JoeNat Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 OK so here is a little background to why I'm writing this letter to her: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t171021/ Here is the letter I want to send her: [FONT=Arial]OK, I have tried… I mean I have really tried… The reason we have so many issues is pretty simple. You think I don’t care because of how I act sometimes (not coming over, etc…). In all actuality it is because I feel you don’t care. I feel like you don’t care because of some of the things you do and say. The biggest thing is this whole dog situation. I can’t deal with it. This isn’t just some stupid argument about who left the toilet seat up. It is win win for you while here I am thinking about it every single day and going nuts. I mean I truly am thinking about this every day throughout the day. I mean right now it is 10:45am on a Thursday and I have things I should be doing but can’t stop thinking of this. I know you both contact one another more then you tell me. I know he sends text messages and calls and vice versa. I know you’re going to tell me that it is only about the dog but once again I know his motives (everybody else sees this). I can’t get past this weakness you have with him. This conversation is so old that I’m sick of hearing his name. Do I stay and deal with this? I mean, you know how much this hurts me yet you continue to put me through this. If you love me you will put this to an end knowing that it is killing me everyday. It is killing our relationship and only you can stop it. I unfortunately know how this will go though. You will not stop contacting him as you feel that he has done so much for you and your family. I told you I would help with your dog as I have many times already. You have all these years, but you never do stop to think about how he has ruined you many times over. This isn’t coming out of nowhere either, I have told you once before I know a lot more then I let on. I do that because I’m hoping your going to tell me the truth. A perfect example is the day he dropped his old dog off. You knew for a while that I was right but you never told me hoping I would never find out or just forget.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I hurt everyday and it pushes me away everyday. I try my best to show you the love I think you deserve and the love I know I can give. I find this whole act extremely selfish. I feel like a stranger in my own relationship. I don’t take priority in your life and it shows very clearly with this whole terrible situation. You said to me if I loved you I would deal with this but really I’m the one hurting so if you really loved me you wouldn’t put me through this. You said yourself. You could not deal with this so how could you make me do something you yourself would never do? I’m asking you to please end this with him. There is no way we can take this relationship to the next level while he is still in the picture![/FONT] [FONT=Arial][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I know you have a lot on your mind right now and going through some major transitions at work. However, this is a big part of your life too. [/FONT] Any advice or feedback would be greatly appreciated! Thanks,
JohnnyBlaze Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 First of all, going back over the other thread, this guy disgusts me. He gives up a loyal dog just for some chick (no offense meant. She's your girl; to him, she's just another chick that he's trying to steal). If he'll drop his dog that quickly, what would that say for her chances when some other girl catches his eye? Regardless of what happens between you two, she should watch out for him. I wouldn't trust him with the time of day. As to your letter, as long as you realise this is a "cure me or kill me" letter, the only recommendation I'd have is to send it. It was obviously thought out (i.e. not written in hasty anger), conveys what you want to say and doesn't step on her toes in the process. Just be ready, 'cause this won't be easy.
Geishawhelk Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 It's about three-and-a-half paragraphs too long. "It's either me, or him and the dog. Choose." Should leave her in no doubt. The rest is just plaintive mewing. She knows all of the rest. She's aware of it, she sees who you are. Short and sweet. and...."send".
Chinook Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 If she's as wrapped up in him and as weak about him as you say she is, nothing you send her will stop it. She has to stop it. No ultimatum from you will help with that. In fact, if you do present her with an ultimatum and voice it in the style of 'I'm sick of hearing his name', sooner or later she's going to feel resentment for making her choose. This was me almost two years ago (I'm not saying you have to wait two years). I had alot of unresolved business with my ex-partner (J) and my new partner (P) couldn't deal with the impact J had on my life (we had been together 10 years through cancer (mine) and other serious stuff). I couldn't simply shut him out because P asked me to. I had to do it in my own time. It did happen and it happened sooner than I thought. The problem was, I cut P loose in the intervening period because I felt I was holding him back. However... with patience and tolerance, here P and I are now... 2 years later, reconciled and growing stronger in our relationship. J was a ghost which needed laying to rest. But I had to do it alone without anyone else there in the picture. Maybe your girl needs more of an ultimatum of 'come back to me when you have sorted this out in your head because I can't deal with it'. I couldn't put P first all the time way back then. It was hard not to look back at my perfect life I had prior to being ill and J was always in my life still. I had to cut him off completely and ignore him. I had to do it. Now, P is my world. Simple as that..... he was my world back two years ago...but it was messy and I needed time to resolve old hurts. He understands this now, and he's happy he says
Author JoeNat Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 If she's as wrapped up in him and as weak about him as you say she is, nothing you send her will stop it. She has to stop it. No ultimatum from you will help with that. In fact, if you do present her with an ultimatum and voice it in the style of 'I'm sick of hearing his name', sooner or later she's going to feel resentment for making her choose. This was me almost two years ago (I'm not saying you have to wait two years). I had alot of unresolved business with my ex-partner (J) and my new partner (P) couldn't deal with the impact J had on my life (we had been together 10 years through cancer (mine) and other serious stuff). I couldn't simply shut him out because P asked me to. I had to do it in my own time. It did happen and it happened sooner than I thought. The problem was, I cut P loose in the intervening period because I felt I was holding him back. However... with patience and tolerance, here P and I are now... 2 years later, reconciled and growing stronger in our relationship. J was a ghost which needed laying to rest. But I had to do it alone without anyone else there in the picture. Maybe your girl needs more of an ultimatum of 'come back to me when you have sorted this out in your head because I can't deal with it'. I couldn't put P first all the time way back then. It was hard not to look back at my perfect life I had prior to being ill and J was always in my life still. I had to cut him off completely and ignore him. I had to do it. Now, P is my world. Simple as that..... he was my world back two years ago...but it was messy and I needed time to resolve old hurts. He understands this now, and he's happy he says Thank you all so much for replies they have opened up my eyes. But what I have quoted above is probably the solution to this. I truly dont think she has any romantic feelings for him but maybe more of a security blanket. I do think he is messed up in the head is trying anyway to be in her life and is using the dog as the excuse. I do feel she loves me but is also in a messed part in her life right now. It is just rough to say goodbye for now. I know that goodbye for now will end up being goodbye forever.
vanilla87 Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 Thank you all so much for replies they have opened up my eyes. But what I have quoted above is probably the solution to this. I truly dont think she has any romantic feelings for him but maybe more of a security blanket. I do think he is messed up in the head is trying anyway to be in her life and is using the dog as the excuse. I do feel she loves me but is also in a messed part in her life right now. It is just rough to say goodbye for now. I know that goodbye for now will end up being goodbye forever. Seems to me, if its meant to be it'll work out, if not, then she was never meant to be with you, life is tricky like that and cruel, but it happens. The best thing you can do is be honest with her and tell it to her face, not by email. How would you like it if you we're told by email something important from her? Communicating this in person is a good way to help work out some of the problems and actually the best way to see if she is lying too if she starts talking about certain things.
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