likestolaugh Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 I've gone out on a few dates with this girl (which I've referred to in my thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t172701/). Now, usually when I've gone out with someone and she's interested in me, she'll often provoke playful touching/poking (you know what I mean). With this girl there's none of that. I've tried initiating some of it, but she doesn't seem to do it. Maybe she's just shy or something... I don't know. Is this kind of physical contact a must? After the last date she wrote me a msg saying she had a really good time, etc... so I think she's interested... but it makes it difficult to escalate to another level when I can't tell how comfortable she is with physical contact. Are some people just reluctant to do this regardless of their interest level? I'm kinda confused...
RichGuy Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Is this kind of physical contact a must? Buddy, if she won't touch you in public with your clothes on, you can forget about any intimate action behind closed doors...
Author likestolaugh Posted January 17, 2009 Author Posted January 17, 2009 well she'll kiss me, close cheek kisses... which she has always initiated. and anyway, by escalating I don't mean sex... I just mean a bit more intimate is all. Are some people just hesitant? And, can someone be interested without doing those things?
seamaid Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Definitely, she can be feeling hesitant even if she really likes you. Has she had much experience dating in the past? Because either way, she could be hesitant because she doesn't know how to go about it, or she could be hesitant because she's been burned after going too fast (like me). I have a few dates coming up and I intend on NOT being the first to make a move, or to even encourage the guy too much if he makes the first move. It's because I want to make sure of my feelings for him BEFORE the heavy physical stuff comes into play and complicates things unnecessarily.
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 from a girl's point of view......................she may be lacking in experience, thus lacking in confidence. i know myself how hard i found all that at first...............didnt take me long to start loving it though! when i met my ex, he actually wasn't that forward in the physical side of things at first.................which is what attracted me to him, because every other guy i'd been with didn't hold back at all, which i found intimidating! he held back so much that i thought he must be as inexperienced as i am...................i was wrong! so it could mean anything.............that was pointless! but that's my two cents!
Author likestolaugh Posted January 17, 2009 Author Posted January 17, 2009 I'd be surprised if she's very inexperienced. She's 25... (she older than me infact). She has had a boyfriend before... I don't know anything other than that tho.
BubblyPopcorn Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Is playful touching/poking a necessity? Maybe if you’re both made of dough or something you can poke each other’s belly button. I suppose it can be considered “intimate” or flirting behavior, but sometimes I poke or tickle my female friends and I’m certainly not flirting with them, that’s more of me just being a stinker (not in the smelly sense of course). Necessities, I would think, are more important things such as honesty, communication, etc. But perhaps you're not at that stage yet (since you state you are under 25).
carhill Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 OP, you've described (in this and the other thread) nearly every platonic female friend I've had Sorry, sport, I think I'd find another fish.....
Author likestolaugh Posted January 17, 2009 Author Posted January 17, 2009 OP, you've described (in this and the other thread) nearly every platonic female friend I've had Sorry, sport, I think I'd find another fish..... I'm curious... what gives you that impression? To me, the only part that seems platonic so far is the lack of touching... but then again perhaps she just wants to feel things out first. Maybe she's afraid of breaking the touch barrier... to me platonic friends (if guy and girl) don't msg each other the next day saying they had a really good time, etc.. they don't go out on dates (since these can't be confused as anything else now).. she wouldn't let me pay for drinks/meal/etc... if she just wanted friends. Some girls would, sure... but she's not the type to take advantage of someone in that manner (and I've been with the types that would, trust me:)).
Confusedalways Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 The first couple of dates, I am kinda shy in this respect. However if he initiated it, like you said you do, i'd probably open up so I'm not sure what her deal is...
Author likestolaugh Posted January 17, 2009 Author Posted January 17, 2009 well just to clarify a little... she's the one that initiated the cheek kisses (which are almost lip kisses... just from the way she does them lol). We used to just greet each other with a "hi"... and go on from there. The line between when we started dating was a bit blurry though... the first few times (as I described in other thread) we were more out as acquaintances (not even friends... since we never were before)... we each paid our own way. She really seemed to want to spend more time with me last time we were out... so much so that she missed her last subway and bus and had to pay $50 to take a taxi home. Platonic friends don't do that (at least in my experience). Next time I see her I'm going to try for a proper kiss though. That should settle it. I tried it once already... but it was a bit rushed and prob not the right moment. Anyway, at least she wasn't turned off by it.
