My Wife Cheated on Me

[vnqsh2001]

My wife kept in contact with her ex-boyfriend throughout the six years we were married. She kind of avoided him a bit after our baby was born, but they resumed contact a little while later. I was a bit uncomfortable at the beginning when I found that his messages were sometimes sexually explicit, but she always assured me that she just ignored such messages and tried to keep things platonic between them. She consoled me with the affirmation that she was never going to meet him again and that sending a message now and then was harmless. In fact, she swore that nothing would ever happen and, for some reason, I trusted her.

 

One day, she caught me flirting with her sister. She got extremely angry over this and her reaction surprised me a bit. I tried to show some remorse, but at the same time I felt she overreacted. A few days after we began arguing, she even got so angry that she suddenly left me alone and spent the night in a hotel. That was pretty unusual behavior for her. Looking back, I think her angry reaction was fueled by her own desire to do something bad. I think she was looking for an excuse to have an affair. Anyway, she spent the night alone and considered her feelings. She made up her mind that night that she wanted to have an affair.

 

She had sex with her ex-boyfriend about a month after that. She said that she had intended it to be a "one-time fling," but that's not what ended up happening. She also said that she did it out of anger, but it seems that there was more to it than that. She says she felt very nervous and uncomfortable when they did it, so she didn't get much enjoyment from it the first time. In fact, she felt so uncomfortable that she ceased their activities after only a couple of minutes and left his apartment. He let her go, saying that he would satisfy himself later. The only satisfaction she claims to have gotten from that experience was from the idea that she had gotten her "revenge" on me.

 

She had to have an operation to remove a cyst about a month after her initial fling. She didn't have much contact with that man for a while after they'd had sex, though he did call her while she was in the hospital to make sure she was alright. They met again about a month after she'd gotten out of the hospital. They had lunch together and he invited her to his apartment, suggesting that they could do some alternative sexual things. She had not fully recovered from her operation, so she declined due to her health. However, she did want to go with him.

 

Now that they had already had sex again, her ex-boyfriend was more persistent in asking her to meet him. She declined at first, but eventually convinced herself that having sex a few more times wouldn't hurt anything. She gave in to his requests and they had sex a second time about a month after their lunch date. That time she was a bit surprised to find that she was more relaxed and actually enjoyed it quite a bit. She still didn't let him finish though. She again left his apartment after cutting things short.

 

I had become highly suspicious that things were not right. My suspicions began around the time she went to the hospital and got much higher after I noticed some messages on her phone about two months later. The night before my suspicions were confirmed, I had finally realized that I'd been ignoring the truth because it was just to painful to accept. I could tell she had something on her mind and I was deeply hurt by the implications. I had reason to suspect she was going out to do something terrible the next day, so I decided to follow her.

 

She made some pretty pathetic excuses for going out and I followed her secretly as I had planned. I found her having lunch with her ex-boyfriend. I didn't want to cause a public scene, so I tried to call her phone. She refused to answer. I tried to message her, telling her that I saw what she was doing. I pleaded with her to just pick up the phone and talk to me. She calmly shut off her ringer and put her phone into her purse. She then left the restaurant with her ex and they had sex in his apartment. That time, she made him climax.

 

She came home that evening and tried to cover things up with lies, but I was not to be fooled anymore. She finally admitted to having sex with him, but tried to say that it was the only time. Her lies continued like that, one after the other, for another six months until she finally admitted everything to me, and I do mean everything. After getting so many lies, I wouldn't let her stop telling the truth until I heard all the explicit details.

 

I feel fairly satisfied that I finally know the truth, though it's not her I trust. It's my own intuition. Now that I know, I'm still trying to cope and decide how to deal with it. This is not the first time I've been cheated on, but the emotions have kind of caught me by surprise. I guess when it happened before, I just wasn't aware of my own heart as I am now; either that or I've just tried to forget what it felt like.

[Bryanp]

Sorry you are here. The first thing you need to do is to have both of you tested for STD's. The second thing is to decide whether you wish to remain in this marriage. I am not sure if I would believe all of her story. For six years of your entire marriage she has been in contact with the ex-boyfriend texting sexual marriages from him throughout this period. This was a huge insult to you and your relationship. I am sure if the roles were reversed she never would have stood for such disrespect.

