djdiablo Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 I am away on a business trip. We do not comm during the workday. She txts me if I will call her tonight. I tell her in about an hour after dinner. I get to my hotel room @ 8. I call. She doesn't answer but txts me to call her in an hour with no reason. Fine, I read a book and call her in an hour. Txts me to call her in 30 minutes. Finally I get a hold of her @ 930. We have a good long convo and I tell her I won't call her again (she asked me to) around 1030h because I am super-tired. The phone misteriously hangs up and I call back. No answer. So I leave a nice good night msg and go to sleep. But I can't sleep b/c the snow removal vehicle outside is making it difficult. That's when I get a msg. "Sorry my phone hung up. Guy X, guy Y and I might be going to eat this week." Guy Y is a friend of hers I had a problem with for the last four months but whom I am over. A CLEAR PROVOCATION. I don't answer. Then she calls me. We have a decent convo where she tells me I need to be more controlling (like telling her not to go out without me) or ask her about a photo on FB where this sailor (Halloween) is holding her and her friend. Since it is not a repeated event I never commented on it even though I saw it. I ask her to not provoke me and repeat to her that I love her and show her that I do every day. I actually do with msgs, calls and many other actions. We end it with me telling her she is my princess and she asks me if I am happy. "VERY! Good night, baby." I was happy. BUT what should I make of this and her clear (admitted) provocations? At one point she told me she went for a walk with another guy and, to show a bit of jealousy, I asked her who he is. I really DO trust her but these damn games are annoying. How do I respond?
Geishawhelk Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 My goodness she is F**ing with your mind! First she gets all huffy about you and your ex-. So you do everything she asks (and that incidentally we advised!! Good on you for that!!) Then she tugs your chain about whether she wants to be in an R. with you or not.... Now she's demanding you be jealous and show some balls..... I'm beginning to think this R is not such a good idea after all! She's emerging as needy, dependent, flawed, passive-aggressive and controlling..... Nice.....
Adri Ana Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 She is telling you herself how you should act ? Hey,tis` just funny , djdiablo If you like playing , then do play with her , and the role you need to wear now is Being sooo Jealous , just like Otello . She `ll enjoy and you both will be happy , as happy gf makes happy her bf as well .. But tell her not to play those calling-not answering-calling again-hunging games . That annoys .. If that is without a clear reason that it annoys even more than ever . Wish you a good luck with your princess . She is a hardnut prinkkess
Author djdiablo Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 How does one man go about killing such attitudes and behavior?
Adri Ana Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 TELL HER TO QUIT with it . And be serious when saying that . She will think over it and will quit if cares of you.
Trialbyfire Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 I really DO trust her but these damn games are annoying. Why can't you just say this to her? Games make people lose respect for each other. Once respect is lost, so is love.
Miss Ting Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 What is she...12 years old? That's annoying. I could see if you blatantly did not give a crap, but it doesn't sound that way. I'll admit that someone not caring is definitely as bad as someone caring waaaaaaay too much (to the point of irrational jealousy), but it doesn't sound like this is this case. Do you know much about her previous relationships? Perhaps you should talk to her and find out why she behaves like this way, and why she needs to feel controlled. She might have some deeper issues, and/or worst have done some pretty stupid things in her past relationships because this need.
Trialbyfire Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 There's a fine line between valuation, possessiveness/territorialism, jealousy, envy and trust. If you play it too cool with the trust, it can look like a lack of interest. If you play into the games and get controlling, it can be a whip she can use against you. I think you should sit down with her and discuss your issues, face-to-face. Get her to stop playing games but by the same token, make certain you understand what she needs to feel valued besides using silly control games. Once again, playing Mr. Cool too well can push negative triggers in your g/f.
Author djdiablo Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 Thank you for your replies. Two questions: 1. When should I address it? A) ASAP. B) Next time you get to see her face-to-face. C) Next time it happens. D) Never. 2. If I was to address it do I: A) Do it tonight via email. B) Do it tonight via phone. C) Do it Friday face-to-face. 3. What do I do if she calls tonight and why? A) Answer. B) Don't answer.
RichGuy Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Thank you for your replies. Two questions: 1. When should I address it? A) ASAP. B) Next time you get to see her face-to-face. C) Next time it happens. D) Never. 2. If I was to address it do I: A) Do it tonight via email. B) Do it tonight via phone. C) Do it Friday face-to-face. 3. What do I do if she calls tonight and why? A) Answer. B) Don't answer. Is this someone important in your life? If so, do everything face-to-face to get maximum information of the situation. If you dont give a rat's ass, just drop her already... If you don't know, just drop her.
Trialbyfire Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Do it face-to-face, ASAP. If she calls tonight, just be yourself.
vanilla87 Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Tell her your too old to be playing these games that your secure with the relationship as it is and don't need to feel the need to be jealous because you love her and trust her. That should drive her a little crazy, but if she still doesn't understand, tell her that you don't like how she is being with the demands of you to act jealous and that its unreasonable for her to have such request be put upon you. It retrospect, any girl that needs a guy to get jealous, is not secure enough in the relationship and needs excitement to feel the passion they did when they first started dating. She is just needing that fire to keep going, but sooner or later if she doesn't stop the games, all she'll have let is herself and no one to give her passion in general. Girls like that are the reasons a lot of guys get frustrated and leave a good girl, because they can't take the games after a certain point...
Adri Ana Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Thank you for your replies. Two questions: 1. When should I address it? A) ASAP. B) Next time you get to see her face-to-face. C) Next time it happens. D) Never. 2. If I was to address it do I: A) Do it tonight via email. B) Do it tonight via phone. C) Do it Friday face-to-face. 3. What do I do if she calls tonight and why? A) Answer. B) Don't answer. 1 - B 2 - C 3 - A explanation to 3 : you need to show her by your own example that you are not playing with her those annoying games like she does herself
Surfer Dude Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 she tells me I need to be more controlling Pay attention to this. ^ She craves emotional stimulation and confrontation and that's exactly what you should provide her with. Some women create drama and start acting disrespectful when their man seems to be getting slack. As I wrote in some other post, women don't want you to be controlling, but they do want you to be in control. You could address this issue by giving her the stimulation she desires and completely dismissing her nonsense. This is if you really want to make it work. But she does seem to be insecure and constantly needing external validation and support. Her asking "are you happy? do you love me?" is a typical indicator of low self esteem. Such women are best left alone, for the men who are willing to up with it.
underpants Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Dude, I know a guy that married this. He is soooooooooo unhappy. Can you imagine every time there is a conflict, or imagined one, or her just feeling a little less then sexy, or older, that she pulls this. It gets tiring, not to mention looking pretty stupid. You can attempt to reason with her. It might be worth a shot, but if she repeats this behavior then, you will know it is her pattern. You can play into her jealous side by posting pics of you and girls or saying you are having lunch with girl A or B, even if you aren't. This will not solve a thing. However, sometimes I like to administer someone a taste of their own medicine. You can see it for what it is and what you might be hitching your wagon to and decide if that is what you want. Good luck. Stay true to yourself in all things.
Trialbyfire Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 You can attempt to reason with her. It might be worth a shot, but if she repeats this behavior then, you will know it is her pattern. Good advice. Patterns of behaviour are telling! There are people who are meant to be together, in that they can relate to each other's issues. There isn't a baggage-free adult alive, no matter what the person themselves believe since human beings are a composite of nature and nurture. When you have two people in a relationship, action causes reaction. If the signals given, aren't the ones the receiver needs, there will always be a disconnect. Compatibility is key.
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