patty2 Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 I believe recently I have undergone some serious physical changes. I just lost some weight, I went through a fire academy, and I believe I have become fairly attractive. Now I don't think I was ever ugly I just never liked have had a very low self esteem, that my dating life has been pretty nill. But recently things have just become different. I notice girls totally checking me out ALL the time now. It's kinda weird, and totally new. And I know it's happening because it's just so obvious. And these are not what I would have ever considered ugly or unattractive to me, these are girls I would have always thought were out of my league, but it seems to have changed. Now the problem is I still haven't changed on the inside, I'm still have a ugly image of myself, even though when I look in the mirror I see some really good looking guy, but then I look away and I go back to feeling like ****(this is very weird btw) it's almost like the person I see in the mirror isn't me. So when there is some girl that I like, that I know likes me because she's starring at me everyday(gym and school different girls specifically) I keep telling myself there is no way she would ever want you, you're a dork/loser, you're ugly, etc etc etc. But at the same time I will look right back at her(I'm not shy). I don't know what's wrong with me I need some advice.
sand26 Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 I think you are doing awesome bro. You like yourself enough to lose that weight and you are asking yourself questions to push yourself towards a more positive life. I hear that you still feel not worthy of many of the girls around you, don't stress, that WILL change. Honestly, tons of girls find guys who are overconfident in their looks unattractive. Just relax and be patient, your self image will catch up with your body, then you will just be another conceited pretty boy. : ) If you need a simple trick that will help you meanwhile to feel more relaxed round the ladies, just remember: There are thousands of girls JUST like the one you are talking to. Of course this is kind of a generalization and not really accurate, but you get my drift. Also remember.... they want it as much as you do....just smile and ask questions and smile and ask questions and smile.....it is honestly that easy. good luck VK
samspade Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 Just relax and be patient, your self image will catch up with your body I disagree with this a little. While I think the OP needs to relax, he also needs to work toward changing his attitude and image of himself. It won't just happen simply because he's changed his physical appearance. Dude, you need to start loving yourself and believing that other people like you and find you attractive. You are repeating negative thoughts and notions to yourself out of habit; you need to make an effort to repeat positive and self-affirming thoughts. "I am attractive, I am strong, I am intelligent, women like me." If you don't take care of this, you are going to have problems for a long time, and not just with dating. Perhaps start by sitting down and making a list of all the things you like about yourself. Also, write down positive phrases about yourself 20 times each morning....try saying them out loud to yourself in the mirror. You have to convince yourself of your worth or no one else will every buy it.
kashmir Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 I can relate to you patty. For most of my youth I was fat and ugly and was haunted by an embarrassing experience all through high school. I lost weight 1/2 way through it, but girls still thought of me in the same way so I wasn't any different. Naturally, I had a very low self-esteem. I entered college - a totally new start - with that negative view, but people saw me for the fit and attractive guy I was, not the fat ugly kid. It's still hard for me to see me in that way, and every time a girl rejects me it brings up bad memories and makes me think she can somehow see who I was. It's hard to get over...really hard.
sand26 Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Perhaps start by sitting down and making a list of all the things you like about yourself. Also, write down positive phrases about yourself 20 times each morning....try saying them out loud to yourself in the mirror. You have to convince yourself of your worth or no one else will every buy it. um...Worth? So....um, first you must define worth....then that means some people are unworthy? wow. I think categorizing yourself AT ALL with bogus terms like "worthy" is an overcomplicated solution that creates way more problems. OP! You just want to hook up with some ladies right? I would listen to me, I get a lot of beautiful girls and I am not much to look at. Please do not look in the mirror and tell yourself the things you have written down, it will only make you feel like Stuart Smalley (if you don't know the reference, google it). OP, you are a younger guy, I suspect, don't freak out about this just re-lax you will grow up, date girls, have sex, and you will realize eventually that somewhere along the line you just stopped caring so much about what the rest of the world thinks. These are very normal problems and I wish you the best of luck. OH, and rent a movie called "the Tao of Steve" It will explain the easy steps of seduction.......seriously, once you hook up with a few hotties things will become clear to you.
4givrnt4gtr Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Hmm I disagree with sand here.... What you're doing is called negative self talk, and it will as you can see, destroy you from the inside out. It wont go away on its own, trust me on that one Now...you seem like a pretty reasonable guy....and Im sure logically if you stop to look in the mirror u see ur reality. Ur not ugly...or a dork for that matter. So use that. For a week carry a little notepad and write down every single negative comment you make about yourself. Then every day at night before you go to bed write down a refutal for as many of the thoughts as you can. After you do that instead of waiting for the evening try out one of the refutals you wrote down for the negative self talk right away. As soon as you say "im so ugly", for instance, you might refute it with "ok thats not true, I got a pretty hot body" Keep doing that til it becomes a habit. Ur gonna slip for sure, but trust me, as soon as u change your thoughts, ur overall mood and energy is gonna change. and by as soon as, i mean in the exact moment u contradict the negative talk . that should keep you motivated to keep trying it out Good luck!
lightning spades Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 do you have a good circle of friends? i've found that developing close friendships does wonders for your self-esteem - when you're around people who care about you and like you, you'll eventually begin to like yourself too.
wickenhunter Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Yeah i have that problem a lot too. I dunno what to do about it, but some people say martial arts helps.
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