Confusedalways Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 I vote nerves and uncertainty in knowing what you guys are, then. It's always awkward the first few times IMO.
carhill Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 OP, BFF took me to lunch/dinner/movies, hugged, kissed, bought presents, called, went shopping and modeled clothes, including swimsuits, for me. I usually talked to her twice a week (this was long before computers and internet, so "talk" meant in person or on the phone). Other platonic female friends were "less", but it still wasn't uncommon to experience exactly what you have shared in your posts. Heck, some of my wife's friends and friend's wives can have their "moments" (periods in which we're "close"). The important thing is intent. She's 25 and she's not "shy". She knows what she's doing. I feel another man on the scene. I know my female friends had men on the scene, either dating or boyfriends. How they interacted with those men was completely different. The signals were different. Hey, happy to be wrong, but it certainly wouldn't kill you to ask someone else out. You only live once
Author likestolaugh Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 Carhill... you make valid points, and you could very well be right (although I hope not lol) It just doesn't "feel" like just friends... in most other ways it feels very much like a date, and that's how her mannerisms are too (except for the thread topic). As I said, we were NEVER friends before... I only knew her through my TA position... and that was completely business. We really have no background reason to be "friends". She also seems very concerned with being "proper" (manners and such)... so perhaps she doesn't want to be forward or something... so then... is there a good way to clarify this with her next time I see her? EDIT: she just sent me this msg... "Hey LTL, Congratulations for the exhibition! I'm really happy for you So yeah, let me know about your schedule. Tuesday I finish around 3 and wednesday I finish at 1. Saturday I finish at 5 and I have sunday and monday off. Thursday and friday I'm done at 9, so I would have to find a place to sleep over if ever I did go out... and NOT the spare space in the VA!!! lol. have a nice day (insert name)" you see? She's made herself much more available than just "friends" ever have in my past... or maybe it's her tone... or maybe I just need sleep, lol
carhill Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 No worries.....just take it from a professional girlfriend with a penis....I've seen this many, many times. Call her on the phone. Flirt a bit. Let us know how that goes.
Isolde Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 You haven't gone for a full kiss yet?! No wonder she is shy.
carhill Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I call it the "Hooverless effect" Sure way to ensure a place in the friend-zone. I did it enough to look back and laugh at my ignorance.
Author likestolaugh Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 well I did on the 3rd time we went out (which would have been the 1st date)... but the timing sucked... we were in the subway, her train was coming... we had maybe 10 seconds... so it was barely a peck. Gotta find a better place next time. Since then we've gone out this last time, and there wasn't really a time during the date... and the date ended in the freezing hell of winter (she needed a taxi), so that wouldn't have worked either. But yeah, next time I'll see what I can do. Summertime is SO much easier lol. Carhill... well I've always sucked at being the pro girlfriend with a penis lol. I doubt she'd go out with me if that's all she wanted. She has plenty of friends... and I think she must know that that's not what I want... anyway, I'll call her in a day or two when I know when I'll be free next week... I'll let you know what happens...
carhill Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 OP, she likes that you like her (more precisely you're attracted to her). Women enjoy surrounding themselves with men like that. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe
Author likestolaugh Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 true enough... she's not using me as an ego boost though. She seems to want to impress (she's careful with her words etc..) me as I would her. (I also realize that the more I write here the more I'm answering my own question lol) ...But I mean, this isn't how friendships really start out... this is how relationships start, yes... but friendships... somehow different in my experience. I dunno. As for her being 25, yes I think that means something... but I also suspect she'd not hugely experienced. She doesn't always seem that sure of herself (confidence wise)... she doesn't really give off the experienced "vibe". Although she's quite pretty so I can't fathom why... I have many female friends... and the "vibe" is different with them than it is with her. Hard to explain... as for other women, well I'll say that I do in fact have a few other options... but I really really HATE dating more than one person at a time. Just too much to think about, and I always feel like I'm gonna hurt one or both of them by doing that... It's a damn shame that it's you telling me all this Carhill, as you're advice is often quite right... so I'm hoping you're just having an off day
carhill Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Hey, what do I know? I'm eating pizza and drinking beer Seriously, Isolde said it much better than I. Ignore my advice and follow hers
Author likestolaugh Posted January 20, 2009 Author Posted January 20, 2009 so yes... I'll be meeting her tomorrow probably. I simply must make sure to kiss her properly this time!
sultry33 Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 you seriously need to get the kiss in early;) whilst im experienced im also shy so my 1st kiss was like 6hrs into our 1st date of 7hrs.. she may be thinking you only see her as a friend so you need to up your game. From the message she sent you showing her free times id say she definatly is into you.. damn im not even avaliable that much:laugh: go for it;)
Viking Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 If she goes in for the side of the mouth kiss, move slightly so she plants one on your lips. Then grab the back of her head (not roughly though) and hold the kiss and pull back before she does. Maybe, as you're pulling back, bite her lip very lightly so it "stretches" a little. Let us know how that works. I might need to try it sometime.
sultry33 Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 i once kissed a guys eyebrow:laugh: totally weird
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