOW without a doubt, she doesn't want you or if she runs away, then you got your answer....

 

however, if she just trash talks, and say "Blah blah, blah" then kiss her again, keep going until she physically restrains, words mean nothing, actions speak louder than words.

 

Also, if she ask(s) you why you did that, just make something up, like "I had to do it or else I would of felt less like a man" she'll understand and why would she want to talk to you ONLINE when you see her everyday at work?

 

I can give you a for instance, I wanted this girl so bad, in college, I always saw her and I would always look at her, she would catch me steering, she would always catch me,I wasn't sure if she was into, (she didn't really know me) but for 3 years, I would always see her, and steer and she would always catch me, then I would put my head down, but whatever, one day I seen her in a club, so I decided to go for it. I kissed her on the neck and she was surprised, even shocked, she was not expecting that, she flinched... either way, she sat back down, then thought about it, then got up and left and her knee's started to shake, she was panicking and said "I need space, I need space" so my reply, was putting my hand in a curricular motion and saying "This is all your space" to which she replied "I am serious, I need space" to my reply "Hey Relax, just relax" to which she sat back back down and thought about it, then said "NO", then she got up and sat like 3 seats next to me, I just put my head down in shame like "DAMN".

 

I have not seen her since, but if I do see her, and she DOES talk to me, then I know for sure, I can go further, so all I'm saying to you is GO FOR IT, and if you've already developed that "friend-zone" thing, her guards will be lowered and easier for you to have sex with her...... So Go for it

[Dexter Morgan]

Man DON't QUIT. Just kiss her and see what she does, fawk it, go for it. Be a MAN, take risk(s), what do you have to loose?

 

His self respect and dignity

[KismetGirl]

I reciprocate whatever she gives me (Teasing, laughing, giggling, talking) but other than that..I haven't overstepped my bounderies but that one time..and even so, we had only really just met and worked 3 or 4 times together before I decided to ask her out. Would she really go out with a guy she just met and risk compromising her relationship with her bf and her image to her friends? It wouldn't be worth it to me if it was me. That's the way I see it..I think I asked her out too early.

 

And even though she realized I liked her when I asked her out..she's still here seeking me out to talk and giggling at everything that I do. If she didn't want anything to do with me..then why is she still instigating?

 

So I'd like to know how you guys arrived to the conclusion that she's flirting for attention..how do you not know if she's flirting for real because she likes me?

 

It doesnt really matter if she likes you. She has a boyfriend. And if she's staying with him, then she seems to have made her choice. Its not like she's married with ten kids, if she didn't like him, she could just leave him. Sorry to tell you, but girls like to flirt, and they like attention. Doesn't always mean they like you in a romantic way or want to date you. Harsh perhaps but that's how it is. girls suck, sorry. Boys suck too in their own way. C'est la vie, move on. You already asked her out once, and if she isn't going out with you, it's cause she doesn't want to, end of story.

[LucreziaBorgia]

It seems complicated but its really not.

 

One of the most insightful things I've seen written on this forum was this:

 

A [sO's] praise loses value over time. Repetition/familiarity breeds a deflationary spiral, a bland acceptance. An intimate stranger's praise gives more bang for the buck.

 

--grogster loveshack

 

She isn't into you in the way you think, nor does she want to get rid of her boyfriend. She simply wants the attention you give her because the attention she gets from her bf has worn thing for her, and she wants to hoard your attention and make sure no other woman benefits from it. A coarse term for this type of woman is 'attention whore'.

 

Not to be confused with a woman who simply wants to be with you in general.

[Beachead]

I've spent the past week thinking about what ya'll have said and I must say it's really hit me hard.

 

I've avoided her for the past 2 weeks busying myself with tasks that I don't really need to do...yesterday she says to me after I finally come in her line of sight.."this is the first time I've seen you all night!" I would have normally responded with a "You missed me eh? Well we can catch up when we take a break" ..but instead I just said "Yea I've been busy" ..except it's been like that for the past 5 shifts I've worked with her.

