jessy1 Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 Heya all I need some advice here! Im not sure if this post is in the right place and I aplolgise if it isn't! I have been dating this guy for about 4ish months (not long I know) I really like him and I really thought he was a keeper. Anyway a pretty big problem has come to my attention :S (im sorry if this is to much info!!!) When he try to have sex he cant perform. He can get it up but loses it straight away. This has happened all four times we have tried. Anyway I let that go thinkin maybe its stress or something but then I heard (and found pretty ex rated evidence) that just before we got together he had something going on with anther guy!!! He left this guy for me apparently. (I am female btw) I asked the other male who confirmend it but said nothing physical had happened between them as it was LD and they had only met once. The other male did show me emails and txts he had saved from my bf which were very x rated and confirmed he had really liked him!! I want to talk to my bf about it but he is VERY sensitive about that kind of stuff. He would go nuts If I even hinted he was gay. He seems to hate gays and makes all sorts of mean jokes about them! So what do I do?! And what do you guys think? Is he straight or am I a cover up? Do i run!! Please answer I dont know what to do!!
RRyan65 Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 Simple. Levitra or Viagra. Problem solved. Uhhh no. Man-ass is what he needs.
RRyan65 Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 So what do I do?! And what do you guys think? Is he straight or am I a cover up? Do i run!! Please answer I dont know what to do!! It may not be clear to you, but to us, it's very clear...
Author jessy1 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 Thanks Ryan, but what exactaly is clear? Your right its not clear to me!! Im pretty confused right now!!
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 methinks the lady doth protest too much............................... you saw those messages.................... (he's gay) he can't get it up for you, a girl............................... (he's gay) he says how much he hates gay people - because he wants you to think he's not gay, because he seems to want to think he's not gay.................. denial is not a river in egypt! read between the lines! although seriously you shouldn't have to.......... HE"S GAY!!!!
Author jessy1 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 Thanks for your replies!! For once I actually hope your not right. I keep thinking that maybe it was a phase and he really does have feelings for me. (and other girls) I guess I could let the past go but the sex problem is evident everyday!! He has become really distant with me today so maybe something is up! Any idea how to approach him? And if anyone else wants to tell what what you think of his sexual orrientation please do!
Author jessy1 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 how can u be so sure? I mean could it just be a phase. He seems to absolutly hate gays...?
BlueEyedGirl Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 It is never just a phase. The only reason that he attempts to date girls is because it is more socially acceptable and he is trying hard to be "normal". The thing is, you(he) can't go against your natural instincts and desires. And your sex life.. I mean how more obvious can it get that he is gay? Even if you had great sex life just the fact that he was sexually interested in men would be enough for you to RUN from this. Geez! Go and rent Brokeback Mountain.
EYECANDY000 Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 Unless you like Bi sexual men then you need to be honest and ask him.
Geishawhelk Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 He's a closet gay. Ask him outright (together with the evidence) "Are you Gay?" And don't speak the way you write....loads of exclamation marks. It makes you sound manic. !
Author jessy1 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 Ok thanks guys, I will talk to him. I will also tone down the exclamation marks. (thanks geisha) Just quickly, what do I do if he says he is bi? Im straight so I dont really understand what a bi goes through. Would you stick around if your man said he was bi? Ive got a feeling he will just say he was curious or something, He would never admit he was gay if infact he was. Do guys get curious from time to time I wonder? Anyway thankyou all so much for your responses. I will keep you updated.
Geishawhelk Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 Ok thanks guys, I will talk to him. I will also tone down the exclamation marks. (thanks geisha) Just quickly, what do I do if he says he is bi? Well that depends on you.... Im straight so I dont really understand what a bi goes through. Being bisexual means that you are (theoretically) as comfortable having opposite-sex sex, as you are having same-sex sex. Leaving aside the psychological issues, hang-ups and closet-feelings, a bisexual can have a fulfilling relationship with either a person of the same sex, or someone of the opposite sex. Where it gets complicated is when a bisexual person wants to venture and continue having the other kind of sexual relations that they aren't getting in their relationship. So using your scenario, if you were going out with a guy you knew was Bi, and he had committed to you, there would be no possibility of him having sex with another man, simply because he had to pander to his sexual needs in that direction. Once a person commits to a relationship, anything else is cheating. It doesn't matter what their persuasion is, if they're with 'you' they don't go find anything, anywhere else, whatever justification they might put forward (the question has arisen here before, on more than one occasion). Would you stick around if your man said he was bi? I think I would, providing he was able to commit to an exclusive relationship with me. If he had any doubts whatsoever, I'd end the relationship, in fairness to both of us..... Ive got a feeling he will just say he was curious or something, He would never admit he was gay if infact he was. This is his problem, and if that's the way he wants to face it, then it's up to him. If he's reluctant to admit or entertain the idea, then what you do insofar as the relationship is concerned, is up to you. But I would in any case make your principles clear, regarding fidelity..... Do guys get curious from time to time I wonder? There are a great deal many men who enjoy anal stimulation, but this doesn't make them homosexual. It can be very arousing, but it's also a question of finding a (female) partner who's willing to join in and stimulate away!! Many women feel a bit odd about these things. But again, many women are willing to happily comply. Anyway thankyou all so much for your responses. I will keep you updated. Don't just count on me. Wait for others too.....
Author jessy1 Posted January 23, 2009 Author Posted January 23, 2009 Thanks heaps Geisha for your reply!! Sure helped!!! I still havent talked to him as he is away for the weekend. I know that he will get very very very angry however if I mention it and there is absolutly no way he would admit to being gay if he was! Like I said he is always bitching about gays and making comments about how he could never do that etc. So half of me thinks maybe it was just a phase but half of me thinks hes in denial. (as does the other guy he was with) I just dont know if a straight man who was curious would go as far as sending ex rated emails, photos, organinsing a trip for them and then not being able to get it up for a girl :S I know he has had a gf about a year ago where things seemed to work there ok? Anyway I KNOW the only was is to ask but I also KNOW he will go nuts and probably dump me for even suggesting it!! :S sigh
Recommended Posts