With me b/c she is afraid of being without me or with me because she loves me?

[djdiablo]

My girlfriend was going through some PMS a few nights ago and we had a phone fight where we (almost) broke up. She said:

- She is only with me because she is afraid of losing me as a friend

- She wants to break up

 

I didn't accept, told her she was not being logical (just the night before me she professed her love for me) and we decided we'll talk about it later. She calls me early the next morning saying she is sorry and that she only wants me and she was just grumpy and stressed from work. I explain to her I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want me as her bf and asked her if she is sure. She said yes. Now she is away for training at some five-star resort and it has given me time to think since she does not contact me too much while there.

 

My question is: How do I test whether the statement in the subject line is true? Is she with me because she loves me or (as she said that night) just because she doesn't want to lose me from her life? I told her that if we broke up we would NOT stay friends since it would be too hard. I have done the former with all my previous gfs.

[birdie]

you can test someone like that. how impulsive is she by the way? does she often say things she takes back later?

[redant]

Does she depend on you emotionally? Do you feel as if she is using you for her emotional needs? Does she want a serious commited relationship? Do you? If you do tell her. Is she mature? Are you? I'm just thinking of my experience in the past. There were times I was not ready or mature enough to be in a serious relationship but still "needed" someone to be there. I have changed since but I assume people continue to do similar things no matter what age.

[Geishawhelk]

OK, as a woman who has had her (un)fair share of PMS I will tell you this:

 

First of all, PMS heightens emotions, and brings things to the fore.

I sometimes get into a strop, and say hasty things, and I subsequently regret my hastiness, moodiness and anger. But all too often, I don't actually regret what I said.

Having a mild hormone hiccough doesn't invalidate what I say.

 

BUT:

When I don't have PMS, I rationalise.

I realise that whilst some sentiments might have come to the fore, they might also, in the heat of the moment, have been exaggerated.

 

So, if in a PMS strop, I say to my BF,

"I feel like a f***ing housekeeper because I do all the washing, cleaning cooking and washing up whilst you sit there and f***ing let me!!"

 

In my saner moments, I would say - "Sweetheart, I have a full-time job, and you're a full-time student, but can we please meet half-way?

 

Could you do the washing up tonight, because I am zapped!"

 

And he will.

 

What I'm trying to say is that, whilst I don't think she meant anything as drastic as what she said, it's worth discussing it in cooler moments, because there is something clearly upsetting her.

I'm not putting all or any of the blame on you. It may be an issue she has, or something that needs airing and clearing.

But I have to say, we do like our guys to be a little more sensitive and attentive during these periods (pardon the pun!). Difficult I know. And we are demanding. but it helps.

And you'd be amazed at how a little goes a long way.

[AlektraClementine]

Agree wholeheartedly with Geisha.

 

Periods and PMS have made me say some DUUUUMB things. And don't get me started on birth control (whew).

 

If she says stuff like this when she's not PMSing or adjusting to new BC medication, I'd say you have a more serious issue to address. For now, sounds like an honest heart to heart would be very helpful.

[djdiablo]

She is on birth control and it was just before her period...

[Geishawhelk]

Doesn't matter, Hormones still get tossed about.

 

You do realise do you, that the 'bleed' she has is not actually a real period, because it is controlled by synthetic hormones to occur at precise intervals, is usually lighter, and lasts the same number of days each time. So it's not strictly speaking, a period.

 

But it IS an indication of really, how messed about we are, with these man-produced hormones and all the side-effects they give rise to?

[djdiablo]

Yes. I do realize it. I have to since I lived with three women (from three separate generations) for a long time.

[AlektraClementine]

I recently tossed my BC pills in the trash and went back to condoms due to the insanity the pills cause me. World of difference.