Eventually disgusted by something your partner does in bed?

[BubblyPopcorn]

i don't know I didn't start it, I just joined in. I hope I'm not the only male. I think openbook might be female, don't know about zenith. I'd know more, but they'd have to spit on me first.

 

Seriously, I guess it wouldn't surprise me if we're all male.

 

I guess it's a silly guy thing? My ex-bf used to do that oven dutch thing all the time with me and he knew it drove me nuts but he'd giggle like a little school boy over it. Do guys poot on each other when they're together like in a locker room or something? I've always wondered that too.

[Die Hard]

I guess it's a silly guy thing? My ex-bf used to do that oven dutch thing all the time with me and he knew it drove me nuts but he'd giggle like a little school boy over it. Do guys poot on each other when they're together like in a locker room or something? I've always wondered that too.

No, we don't.

 

In fact, I don't fart around women. Never have. In my sleep, yes. Awake, no.

 

My best friend farts on his girlfriend all the time though. She acts like she doesn't like it but then laughs like crazy so who knows.

[Jilly Bean]

I think what's really bothering you is your recent discovery of your submissive side, and it's not only scaring you as you fear you have just discovered a gateway into a whole new realm of your personal kink, but you are projecting your self-loathing and hang-ups about your sexual proclivities right onto this girl.

[Die Hard]

I think what's really bothering you is your recent discovery of your submissive side, and it's not only scaring you as you fear you have just discovered a gateway into a whole new realm of your personal kink, but you are projecting your self-loathing and hang-ups about your sexual proclivities right onto this girl.

I don't know about submissive. I never thought about it like that.

 

I just like the feeling. I don't feel as if I'm being submissive though. It feels intimate I guess. Forbidden too I suppose.

 

The only one that knows is my best friend and he thinks I'm sick. Frankly, I respect his opinions on stuff like this because he's less conservative than I am mostly so it makes me feel like a perv if he thinks it's sick. I mean, saying you like being spit on sounds sick to me. Ashamed too if it was known among family and friends.

 

I went ahead and posted a thread in the marriage area as I think I'm just using this whole spitting thing as another excuse to start my usual crap. Hoping I can get some married folks' ideas.

 

All I know is that I'm trying to get my head around this but it's hard. I keep getting bogged down with the little stuff and not looking at the larger pattern.

 

I think I *may* be a complete ******* who cannot get past the fact that women become not as attractive as they used to be. I'm scared too because if I don't get past this I'm going to end up alone and I want kids so badly. But I want to love their mother too and not make a mistake.

 

EDIT: I also think it's *possible* that I simply haven't fallen in love yet and that this is what happens when you have sex when you're not in love. To some people, maybe, ....I don't know.

[Nagini]

a guy trie dto mak eme do something gross and yeah that was it

[torranceshipman]

I call BS! You don't have a commitment problem and you know it - you are just flailing around trying to find an excuse to avoid thinking about the uncomfortable truth...which is that you feel self loathing and shame that you are so into this spitting thing. The girl is not the problem-you are. Look, this girl did not have a spitting fetish before meeting you but she's game and confident enough to engage in the whole thing with you, because she likes you. So if one day you say, hey, enough of the spitting thing - THIS is what I like now, believe me she'd be down with the change because she only started with the spitting thing to please you anyway. I dont think any girl is going to be offended when they hear the line'please stop spitting on me, it doesnt turn me on so much anymore' LOL!!!! Plus dude, it can come across as submissive and for some girls thats a bit of a turn off, and once the original honeymoon period of the R has worn off and real life sets in, SHE might be the one less into it, rather than you losing interest.

 

Bottom line, lots of people are into freaky, kinky stuff and on the scale of things, your interest might be a bit strange and unusual to a lot of people but there are WAY kinkier people out there than you! I'd say loosen up - you've found smething you like, a hot girl is happy to do it with you, so CHILL.

[Citizen Erased]

It sounds a bit icky to me, but hey what floats your boat hey.

 

I think you think it is more disgusting than it is. Some people eat their lover's poo so yeah, I think I bit of spitting is nothing.

 

As for your relationship, do you want out of it for reasons other than her spit potentially grossing you out one day?

[Jersey Shortie]

To the OP, if you are not serious about this girl or even confused, you need to be up front with her. Being in your 20s is plenty mature to treat another human being, especially one you are having sex with, with honesty and respect. I agree with the other poster that sounds like you are trying to justify and excuse and use a free "get out of jail card" because of your age and lack of "maturity". You're mature enough to know what's going on and know that something isn't 100% right about how your feeling. That also means you are plenty mature enough to treat another person with honesty and respect. Selfish you say? Perhaps you are, I don't know but smiling and saying your selfish and shrugging your shoulders is lame. If she thinks you want something more for her, and you are acting like you do yet in your head know that isn't possible, you aren't being fair. Consider how you would feel in her spot. How you would feel if a woman did such a thing to you.