 

So I took a break with my other coworker (The one she had gotten all weird about that one night.) We came out of the doors..to my surprise, she was there passing by doing some work..bu she didn't look at me..atleast not until she thought I couldn't see her..and that's when I saw out of my peripheries her turn fully around..like a 180 twist of some kind while she was still walking away just so she could take a long hard glance at me and my coworker before she disappeared off of the corner. (Yea..can you picture that? Imagine how awkward she looked at that point?) And still..and still she tries not to make this obvious. Would an attention whore do that? She'd go and interfere and break us apart.

 

She still continues with her playful banter...asking me if I wrote this funny passage on the lunchroom table even though it wasn't me..she then replies with "you would do something like that..I told everyone it was you."

 

If she's comfortable enough to joke and tease like this? Then why the hell can't she ever respond to me on facebook? Would it kill her to walk up to me for once and ask me if i want to take a break with her instead of going by herself..and then when I show up..start teasing and flirting as if we're dealing when we're not.

 

Her teasing, those illegitimate glances, her staring me in the eyes while she passes by with that cute coy smile..it's driving me insane...I can't hold myself together because I'm confused..and the more I see her and talk to her and go through this with her..the more i'm becoming attracted.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Then why the hell can't she ever respond to me on facebook?

Because that would create evidence.

 

She knows what she is doing. All attention whores do. That's what they are best at: hooking you, sucking you dry, and continuing to stay with their boyfriends.

 

She isn't interested in anything except the stroking of her own ego.

 

If you want to know where her true intentions lie: suggest that you get together with her boyfriend one on one for a man to man talk about how the two of you should be together.

 

The look on her face would be priceless. And it would tell you all you need to know.

 

That is the foolproof way to see how an attached person really feels - simply offer to talk one on one with their SO about how you clearly feel about each other. Works every. Single. Time.

[Beachead]

I asked this girl out about a week into when we began talking..do you really think she'd leave her boyfriend for me during that time? Can we really count this as a significantly bad sign? She didn't even know me back then!

 

I know the Attention Whore concept too well unfortunately and I'll mention one I dealt with that was by the book. She was loud, and she flirted heavily regardless of having a bf. She was real touchy-feely and she exaagerated how close we really were when we were really just getting to know eachother. She also let me pay for things without a second care and asked for favors that had me going way out of my way. It came to the point where I felt like if I didn't do these things, I'd loose her friendship. But I think she wanted sex actually because when I didn't respond to her..she got tired and became completely opposite. Funny thing was she played this as if we were really close friends..close friends don't give a slip to bang her and then become opposite like that. She was disloyal to her boyfriend and emotionally and physically cheated on him on numerous occasions. She emotionally drained me out which is why we don't speak anymore and since those days, I've heard from many of my other friends that she talks a lot of crap about me. Some friend huh? This was an attention whore..

 

Now the girl at work doesn't fit that profile...I don't think I can agree.

 

As much as it's important to not see things i want to see and understand that I may be overanalyzing here...what about things that I really saw? Like her turning around to look at me while i was walking with that other girl? Her ignoring me that one night after seeing me chitchat with that other girl.. Her stares? Her teasing. Aren't these signs of interest? Signs of flirting atleast? Why are these negligable?

 

My apologies for dragging this thread out but I don't want to stop on an account of a bad past I've had and miss out on something that could happened.

[stillafool]

There's a girl at work that i'm just so curious about. I do like her but she has boyfriend. I was a little hurt by this because I was getting some signals from her and I decided to ask her out. Ofcourse she turned me down by telling me she'd get back to me though she never did. This was about 2 months ago and since then we have moved past it and she has gone back to normal.

 

Since then..there have been various things around work to arouse my curiousity again about her interest and one of them included chatting with another girl in front of her..I tried to include her but she was real quiet and had her nose buried in a magazine..she didn't even respond when I said bye that night. She's normally carries out good conversations with me. Jealousy?

 

It made me want to see if she'd approach me if I didnt approach her..and I am surprised to say that I got my answer today because she did seek me out twice when I didn't show up. For no reason at all..she was just passing by and wanted to talk. She'd say something like "Oh there you are" with a big grin and we'd carry out a conversation.

 

Which brings me to my next observation..she really laughs and smiles a lot around me. Sometimes I don't have to do anything. According to her, I make her laugh so hard that she screws her work up in front of me...and it has happened. It's a good thing right?

