pelicanpreacher Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Well Confoozed, I stand corrected for there is nothing you can do to your wife that you can't get away with. Use that same question with the OW and maybe you'll find out that she's just as dumb. Congratulations on your victory! Link to post Share on other sites
LovieDove24 Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Anyone believe in miracles? I do. But Confoozed, the kinda 'miracle' your wife is looking for isnt exactly that. What shes looking for is a real and genuine change. Shes looking for a new you to start a new relationship with. Not just a 'reworked' version, but a real true blue change. Change in attidude, change in lifestyle, change in your outlook. I truly believe if you can show her you have truly become a better person things could start looking up. It has to be something you notice too. A shift in your self awareness. Once you start feeling this...begin projecting over a long period of time, the world will reflect it right back on you. Not sure if you're a religious person, but I would start looking to the Lord (or whichever God you pray to) to help rid you of your sinful ways. Because sweetie, humans by nature have a way of returning to sin if they dont look outside of themselves--God can help you direct this. Sorry if I got too religious at the end there, but God has helped me actually change. Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 There is zero reason for him to change according to his wife for she'll eventually take him back just as he is and now he knows it! If she wants to be pimped then put her on the "stroll"! Link to post Share on other sites
loveratud Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 You need to cowboy up and stick your decision. Stop riding the fence or you're going to wreck everyone's life, including your own. You could still walk out of this with at least one salvageable relationship if you stay the course and have a steady hand. Link to post Share on other sites
Saville Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 You really are completely SELF-centered, Confoozed. You speak as though if the W doesn't work out then perhaps you might consider the OW...how generous of you. Your shocking disregard for either woman's feelings borders on the sociopathic. You are only sorry that YOU feel bad, and that others now see a rather unfavorable side of you. It is not your affair I find shocking, but rather how cavalier you appear to be with the hearts of people who, for some reason, love you. For those of you who think the other woman is spineless...you only have Confoozed side of the story. Saville Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 And then I asked her if she could somehow be 100 per cent sure that I wanted to come back to her, 100 per cent sure that I wanted to be with her and only her for the rest of our lives, 100 per cent true that she would always be able to trust be, would she consider reconciling. Her response was "That'd take a miracle...but yes." I wonder if you've given any thought to what would be best for her? What would most meet her needs? What would spare her unneccessary pain? I understand that your "flavor of the week" is that you want to go back home but, absent some understanding of why you've thrown everyone around you under the bus, wouldn't things just be the same? If your wife was (by your description) the greatest wife a man can have, but that wasn't enough, then how would things be any different? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 I find it hard to believe you had the nerve to ask this poor woman to consider taking you back. Weren't you mortified? This must be torture for her. Your kids are going to need counseling. Man,what they have seen modeled for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 its called self pity... feeling sorry for himself cause he got caught. But hey, you learned also that your wife will put up with it, dont worry you will be back in business soon with another ow...typical cakeater, no more no less... Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Anyone believe in miracles? NO! Not in this day and time. Honey, YOU have been so concerned with YOUR own happiness. Do you honestly think that a woman who loves you (real romantic love, not the kind of love I have for my crazy wacked-out sister) is going to get over this. PLEASE do the honorable thing and leave her, she will do just fine eventually as will your children. I CAN PROMISE you, when the dust settles, if you do go back, she will begin to think of her own future. Right now she's being a mom (to YOU and your kids.) She's being selfless (look it up.... cause I don't think that word is in your vocabulary). I promise you that won't last forever. Do you think she will ever RESPECT you as a man and a lover??????? NOPE, your going to be the problem child she has to give up her happiness for. Good thing you won't have a problem with her with another man, because at this rate she'll be looking for a real man, not another kid she has to babysit and make excuses for. Do not prolong this any longer than you have. Read your previous posts... you don't deserve her (nor want her). Set her free. I don't mean to be so harsh... but Confoozed, you gotta ask yourself honestly what it is that you get out of this. My mom called this behavoir "pinching babies" make 'em cry so you can pick 'em up and console them. Find your own happiness without causing damage to others, especially those who have given their entire adult life to you. ... and find another therapist PRONTO! Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedGirl Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 your wife is such a doormat. No wonder you were bored. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 your wife is such a doormat. No wonder you were bored. There is quite a bit of difference between being a doormat and choosing to suck it up when someone with whom you've spent 20 years building a life starts falling off of the deep end, decides to throw it all away for some pie in the sky dreams. If she left him the minute she caught him talking to some figment of his imagination or some other psychotic break down we'ld be giving her hell. This man is not right at the moment, I believe she's trying to be supportive, though it won't last for ever, once she see's him as someone she has to "take care of". Link to post Share on other sites
travelgirl Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 your wife is such a doormat. No wonder you were bored. Wow - that is really harsh and uncalled for. No need to throw the poor woman under the bus after all she has been through. 20 years and kids is a lot to think about before just kicking someone out for good. I admire her for not trying to keep herself together instead of going psycho and making rash decisions she or her kids might regret later in life. She is thinking about the WHOLE family, not just herself. Geez - give her a break. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 You have a good, faithful woman and you risk it all for some drama junkie which is what most OW are? I really do not understand men like you. Do you realize how many men wish they had a good wife who loved them. I could understand if you were married to some resentful nag who treated you like crap but by your own words there is nothing wrong with her. What possesed you to do this? Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 your wife is such a doormat. No wonder you were bored. :laugh:Yep honey it's the wife who is the doormat as she throws his ass out and the other woman scoops him up by default only because he got snagged not because he chose her. The ow has stood by and watched him go home every night to his wife and there she waits. The other woman has watched him separate from wife and then run right back to her and there she waits. The other woman has her prize and took him right in when wife threw him out happily taking the wifes castoffs and watching all his money go to the lovely little doormat wife and her kids. I think the doormat got the best deal in this and the no self esteem waiting waiting for scraps ow is in for a wild ride with a man who really doesn't love her. It's the ow's hiding in the shadows and taking table scraps that are the doormats. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
