carhill Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Please describe the process by which you discern "thang shrinks up inside him"
The Collector Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 That's not what I said by any means. If a guy's thang shrinks up inside him just because I'm the first to approach, he wouldn't be the guy for me. Agreed. I was responding to Carhill.
Mahatma Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I think things should be *near* equal. If someone is going to have to pay more, the guy should take up that task. It seems to me like all women want to be equal in every other part of life, but a few make an exception when it comes to relationships... they still want to depend on a man to foot the bill for everything.
Author Lucky555 Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Hey everyone wow MONEY IS A BIG ISSUE IN DATING! I still have not broke up with the snack boy. I have issues with breaking up because I don't like hurting people. I'm a softy. UPdate: I was hanging out with snack boy at his place. I figured I would get around to GENTLY talking to him about how this isn't going to work. I couldn't do it! He was really nice and he was nurturing it was breaking my heart. However, this put the icing on the cake.... He asked me to drive him somewhere to meet his friends. "Clearly using me for a ride" I figured I would since he said it wasn't too far away (10 min)...OH HECK IT WAS 35 MINUTES AWAY! When i had told him i had to be somewhere else at a certain time prior to agreeing to take him! I am really upset now. I keep thinking i will meet the right guy who isn't a jerk. I think these past two guys are jerks. Guy A for playing games and being "busy" (I HATE THAT CARD) and Guy B for "using me as a sugar mama." Guy A: IT appears like we can be friends. I have kept it casual and actually I don't have intense feelings because he is not displaying like he wants to be with me. This is fine with me as i am not attached to him he actually told me today after a bit of NO hearing from him saying that he has been busy.... NO MAN WHO IS INTERESTED IS TOO BUSY TO CALL YOU or Drop a simple hello how are you. (He has been less and less attentive..like hes backing off, I believe in you give a little and they give a little, it must be mutual! Guy B aka SNACK BOY: Called me tonight saying he wanted to see me. HAHA i was in his area for 4 days.....He only met up with me once. Never invited me out, only to his place....He did try to get laid. (HAHAHA) SO i still have to find a good way to let go...it will be i cant handle a relationship with him and i'm too busy for him. I need to stand firm, hes pretty charming and attractive.. I'm still single thank goodness, I'm still getting to know more guys. I'm not going out on a date it appears for awhile since i am back to "getting to know guys" and seeing if i want to date them. Mr. Right is out there! I am going to need some time to myself I really thought SNACK BOY had more substance when i had met him and chatted with him! I also though GUY A had substance since he comes from a good family...but he did break up with his girlfriend a month before he met me and they had a "relationship"
pelanchito Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Maybe there is no consensus here because there are still many places and many cultures where the women earn less than the men, or cannot reach such high positions, or are the single breadwinners for their man-less families, and thus have to detine their earnings towards other things. I do know that in Mexico where I am from it is unthinkable for the woman to pay if the man is romantically interested in her. Even if men are not, they still pay for ladies drinks or meals. When I hang out with "my boys" ---platonic male friends--they split the check amongst themselves and do not let me pay. Even my GAY male friends wouldn´t allow it...the only one who does, we all make fun of because of his cheapness, and he is way younger..I´m in my 30´s...though I do pay for a round or two every now and then, and send them little gifts and thank you notes after a big night out... So I went on vacation in Canada and met a guy, and he did not even offer to pay for a drink, not even a drink! I was totally startled... but then I read in these posts that someone said that Canada is very much less traditional in that aspect...I really liked this guy, we have been in touch, he´s thinking of coming down here, but I don´t know if he expects us to go dutch when he does, its just too weird for me, what do you think...I know that as women get more and more empowered everywhere this will definitely change towards a more egalitarian position, but it´s kinda like the who takes care of the domestic chores thing...in some palces men are beginning to see the light, but again, here, JAMAIS! If I have men guests over they expect to be served and tended to, by the women, and it´s the women who get up and help the hostess, never the men, so...I don´t know...the day they start doing their fair share of this is the day I will not expect them to pay...