 

So what you like to be spit on. I do not judge you for that. What I find more off putting is your attitude towards her and probably other women in general. Women get older. Even 20 something girls. Men get older. Even 20 something men. Men are not more attractive as they age in most cases. There is no double standard here except for the idea you and alot of other men like to think and try to create for themselves. This isn't 1950s anymore and women don't have to stay with older guys because we are more independent then ever before. If you don't like women to be human and age, then I suggest adopting a relationship with a blow up doll..or perhaps just living out your days infront of your computer with just you and your porn. Good luck.

[Die Hard]

To the OP, if you are not serious about this girl or even confused, you need to be up front with her.

Thought I'd update this Sunday evening when the flames might not be as hot.

 

Anyway, I took your advice above and broke up with her. I tried Friday night to talk to her and I couldn't do it. Mainly because I didn't know WHAT TO SAY or how to EXPRESS MY FEELINGS.

 

So Saturday rolled around and I was basically stammering every time I tried to bring my issues up. So, I found it easier to just end it. I just told her I was confused(which is the truth) and had no idea what I want. That I just need to be by myself.

 

I've decided to just stay single for awhile and when sex comes it will be without any strings attached. I just want to see how that goes for awhile. I'm always so quick to jump into a relationship, and frankly, it's become tiring. I think too much and stress too much. It's not good for me and it wasn't good for her.

 

See, this works out perfect. She's better off with someone who has their head screwed on tighter, and I am not stressing anymore AT ALL.

 

I'm totally back to being my normal stress free self. It might be selfish I guess but I don't care. I don't owe anyone anything. I've never gotten a chick pregnant, I've never proposed and I've never said I love you.

 

Nobody is going to make me happy but me. If that's selfish, oh well. Honestly, it's my opinion that people that are not selfish to a degree in relationships(which I happen to think is normal and part of the human condition), are probably doormats and clingy. That's been my experience with "non-selfish" women. The ones that are the most selfless are the ones I can't seem to peel off of myself.

 

Anyway thanks for the posts, particularly whichwayisup, who while a prolific poster, is just as prolific when it comes to giving good advice. I'll try and apply it to the next girl I become involved with. I hope to learn some things about myself during the time between now and then. Maybe even grow up a little.

 

But ...just a little. No need to go crazy here.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Hmmmm.....so let me get this straight.....you asked her to do this kinky thing for you....she did so, and continued to do it....then you became grossed out that she was doing it? Okay. Makes a lot of sense.

 

Better luck next time!

[Die Hard]

Hmmmm.....so let me get this straight.....you asked her to do this kinky thing for you....she did so, and continued to do it....then you became grossed out that she was doing it? Okay. Makes a lot of sense.

 

Better luck next time!

I've decided that it had nothing to do with the sex acts and more about me having long-term doubts. Actually I can't call them long-term doubts. They were just doubts. These doubts filter down and affect the relationship. Trust me, if this happens again, the next time I'll have some other excuse.

 

I've also decided the spitting thing is who I am. Most of the reactions here made me feel better. If a future mate doesn't like it, we weren't meant to be together anyway.

 

BTW, it's my opinion that making sense is not a prerequisite for being with someone, or leaving them. Some things just are.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Having long term doubts that keep creeping up is a good reason to break up with someone. My point was that if you really like this spitting thing, and you want to do it in the future, will you always eventually be turned off by the girl who does so willingly? Or can you appreciate and accept the fact that she is kinky, too?

[Die Hard]

Having long term doubts that keep creeping up is a good reason to break up with someone. My point was that if you really like this spitting thing, and you want to do it in the future, will you always eventually be turned off by the girl who does so willingly? Or can you appreciate and accept the fact that she is kinky, too?

Well I'm not SURE they were long term doubts. Like I said they were just doubts. I cannot verbalize it any better than that.

 

As far as the spitting. I never really thought about it that way. I guess it's possible she did it too willingly. If this is the case I don't have enough experience yet to know or be aware of it.

 

I'm not sure I explained myself well earlier. It's not that her spitting turned me off at all right now. It was just the thought that someday she was going to get older, and will I want her spitting on me then like now.

 

Kinda like you might listen to your BF's or GF laugh and think to yourself, can I listen to that the rest of my life? To me, thinking about the spitting was the same thing as the laughing. Does that make any sense?

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Yes, it makes sense. It sounds like you don't have the experience or confidence to deal with communication in relation to sex. That is where your fear is. When you are comfortable with someone and you are confident, then you won't have a whole lot of trouble telling her what you want or don't want. It really isn't that big of a deal. Just say it.

 

Hey, Sally, I really liked that spitting thing but to be honest it isn't doing it for me anymore.

 

If you love the girl and your sex life is healthy, you can find new ways to spice things up.

[Die Hard]

Yes, it makes sense. It sounds like you don't have the experience or confidence to deal with communication in relation to sex. That is where your fear is. When you are comfortable with someone and you are confident, then you won't have a whole lot of trouble telling her what you want or don't want. It really isn't that big of a deal. Just say it.

 

Hey, Sally, I really liked that spitting thing but to be honest it isn't doing it for me anymore.

 

If you love the girl and your sex life is healthy, you can find new ways to spice things up.

If I may be personal for a moment, but how did you know you wanted to be with someone forever? Even if it didn't work out in the end, what made you think he was "the one"?