 

You flirt with your sister-in-law one time and this now allows her to start up having sex with her ex-boyfriend? I don't buy it. I think she was looking for any excuse to cheat on you. If this contact had been going on for 6 years then I doubt this had not happened before. Why would this guy continue to contact her for six years without getting anything? She is trying to justify the fact that she horribly betrayed you having sex time and again with her ex-boyfriend and putting your health at risk for STD's. My question is why would you ever wish to stay with her and why would you ever trust her again? At the very least she was emotionally cheating on you with this boyfriend from the beginning of your marriage. She is feeding you a story to justify her screwing another man and blaming it on you. From what you have written I think you should see an attorney to understand your options. It sounds like she has been playing you from the beginning of your marrige. Why would you feel proud to have her as your spouse? From the beginning of your marriage she has disrespected you with this other man. Her actions prove she has very little respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? By the way if the boyfriend is married then you need to expose this to his wife or his girlfriend if he not. Life is too short to settle for a spouse who cheated on you from the beginning of your marriage. Enough is enough. I wish you luck.

[atwitsend]

She has never been faithful to you. She has carried on at least an emotional affair your whole marriage. She was literally caught and she turned off her phone and then went and screwed this. This boyfriend is obviously a major player. She led you on for 6 months. Take your child, dump her. Then find someone who will love only you.

[lkjh]

Shes been cheating the whole time and the sister thing is just her justification. get tested and see if she would agree to a lie detector test. I say you still divorce her because she is incredible selfish

[mark982]

if you stay, she's just going to continue this. she'll just go underground. she''' also lose all respect for you, as there was no punshiment for the crime.

[Mr. Lucky]

Her lies continued like that, one after the other, for another six months until she finally admitted everything to me, and I do mean everything. After getting so many lies, I wouldn't let her stop telling the truth until I heard all the explicit details.

Those are explicit details, but are they all the explicit details? In otherwords, having lied to you for so long, why would you feel she's telling the truth now?

 

I also wonder what you want at this point. Not many men would have the will to continue the marriage...

 

Mr. Lucky

[SierraRose]

I'd pack her a bag, leave it on the front porch with separation papers. She wants to be with him so bad, then let her. No one deserves to be treated like that, ESPECIALLY so blatantly.

[shippy]

What are the dynamics of your marriage? You've accepted sexual texts from an ex-boyfriend for years, after you'd been cheated on in another relationship. I think, and this is all of course my humble opinion, that allowing that kind of communication between your wife and another man is beyond strange. Also, you did not want to make a public scene?

 

Certainly no man or woman should be faced with a situation like this. I do not advocate violence, an violence almost always makes things worse, but in the culture of men you owed that f+&^%r a broken nose, just for the texts.

 

How do you feel about the cheating: angry, crushed, abused, or is this the kind of marriage you are willing to accept? Have you ever cheated on her? Have you had a healthy physical and emotional relationship up to this point? Just what was the flirting with the sister like?

 

The way you write it, she is outrageously selfish and abusive. Why so passive? If your giving us the big picture here, then I agree with change the locks lawyer route.

 

Good luck man.

[vnqsh2001]

What are the dynamics of your marriage? You've accepted sexual texts from an ex-boyfriend for years, after you'd been cheated on in another relationship. I think, and this is all of course my humble opinion, that allowing that kind of communication between your wife and another man is beyond strange. Also, you did not want to make a public scene?

 

Certainly no man or woman should be faced with a situation like this. I do not advocate violence, an violence almost always makes things worse, but in the culture of men you owed that f+&^%r a broken nose, just for the texts.

 

How do you feel about the cheating: angry, crushed, abused, or is this the kind of marriage you are willing to accept? Have you ever cheated on her? Have you had a healthy physical and emotional relationship up to this point? Just what was the flirting with the sister like?

 

The way you write it, she is outrageously selfish and abusive. Why so passive? If your giving us the big picture here, then I agree with change the locks lawyer route.

