...My BF has coworker that tells him she wants to F**K him, etc +++

[Wicked Smile]

Exactly. OP, why haven't you called him out on that?

 

He's making you obsess over it (over him, get it?) and then when you ask why he says because he thought it would AMUSE you? Ask yourself what indication you have given that boundary issues amuse you. He's not dense, he's manipulative.

 

Exactly Diamond.

 

This guy isn't showing you this because he's trying to be honest. He's showing you he is being persued by another girl and has options. This is a not so subtle way of saying "You better consider yourself lucky to have me, I could be elsewhere". Very manipulative. Where'd you meet this guy, a club from the 90's?

 

Question is why put up with it at all. Want to throw a moneky wrench in his game plan. Break up with him and say "She can have you and maybe in a few more years you'll get a discount at the movies. Hope you love Jello molds". Then go find yourself another guy.

[Angel1111]

I don't see the big deal. She is obviously not your competition and he's mocking her. Why would it bother you? If a woman who was twnety years older than my husband started saying nonsense like that to him and making a fool out of herself, I'd know that he sees her as a moron, even though I'd expect him to be nice to her.

 

It'd be a different story if I sensed that he might be attracted to the woman.

 

It's a big deal because her bf encourages this woman to talk to him like that, instead of telling her to back-off because he already has a gf. It's not relevant at all what this woman does, but it is relevant that OP's bf continues to disrespect her by not putting a stop to it.

[RecordProducer]

It's a big deal because her bf encourages this woman to talk to him like that, instead of telling her to back-off because he already has a gf. It's not relevant at all what this woman does, but it is relevant that OP's bf continues to disrespect her by not putting a stop to it.

I agree that if it bothers her, he should stop (if he loves OP). I just don't see why it bothers OP in the first place.

[Geishawhelk]

When you look at all her threads, everything about him bothers the OP.

She's just not prepared to do anything about it, apart from continuously state how *this*, *that* and *the other* bothers her.

[Angel1111]

I agree that if it bothers her, he should stop (if he loves OP). I just don't see why it bothers OP in the first place.

 

So you wouldn't care if your bf was having flirty and sexual conversations with another woman? Interesting. Not many people would feel that way.

[RecordProducer]

So you wouldn't care if your bf was having flirty and sexual conversations with another woman? Interesting. Not many people would feel that way.

I would, but this woman is not competiton and he seems to be mocking her not flirting.

[Trialbyfire]

I would, but this woman is not competiton and he seems to be mocking her not flirting.

No matter which way you look at it, he's not nice people.

[taylor]

I don't see the big deal. She is obviously not your competition and he's mocking her. Why would it bother you? If a woman who was twnety years older than my husband started saying nonsense like that to him and making a fool out of herself, I'd know that he sees her as a moron, even though I'd expect him to be nice to her.

 

It'd be a different story if I sensed that he might be attracted to the woman.

 

And what if the situation were reversed? What is a 40 year old man was flirting and engaging in sexual conversation with the OP, telling her he wanted to F*** her.

 

Even if she showed these e-mails to her BF, how do you think her BF...any BF... would feel about this? How would her BF/anyBF respond to another man making passes at his girlfriend like this, regardless of age or regardless of how his GF might "brush off" the advances?

 

OP, is that you in your avatar?

[Dexter Morgan]

My boyfriend has a coworker that is in her 40's. He is 21. One of his coworkers and he used to talk/contact each other a lot in the summer and when he and I first started dating. She has always told him things such as, "I want to **** you", etc.

 

 

He said that he does not feed into it.

 

 

The hell he doesn't. The only reason she does it is because he allows her to do it. And if he acted annoyed or told her that is inappropriate, she'd stop unless she is a psycho-b!tch.

 

So yes, he feeds into it, you can count on that.

 

 

I told him I felt comfortable that they message back and forth during work, when she talks like that.

 

And there you go, he feeds into it by messaging her. If I was committed to someone and a coworker acted like that, I'd nip it in the bud. And it would be considered sexual harrassment.

 

 

Another thought I had is, what if by this comment:

good luck on your finals. I hope you can concentrate between thoughts of your lover." she made implied that he hoped he concentrate in between thoughts of her.

 

What do you think of this? Supposedly they do not talk often anymore.

 

Ya right. I'd tell him that if he finds one more message from her without him responding and telling her that her correspondence is inappropriate and unwanted that you and he are through.

 

 

I am frustrated because I have spent almost $150 on X-mas gifts on my BF. I love him very much but this situation has always weirded me out. I do not want to break up with him during X-mas.

 

Unwrap those presents and get your money back. Spend the $150 on yourself instead.

 

 

I brought it up calmly to him last night. All I said was that I was uncomfortable with the comments she was making and that by not telling her it was inappropriate, he is basically implying it is okay.

 

And you are correct. Like I said, by not telling her to stop, he IS feeding into it. And make no mistake about it, he ENJOYS having her talk like that to him.

