bluepoppy Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Been with b/f for 3 1/2 years. Some ups and downs, a couple of near break-ups. I'm going through a phase of 'am I happy?, am I getting what I want/need out of this relationship?' and wanting to discuss it. He seems pretty committed and our plans go well into next year. He also seems content at where things are. We have a different sex drives. I think most couples do. I'm sort of set at twice a week, where as he is set at every ten days. This means I'm frustrated. I have discussed this with him in the past (which is a really hard thing to do) - but it doesn't change anything. Not sure how one is meant to deal with that long term. He doesn't want to live together. He's been married twice before, and didn't do well out of either experience. I think it's ok, couples can have long-term commitments, without living together. I'm undecided on this issue. At one point I thought I did want to live with him, but the reality is I think he wouldn't be that much fun to live with. (Likes things his way. I like things mine. Both of us need our own cave, so we'd need a pretty big house - which I could afford, but he couldn't and I don't want to get into subsidising his living, as I think it would throw the relationship out of balance.) Our pace is different. Both of us are fully committed to a lot of things, (for me it's work and sport - so I'm usually either working or training - for him it's similar but with less work) - This doesn't give that much time for each other, or friends or all the other stuff people want in their lives. I'm unhappy that our current pacing doesn't give as much time for each other as I'd like - I tried to express this, but I think I just sounded all co-dependant and needy. These have all got to be normal issues in a long-term committed relationship. Any ideas as to how to deal with them ?
Lauriebell82 Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Been with b/f for 3 1/2 years. Some ups and downs, a couple of near break-ups. I'm going through a phase of 'am I happy?, am I getting what I want/need out of this relationship?' and wanting to discuss it. He seems pretty committed and our plans go well into next year. He also seems content at where things are. We have a different sex drives. I think most couples do. I'm sort of set at twice a week, where as he is set at every ten days. This means I'm frustrated. I have discussed this with him in the past (which is a really hard thing to do) - but it doesn't change anything. Not sure how one is meant to deal with that long term. He doesn't want to live together. He's been married twice before, and didn't do well out of either experience. I think it's ok, couples can have long-term commitments, without living together. I'm undecided on this issue. At one point I thought I did want to live with him, but the reality is I think he wouldn't be that much fun to live with. (Likes things his way. I like things mine. Both of us need our own cave, so we'd need a pretty big house - which I could afford, but he couldn't and I don't want to get into subsidising his living, as I think it would throw the relationship out of balance.) Our pace is different. Both of us are fully committed to a lot of things, (for me it's work and sport - so I'm usually either working or training - for him it's similar but with less work) - This doesn't give that much time for each other, or friends or all the other stuff people want in their lives. I'm unhappy that our current pacing doesn't give as much time for each other as I'd like - I tried to express this, but I think I just sounded all co-dependant and needy. These have all got to be normal issues in a long-term committed relationship. Any ideas as to how to deal with them ? It sounds to me that you two are very different. Do you see a future with this relationship? Like marriage or anything? It's true you two can be in a long term relationship without marriage/living together if that's what you both want. All that aside, it just doesn't sound like you are very happy. Different sex drives is a HUGE issue and it can make or break your relationship. If you are unhappy with your sex life, it will lead to more things that you are unhappy with. If you want to talk to him about all this just say it honestly and openly. Tell him what you just wrote about your concerns, without pressure though. If you phrase it in a way that your concerns are being expressed for teh good of your relationship it won't come out sounding needy and codependent.
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