 

Good luck man.

 

I've never loved any woman the way I love her. She is totally gorgeous and exciting in every way. I've always felt so very satisfied with her. Sure, I thought of leaving her when I found her having an affair, but the thought of finding a woman as perfect as her seems daunting. Such a task could take years for me, because she is very special. In fact, I've slept with literally hundreds of women in the past (I'm a musician) and she is the only one who's really captured my heart.

 

I accepted the texts because I didn't expect her to be perfect. Also, I have to admit that I was a bit selfish myself. I'd hoped that by allowing her to have contact with him that it would build trust and understanding between us. Also, if I was ever the one to screw up in our marriage, she would have more reason to forgive me. Hey, I'm not perfect either, so it was kind of an "insurance policy." I suppose it's unfortunate that I never got to cash it in. Yeah, I was stupid for allowing them to text. I had my reasons and they were pretty stupid as well. But what's done is done.

 

I wanted to bash the guy's head in. There's no doubt about it and I'm pretty sure I could take him. But I've led a pretty colorful life myself. Before I met my wife, I got involved with a married woman. I figured that if other people were doing it, why couldn't I? So, anyway, if I was going to beat this guy up, I should probably beat myself up first, shouldn't I? I deserve it just as much as he does. Believe me, I know we both deserve a good beating for the things we've done.

 

Am I angry, crushed, or hurt by what happened? Let me tell you, those words don't even begin to express the true depth and complexity of my emotions. This is one of those things that is going to haunt me for a long, long time.

 

That being said, I don't think I want a divorce. She is the love of my life and I feel it is worth it to stick with her through the good times and the bad; even when it's about as bad as it can get. It may sound like I'm just letting her walk all over me if I stay, but I'm not really as weak as that. She'll pay for what she has done, believe me. But at the same time, I'm not going to let this A-hole (her ex) ruin the best thing that has ever happened to me.

 

After the affair, I sat down at a restaurant with the two of them and had a discussion. She told him right then and there that she never wanted to see or talk to him again for the rest of her life. She did it without hesitation. He said that that was acceptable. We said our goodbyes and she walked away with me, putting her arm tightly around me.

 

One thing about this ordeal is that it's turned me into a human lie detector. I've learned to trust my intuition much more than before. I've realized that when people lie, you can usually tell if you pay attention and remain willing to accept the truth, no matter how painful it may be.

[pelicanpreacher]

Unbeknownst to you she had two fingers crossed across her ass as she held tightly to your arm when the two of you walked out the door!

[vnqsh2001]

She has never been faithful to you. She has carried on at least an emotional affair your whole marriage. She was literally caught and she turned off her phone and then went and screwed this. This boyfriend is obviously a major player. She led you on for 6 months. Take your child, dump her. Then find someone who will love only you.

Yeah, she was never completely devoted. That hurts a lot. It does. What she did after I found out was completely inexcusable and uncalled for. Yes, the guy is a major player, and so was I before I finally settled down and got married. I know that some people will say this is only karma coming back to bite me on the rear. So let this be a warning for all the other players out there. It really sucks to be on the receiving end.

[vnqsh2001]

LoL. Yeah, that could be. I've got my eye on her now though.

[vnqsh2001]

Shes been cheating the whole time and the sister thing is just her justification. get tested and see if she would agree to a lie detector test. I say you still divorce her because she is incredible selfish

Yes, you are right about all that. I feel I've become a better human lie detector, so there really is no need for a machine. In the end, it all comes down to how I feel anyway.

[vnqsh2001]

Those are explicit details, but are they all the explicit details? In otherwords, having lied to you for so long, why would you feel she's telling the truth now?

 

I also wonder what you want at this point. Not many men would have the will to continue the marriage...

 

Mr. Lucky

I know more explicit details than what I've written in the post. I know what rooms they did it in, the positions they tried, what he said to her, the thoughts she had, etc... Pretty much everything.

