We had our BIG CHAT.....roses around the door

[OWoman]

There is no reason he has to go 'round hers to see the child and basically live there half the time unless he wants it that way.

 

Yes. Exactly.

[frannie]

LC's first post on this thread:

 

This really is it I guess. If he tells me he cant do what I need then I really am going to end this relationship. If he really does love me and want to be with me then he will find a way of making this work.... I am coming to terms with the fact that I may lose him, but it will be my choice. I've decided what it is that I need from a partner and I hope with all my heart he wants to be that man......we shall see.

 

I think LC is being led down the garden path and there are no roses round the door. You and I simply view this differently.

 

I am typically very generous -- far too much so -- with men and giving them time to sort themselves out. But in my view, this man is bad news for LC. There is no reason he has to go 'round hers to see the child and basically live there half the time unless he wants it that way.

 

LC should walk away and let get on with her life. If he doesnt realise she is the best thing to happen to him, then that is his loss. Time passes quickly before she knows it another 6 months will have passed and nothing will have changed. She has been in this position for months. Its cruel.

 

Cheers!

 

I don't view it differently. I don't believe I know one way or another which way this will work out. The only thing that matters to me is what LC said in her first post, which was if he can't come up with the goods, she's ready to walk away now.

 

But I can see (from other threads, where she was going 'too slowly' and others lost their temper with her), that LC needs to see it all for herself. Well, as we all do. It's simply pointless for LC to start thread after thread and people lose their patience, because she's not doing what they think they would do in a given situation.

 

To me, its no use saying, 'LC should walk away and get on with her life', because if she's anything like most OW on here, 'walking away' when you're not ready, going NC and still thinking about him and wondering if you'd done something different or if only this or if only that... there's no 'ending' in that. Unless the man has quite clearly shown you that he's not worth it, then its more or less impossible to put it in the past.

 

The clearest way to end things, to me, is to ask him to do something you need, and then watch him fail. It makes life a lot easier. But of course that's my view, others may find walking away a lot easier than I do. LC obviously has had problems in this area.

 

The reason we see it differently (I think) is that you think she hasnt told him. She did and he told her to "write a list" wtf?

 

He got it. He is just stalling. And he has been stalling. None of this is rocket science. And looking at the actions he is doing nothing but say oh yes darling I am listening and then doing nothing. His actions are not impressive.

 

While I agree that saying find someone else is not as easy as it is to type the words perhaps your response is telling. "if just find someone else ever solved anything there would be no need for LS"

 

Just because its not easy to find someone new is NO reason to keep herself in a bad situation. The longer she stays the longer she delays finding someone new. Life is short and precious. This man is a waste of her time.

 

I know all that's happened, from LC's recent threads (the ones covering Christmas and NY). I know that half the time she's thought something and said nothing. e.g. when they bumped into friends and she hung back, and said nothing to him about wanting to be introduced.

 

I'm not commenting one way or another on his behaviour. I think, personally, that LC is more than sick of the situation and if he doesn't catch up with where she is in wanting an open relationship she may well run out of patience. But that is her call. It's her life, her relationship, and so on.

 

Pushing her harder won't make her go any faster. (nor will her pushing him make him go any faster). and we all have to make a judgment call on when to stop beating our heads against the brick wall.

 

Personally, I don't think there's a lot more to say until LC comes back and says what happened with the Saturday meeting. If it was simply more bluster from him, then things will probably look a lot clearer.