D-Lish Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 This is interesting. I can see telling a guy I didn't see anything romantic developing for now and then changing my mind a year or two later. I don't think it's likely, but possible, for sure. Really? once I put someone there, they are done. I do it immediately and never change my mind. I have a friend that started out wanting to date me- he's never been able to let it go. I recently had to end the friendship because I found out he has been sabotaging prospective suitors (even though he is now engaged). I actually found out he has been sabotaging suitors since we met- and now he is engaged and is still putting up a barrier to other men where I am concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 That mysterious Green guy, whoever he is, has it right. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 They intend to be a boyfriend, we intend to ask them for advice regarding prospective boyfriends... And you wonder why guys don't like being in the friendzone? Guys friendzone women for the same reasons women do but guys usually don't use their female friends. Women will use a guy friend ( probably not a true,close friend ) to get emotional support, dinners, gifts, attention, etc, especially if she knows he really likes her but is to afraid to ask and get rejected. I have seem guys stay friends with a women they like because it is the only way he can be close to her and he loves her from afar. (pretty sad really!!!) Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Really? once I put someone there, they are done. I do it immediately and never change my mind. I have a friend that started out wanting to date me- he's never been able to let it go. I recently had to end the friendship because I found out he has been sabotaging prospective suitors (even though he is now engaged). I actually found out he has been sabotaging suitors since we met- and now he is engaged and is still putting up a barrier to other men where I am concerned. That is psycho! I guess I don't really use the word friendzone. Sometimes I reject a guy and I am very clear in my mind about why (not attracted, no chemistry, etc.) Other times, I may think of a guy as a friend but know I could potentially be interested down the line, but circumstances don't really bring us together that way and/or the attraction is n't strong enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Joyvke Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 And you wonder why guys don't like being in the friendzone? Guys friendzone women for the same reasons women do but guys usually don't use their female friends. Women will use a guy friend ( probably not a true,close friend ) to get emotional support, dinners, gifts, attention, etc, especially if she knows he really likes her but is to afraid to ask and get rejected. I have seem guys stay friends with a women they like because it is the only way he can be close to her and he loves her from afar. (pretty sad really!!!) Hah, guys don't use their "friend"? How wrong you are. Guys certainly use a female when they have the chance, knowing she still has feelings for you. Had it happen twice, and twice I was so blind to see. "Oh I don't do these things with a friend" "it's just for fun", while knowing there's feelings involved... and it happening several times. Females use guys as well, but males definitely too. What about the people that had some attraction to you before. Will you be in limbo for them, or really friendszoned. I know that if I liked a guy before, it might happen I will like him again. If I never liked a guy, it will never ever happen. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Add to the mix relationship prohibitions, like marriages, LTR's, etc. Many reasons for certain individuals to remain "friends". It's an intellectual processing of emotion. IME, the "users" are pretty easy to spot. They take much and give little. Gender neutrality Link to post Share on other sites
Joyvke Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Add to the mix relationship prohibitions, like marriages, LTR's, etc. Many reasons for certain individuals to remain "friends". It's an intellectual processing of emotion. IME, the "users" are pretty easy to spot. They take much and give little. Gender neutrality I'm a giver, I don't need much. Though both of them did give quiet some back. So it wasn't that easy to discover. Guess it has to do with the fact I'm "young" and only had like 2 proper relationships so I'm not really familiar with "users", tho sadly finding out anyway :S. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 An additional nuance that life provides is the valuation aspect, perfectly applicable to the friendzone dynamic. Watch what is given in the friendship. Discern its value to the giver, versus its value to the receiver. I've found this dynamic nuance to be quite enlightening as to the psychological makeup of people and their potential as being compatible for friendship or more. I especially enjoy predicting what and when the little ray of sunshine users provide and how it times perfectly with something they want. It's fascinating, really It's one of the clearest indicators of the intent of a person who 'zones another person. Link to post Share on other sites
vanilla87 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 I know for a fact if i friend zone a guy, I don't leave him hanging, even though one friend once in a blue moon will pester me with "what if..." and i keep telling him "I only see you as a friend and thats it, nothing more...", and he still thinks its a yellow light for caution, but still proceed anyway. Its different when both parties liked each other earlier on or if one did, but more so the guy, then the girl. For me, my one friend, liked me long before i ever have a crush on him (different guy then above), and then we had mutual attraction around the same time. Over the years it was an on/off attraction, with some hooking up, but its very much up in the air these days. Have we friend zone each other? yes and no, but will we ever permanently? no, because, the attraction is still there and also because of the "what if..." is still in play all the time. i've only once taken a guy out of a friend zone, but that was because he grew on me after my friend found a loop hole for me to end up liking him after a certain point, but then the ironic thing happened, she ended up liking him, and then found another loop hole to get him to not ask me out. Moral of the story is don't try and get your friends set up with another friend, cause you may end up liking that person instead, happened to my cousin last year, lol, he is now her ex bf, but thats only because they are 5 hrs away from each other from school, so its not easy. Anyway, the reality is, once a guy friend zone's you, its for 5 reasons: 1)your not attractive on any level to him and will never think of you in a sexual way so he makes you a friend. 2)You are practically like a sister to him so he thinks its just wrong to ever go there. 3)You have one too many family connections or you are related to his boss, because then its gets WAY too complicated. 4)Your too needy/self absorbed/too many emotional issues/too strict about sex or the way you are in bed, guys like a girl that is level headed, fun, and not a huge basket case, who enjoys her life and doesn't need a guy 24/7. 5)There was no chemistry after he kissed you or had sex with you, either way, if you two click and your not a psycho chick, he'll keep you around for good convos. All in all, guys don't want complication and enjoy females, but seriously, if a guy friend zones you, its pretty much the end of ever getting with him, the same way we are about guys ladies...once he is in our friend zone, we never let him back out... Link to post Share on other sites
movingonandon Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I know that girls can easily friendzone guys and never consider them in a romantic way, EVER. But how does it work for guys? Once they friendzone a girl, is she doomed with the friend label until the end of eternity? This has probably been said multiple times already: if she's unattractive -->Yes. I can think of no other reason a guy would friendzone a girl. Men are only friends with women with whom they go waaaay back or have no sexual interest in whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
CommitmentPhobe Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I can think of no other reason a guy would friendzone a girl. . There's some major advantages to having a hot female friend instead of just trying to get your rocks off with her... - You get to meet all the hot friends she attracts, always a new supply - You become a little more interesting at a party when you're hanging out with her - You get an insight into all the stupid nonsense men do - etc. etc. loads more things Link to post Share on other sites
RichGuy Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I can think of no other reason a guy would friendzone a girl. Men are only friends with women with whom they go waaaay back or have no sexual interest in whatsoever. I've put hot women in the friendzone due to their health issues (ex incurable STDs, third trimester pregnancy, hygine, etc.). Link to post Share on other sites
uRabbit Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 I know that girls can easily friendzone guys and never consider them in a romantic way, EVER. But how does it work for guys? Once they friendzone a girl, is she doomed with the friend label until the end of eternity? Good topic. I friend-zoned a girl for seven years, until she got pregnant with a dead-beat, tried to involve me in the pregnancy, then took him back and decided to drink heavily after the birth. At that point, I no-zoned her. The reason she was friend-zoned, was due to her lack of self control and her inability to make wise decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
MN randomguy Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Friend-zoning doesn't work to well for me. One thing, especially if they're younger, and have lots of social status in their circle have a hard time taking "NO". Also, I am not suave enough for, "You know, I'm not into you, but your friend is cute." I'd love a wing-woman. But, not even my friend's wives can get over their egos enough for that. Link to post Share on other sites
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