And now another text...What should I say? Just ignore?

[BackonTrack2]

this girl is no good, stop texting back and forth, just go NC, ignore everything, move on, i was where you were, going back and forth especially since you still love the girl = only bad.

 

when a relationship gets like this, there is no coming back.

[Geishawhelk]

Wow...just wow...I am speechless. I honestly did not expect this response from her. I'm not even mad. I actually laughed when I saw it. She is unbelievable. I am just blown away by her monumental selfishness. For the 1st time, I am beginning to feel like she did me a favor by breaking up with me...

 

So I followed Geisha's advice, exactly how it was given, and sent the following message:

"No reason for us to talk. Being friends with you is not in my best interests right now."

 

Her response:

"Ok...I'm sorry to hear that...Did I do something?"

 

Wow. Just wow.

 

/handface

 

:laugh:

 

This is hillarious for two reasons:

One, she must be the thicker side of dense, if she doesn't realise just what she did, and two, by making it a question.... she's till trying to tug you into contact!!

 

Listen, if you need me I'll be downing a couple of orange juice and sodas, no ice, and watching "Friends". For now, I think my work here is done!!

[justletgo07]

My heart is broken...again. I'm emotionally exhausted by all of this...

 

So, I responded to her latest text with:

"____, we already had this conversation."

 

Tonight, I got 3 messages in a row from her:

"I guess I just don't understand... And the idea of not being friends with you makes me really sad...I mean, you were my best friend..."

 

"I'm sorry...I'm not trying to make things hard on you."

 

"I want to do whatever I can to make sure you're ok and that you're happy, and if it takes us not being friends, then I'll have to be ok with that."

 

All of these messages just made me cry...this hurts so bad. I just don't even care anymore...this sucks, all around.

 

Why do I deserve this? What did I do????????

[Island Girl]

You didn't do anything.

 

But you are making things worse for yourself by keeping the door open.

 

NC is for you -- NOT the other person. You need to heal.

 

And your replies indicate weakness to her. Sorry to have to say that to you. I know you are hurting. But someone had to tell you.

 

You replied to her and said you weren't trying to make this hard on her. ! .

 

She made this decision. She made her bed let her lie in it. Your replies have led her to the conclusion that her hold is so tight on you - that you still so desperately love her - and that is why you can't be friends.

 

You do not want her thinking that way. You do not want her thinking that you're pining away by the phone while she happily knows that you still love her regardless.

 

Just stop talking to her. Do not text her. Do not answer her messages.

 

If you MUST say something to cut it off. Say "I just find this whole friend thing to be ridiculous. I don't need another friend. Good luck to you."

 

And leave it at that.

 

No matter what she writes back- no matter what she calls and says- no matter what - just be DONE.

 

Allow yourself to start moving on and healing. To do that you are going to have to quit ripping the scab off.

[kimflute26]

Oh my gosh man... seriously, just stop responding already!!!!!!!!!!!! Listen... you keep responding to her and you tell yourself that it will be the last time, correct? But each time you do, she says something that makes you want to respond again.. and again.. and again! And now you're a blubbering mess. PULL IT TOGETHER man! If you don't go straight NC RIGHT now there is nothing else we can do for you here! So either take this advice or continue being miserable. Sorry this is harsh, but look at the situation as if it were happening to someone else and you'll see that it's TRUE.

[Geishawhelk]

My heart is broken...again. I'm emotionally exhausted by all of this...

 

So, I responded to her latest text with:

"____, we already had this conversation."

 

Tonight, I got 3 messages in a row from her:

"I guess I just don't understand... And the idea of not being friends with you makes me really sad...I mean, you were my best friend..."

 

"I'm sorry...I'm not trying to make things hard on you."

 

"I want to do whatever I can to make sure you're ok and that you're happy, and if it takes us not being friends, then I'll have to be ok with that."

 

All of these messages just made me cry...this hurts so bad. I just don't even care anymore...this sucks, all around.

 

Why do I deserve this? What did I do????????

 

YOU BROKE NO CONTACT!!

 

I turn my back for two minutes and look what happens!

 

I thought you had this pegged, man!

 

Oh for goodness' sake!

You see how easy it is for her to yank your chain - ?!

