wildsoul Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 I just dont get why he did this!!! I'm sure I will realize this in time although I have improved - had this happened a few months back I dont know how I would have coped. He left without saying good bye because he knows you have feelings for him and he didn't want to have an emotional conversation with you. The mistake you keep making is that you keep looking at his behaviors through the lens of what you would do. But he is not YOU. Not only is he a male, and they tend to operate a little differently anyways, but this guy is an a**clown. Everytime you think, "How could he do this, knowing how much it hurts me?" (or whatever similar thought you're having) you need to stop and realize that he doesn't care about you the same way you care about him. I know that hurts, but it's the truth you must reconcile. He was your 2008 affair. The one who gave you a little bit of the emotional support you needed, but isn't the one who can go the distance with you. You aren't wrong for needing him. But he isn't the love of your life. He was just your 2008 guy. Time to move on to Mr. 2009! Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 I have heard from a very reliable source that the MM that I was involved with over the summer has now moved to a city thousands of miles away, the other side of the world with his wife and family after moving them to this area for just 5 months! Had I not recently got it on with another guy I would have been much more upset by the latest news than I already am. If you look at my thread from a few weeks back you will see that he called me for the first time in 4 months trying to sugar coat the fact he wanted to meet me for a hook up, saying he just called to see how I was. That was the first contact since July and the last I heard from him. That may have been his way of saying goodbye to me without actually saying it or telling me he was moving! Im very shocked and finding it hard to come to terms with the fact I will never see him again - despite the pain he caused me he was still someone I loved deeply and was a big part of my life not so long ago. Also very offended that he didnt even have the decency to tell me he was going (I mean this must have been on the cards for years) and not say goodbye. Oh and the city he has moved to is one of the most glamerous places in the world so he really is living the dream. Urgh. Sweet Jesus. Who would have believed a MM would do this type of thing? Good thing you got it on with another guy just in time to nip this pain in the bud. Damn, and he moved to a fun city , too. That is really tough. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 15, 2008 Author Share Posted December 15, 2008 Its always harder to decipher the actions of people who are totally narcissistic and/or otherwise emotionally challenged. They simply dont behave the way you expect normal people to behave. But the good news is he is gone now. If he calls you in 6 months "just to say hi" (e.g. because he is back in town for one reason or another) you can block the call or hang up. Curiousity killed the cat just like it is killing your spirit. As WS said, you dodged a bullet on this one. And you have done so well and gotten so much stronger over the past few months. You should be very proud of yourself. In a few weeks it will be a new year. Fresh start and all of this will be last years news... Its always harder to decipher the actions of people who are totally narcissistic and/or otherwise emotionally challenged. They simply dont behave the way you expect normal people to behave. Exactly - it's scarey, I mean surely he must have some sort of personality disorder??? The way he has been able to just effortlessly emotionally detatch himself from the situation throughout the whole time we were involved! It just aint normal. In the past he would think nothing of just nonchalently leaving me in pain and just walking away, or carry on trying to encourage me to do things I wasnt happy with or whatever. But the good news is he is gone now. If he calls you in 6 months "just to say hi" (e.g. because he is back in town for one reason or another) you can block the call or hang up. Curiousity killed the cat just like it is killing your spirit. I only know where he has moved the family to and that they went within the last 2 weeks - other than that I know nothing. I mean he may have moved there for a job whether that be perm or temp, or he may have made enough money to just retire early and chose to live the dream in his favorite place in the world. Either way I do not know whether he plans to return to this country to visit or live sometime if ever. If he did return for some reason I bet he wouldn't think I was worth the trouble or care enough to contact me. You know what - he will probably send me a message in like 5 or 10 years time just to find out if I'm still on the market! Bleh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 15, 2008 Author Share Posted December 15, 2008 With your spike heeled pump up his arse would have been the only proper way to say goodbye. :mad::lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 15, 2008 Author Share Posted December 15, 2008 Come