Mary3 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Ladies and gents . What do you think of a married man who tells his mistress he will sell the house first and THEN get a divorce from his wife ? Ideas ? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 In this housing market? IT MEANS HE ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mary3 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 In this housing market? IT MEANS HE ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE. Seriously do you think he's holding out for the sale or knows the houses really aren't going to sale and its a stall tactic ? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 It's just a carrot for you. He wants to keep you waiting as long as he can. Actions, not words, are what matter. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 LOL @ GEL. But I agree with you. Selling a house in this market in less than 12 months will take a miracle - or seriously undervaluing the house. Considering any proceeds are to be split in a D, that makes undervaluing the house less likely. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 You could sell a good house here in 3 months at the right price... What does it mean to you? That's the question. Is it a sign of hope, or is he stalling? trust your instincts. Sign up? Listed as being on Sale yet? Link to post Share on other sites
wildsoul Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I can't mind read your MM, but here's what I think about my SM when he talks about how he won't be able to sell their house in this market: Make a plan to not sell the house until the market improves.Get divorced anyway.Work out a plan of some other kind:Be tenants in commonRent the house to a stranger and each co-owner pays their share of extra money to cover mortgage & costs, splitting equity.Have one of the divorced parties live in the house, while the other still funds their half and gains equity.Have one buy the other out, with a regular mortgage + a note to the ex spouse. I'm not a real estate person, but there MUST be ways to work it out between 2 divorced people. Moreover, I think the lack of creativity in coming up with such a solution shows that it's a stall tactic. I know my SM and his W are both financial experts for a living, so it seems crap that he hasn't already made such a plan. Do you think your guy is smart, but stalling? Or does he really not know that there are other ways to make it work? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mary3 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 I can't mind read your MM, but here's what I think about my SM when he talks about how he won't be able to sell their house in this market: Make a plan to not sell the house until the market improves.Get divorced anyway.Work out a plan of some other kind:Be tenants in commonRent the house to a stranger and each co-owner pays their share of extra money to cover mortgage & costs, splitting equity.Have one of the divorced parties live in the house, while the other still funds their half and gains equity.Have one buy the other out, with a regular mortgage + a note to the ex spouse. I'm not a real estate person, but there MUST be ways to work it out between 2 divorced people. Moreover, I think the lack of creativity in coming up with such a solution shows that it's a stall tactic. I know my SM and his W are both financial experts for a living, so it seems crap that he hasn't already made such a plan. Do you think your guy is smart, but stalling? Or does he really not know that there are other ways to make it work? I loved your idea and copied pasted for future references. I think there are many solutions. I also think its BS when the MM does not do something proactive to end the M if he indeeds wants to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mary3 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 You could sell a good house here in 3 months at the right price... What does it mean to you? That's the question. Is it a sign of hope, or is he stalling? trust your instincts. Sign up? Listed as being on Sale yet? For all we * know * the house is for sale...For all we know....I think its total BS . If you want out , the door is right there....just walk through it. Everything else will works itself out. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 What do you think of a married man who tells his mistress he will sell the house first and THEN get a divorce from his wife ? I think if you believe him, you're setting yourself up for a huge fall and a big hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mary3 Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 I think if you believe him, you're setting yourself up for a huge fall and a big hurt. What are some hard questions I can ask him ? Link to post Share on other sites
Zab Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Definitely a delay lol. I actually got that line myself. The house sold quick tho HAHA so it sped things up in my case. I would keep pressuring. They can get divorced BEFORE the house sells. I wish I pressured that instead of waiting. If one of them is homeless after sale - the proceeds from house go along way with apartments and plane tickets and stuff. -Z Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 One of my friends is getting a divorce, and they've already separated and he's moved into a house a couple thousand miles away. But they're holding off on filing for the divorce until they sell the house, because of tax issues. Apparently, if they divorce then sell, somehow they get hosed on the taxes on the profits, more so than if they sell and then divorce. However, if your MM is doing it solely for those purposes, then he'd tell his wife about the plan and one of them would move out. If they're both still in the house, divorce is not likely to have been discussed nor planned. There's no reason he has to say IN the house before it sells or before a divorce is final. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Red Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Definitely a delay lol. I actually got that line myself. The house sold quick tho HAHA so it sped things up in my case. I would keep pressuring. They can get divorced BEFORE the house sells. I wish I pressured that instead of waiting. If one of them is homeless after sale - the proceeds from house go along way with apartments and plane tickets and stuff. -Z This is sad to read. If one has to put pressure on someone to be with them, is that real love? I hope you have found someone who you don't have to "pressure" to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 One of my friends is getting a divorce, and they've already separated and he's moved into a house a couple thousand miles away. But they're holding off on filing for the divorce until they sell the house, because of tax issues. Apparently, if they divorce then sell, somehow they get hosed on the taxes on the profits, more so than if they sell and then divorce. However, if your MM is doing it solely for those purposes, then he'd tell his wife about the plan and one of them would move out. If they're both still in the house, divorce is not likely to have been discussed nor planned. There's no reason he has to say IN the house before it sells or before a divorce is final. Yes. I'd want to know: does 'and then I'll get a divorce' mean that the W knows, or doesn't know? Have they agreed to divorce, but there are financial issues to be sorted out in a particular order? Otherwise it just sounds like delaying tactics. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I agree with the other posters that whether he's discussed divorcing with his W quite makes the difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 He is stalling and Mary, you are worth more then this!! I do not think he has any intention of leaving! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 What are some hard questions I can ask him ? Don't ask him anything. Tell him when you're officially divorced THEN we can date, until then you need time alone to sort this out without me in your life. Don't have any sexual relations with him anymore until he is a free man to do so. Focus on you and your life, your friends, family. Don't get caught up in his ending of his marriage and all the stuff that brings along as it doesn't concern you. Questions? Well, he can answer all your questions problem is, can you verify if he is telling you the truth? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Don't ask him anything. Tell him when you're officially divorced THEN we can date, until then you need time alone to sort this out without me in your life. Don't have any sexual relations with him anymore until he is a free man to do so. Focus on you and your life, your friends, family. Don't get caught up in his ending of his marriage and all the stuff that brings along as it doesn't concern you. Questions? Well, he can answer all your questions problem is, can you verify if he is telling you the truth? EXACTLY. I'd also add...don't listen to his WORDS...look at his ACTIONS. What do his ACTIONS tell you about his plans and intentions? (and don't listen to what he SAYS he's doing...that's just words...rely on what you SEE him doing) Have you SEEN him take any real action towards leaving his wife, and creating a life with you? Or have you seen him SAY that he was going to, but no 'proof' that he's followed through? Actions are what will tell you all you need to know about what he plans on doing. What are they telling you? Link to post Share on other sites
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