Boy if you were standing here infront of me now, I'd be yelling so loud you'd be scared I could be heard in China!!

 

You idiot!

I'm sorry, but it needed saying.

That really was a truly idiotic thing to do.

Jeesh! How big is this girl's Ego going to get, before she truly gets that this is not about her, but about YOU - ??!?

 

"I guess I just don't understand... And the idea of not being friends with you makes me really sad...I mean, you were my best friend..."

Yeh, but friendship works both ways, and she obviously wasn't - AND isn't - yours.....

 

"I'm sorry...I'm not trying to make things hard on you."

Of course not! Perish the thought! Kerr-ist, she has no idea, does she....?!

 

"I want to do whatever I can to make sure you're ok and that you're happy, and if it takes us not being friends, then I'll have to be ok with that."

She thinks making you happy is to have her in your life, and drag you around like some puppy for her amusement.....

 

I almost feel like asking you for her number. Let me text her and drive the message home.....! She would be in no doubts then!!

 

Please - !!

Do not contact her ever again!

Look what it's done, look what it's doing!

 

I want a promise, a solemn promise, that you will not ever - EVER - contact her again until you have a wife, four kids, a pony, two dogs and a 1968 Vintage Chevvy in the drive.

 

Deal?

 

DEAL - ??!

[justletgo07]

All of you realize the only thing I sent was "___, we've already had this conversation." Right???

 

She sent all of the other messages, none of which I responded to, nor will I. She has no idea that I'm upset, or how I'm feeling about anything, for that matter.

[Geishawhelk]

Yes, I realise that, but that's immaterial. The result is pretty much what I feared it would be.

 

Heartbroken again.

 

Heart broken again.

 

She's avalanched you with texts - all about HER - none about you, and how you might be feeling - and even if she's totally unaware - YOU know how it's making you feel!

 

As Island Girl pointed out, NC isn't for her - it's for you - to give you the opportunity to truly heal and move on.

I just want you to recover, and not fall into the same trap again!

 

How you feeling now?

[justletgo07]

After getting a good night's sleep, I feel a lot better now. At this point, I just see them as more stupid text messages that display how selfish she is, and how she just wants to feel like I still want her so that she can have her ego stroked.

 

I suppose what hurt the most was her saying things like "You used to be my best friend..." or when she was pretending to care about me being "ok and happy." She made the decision that made us not best friends anymore, not me, and now she's trying to lay some BS guilt trip on me for not wanting to be her friends. Those texts were so manipulative!

 

Last night I may have reacted more emotionally than normal, as it was late and I'd had a few drinks. Actually, I'm rather impressed with myself that, despite the alcohol, I did not respond to her at all.

[Geishawhelk]

Good Lad!

 

can we safely assume then, that you can now well and truly put this thing behind you and not be bothered with it any more?

 

I advised you to block her calls and texts, or at least chnge her call/text alert to: 'Don'teventhinkaboutit!'

 

And to hit delete immediately.

 

I would still suggest this is the best avenue to tread.....

[justletgo07]

I have to say I agree. It doesn't seem like anything else needs to be said.

[sedgwick]

That is not the sort of thing that is appropriate to ask by text. If she's really concerned, she can at least SPEAK to you.

 

I say ignore.

[Island Girl]

After getting a good night's sleep, I feel a lot better now. At this point, I just see them as more stupid text messages that display how selfish she is, and how she just wants to feel like I still want her so that she can have her ego stroked.

 

Ahhhhhhhhhh. You GET IT!!!

 

She can feel better about herself by knowing that you are still there...even if that is NOT what is best for you.

 

There's love and caring for someone right? Ummm, no!

 

I suppose what hurt the most was her saying things like "You used to be my best friend..." or when she was pretending to care about me being "ok and happy." She made the decision that made us not best friends anymore, not me, and now she's trying to lay some BS guilt trip on me for not wanting to be her friends. Those texts were so manipulative!

 

Yes manipulative! Self serving and manipulative.

 

Last night I may have reacted more emotionally than normal, as it was late and I'd had a few drinks. Actually, I'm rather impressed with myself that, despite the alcohol, I did not respond to her at all.

 

Yes - GOOD FOR YOU that you did not respond to her.

 

Don't buy in and set yourself back by having contact with her.