on Broken Hearted, think like this man and all the answers fall in place. If you can't do so then let me fill you in on what was about to happen ... The word NO was not going to be an issue on his 3rd and final chance for he was coming prepared. If you would have invited him around to your place he would have immediately taken you out for drinks. During the course of the evening he would have slipped you his special "cocktail" to render you incapacitated. This time around you would have been defenseless to his advances and all that's wicked this way comes would be coming at you ALL NIGHT LONG! Yep, you dodged a bullet of gigantic proportions just by listening to your sixth sense this time so give yourself a big "WHEW", rub your hands in glee, and get on your knees to thank god you didn't have to experience this circle of hell for it would be years before you recovered even with intensive therapy! Pelican what an enlightening post from you as always! If you would have invited him around to your place he would have immediately taken you out for drinks. During the course of the evening he would have slipped you his special "cocktail" to render you incapacitated. Do you seriously believe he would have done that terrible thing or something similar to make sure I would not be able say no had there been a 3rd time?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 15, 2008 Author Share Posted December 15, 2008 But it would suck to give up half of a good pair of shoes, though, wouldn't it?! :lmao: Yeah - and I am a girl who loves her shoes!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 15, 2008 Author Share Posted December 15, 2008 Sweet Jesus. Who would have believed a MM would do this type of thing? Good thing you got it on with another guy just in time to nip this pain in the bud. Damn, and he moved to a fun city , too. That is really tough. I know, and to think what he has put me through. How he groomed me, manipulated me, hurt me, lied compulsively to me, abandoned me etc. Yet he gets to live the dream. Wheres the justice?!?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 15, 2008 Author Share Posted December 15, 2008 He left without saying good bye because he knows you have feelings for him and he didn't want to have an emotional conversation with you. The mistake you keep making is that you keep looking at his behaviors through the lens of what you would do. But he is not YOU. Not only is he a male, and they tend to operate a little differently anyways, but this guy is an a**clown. Everytime you think, "How could he do this, knowing how much it hurts me?" (or whatever similar thought you're having) you need to stop and realize that he doesn't care about you the same way you care about him. I know that hurts, but it's the truth you must reconcile. He was your 2008 affair. The one who gave you a little bit of the emotional support you needed, but isn't the one who can go the distance with you. You aren't wrong for needing him. But he isn't the love of your life. He was just your 2008 guy. Time to move on to Mr. 2009! The mistake you keep making is that you keep looking at his behaviors through the lens of what you would do. But he is not YOU. Not only is he a male, and they tend to operate a little differently anyways, but this guy is an a**clown. Like I replied to JJ earlier, I just cannot believe his behaviour although perhaps nothing should really shock me about him. He obviously has something wrong with him the way he can just detatch himself emotionally, not unlike a serial killer would operate. Time to move on to Mr. 2009! And if I do meet someone who I have chemistry with then hopefully he will be single and wholeheartedly want me and only me. Hard to imagine right now though after everything with MM and also the sweet guy I tried to move on with a few weeks ago which was also a disaster. Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 I know, and to think what he has put me through. How he groomed me, manipulated me, hurt me, lied compulsively to me, abandoned me etc. Yet he gets to live the dream. Wheres the justice?!?!?! What dream's that, then? Sounds like he's someone horribly needy who can't have an adult relationship to save his life. More like the stuff of nightmares, wherever he lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 17, 2008 Author Share Posted December 17, 2008 What dream's that, then? Sounds like he's someone horribly needy who can't have an adult relationship to save his life. More like the stuff of nightmares, wherever he lives. He is obviously financially solvent and living in his ideal location, so yes he is living the dream. His family life must have been fine as he moved them all there too, therefore he is well and truely stuck with his wife now and she is also trapped with him. Yet he did this to me (and probably had many other affairs in the past) and gets away with it, now he plays happy families and just brushes it all under the carpet. I am sooooooo hurt and angry today, I just cannot seem to come to terms with the news. That I'm not even supposed to know about anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Not so fast... He moved them there but there isn't anything stopping him now from setting up house again with you under the guise that he's only here to manage his real estate investments. With the wife and family completely out of the way he has eliminated the possibility of a chance encounter between you two so this poses an ideal situation on which to come back and "carry on"! Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 17, 2008 Author Share Posted December 17, 2008 Not so fast... He moved them there but there isn't anything stopping him now from setting up house again with you under the guise that he's only here to manage his real estate investments. With the wife and family completely out of the way he has eliminated the possibility of a chance encounter between you two so this poses an ideal situation on which to come back and "carry on"! Interesting take on the situation Pelican. Time will tell I guess, although you seem to have always been scarily accurate on my previous threads! Imagine how much he will be paying in airfares just to come here and back! Not to mention hassle of all the travelling. And all just to try and complete his conquest of me?! Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Uh oh! Am I sensing "Joy, joy, joy, joy down in your heart"?!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Uh oh! Am I sensing "Joy, joy, joy, joy down in your heart"?!! :laugh::laugh::laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Why do you sound sort of optimistic that that would happen?!? Also, why the belief that he is "stuck" with his wife? Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 He is obviously financially solvent and living in his ideal location, so yes he is living the dream. His family life must have been fine as he moved them all there too, therefore he is well and truely stuck with his wife now and she is also trapped with him. Yet he did this to me (and probably had many other affairs in the past) and gets away with it, now he plays happy families and just brushes it all under the carpet.I am sooooooo hurt and angry today, I just cannot seem to come to terms with the news. That I'm not even supposed to know about anyway. I understand you're hurt because he went away without telling you, after trying to get his leg over one last time.But quite apart from that, you're saying contradictory things. How can he be 'living the dream' with a family life that's 'fine', if you think he's 'stuck' and 'trapped' and sweeping things under the carpet? Link to post Share on other sites
LavendarGirl Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 (((hb))) Honey, I think you're interpretting this all wrong. I really do. He wasn't calling you to say goodbye. He was calling your for a final hookup. And I don't for one second think he would have told you he was moving, even if you had slept with him! He was going for one final shot at conquesting you, that's all. I agree completely with Wildsoul here. If he was calling to tell you that he was moving, he would have called again and left a message to that effect. He was just looking for a repeat performance. Take his secretive ways and his cryptic talk as serious signs that he wasn't revealing his true self to you. He did you a favor by moving. I am sorry to see you hurting though, but it's good you got out relatively early, the hurt would only be worse if you'd seen him more. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 OK couple of things Heartbreak. First you need to change your name. No good can come of calling youself that. There are no victims here. Find something more positive to call yourself. Second, he is not living a dream any more because he is living in his chosen location than he was before. He is a psychopath from what you have said a compulsive liar - his location is not going to change the manner in which he handles his life. It may be sunnier or warmer or something but the scenery is not changing anything. Third please tell us you were kidding when you said hed do all that for me. Being flattered by a man's attentions is a fatal mistake. You are wonderful your base line response MUST be of COURSE this man would be interested in you. Because it is the part of you that would be flattered that puts yourself "below" him in status and desirablility and makes you vulnerable to predators like this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 18, 2008 Author Share Posted December 18, 2008 Uh oh! Am I sensing "Joy, joy, joy, joy down in your heart"?!! Noooooooooooo! Promise, haha! He has caused me nothing but pain and hope my nightmare is over now. I would be extremely surprised if he did come back for anything, not sure if he even has any real estate investments here right now. I heard that he and his wife were seen looking for an investment apartment in July in this area but when I challenged him about it during THAT phone call 3 weeks ago he said they 'just looked but didn't buy'. I do however remember him saying he was going to rent out the house he moved his wife and kids from back in June and not sell it although he was reluctant to elaborate when I tried to talk to him about it at the time. So who knows if he even has any properties over here. He may or may not, he told so many lies I don't know what to believe anyway! Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 18, 2008 Author Share Posted December 18, 2008 Why do you sound sort of optimistic that that would happen?!? Also, why the belief that he is "stuck" with his wife? No I actually doubt it very much that he would need to come back here for anything. I said he's now stuck with his wife as it seems they have made a fresh start together in a great location and it would be even harder for them to separate now as they have obviously invested alot into this major move. It must have taken years of planning, I bet they have been looking forward to this for a while. Just seems really false how he must be playing happy families yet look at what he's done behind her back, and I doubt I'm his first conquest. He cant be that happy with her or have much respect for her or he wouldn't dream of cheating, yet at the same time he is happy enough to stay with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 18, 2008 Author Share Posted December 18, 2008 I understand you're hurt because he went away without telling you, after trying to get his leg over one last time.But quite apart from that, you're saying contradictory things. How can he be 'living the dream' with a family life that's 'fine', if you think he's 'stuck' and 'trapped' and sweeping things under the carpet? I know it sounds contradictory, and yes I feel very confused. As I replied to Luckys post, he obviously isn't happy to cheat in the first place yet he's too cowardly to do anything about it and plays happy families like he's done nothing wrong so therefore things at home can't be unbearable. I just dont know how he can look her and those 4 kids in the face but then he doesn't seem to have a conscience or feel guilty about anything. I remember when he first started hitting on me I was horrified and at first I used to say 'I just can't - you're married!' to which he replied 'so?'. He just didn't care who he hurt. So it would appear he is living the dream now he's moved to this wonderful place, I guess behind closed doors its not that great but at the same time its not too bad either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 I agree completely with Wildsoul here. If he was calling to tell you that he was moving, he would have called again and left a message to that effect. He was just looking for a repeat performance. Take his secretive ways and his cryptic talk as serious signs that he wasn't revealing his true self to you. He did you a favor by moving. I am sorry to see you hurting though, but it's good you got out relatively early, the hurt would only be worse if you'd seen him more. I totally agree with you, he only told me what he wanted me to know, I used to think I knew him so well but he has been like a wolf in sheeps clothing - this is the real him! And yes - what a good job I didn't suggest meeting him when he last called me, it would not have been a pretty picture. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 OK couple of things Heartbreak. First you need to change your name. No good can come of calling youself that. There are no victims here. Find something more positive to call yourself. Second, he is not living a dream any more because he is living in his chosen location than he was before. He is a psychopath from what you have said a compulsive liar - his location is not going to change the manner in which he handles his life. It may be sunnier or warmer or something but the scenery is not changing anything. Third please tell us you were kidding when you said hed do all that for me. Being flattered by a man's attentions is a fatal mistake. You are wonderful your base line response MUST be of COURSE this man would be interested in you. Because it is the part of you that would be flattered that puts yourself "below" him in status and desirablility and makes you vulnerable to predators like this guy. Actually funny you should mention about changing my user name, I've been thinking about that for a while but not sure how to do it! Does anyone know if I can change my name without starting afresh and losing all my previous threads/posts? Its hard to imagine him not living the dream considering the wonderful place he has moved to. Although he obviously never told me he planned to move there and it was a total shock when I found out I do know that it is his favorite place in the world, he lived in the city briefly when he was a student, frequently went on vacation there and is also fluent in the language - for him this would be his ultimate ambition fulfilled to actually be living there for good. And I'm thinking he cant be that unhappy with the wife to have moved her there too, as well as the 4 kids. But no I really cannot see him coming back here anyway, at least not to try and continue with me, he would think I'm not worth the trouble. I mean he could come all the way here only for me to tell him where to shove it (which I would) or I could be courting someone - he just wouldn't take the risk or waste his energy on it. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Im glad you agree about the name dont have advice on that someone else might. Link to post Share on other sites
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