Do you believe everything happens for a reason in the dating and relationship world?

[kashmir]

I trust the cosmos to hold the answers to "why".

 

Is it comforting? Yes. Without a doubt I find comfort in acceptance of situations I have absolutely no power to change.

 

See, I feel exactly the opposite. I would be TERRIFIED if the cosmos or some greater power holds all the answers and if it is in control of others including myself. I don't like the idea of there being some greater being knowing more than I do or having more control over my life than I do.

 

That's why I find comfort in believing that there is no order. I find comfort in knowing that there's no absolute right or wrong in the universe. I find comfort knowing we live in chaos, where anything can happen to us at any time for no greater reason. I find comfort in knowing that our choices influence EVERYTHING, and that there is nothing watching what we do that will judge is at some point for our actions.

[amaysngrace]

I don't act the way that I act or do the things I do because I think someone is watching. I do it because I am watching. I am the only one I have to answer to at the end of the day.

 

I don't get where you're coming from Kashmir.

[kashmir]

I don't act the way that I act or do the things I do because I think someone is watching. I do it because I am watching. I am the only one I have to answer to at the end of the day.

 

I don't get where you're coming from Kashmir.

 

I thought you were implying that you felt comfort knowing there's some truth and order in the universe.

[The Collector]

good questions, why would they?

You tell me.

 

Well I don't believe they do, for the logical reason I'm putting forward. Many lives are, especially of animals, are unremmitting misery. I find it difficult to believe anyone would 'choose' such an existence, as was claimed.

 

Give me one case where somebody just falls into an existence through no conscious thought or decision of their own, and stays there for the same reasons.

 

It seems as if we all just randomly fall into existence without any choice. Do you have any evidence that is not the case?

[LovieDove24]

I think our life path is paved by BOTH free will and God's ultimate plan. I cannot completely explain it because I do not completely understand it. This falls under the category of "mystery of faith."

 

For instance, I chose to ignore warning signs that my ex was an a*hole and continued to have sex with him despite him being verbally abusive and neglectful. Mind you I never would overlook such discrepencies in past relationships. But with him, I did and ended up getting pregnant when it could have happened in other careless instances (with other bf's) in the past. Now I have my daughter, and he left me. The abandonment I felt from this triggered all of my abandonment issues from my past and having my daughter forced me to face them in order to be healthy. I have begun to reflect on my past, see a therapist, accept control is out of my hands, find God again, and have started going back to school.

 

So which part of this was due to free will and how much of it was in God's plan? I have no idea. I'd have to say BOTH...

[LovieDove24]

Well I don't believe they do, for the logical reason I'm putting forward. Many lives are, especially of animals, are unremmitting misery. I find it difficult to believe anyone would 'choose' such an existence, as was claimed.

 

It seems as if we all just randomly fall into existence without any choice. Do you have any evidence that is not the case?

 

If we are to believe that we "choose" our parents I could give an explanation as to why some would choose crack parents, etc.

 

Maybe their life lesson is to overcome struggles and give light to others who have been burned. Maybe those who are born into fame's lesson is to learn to give their fortunes back. Maybe those who are born into a healthy family's lesson is to enjoy the little things and take nothing for granted. Who knows?

 

It's all a mystery is it not?

[The Collector]

 

It's all a mystery is it not?

 

As long as there is no evidence that anyone chooses their life/parents etc, it's as much a mystery as whether there is a tribe of invisible ghost monkeys living up my butt. Nobody can prove there isn't. It's the people who claim with absolute certainty that 'everything happens for a reason' that spur me to ask how they can come to such a conclusion.

[audrey_1]

Does everything happen for a reason in the dating world?

 

Well, if we choose to believe it doesn't happen for a reason, then what's left? We would have nothing to learn from, no highs to experience, no lows to experience. I mean, what other reason would there be? I prefer to think I'm not existing in a vacuum, and that each thing that "happens" can be put to good use, whether it's a tough lesson I need to recover from, or a soul-shaking romantic weekend that makes me realize that this is WHY dating happens.

[amaysngrace]

I thought you were implying that you felt comfort knowing there's some truth and order in the universe.

 

I definitely do. To me it helps me make sense when things are challenging for me, in situations I have no control over, it helps comfort me and also gives me strength.

 

I believe God is a universal force of energy called many different names but is felt the same way by anyone who feels this force regardless of what name it's given.

 

I believe all can take that energy from the conscious mind and carry it into the subconscious mind if they so desire.

 

It's energy. Energy and matter are what make up life so to me there is a scientific explanation to thinking this way. It's energy in my grey matter.

 

I know others think the same way as it has been proven. No one brainwashed me to this thinking. It's my thoughts that just so happen to be shared with countless others.

 

Is that proof enough to consider the possibility of its existence?

[LovieDove24]

I believe everything happens for a reason purely because we can always learn something from it. Period.

 

Now if it's going to become a debate over "fate" I have a little more difficulty swallowing that, but I don't completely disregard it either. I honestly view life as one of those "choose your own adventure books." There is not only one path we are meant to take, but several. For instance, romantically speaking in regards to finding "The One" I don't buy it. There are a lot of people out there who could fit the bill for us. Its just a matter of both wanting the same things at the same time.

 

Am I making sense? Lol. Things of this nature are difficult to put into words I think.

[The Collector]

Does everything happen for a reason in the dating world?

 

Well, if we choose to believe it doesn't happen for a reason, then what's left? We would have nothing to learn from, no highs to experience, no lows to experience.

 

Things could happen for no reason other than chance, and you could still learn from them. I believe the OP is asking whether there is some force or intelligence or design to the universe giving us challenges and experiences.