 

As I said, if she contacts you and you don't respond be prepared that she will have a panic episode and try whatever she can to get through to you. Multiple texts and then phone calls...

If at that point you DO want to send a clear message you can say:

 

I have enough friends. Stop it.

 

That will send her into a tailspin and you'll get a bigger push possibly pleadig for contact with lots of "I don't understand"s and "I care about you"s. But do not cave.

 

Just be done and move on.

[Gere51]

Ahhhhhhhhhh. You GET IT!!!

 

She can feel better about herself by knowing that you are still there...even if that is NOT what is best for you.

 

There's love and caring for someone right? Ummm, no!

 

 

 

Yes manipulative! Self serving and manipulative.

 

 

 

Yes - GOOD FOR YOU that you did not respond to her.

 

Don't buy in and set yourself back by having contact with her.

 

As I said, if she contacts you and you don't respond be prepared that she will have a panic episode and try whatever she can to get through to you. Multiple texts and then phone calls...

If at that point you DO want to send a clear message you can say:

 

I have enough friends. Stop it.

 

That will send her into a tailspin and you'll get a bigger push possibly pleadig for contact with lots of "I don't understand"s and "I care about you"s. But do not cave.

 

Just be done and move on.

 

This is exactly how my own situation played out with my ex. When she figured out that I was gone for good and done with her, I got several texts expressing her "concern" for my well-being since I never responded, even stating that she would drive to my house if I did not respond. That turned out to have no basis, only an attention-getter. Best thing is that I've stayed NC since August 4, and have heard nothing from her. She is definitely gone!

[nature]

She is trying to ease her guilt by throwing out the "friend" card. She doesn't want to feel guilty, like the "bad guy". Don't ease her guilt. She broke your heart. The biggest aspect of a relationship is friendship. When she called off the relationship, she called off your friendship. I'm sure the sex wasn't lacking in your relationship for her. So the only other thing that could have been lacking is the "bond" (aka. friendship). So why even pretend to be friends now?

 

She wants her cake and to eat it too. She can't handle you ignoring her. Good. Keep on ignoring her. She needs to think about her behaviour. And silence is the only thing that will eventually cause her to do this. She needs to live with herself for awhile. Don't appease her.

[Geishawhelk]

...

If at that point you DO want to send a clear message you can say:

 

I have enough friends. Stop it.

 

That will send her into a tailspin and you'll get a bigger push possibly pleadig for contact with lots of "I don't understand"s and "I care about you"s. But do not cave.

 

Forgive me, IG, but that's why it's such a bad idea to even think about sending an explanatory text like "I have enough friends. Stop it.",

because it just stimulates more responses - the 'bigger push' as you put it.

 

So, if he's really trying to eliminate all these texts from her - it surely is not a good idea to keep inviting them by sending her even short, curt and to-the-point texts? It just encourages her to keep on with the bullsheet.

The whole point is to just cut it all off at the knees, bury it up to it's head and kick sand in it's face, (nice visual image there, if I say so myself! )

 

Really justletgo, you have to.....Just Let Go. 09.

[Island Girl]

I agree Geishawhelk.

 

Sending ANY message is not a good idea. But sometimes the broken hearted that are being toyed with get a bit weak.

 

I was thinking that if absolutely compelled to comment it is better to have a suggestion that is still very clearly NOT open or could in any way be construed as an invitation for more contact.

 

justletgo07 I think you've got the situation well in hand.

 

You are a lot stronger than most already.

 

It doesn't sound like you are going to be quickly sucked in again especially since you can very clearly see her selfish manipulative meaning behind her communications.

[justletgo07]

I want to thank you guys for your kind advice, and for being my support through all of this.

 

I have to admit, as the day has worn on, I have been more tempted to contact her. Not saying I'm going to, but that I've been tempted, and here's why:

 

The thing that has ended up bothering me the most has been the last message that she sent:

 

"I want to do whatever I can to make sure you're ok and that you're happy, and if it takes us not being friends, then I'll have to be ok with that."

 

To me, this message communicates to me that she thinks she is "taking one for the team" because I am neither "ok" nor "happy." Or at least, that is how she wants it to appear. I know by responding I am just playing into her games, but I have been tempted to send the following response:

 

"____, I am happy. I really am just fine. I just don't want to be friends right now, and I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't contact me anymore."