 

How did you KNOW you were with the one who's laugh, or spit, you could take the rest of your life?

 

I am just so frustrated by these feelings of doubt and uncertainty. I'm afraid I'm a defective. This has been going on REALLY bad since I was involved with a married woman as well. It's not like I hadn't dealt with these issues before but it seems much worse now. To the point I'm on the internet posting about it.

 

I actually tried talking to my mother today about these feelings and she was totally oblivious to what I was trying to say. She basically called me selfish like the folks here. BUT, she's also a woman and mentioning the thing about my ex getting old didn't go over well at all, so I don't know. FWIW, I didn't get into the spitting thing with her!

[Die Hard]

If I may be personal for a moment, but how did you know you wanted to be with someone forever? Even if it didn't work out in the end, what made you think he was "the one"?

 

How did you KNOW you were with the one....

It's funny I've asked this question twice now and nobody has an answer. Yet I'm selfish for having doubts!

 

Regardless, I miss her today. I miss the way her hair smells. Most of all I miss the way she looks at me. Man I'm starting to wonder if I can live my whole life and never see her again. Without her ever looking in my eyes again. Never telling me to STFU when I become a whiny biotch about work or school. She is so cool that way and we get along and she keeps me grounded.

 

Man I'm kinda starting to feel panicky or something. Not starting to ....I am.

 

I think I really like this girl and I'm completely ****ing this up.

[sultry33]

It's funny I've asked this question twice now and nobody has an answer. Yet I'm selfish for having doubts!

 

Regardless, I miss her today. I miss the way her hair smells. Most of all I miss the way she looks at me. Man I'm starting to wonder if I can live my whole life and never see her again. Without her ever looking in my eyes again. Never telling me to STFU when I become a whiny biotch about work or school. She is so cool that way and we get along and she keeps me grounded.

 

Man I'm kinda starting to feel panicky or something. Not starting to ....I am.

 

I think I really like this girl and I'm completely ****ing this up.

 

sorry die hard.. you need to figure out why you have doubts.. i used to self destroy rs.. because i thought they would leave so i made them leave

 

on the kinky side question lol

my friend who is female said she liked a guy spitting on her private bits;)

i was shocked.. but each to there own

 

i like my back punched til its numb... honestly it drives me nuts:D

 

so maybe we all have kinky ways.. just variety

 

hope you sort your head out

[sally4sara]

If I may be personal for a moment, but how did you know you wanted to be with someone forever? Even if it didn't work out in the end, what made you think he was "the one"?

 

How did you KNOW you were with the one who's laugh, or spit, you could take the rest of your life?

 

Okay. I'll try to answer that one.

 

For one, you notice the common things you usually avoid to do like grocery shopping become things you do without being asked because you want them to be happy and not even just happy......

 

you want them to look at you with a big cheesy smile and appreciation for what you bring to their life. And not just because you went to the grocery store, but that you got your partner those disgusting mini cheeseburgers from the frozen section that stink up the house when you microwave them. They didn't ask for them but you practically skipped with glee all the way home form the store knowing you'd get to surprise them.

You want that look from them because it makes you feel like the best partner anyone could hope for and you can see they love you on their face. You want to be the best you for them and you see the best in them too.

And you can both do nothing but stay at home in grungy, smelly clothes all weekend and still get turned on by each other.

You both can put on 50lbs between the two of you over the winter because its too cold to continue cycling every day and yet you still think they're hot as hell. Lets jump in the shower with all the bright bathroom lights so we can scrub each others fat birthday suit!

 

You'll know it when you don't even worry about trying to get it up when they become all wrinkly whether they spit or not.

[Die Hard]

Okay. I'll try to answer that one.

 

For one, you notice the common things you usually avoid to do like grocery shopping become things you do without being asked because you want them to be happy and not even just happy......

 

you want them to look at you with a big cheesy smile and appreciation for what you bring to their life. And not just because you went to the grocery store, but that you got your partner those disgusting mini cheeseburgers from the frozen section that stink up the house when you microwave them. They didn't ask for them but you practically skipped with glee all the way home form the store knowing you'd get to surprise them.

You want that look from them because it makes you feel like the best partner anyone could hope for and you can see they love you on their face. You want to be the best you for them and you see the best in them too.

And you can both do nothing but stay at home in grungy, smelly clothes all weekend and still get turned on by each other.

You both can put on 50lbs between the two of you over the winter because its too cold to continue cycling every day and yet you still think they're hot as hell. Lets jump in the shower with all the bright bathroom lights so we can scrub each others fat birthday suit!

 

You'll know it when you don't even worry about trying to get it up when they become all wrinkly whether they spit or not.

Thanks for the responses!

 

See this is now my problem. I've been worrying about what it would be like to be with her at 50.

 

Now, I'm getting scared of NOT being with her when we're 50!

 

You're post hit on some good points. In my current mood, I even teared up when I read the part regarding skipping home all excited to surprise them!

 

I want to go grab her and tell her I love her but I can't because if those feelings come back again I cannot do this to her again.

 

Thank you for trying to explain how you knew. It helps!