[audrey_1]

Things could happen for no reason other than chance, and you could still learn from them. I believe the OP is asking whether there is some force or intelligence or design to the universe giving us challenges and experiences.

 

Yes, chance could be the reason. I happen to think chance and reason can be synonymous when talking about life experience.

 

With the utter complexity and sheer magnitude of all that is happening at any given time in the world, the universe, I struggle with believing there's some omnipotent intelligent force pulling the strings. I really just don't know.

 

It seems to be soothing to shift "responsibility" to this universal influence, though, when we need a "voice of reason."

[The Collector]

The problem with this sort of belief is that if you tell a disabled/blind/raped/Holocaust victim that it happened for a reason, you are in danger of saying they asked for it or deserved it. This happens in practice a lot, especially in cultures where beliefs in reincarnation or karma are widely held.

[amaysngrace]

The problem with this sort of belief is that if you tell a disabled/blind/raped/Holocaust victim that it happened for a reason, you are in danger of saying they asked for it or deserved it.

 

Would you rather them just view it as being a victim of their circumstance then or would it be better to give it meaning to their lives?

 

By the way, if someone is mamed in some way, becomes deaf for instance, their other senses become more pronounced. This has been scientifically proven. If someone is injured in ways that cannot be measured, say emotionally for example, how is it that a new level of consciousness cannot be reached?

 

The energy has to flow somewhere.

[The Collector]

Would you rather them just view it as being a victim of their circumstance then or would it be better to give it meaning to their lives?

 

By the way, if someone is mamed in some way, becomes deaf for instance, their other senses become more pronounced. This has been scientifically proven. If someone is injured in ways that cannot be measured, say emotionally for example, how is it that a new level of consciousness cannot be reached?

 

The energy has to flow somewhere.

 

If the meaning is that they deserved it or asked for it, I can understand why they might find that offensive. They are of course able to grow from it and find their own 'meaning,' which is quite different from suggesting they either chose their fate or it was given to them so they could learn from it. Either way, without any evidence it's just a belief system. The laws of the universe do not reflect how we would prefer them to be.

 

And it's a fallacy that blind people develop better hearing. They learn to rely on it more, but their hearing abilities do not improve.

[amaysngrace]

If the meaning is that they deserved it or asked for it, I can understand why they might find that offensive. They are of course able to grow from it and find their own 'meaning,' which is quite different from suggesting they either chose their fate or it was given to them so they could learn from it. Either way, without any evidence it's just a belief system. The laws of the universe do not reflect how we would prefer them to be.

 

And it's a fallacy that blind people develop better hearing. They learn to rely on it more, but their hearing abilities do not improve.

 

Yeah it would be wrong to suggest someone chose that. I feel you there. It's up to the individual to give their misfortune its own meaning. They don't need to be "told" that by anyone.

 

As for the increased hearing, I have seen where blind people have developed the use of echolocation like bats do. Yeah...okay...you and I do that, don't we?

 

But it seems to me that you are a nay-sayer type person. Which is cool. I respect that. Just remember there are others who say aye for everytime you say nay.

 

You are no more right than we are.

[Geishawhelk]

Well I don't believe they do, for the logical reason I'm putting forward. Many lives are, especially of animals, are unremmitting misery. I find it difficult to believe anyone would 'choose' such an existence, as was claimed.

Ok, good time to bring up a certain 'mouse' topic....

 

This is an illustration of the discussion I was putting forward. That as humans, we assume we have an automatic right to lord it over animals, because we're so intelligent.

But this is a fallacy, as your comment above, bears out.

Animals are living creatures, and they do make choices.

Oh, certainly, never to the intellectual level we do. Their choices hinge on one question.

"What have I got to do to survive today?"

 

But then we make them captive, and effectively, we take control of their existence. And sadly, not always to their advantage, or even taking their wishes into consideration.

We don't give them that priviledge.

if they find themselves in mysery, it's because we have chosen to put them there.

Wild animals exist in a world of fine balance. It's kill or be killed. Eat, rest, find shelter, procreate, and so on.

We screw it up, and think it's ok.

But that's not their choice.

That's ours.

 

I have seen animals acting out of compassion. I have seen cats adopt baby animals they'd usually kill, I've seen dogs save their masters from drowning....

 

It seems as if we all just randomly fall into existence without any choice. Do you have any evidence that is not the case?

 

Well, I wouldn't call it evidence. As far as I am concerned, I follow specific teachings, but I have no tangible, hardcore and concrete proof of re-birth.... so I approach this idea with an open mind. But I'm more convinced than not....

But this would mean me breaking off at a tangent and discussing a personal spiritual factor, which would be very OT.

So unless you'd like to pursue this via PMs, I'm going to leave it there.

[Isolde]

This whole "reason" and "meant to be" stuff is a very one dimensional way of viewing life.

 

I'm not really an Eastern spiritualist, but I find the idea of a shared energy very helpful in assessing this.

 

Relationships flow into the fabric of life, sometimes scenting it with a lovely fragrance, and sometimes staining it bloody. How can we separate love and relationships from the surrounding areas?

 

People like assigning reasons to things because they want their lives to flow like a perfect narrative which, if not happy, can at least be aesthetically pleasing. This is a natural impulse. But there's no reason to think that God designs our lives, one by one, in this sort of linear fashion.

[MN randomguy]

I think that the everything happens for a reason belief system is especially handy when things are going your way and you don't want to have sympathy for those who don't have things going their way.

 

Relationship-wise if you were born with looks and into a sane, loving family you might tell your friend who is not so fortunate, hey everything happens for a reason. This is a lot easier than being supportive, talking through their problems, giving them some extra understanding and patience in social situations, etc.

 

Did god decide that they should be less fortunate? IDK. If he did it maybe was so you can learn about how to be supportive.