 

What I want is to cope with my depression now. Should I just give up? Hmm. That seems almost too easy for me. No, I will try to find a way to get over it. I think most people just take the easy way out. I'm not looking for that. I'm looking for a way to become a stronger, better person in the face of hardship.

[Athena]

She'll pay for what she has done, believe me.

 

And how exactly are you going to make her pay for what she's done? Because unless she faces severe and painful consequences, she'll just do it again, next time you need to be punished for doing something she doesn't like....

[vnqsh2001]

And how exactly are you going to make her pay for what she's done? Because unless she faces severe and painful consequences, she'll just do it again, next time you need to be punished for doing something she doesn't like....

 

After she had a baby, she didn't want to get pregnant again, even though I wanted to have more children with her. She had me pull out every time I had sex with her. It was ok at first, but eventually I started to feel dissatisfied with that. I asked her to get on the pill or try some other means of birth control, but she insisted that I pull out no matter what. One time, I even tried to ejaculate inside her while she was on her period and she got extremely angry at me. So I complied with her wishes and she did not get pregnant for five years.

 

After her affair, we made love again after a big argument. It sort of helped ease some of the pain. But I was still so upset. I decided to hell with her and her selfish behavior. She was my wife and I was going to do what a husband should do with his wife. I didn't pull out of her. Soon after that, she confirmed that she had gotten pregnant. I then proceeded to tell her that she could be pregnant by one of two men. That was definitely not something she wanted to hear. She insisted that it was impossible that she got pregnant by her ex because he used a condom and he didn't shoot inside her. I reminded her that condoms are not foolproof and that a man doesn't need to orgasm inside a woman in order to impregnate her. Once she realized the logic of it, she was pretty upset. The only way to know whether the baby was mine was to have a DNA test. She didn't want to have a baby anyway, so she decided to have an abortion. I pleaded with her not to do it, but she did it anyway.

 

I probably got her pregnant, though she wasn't prepared to have another baby. I knew she would probably have an abortion if she got pregnant. If that wasn't a form of punishment, I don't know what is.

[atwitsend]

Man, she is so selfish. She doesn't want anything more to tie you to her like another baby. I guess if you could live with that. You do realize you can never trust again right? And its not about your ability to tell if she is cheating. Its about her ability to do it.

[vnqsh2001]

Man, she is so selfish. She doesn't want anything more to tie you to her like another baby. I guess if you could live with that. You do realize you can never trust again right? And its not about your ability to tell if she is cheating. Its about her ability to do it.

 

Unfortunately, it's been my experience that everyone has that ability. It doesn't matter who you are with. Maybe there is just something wrong with me. Whatever the case, I'm not going to be able to trust anyone; not just her. So even if I leave her, I'm still at square one.

[vnqsh2001]

What are the dynamics of your marriage? You've accepted sexual texts from an ex-boyfriend for years, after you'd been cheated on in another relationship. I think, and this is all of course my humble opinion, that allowing that kind of communication between your wife and another man is beyond strange. Also, you did not want to make a public scene?

 

Certainly no man or woman should be faced with a situation like this. I do not advocate violence, an violence almost always makes things worse, but in the culture of men you owed that f+&^%r a broken nose, just for the texts.

 

How do you feel about the cheating: angry, crushed, abused, or is this the kind of marriage you are willing to accept? Have you ever cheated on her? Have you had a healthy physical and emotional relationship up to this point? Just what was the flirting with the sister like?

 

The way you write it, she is outrageously selfish and abusive. Why so passive? If your giving us the big picture here, then I agree with change the locks lawyer route.

 

Good luck man.

 

Oh, I suppose I could tell you some of the physical symptoms I've had since I found out about all this. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in about seven months. I completely lost all appetite for food for at least two months. My sex drive has decreased considerably. I began drinking heavily. I started smoking again; sometimes two packs a day. My blood pressure has gone through the roof. I missed over a month of work. I haven't been able to find any enjoyment from the things I normally like to do. I couldn't even concentrate long enough to watch a movie for about two months. It's been a profound experience, to say the least. At some points I've even felt suicidal and masochistic.