 

Last few things I get is she'll always hold a gaze with me if one of us is passing by..and she'd smile too. Sometimes a smirk if we had been joking around earlier. We have conversations that can last very easily about any topic.

 

My question is..I have her on facebook and i've tried sending a few msg's to her..she doesn't really respond and her bf is stopping me from really kicking it up a notch and asking her out one more time. She's mentioned a movie she's wanted to see, a concert she's wanted to go to..but her bf...ya know? Is she into me?

 

I feel like asking her out again but I am so hesitant and negative towards the idea.

 

Am I just that Co worker who's fun to be around or what?

 

 

I didn't have time to read this entire thread but I would say she is just flirting with you and making her day interesting. Don't fall for it! The next time she starts giving you the "look" or whatever, I would say to her "Be careful, I starting to think you are flirting with me but I know you have a boyfriend. What do you think he would say?" This way you will acknowledge that she does in deed have a bf and will make her stop playing games.

 

This girl isn't worth it. If you were her bf she would be out flirting with other guys for attention behind your back.

[stillafool]

I've spent the past week thinking about what ya'll have said and I must say it's really hit me hard.

 

I've avoided her for the past 2 weeks busying myself with tasks that I don't really need to do...yesterday she says to me after I finally come in her line of sight.."this is the first time I've seen you all night!" I would have normally responded with a "You missed me eh? Well we can catch up when we take a break" ..but instead I just said "Yea I've been busy" ..except it's been like that for the past 5 shifts I've worked with her.

 

So I took a break with my other coworker (The one she had gotten all weird about that one night.) We came out of the doors..to my surprise, she was there passing by doing some work..bu she didn't look at me..atleast not until she thought I couldn't see her..and that's when I saw out of my peripheries her turn fully around..like a 180 twist of some kind while she was still walking away just so she could take a long hard glance at me and my coworker before she disappeared off of the corner. (Yea..can you picture that? Imagine how awkward she looked at that point?) And still..and still she tries not to make this obvious. Would an attention whore do that? She'd go and interfere and break us apart.

 

She still continues with her playful banter...asking me if I wrote this funny passage on the lunchroom table even though it wasn't me..she then replies with "you would do something like that..I told everyone it was you."

 

If she's comfortable enough to joke and tease like this? Then why the hell can't she ever respond to me on facebook? Would it kill her to walk up to me for once and ask me if i want to take a break with her instead of going by herself..and then when I show up..start teasing and flirting as if we're dealing when we're not.

 

Her teasing, those illegitimate glances, her staring me in the eyes while she passes by with that cute coy smile..it's driving me insane...I can't hold myself together because I'm confused..and the more I see her and talk to her and go through this with her..the more i'm becoming attracted.

 

 

Why are you so attracted to this girl? What about the other girl you talk to there; is there any attraction to her? Do you go out with girls outside of work? I just think you need to turn your attention to someone new to get this "attention whore" out of your mind.

[lovephupphy]

There's a girl at work that i'm just so curious about. I do like her but she has boyfriend. I was a little hurt by this because I was getting some signals from her and I decided to ask her out. Ofcourse she turned me down by telling me she'd get back to me though she never did. This was about 2 months ago and since then we have moved past it and she has gone back to normal.

 

Since then..there have been various things around work to arouse my curiousity again about her interest and one of them included chatting with another girl in front of her..I tried to include her but she was real quiet and had her nose buried in a magazine..she didn't even respond when I said bye that night. She's normally carries out good conversations with me. Jealousy?

 

It made me want to see if she'd approach me if I didnt approach her..and I am surprised to say that I got my answer today because she did seek me out twice when I didn't show up. For no reason at all..she was just passing by and wanted to talk. She'd say something like "Oh there you are" with a big grin and we'd carry out a conversation.

 

Which brings me to my next observation..she really laughs and smiles a lot around me. Sometimes I don't have to do anything. According to her, I make her laugh so hard that she screws her work up in front of me...and it has happened. It's a good thing right?

 

Last few things I get is she'll always hold a gaze with me if one of us is passing by..and she'd smile too. Sometimes a smirk if we had been joking around earlier. We have conversations that can last very easily about any topic.

