vince1128 Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 Ive taken her out 3 times, and I think things are going well.. We've kissed but nothing more then that yet, which is fine. However, my friend that dates her friend told me she said herself she really likes me, but cant commit... SO, I'm fine with that but i need to find a middle ground. I need to convey to her that I'm not searching for a full blown relationship, just whatever happens happens.. not necessarily FWB but maybe a hookup or two. just something where she feels like Im not trying to push her into anything. How can I go from here?
Geishawhelk Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 You ask her direct: "Are you looking for long-term, or just out to have a good time with no strings?" When she gives you an answer, you'll have had it from the horse's mouth. Then, go from there. odd concept for the young....... It's called 'Communication'. Don't rely on hearsay.
Author vince1128 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 Is it too early to ask a question like that though?
Trialbyfire Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 Her friend is no friend if she can't keep her mouth shut! Look OP, you're hoping for a hook up or two which is non-committal. She's supposedly stated that she "can't commit". Both of you like each other. What's the big deal? Unless issues arise from a difference in attitude, let it happen naturally.
Author vince1128 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 well im not sure thats all i want. if thats what she wants then fine i dont want to make it seem to her like i want more. but maybe this heresay is just her way of covering herself if she found out i dont like her? its not the case but i was thinking that may be a possibility
Trialbyfire Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 So you're ambivalent but want something concrete from her?
Author vince1128 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 no im leaving the option open.. but i could see why you would say that. i guess im trying to come off as more ambivalent then i am? idk
Trialbyfire Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 Think about it this way. You're keeping your options open and in many ways, if the "friend" is accurate, so is she. Leave it alone for now and see how it develops. Keep in mind that this "friend" of hers, probably has her own agenda and also, her own reality. You have no idea how the comments were stated, in what context, etc. Add in your friend's interpretation of it all, his reality of understanding and you have a recipe for disaster. While people probably mean well with their interference, it's best in a situation like this for everyone to just keep their flaps sewn shut. If her words and actions mesh, the ones spoken and taken directly to you only, then that's your reality. We're also only talking about a third date. Try to keep it in perspective and above all, keep ego/pride out of the equation!
EYECANDY000 Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 I would just see where things go. I always say that Im not ready to commit. but if I meet someone who is worth my time then yes, I would like to take it to the next step.
Author vince1128 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 Think about it this way. You're keeping your options open and in many ways, if the "friend" is accurate, so is she. Leave it alone for now and see how it develops. Keep in mind that this "friend" of hers, probably has her own agenda and also, her own reality. You have no idea how the comments were stated, in what context, etc. Add in your friend's interpretation of it all, his reality of understanding and you have a recipe for disaster. While people probably mean well with their interference, it's best in a situation like this for everyone to just keep their flaps sewn shut. If her words and actions mesh, the ones spoken and taken directly to you only, then that's your reality. We're also only talking about a third date. Try to keep it in perspective and above all, keep ego/pride out of the equation! Good advice! I need to keep the ego/pride thing out definetely.. Im gonna leave the whole situation alone for now
Socks Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 in any relationship honesty is always good. just ask her.
Author vince1128 Posted January 23, 2009 Author Posted January 23, 2009 my new thought is that she said that to cover her self incase i dump her heart or end things instead of starting a relationship.. and that i should almost take it as a compliment that she likes me enough that she needs to convince herself that she'll be ok, if i chose to end things.. IS THIS REMOTELY ACCURATE? Just a thought
Oliveman Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Girls who say they aren't looking for a relationship usually mean that they haven't found anyone worth being in a relationship with yet. You tell me if Johnny Depp or whoever she thinks is hot in the movies meets her tomorrow she wouldn't be ready? Your job is to make her want to be in a relationship with you if that's what you really want. If she was looking to commit to you after three dates there'd be something seriously wrong with her. Give it time and don't listen to what she says so much as how she acts. Especially if it's not something she said directly to you.
Author vince1128 Posted January 23, 2009 Author Posted January 23, 2009 ^^ yeah thats a good point.. and its not like im wanting to commit already but the thoughts are forming in my head of what i want do
Lauriebell82 Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Going by someone's "friend" is never a good idea. I would just honestly wait and see what happens. You've only been on 3 dates, I would see her a few more times before having any kind of "what do you want out of this" talk. Maybe she just wants to take things slow? It's too early to even think about any kind of committment anyway, so whats the difference?
Recommended Posts