 

Actually, I got my own place after that horrible day. I was considering that even before I confirmed my suspicions. She still comes over here to be with me whenever possible though. She doesn't want to leave me alone, and to be honest I don't want to be alone all the time either. I'm more than a little afraid of what this depression might cause me to do. One day, I got really drunk and angry. I cut my arm with a knife just to see my blood flow. Insane, I know, but it wasn't too serious. I'm not always like that. I'm just really hurt and feeling a bit messed up right now. Is there anybody that wouldn't be?

[vnqsh2001]

My wife kept in contact with her ex-boyfriend throughout the six years we were married. She kind of avoided him a bit after our baby was born, but they resumed contact a little while later. I was a bit uncomfortable at the beginning when I found that his messages were sometimes sexually explicit, but she always assured me that she just ignored such messages and tried to keep things platonic between them. She consoled me with the affirmation that she was never going to meet him again and that sending a message now and then was harmless. In fact, she swore that nothing would ever happen and, for some reason, I trusted her.

 

One day, she caught me flirting with her sister. She got extremely angry over this and her reaction surprised me a bit. I tried to show some remorse, but at the same time I felt she overreacted. A few days after we began arguing, she even got so angry that she suddenly left me alone and spent the night in a hotel. That was pretty unusual behavior for her. Looking back, I think her angry reaction was fueled by her own desire to do something bad. I think she was looking for an excuse to have an affair. Anyway, she spent the night alone and considered her feelings. She made up her mind that night that she wanted to have an affair.

 

She had sex with her ex-boyfriend about a month after that. She said that she had intended it to be a "one-time fling," but that's not what ended up happening. She also said that she did it out of anger, but it seems that there was more to it than that. She says she felt very nervous and uncomfortable when they did it, so she didn't get much enjoyment from it the first time. In fact, she felt so uncomfortable that she ceased their activities after only a couple of minutes and left his apartment. He let her go, saying that he would satisfy himself later. The only satisfaction she claims to have gotten from that experience was from the idea that she had gotten her "revenge" on me.

 

She had to have an operation to remove a cyst about a month after her initial fling. She didn't have much contact with that man for a while after they'd had sex, though he did call her while she was in the hospital to make sure she was alright. They met again about a month after she'd gotten out of the hospital. They had lunch together and he invited her to his apartment, suggesting that they could do some alternative sexual things. She had not fully recovered from her operation, so she declined due to her health. However, she did want to go with him.

 

Now that they had already had sex again, her ex-boyfriend was more persistent in asking her to meet him. She declined at first, but eventually convinced herself that having sex a few more times wouldn't hurt anything. She gave in to his requests and they had sex a second time about a month after their lunch date. That time she was a bit surprised to find that she was more relaxed and actually enjoyed it quite a bit. She still didn't let him finish though. She again left his apartment after cutting things short.

 

I had become highly suspicious that things were not right. My suspicions began around the time she went to the hospital and got much higher after I noticed some messages on her phone about two months later. The night before my suspicions were confirmed, I had finally realized that I'd been ignoring the truth because it was just to painful to accept. I could tell she had something on her mind and I was deeply hurt by the implications. I had reason to suspect she was going out to do something terrible the next day, so I decided to follow her.

 

She made some pretty pathetic excuses for going out and I followed her secretly as I had planned. I found her having lunch with her ex-boyfriend. I didn't want to cause a public scene, so I tried to call her phone. She refused to answer. I tried to message her, telling her that I saw what she was doing. I pleaded with her to just pick up the phone and talk to me. She calmly shut off her ringer and put her phone into her purse. She then left the restaurant with her ex and they had sex in his apartment. That time, she made him climax.

 

She came home that evening and tried to cover things up with lies, but I was not to be fooled anymore. She finally admitted to having sex with him, but tried to say that it was the only time. Her lies continued like that, one after the other, for another six months until she finally admitted everything to me, and I do mean everything. After getting so many lies, I wouldn't let her stop telling the truth until I heard all the explicit details.