 

My question is..I have her on facebook and i've tried sending a few msg's to her..she doesn't really respond and her bf is stopping me from really kicking it up a notch and asking her out one more time. She's mentioned a movie she's wanted to see, a concert she's wanted to go to..but her bf...ya know? Is she into me?

 

I feel like asking her out again but I am so hesitant and negative towards the idea.

 

Am I just that Co worker who's fun to be around or what?

 

Take it from an old hand at this. Ask her out again, and if she hesitates, tell her it can just be a sex thing if she'd rather. Why beat around the bush? No pun intended, by the way. LEt her know you are game for dinner, etc., or if that would interfere with her bf, jsut ask her to meet you at the local motel for a few hours.

[Naga Jolokia]

A [sO's] praise loses value over time. Repetition/familiarity breeds a deflationary spiral, a bland acceptance. An intimate stranger's praise gives more bang for the buck.

 

--grogster loveshack

 

That is SO true, and sums up the reason why so many people have affairs, or simply flit from one relationship to another. The person who is a "relationship butterfly", so to speak, very often has the desire to prove to themselves (and perhaps others) that they've still 'got it'.

 

Maybe that's the case here in the co-worker scenario... on BOTH sides.

 

LEt her know you are game for dinner, etc., or if that would interfere with her bf, jsut ask her to meet you at the local motel for a few hours.

 

Tsk-tsk...

 

[Beachead]

Why are you so attracted to this girl? What about the other girl you talk to there; is there any attraction to her? Do you go out with girls outside of work? I just think you need to turn your attention to someone new to get this "attention whore" out of your mind.

 

Yea there were..lots. Most of them being attention whores, overly dramatic, high maintainance types and I grew real tired of it. I moved on trying to focus on me and at the time, I landed this job..it made moving on easy.

 

My buddy at work had a thing for her at first..and I had stepped off until I realized she was warming up to me much more quickly than him. We started being playful. I noticed things she'd do..where she'd look back at me before leaving the room..and she'd catch my eyes..so I'd do a little wave and she'd giggle and walk off. When the store had opened, there was this guy making balloons when the store had just opened as a promotional thing..and there were plenty of guys on the floor she had talked to but she told him to make me this balloon hat. Point is she chose me out of the others. Things like that made me ask her out and when I did..I was so nervous it came out messed up. I could tell that I had put her on the spot. She was nervous..and she told me she'd let me know on facebook..but she never did. She saw me the following shift and flashed a warm smile..but I avoided her. I felt like ****. I'm not a very confident guy myself..and asking her out was hard enough for me..let alone getting rejected like that. I thought we were done..but here we are 2 months later and very much of the same stuff is going on and I'm still attracted to her.

 

The new girl I'm talking to is not so complicated..but I still catch the old one staring at me..especially when I'm talking to her. I tell myself she's got a boyfriend and it's not worth it but it's hard.

[Beachead]

Work has really kicked in the past few weeks and I haven't really had much of a time to talk with her or hang out with her on lunch or breaks. Also I've been talking to the other girls at work a lot more han her and have taken my breaks with them and I've caught her staring when I've been talking to them.

 

Only time I really see her is when I stop by the front for a minute or so. So when I managed to catch a break with her, I let her know that its been work that's been keeping me from stopping by the front.

 

She said that she noticed that too. She's tried the past few weeks to initiate a conversations and do things to get my attention but I just haven't had the bloody time to play back. And now, lately she's cut that out also. She's gone back to her quiet self, all withdrawn. I'd try talking to her but she wouldn't really respond too much and I get these half assed tight lipped smiles from her..like what is this? We've moved past this..why are we back here where I gotta warm this girl up again. I don't get it.

 

So I stopped by today to get someting on her cash..and when she saw me..I told her to smile a little..and that she did..with a giggle. First nice thing I got from her in awhile.

 

Only hint of something I got was when I stopped by the front to do some cleaning up and she was on cash when it was crazy busy...her eyes darted up at me real quickly and then back down to her work..and that was that. Pathetic ain't it?

 

I don't know what's going on with this girl guys. Honestly..it's even hard to be friends with her. It just feels like I constantly have to keep things at a certain level with her..otherwise she clams up and becomes quiet again...and she has been real warm with me..so I don't understand why she's clammed up again.

 

Why has she withdrawn so much?