 

I want to make it clear that this is something I WANT, not something I have to do because I'm too sad and broken to be her friend. I don't want her to have the satisfaction of feeling like she is still affecting me, although at the same time, I think she is being an insensitive idiot for thinking she isn't. I know that in all likelihood, she sent that final message to manipulate me into another response, and maybe I'm taking the bait, but I want to come out on top in this. I don't want her spinning it and acting like she's doing me a favor because she "cares" so much.

 

I know, I know. NC NC NC. I know it probably wont do me any good to send that. Do you think it will really bother her more if I just don't respond? It's so strange, because I typically think of myself as pretty intuitive, and I know her very well, but I feel completely unable to predict her responses at this point, as well as unable to accuratly speculate her motives or what she's thinking.

 

::sigh::

[not_a_happy_camper]

it will absolutely bother her more if you don't respond. which is why she sent you three messages without you responding to any. don't cave in now. it's not about being the better person. if you cave now, you're playing into her hands. don't give her the satisfaction. she's saying she'll do that to make you happy, because that eases her own guilt. secretly she wants you to reply because she wants you to think she's doing you a favour. and she is doing you a favour! so leave well enough alone! i doubt this will be the last you hear from her anyway!

[justletgo07]

You're probably right. I just feel like she has some nerve acting as though my happiness and "ok-ness" is at all dependent on whether or not she is my friend. I really want to set her straight...

[Gere51]

it will absolutely bother her more if you don't respond. which is why she sent you three messages without you responding to any. don't cave in now. it's not about being the better person. if you cave now, you're playing into her hands. don't give her the satisfaction. she's saying she'll do that to make you happy, because that eases her own guilt. secretly she wants you to reply because she wants you to think she's doing you a favour. and she is doing you a favour! so leave well enough alone! i doubt this will be the last you hear from her anyway!

 

Every situation is different, but I can proudly say that I'm going on six months of NC, and have heard nothing from my ex since I stopped responding. I think there comes a point where the dumpers, exes, or whatever figure out that they don't control that person anymore since they're no longer pandered to, and move on to the next victim. In my case, I have no clue what my ex is thinking, but I hardly think she's bothered by my NC or misses me. As stated in other threads, NC is for healing, and has helped me immensely. Stay NC and things will get better for you.

[Island Girl]

I want to make it clear that this is something I WANT, not something I have to do because I'm too sad and broken to be her friend.

 

That is exactly why I wrote that if you feel absolutely COMPELLED to contact her it is short and very much to the point:

 

I do not need any more friends. Good luck to you. Now stop contacting me.

 

But of course NC is absolutely the better way to go.

 

She KNOWS she is being manipulative. She KNOWS that the whole Scarlett O'Hara thing of "if it is better for you for me to leave you alone I will make that sacrifice, But only because I care SO MUCH about you...*sigh*"

 

WHATEVER!

 

She knows she is pulling strings to see if you are still going to dance.

 

Don't dance.

 

You are much better off with NC and moving on.

 

FYI I played these games a lot with my exes and one of them kept going on for years. Literally. And because of all of the back and forth even now (over a decade later) he is still damaged and would be dancing if I was still pulling the strings.

 

Just eradicate her from your life and move on.

 

You are making the better choice for yourself. Believe me.

[justletgo07]

Yeah, I know NC is the better option...

 

I just want to put her in her place SO badly! She is SO out of line with all of this! Ugh...I don't want her to be able to justify it to herself...or think she's doing me a favor. I want her to lie in the bed that she's made, with no way to make herself feel better or less guilty!

 

For now, I shall stay NC...

 

[Island Girl]

Yeah, I know NC is the better option...

 

I just want to put her in her place SO badly! She is SO out of line with all of this! Ugh...I don't want her to be able to justify it to herself...or think she's doing me a favor. I want her to lie in the bed that she's made, with no way to make herself feel better or less guilty!

 

For now, I shall stay NC...

 

 

NC does that more than you know. Especially when she is feeling down and needs a shoulder to cry on. Or when she needs an ego boost. She'll think about it and she'll be sorry. But only if you remain withdrawn from her and give her no access.