 

 

He told me I should send her a message but I said I do not want to feel as if I am getting involved as it is not my place. He said he would send her a message on facebook.

 

He wants you to do it so he doesn't have to. he doesn't want to make her mad. Sending a message on Facebook? ok I guess, but he needs to be telling her by text or in person too.

[stillafool]

I don't want to hurt you but your bf likes the attention from an older woman. He enjoys her lusting after him and has fed into her fantasies. Yeah, she's 40 and sexually in her prime. Lots of young men his age like to have sex with older women because of all her experience and lust. So, don't think he hasn't thought about it. As far as this woman being competition for you - I doubt if she wants your bf for anything other than a roll in the hay. She just wants his body.

 

Since he is being honest with you about her contacts and told you to send her a message. Go ahead and do it and let her know you feel her correspondence to your man is inappropriate and needs to stop. Also tell her that your bf told you to send the message because he can't make her stop.

[taylor]

I don't want to hurt you but your bf likes the attention from an older woman. He enjoys her lusting after him and has fed into her fantasies. Yeah, she's 40 and sexually in her prime. Lots of young men his age like to have sex with older women because of all her experience and lust. So, don't think he hasn't thought about it. As far as this woman being competition for you - I doubt if she wants your bf for anything other than a roll in the hay. She just wants his body.

 

I agree with this. This woman is propositioning your BF and he is thinking about taking her up on it...all the while enjoying the attention and letting the sexual tension between them build.

 

It's only a matter of time unless you can put a stop to it.

 

I don't think contacting her will have any effect. She will continue to pursue until your BF clearly demonstrates to her that he has absolutely no interest in her. Perhaps he needs to tell her he is repulsed or disgusted with her advances...and that he has a loving girlfriend that he would never consider hurting in that way. And then he needs to ignore her.

 

Nothing short of that will deter this woman.

 

The question is whether your BF is willing to walk away from this sexually charged situation. What he does speaks volumes about his true feelings for you (love, respect, committment).

 

Why does he feel the need to have this attention from this woman? And why is he reluctant to put an end to it knowing how much it bothers you? I see a big red flag here.

[Geishawhelk]

There is a constant running through all of Back2Black's threads, and that is drama.

I'm actually wondering, back2, whether in actual fact you complain, and write about it, but do nothing about it, because in actual fact, it's a drama you draw 'nourishment' from....?

 

The problem is, even if it's negative and destructive, sometimes we unconsciously perpetuate a behaviour because it adds something to our lives.

I hate to suggest it, but I think you do nothing about this, with any great enthusiasm, because in actual fact, there is a subconscious excitement and need in you to maintain these responses from your BF because in a way, it validates your position.

You can act the injured party, you can be indignant, hurt, and 'self-righteous' - because it gives you Identity.

 

I'm from the UK, and I know the guy has had to fend off bad press and assaults on his reputation. Whether any of it is true, justified or verifiable, I have no idea, but some of Dr Phil's (10) Life laws seem to fit the Bill here....

 

You either get it or you don't.

You create your own experience.

People do what works.

You cannot change what you do not acknowledge.

Life rewards action.

There is no reality, only perception.

Life is managed; it is not cured.

We teach people how to treat us.

There is power in forgiveness.

You have to name it before you can claim it.

 

Some - if not most - of these are certainly applicable to you......

[RecordProducer]

It's only a matter of time unless you can put a stop to it.

If this is REALLY true (and I mean not just your or her opinion, but something that is really waiting to happen), then she has no business putting a stop to it.

 

You shouldn't prevent your partner from cheating on you - you should let him do it!

[Trialbyfire]

If this is REALLY true (and I mean not just your or her opinion, but something that is really waiting to happen), then she has no business putting a stop to it.

 

You shouldn't prevent your partner from cheating on you - you should let him do it!

I agree and disagree. If you enable the cheating, then you've rolled over to it. If you express your concern, set solid boundaries and then let them hang themselves, that's the part I agree with. When I say, set solid boundaries, this means giving them the heave-ho, after they do it.

 

People continue cheating because they can get away with it. If it becomes something traumatic, many will actually learn something from it.

[SupportGroupie]

Hi

First of all I am sorry that are going through this, I would be highly upset and I think it is highly inappropriate in so many ways.

 

He should not be telling YOU to handle it and speak to her. A respectful boyfriend would not get involved in this talk and crap and surely would not send it to you thinking you will find it funny.

 

he is playing a game with you, and perhaps her. I know you love him but dont get yourself stuck in his bad behavior and think that you are the one who has to adjust to it.

 

It's simply wrong. He is disrespecting you in many ways. Is it a crime to tell someone you think they are hot, no, but it is not right to do this and carry on when he is with you. It seems he has not only boundary issues but self respect issues, and needs an ego boost from the women.

 

I am sorry for your pain and I feel for you

SG