Surfer Dude Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Now it's the time to be illuminated and see the truth. First of all, I'm not really big on dinner dates, movies etc. I think dates should be reserved for people who are already intimate and in relationship. Therefore, I don't do "dates" with perfect strangers. Going to places like coffee shops is just perfect for getting to know someone, plus it's extremely cheap so nobody has to worry about the bill. Secondly, if people really insist on doing dates in the traditional sense, it's only fair that they split and go dutch. Thirdly, men you should completely cover the expense only in following situations: you want to supplicate to a woman you barely knowyou want to put her on pedestalyou think you can "earn" sex and intimacy only by spending money on heryou want to show you are actually a needy, desperate guy who is willing to pay for sexand keep in mind you are totally decreasing your value in their eyes as a potential "alpha male" and increasing your value as a "beta male provider" And women who insist that a guy needs to have a fat wallet in order to please them, objectify themselves with this behavior and are getting treated like commodities. Basically, they're exchanging material value for their pussy. Only a desperate man with no options would need to go through this crap in order to get laid. Men, don't pay for what's free!
Surfer Dude Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Maybe there is no consensus here because there are still many places and many cultures where the women earn less than the men, or cannot reach such high positions, or are the single breadwinners for their man-less families, and thus have to detine their earnings towards other things. I do know that in Mexico where I am from it is unthinkable for the woman to pay if the man is romantically interested in her. Even if men are not, they still pay for ladies drinks or meals. When I hang out with "my boys" ---platonic male friends--they split the check amongst themselves and do not let me pay. Even my GAY male friends wouldn´t allow it...the only one who does, we all make fun of because of his cheapness, and he is way younger..I´m in my 30´s...though I do pay for a round or two every now and then, and send them little gifts and thank you notes after a big night out... I sense an alarm going off here. Your platonic friends pay for you? What kind of relationship is this? Do you believe that your time is worth money and that they should pay you for your presence there? I've never seen such a backward sentiment in my life. Kinda 19th century or so.
Surfer Dude Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Surfer Dude, I can see your point in much of what you say, but the sentence, "Now it's the time to be illuminated and see the truth" is just a tad pretentious, don'tcha think? It is true that many men and women get caught up in playing games, which completely throws them off the track of romance and clouds their focus and good judgment. I merely wrote something that would help everyone if they stuck to it. There wouldn't be so many sexually frustrated and misogynistic men and women who do power plays.
carhill Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 It's a big world. Our (U.S) culture is just one of hundreds, if not thousands of cultures, each having its own unique perspective. I presume the platonic male friends aren't breaking any laws by picking up the cost of food and/or beverage for the lady; note, she reciprocates in other ways. Actually, this is how many of my platonic friendships with women went. They'd buy me cool little gifts (which took both their time and money to procure) and I'd buy them lunch/dinner/movie etc. I never felt taken advantage of. The value of a friend having you on their mind is an important and valuable thing, IMO. I'm sure other platonic friends split everything down the middle and that works great for them
pelanchito Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Thank you Carhill...I am most definitely not a golddigger just a product of my culture and socioeconomic background. I am saying it is like this for most of us down here, though it is slighlty changing...as for the gentelman that mentioned it was very XIX siecle, it might be true in Europe, but again, how XIX siecle is it to have women - platonic friends, dates, spouses, siblings, whatever- wait on the men all the time for everything...it is the socially accepted thing to do, you wait on them. Period. I am saying it is hard to adjust that mindset to that of other cultures, like this Canadian guy I told u about, to me it seemed as if he wasn´t that much into me if he couldn´t offer to buy me a drink, hey I woulda bought him one, I´ve no problem there...but my question, probably didn´t make myself clear, was that: regardelss of which culture you come from, shouldn´t you want to do nice things, in whatever form, for a person you are trying to court and-or woo? Or is courting also very XIX century? I believe in seduction, so...and the illusion of having things lavisehd upon you, that money and-or time, creativity, whatever, have been "wasted" on you, whether male or female as the subject of attention is very seductive...counting your chiles (as we say here) is not, not even if u rationalize it...