 

I feel fairly satisfied that I finally know the truth, though it's not her I trust. It's my own intuition. Now that I know, I'm still trying to cope and decide how to deal with it. This is not the first time I've been cheated on, but the emotions have kind of caught me by surprise. I guess when it happened before, I just wasn't aware of my own heart as I am now; either that or I've just tried to forget what it felt like.

 

Actually, a better title for this post would have been "My SECOND Wife Cheated on Me," because I was married before. My first wife cheated on me and decided to leave me, even though I was willing to try and work things out with her. She divorced me and it screwed me up for the next seven years of my life. I became a major player during that time; then I finally decided to get over it and look for someone to really love again. I settled down with my current wife and all was well for another six years; then it happened again. I've got to wonder if there is something wrong with me. Why do things like this keep happening to me? Also, I kind of doubt that I will ever be able to find anyone who will simply remain faithful and devoted. Women complain all the time that men are dogs, but they seem to ignore the fact that women are b!tches too. Otherwise, how would the dogs propagate?

[jwi71]

Your W has made it perfectly clear that she will NOT be faithful to you. And that means you will be at constant threat from STD or rearing another man's child.

 

She has zero respect for you - doubly so after the "lunch incident". She is clearly saying she will be having sex with whomever she chooses.

 

The question is simple: is it better to walk away and be alone or to stay in this situation.

 

Well...which is it? Divorce or cuckold. Choose.

[In Like Flynn]

You followed her....texted her that you know where she was...she ignored you then went to his place. Why didn't you confront once they got out of the car???

 

I am having a hard time believing this post so I will leave to others now!!

[vnqsh2001]

Your W has made it perfectly clear that she will NOT be faithful to you. And that means you will be at constant threat from STD or rearing another man's child.

 

She has zero respect for you - doubly so after the "lunch incident". She is clearly saying she will be having sex with whomever she chooses.

 

The question is simple: is it better to walk away and be alone or to stay in this situation.

 

Well...which is it? Divorce or cuckold. Choose.

 

While I appreciate the sympathy, I find that many people have had quite negative responses on this forum. I mean, isn't there even a slight possibility that she realizes what a terrible mistake she has made? Sure, at the time she was being selfish and heartless, but isn't it at least possible that she realizes how wrong she was? Contrary to some people's opinions, I believe that she didn't have sex with him during those first six years we were married. I also believe that she stopped all contact with him and all others after that incident. I don't think there is another man in the picture now.

 

In fact, she told me that she wanted to stop. After the affair began, she was hoping that I would find out and bring an end to her disgusting behavior. She says that she will never do anything even remotely like this ever again. She feels that she went a bit crazy for a time, but that she feels glad that it is over. She never wants to hurt me again.

 

Despite the way she behaved during that incident, she is not a bad person. She does have a heart and does want a family with me. Should she be judged on this mistake alone or can I simply forgive her?

 

She is not like some of the other cruel women I've known, though she did act that way for a time. I don't think she wants to be like that. It doesn't feel like empty words.

 

We all do things we regret. Experience can teach us if we allow it to do so.

 

As for the STDs people keep bringing up, I doubt the risk will be lessened by finding someone else unless I find a true virgin to marry. In this day and age, that's nearly impossible. These days, everyone has sex. Sometimes they have a lot of it. You never know. Regardless, it only takes one partner to transmit something unpleasant.

[vnqsh2001]

You followed her....texted her that you know where she was...she ignored you then went to his place. Why didn't you confront once they got out of the car???

 

I am having a hard time believing this post so I will leave to others now!!

I didn't want to make a scene in a public place. I was afraid of what I might do. I could have very easily lost control and killed them both on the spot. What is it that is hard to understand about that? My whole body was shaking at that moment. It felt like someone dropped a two ton truck on my head. That doesn't sound realistic to you? Maybe you have never been in such a situation and maybe you are a different person than me. Whatever the case, everything I've related is what really happened.

 

I expected her to answer her phone. She always answered her phone for me except that one time.

[vnqsh2001]

Not only that, but I didn't expect her to screw him again the very day I found out! I couldn't believe she ignored me and left the restaurant with him. I expected her to come home crying and begging for forgiveness right away. I was caught completely off-guard.