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Difference In Culture Halting Us From Moving Forward


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I seek advise, hope you can help.


I've been lucky enough to have my dreams come true. I have always had an idea of what my ideal 'type of partner' would be like. In every characteristic, and to my complete surprise, the gods sent him to me 7 months ago. We both feel blessed and amazed that our wishes to the gods have come true.


He is extremely thoughtful and spiritually enclined and does not take a step further into any situation without giving it his utmost thought.


We both realise that we have been blessed to have met each other after years of trying and tragic circumstances in both our lives.


We are of separate cultures, he is Indonesian and I am not. He holds his culture very dear and close to his heart and unfortunately should he marry outside of his culture he is then outsted by his people. He has asked to be alone, to find himself, for a break from me to decide whether he abandons his beloved culture or take a life with me which is very tempting (well actually 50/50).


I have respected and understood his request and we are now on a break until he can find himself and then his decision.


What do I do? It is strongly felt that I am the mother of his children. The pain of not knowing the outcome, the pain of not being beside him, the pain knowing that he is anguished is almost unbearable. I wish he could see that this is a gift of opportunity to seek the happiness he lacked in his life before me..


Any suggestions and feedbacks r appreciated.



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Allow him his time to figure this out! Abandoning your life and what you know to be with another may seem to be the very best and most wonderful thing that people in love could do for one another. However, I suggest that you perhaps try to put it into perspective: seven months of bliss, vs. a lifetime of knowing that you abandoned the life you knew, understood, grew up in. This is not a decision to come to lightly!


Loving this man may be enough to sustain you for now. His loving you in return has obviously been something he has taken most seriously. But asking him to choose between the life you have together and the life he understands is a very difficult choice. For your sake, you ought to consider the truth of what marrying him will be for you, too! Ask yourself what you want out of a marriage, and not just what qualities in another person you want to have. It could be that a person has all the qualities you're looking for, but some additional ones that you are looking to avoid, and I would say it is best to know what your expectations of a committed relationship are so that you also have a clearer picture for yourself, should he decide he wants to be with you.


Remember that a relationship must go both ways. Love is a beautiful and wonderful thing, but it is NOT enough to sustain a relationship for eternity.

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