Surfer Dude Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 regardelss of which culture you come from, shouldn´t you want to do nice things, in whatever form, for a person you are trying to court and-or woo? Or is courting also very XIX century? I believe in seduction, so...and the illusion of having things lavisehd upon you, that money and-or time, creativity, whatever, have been "wasted" on you, whether male or female as the subject of attention is very seductive...counting your chiles (as we say here) is not, not even if u rationalize it... But seduction is a process that has nothing to do with lavishing with gifts and spending money. Money is boring, gifts are boring, dinners are boring. You know all those women having boring rich husbands who provide wonders, but they always fck a gardener, pool boy or some bad boy on the side. The boring guy with money can provide, but he can't excite woman's emotional states and ignite her passions. Unless he is the best of both worlds, his woman will be screwing around with players soon enough, looking to satisfy her feminine needs. How do you think women hold out with rich grandpas like Hugh Hefner? Because they're laying 25 year olds in their free time! I know a totally broke guy who is barely making the ends meet, and yet he is screwing women who are executives of companies, college girls, married women... all kinds of women. Because he is totally alpha and women dig that, they always keep coming back for more. Somehow, if a woman is such an ice queen that she completely disregards my attempts at creating attraction and insists on me spending money on her... well, I don't want to have anything to do with her. I don't pay for sex.
Author Lucky555 Posted January 23, 2009 Author Posted January 23, 2009 But seduction is a process that has nothing to do with lavishing with gifts and spending money. Money is boring, gifts are boring, dinners are boring. You know all those women having boring rich husbands who provide wonders, but they always fck a gardener, pool boy or some bad boy on the side. The boring guy with money can provide, but he can't excite woman's emotional states and ignite her passions. Unless he is the best of both worlds, his woman will be screwing around with players soon enough, looking to satisfy her feminine needs. How do you think women hold out with rich grandpas like Hugh Hefner? Because they're laying 25 year olds in their free time! I know a totally broke guy who is barely making the ends meet, and yet he is screwing women who are executives of companies, college girls, married women... all kinds of women. Because he is totally alpha and women dig that, they always keep coming back for more. Somehow, if a woman is such an ice queen that she completely disregards my attempts at creating attraction and insists on me spending money on her... well, I don't want to have anything to do with her. I don't pay for sex. From your point of view its all about sex. This post was not about sex or placing a value on it. It was a post about courting and winning the woman's heart for a potential relationship and possible future together. It was about not using someone but being a gentleman during the process of DATING and hoping to "WIN" my heart essentially. Even if the the men I speak of were poor they could have won me over in other ways (writing, calling, heck make me something, cook me a meal at their place, go for a nice walk) . They showed me who they were as people and they obviously were not what i desired. Your post reflects a guy who conquers women by sleeping with them and being proud of it. I could do the same. Its not what I personally want but it maybe your life style. I believe you can get sex from anywhere, but a solid relationship was what i was looking for with either of the men i spoke of. Solid implying, moving together in life, being each others good friend, ect. I was not rushing into anything and I am still not rushing into anything. I wanted the "True love" so to speak. What you speak of is not love in my eyes, its just casual sex.
fral945 Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 I don't pay for sex. Every guy pays for sex one way or another. The only difference is in how they do it.
Surfer Dude Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 From your point of view its all about sex. This post was not about sex or placing a value on it. It was a post about courting and winning the woman's heart for a potential relationship and possible future together. It was about not using someone but being a gentleman during the process of DATING and hoping to "WIN" my heart essentially. But I can win her heart, mind and soul by creating immense attraction between us. By showing her I'm a man of caliber, she will fall in love with me. I just don't need tools such as money and free dinners at my expense to win her heart. Even if the the men I speak of were poor they could have won me over in other ways (writing, calling, heck make me something, cook me a meal at their place, go for a nice walk) . They showed me who they were as people and they obviously were not what i desired. That's a fair game. They didn't attract you enough, you didn't reciprocate. I don't see an issue here. Your post reflects a guy who conquers women by sleeping with them and being proud of it. I could do the same. Its not what I personally want but it maybe your life style. I'm not proud nor ashamed of anything, let alone my lifestyle. I don't "conquer" women, I want to connect with unique and amazing women in the deepest ways and share intimate and mind blowing connections, that only lovers can share. I believe you can get sex from anywhere, but a solid relationship was what i was looking for with either of the men i spoke of. Solid implying, moving together in life, being each others good friend, ect. I was not rushing into anything and I am still not rushing into anything. I wanted the "True love" so to speak. What you speak of is not love in my eyes, its just casual sex. For me true love is unconditional and I feel it for all women (and people) out there. Love doesn't mean possessing a person as if they were a material object, keeping them jealously to ourselves. It's much more than that.
pinkelephant Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 I like taking turns paying the whole check. I don't feel it's fair for someone to always pay. I find most guys I've been with have INSISTED on paying and then later seemed to resent how much money they'd spend.
mr.dream merchant Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Guys can always pay with other things if they're gifted with the tongue (no pun intended).