travelgirl Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 :laugh:Yep honey it's the wife who is the doormat as she throws his ass out and the other woman scoops him up by default only because he got snagged not because he chose her. The ow has stood by and watched him go home every night to his wife and there she waits. The other woman has watched him separate from wife and then run right back to her and there she waits. The other woman has her prize and took him right in when wife threw him out happily taking the wifes castoffs and watching all his money go to the lovely little doormat wife and her kids. I think the doormat got the best deal in this and the no self esteem waiting waiting for scraps ow is in for a wild ride with a man who really doesn't love her. It's the ow's hiding in the shadows and taking table scraps that are the doormats. Wow - I love it. GREAT point!!! Those OW's are doormats. Link to post Share on other sites
RobertLS Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Confused, when you first started this thread, you stated that your intentions were to warn others who might be considering doing what you did. You said, And I got lots [of advice], and a lot of it good. I was urged to ditch the OW and go no contact, work on my marriage and save my family and myself a world of hurt. I was told that my feelings for the OW weren't real, that she wasn't my soulmate or the love of my life, that the emotional bond and intense passion we shared was the product of the type of relationship it was and not much more. In the end, I ignored it all. When you think back to the advice you got and the fact that you ignored it, do you now think there was anything anyone could've said that would've made you realize what you realize now? It may be the case that when you're in the middle of the situation you were in, it's literally impossible to see what others see. But if there's anything you can think of in hindsight that would've helped, it might be helpful for those following in your footsteps. ------------ On another note, it sounds like your wife is quite an amazing woman to think it remotely possible to take you back. But I agree with AlainasMama that you will have to prove to her that you have genuinely changed, and you will have to feel that change yourself. If you don't feel it, you'll just be deceiving her again. I personally think that in order to change, you should be on your own for a while. I have some friends who divorced after 27 years of marriage, lived apart for a year or two, and then re-married each other. They both said that they needed the time apart to work on themselves. And now they are very happily married again. Maybe you'll need some alone time too in order to figure yourself out and make changes. No matter what, it seems that you have a tough road ahead of you. Wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Confoozed I was just reading back and you were very sure you were only with your wife for the kids. So what is it now? Do you regret it and want back for the kids or do you miss your wife? If it's for the kids don't you dare have another conversation with your wife about getting back. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 your wife is such a doormat. No wonder you were bored. Not to belabor the point previously made but... The above comment might be true of course, possibly the BS IS a doormat but: It is aslo not only possible, but I think likely in this case...that the BS KNOWS the problem lies not with the marriage, and not with her. It is possible she hasnt taken the affair itself personally because she knows it has not much to do with OW. It is a flaw in her husband. Also a gap in his soul that neither she or anyone else is going to fill. She thought he could overcome it or that it would pass. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 It is a flaw in her husband. Also a gap in his soul that neither she or anyone else is going to fill. She thought he could overcome it or that it would pass. Live with someone day in and day out for 20 years and you get to know what's "normal" for them and what is "unnatural" for them Doesn't mean however that he'll snap out of it. I respect her for her patience. The common misconception is that most affairs are about love. Even with an OP such as this one who claims undying love, it's more about him/ his needs within himself at the moment than it is about "loving" this certain person or not "loving" his W. She's by far the bigger man IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
81West Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Anyone believe in miracles? You've made me believe OP. It's a flat out miracle that either of the women in your life find such a self absorbed ass remotely compelling. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Live with someone day in and day out for 20 years and you get to know what's "normal" for them and what is "unnatural" for them IWWH, while I think this is true in many cases, I think there is also a danger in living with someone for so long that you stop seeing THEM and only see what you imagine them to be (or what they once were). Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 IWWH, while I think this is true in many cases, I think there is also a danger in living with someone for so long that you stop seeing THEM and only see what you imagine them to be (or what they once were). :laugh:what was the longest relationship you have had. Not counting one with a married man of course because you are not living with him daily just sneaking around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 :laugh:what was the longest relationship you have had. Not counting one with a married man of course because you are not living with him daily just sneaking around. you clearly have no idea what any of my Rs - with MM or not - have been like. :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 you clearly have no idea what any of my Rs - with MM or not - have been like. :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: I know you clearly do not believe in commitment so am wondering how you can comment on how one married 20 years would see one another. I am sure you have never sustained any form of relationship that long outside of family including friendship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 I am sure you have never sustained any form of relationship that long outside of family including friendship. You might be sure but you'd also be wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
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