Author Lucky555 Posted January 23, 2009 Author Posted January 23, 2009 But I can win her heart, mind and soul by creating immense attraction between us. By showing her I'm a man of caliber, she will fall in love with me. I just don't need tools such as money and free dinners at my expense to win her heart. I certainly believe in attraction and passion ect. nothing wrong with that. The fact is the men i spoke of were cheap and may have tried to use me. So nothing wrong with this of what you speak of. I'm not proud nor ashamed of anything, let alone my lifestyle. I don't "conquer" women, I want to connect with unique and amazing women in the deepest ways and share intimate and mind blowing connections, that only lovers can share. Thats great. For me true love is unconditional and I feel it for all women (and people) out there. Love doesn't mean possessing a person as if they were a material object, keeping them jealously to ourselves. It's much more than that. I myself prefer monogamous relationships. Its my preference. Your definition of true love is different then mine. I love people, I love my family, and i love dancing! This is an unconditional love. TRUE LOVE to me is when you feel passion for the other person and you may want kids with them some day and all the stuff that goes with it.
Surfer Dude Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Yes, I'm aware that my advanced explorations and perceptions of love are quite different than you're average Joe's Anywho, I really doubt those guys were trying to use you. They probably just genuinely forgot money or messed up, that can happen to anyone. But the problem is your expectation, you wanted and expected them to pay for your share of the total expense, and when they didn't/couldn't, you decided to publicly bash them on a forum. I personally don't bother with women who give me such trouble and create drama from nothing, because most women will never give me that. I just have other options. Just like you do. If all you really want is a low value man who will submit and supplicate, then more power to you. I don't care either way.
LiL_Byrd Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Hey Lucky, just drop these douches and come out on a date with me. I'll pay for the roundtrip airfare, car rental, hotel room, entire outfit for dinner, dinner and wine, drinks after, and taxicab ride home, for you AND your chaperone. All incidentals included. Total bill should come in at no less than 4 figures. Here I thought that I was a lucky girl, being hit on by a rich guy..... then I see this. Ha, looks like you offer your money to a lot of women on here already. Seems to me also like you have your hands full, so.... yea.....
BentSpine Posted January 24, 2009 Posted January 24, 2009 A woman has to win my heart too. If she has a hot body then she doesn't have to do much for me to do her. Heck, she doesn't even have to be very nice. But if she isn't kind then she won't inspire me to do things for her. She won't energise me and mountains remain where they are. I won't be fiercly protective of her well-being. For me to give a woman my heart, I must feel that she values me regardless of how much money I spend on her. If she wants me to be her hero, she will have to win my heart as well.
PrincessPeach Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Anyone who is keeping track of who pays for what is petty. If you have to keep track of who pays for what to make your arguements, then don't try to say that it isn't about money and it's about principle. For you it is about money, and by the way you bring up your complaint... you just made it about money. If someone is paying all the time, that's different. But in cases where both pay some of the time and some of the time it is split... if you're keeping track, then it's YOU who has the problem, not them. You can solve that problem by not being with them.
Shygirl15 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Anyone who is keeping track of who pays for what is petty. But in reality, we all do.
PrincessPeach Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 If you asked how much I have paid or how much he has paid on my last three dates I would honestly not know. I know that we split the last date down the middle... but I don't even remember how much exactly that was. I generally keep track of about how much I spend, but mostly just because I like to have an idea of what my budget is and like to have a semblance of knowing that I can manage my money. But I have no idea how much he has spent recently or if it's comparable to what I have spent or not. No... in reality, we don't all keep track.
PrincessPeach Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 So say you've been on three dates with a new guy, and you have paid for two of them. You've now gone to the gas station and he's asking you for money to buy snacks, and NOW he's totally disregarding your schedule and lying to you by having you drive him MUCH further than your time allowed and MUCH further than he said it would be. Would you be looking back and thinking, "What a jackass!" or would you just not be keeping track? What I bolded is what I'd have issue with... and none of that is about money. That is about trust and respect, which is totally different and has nothing to do with keeping track of who paid for what.
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