signedin2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Its not about good person, bad person. Or even mature person, immature person. Its about good choice, bad choice. Good judgment, poor judgment. First of all, seducing a MM when he thinks he won't get caught, isn't all that difficult. So right now, I'm just trying to work on the bad choice and the poor judgment. I agree with you on what you wrote above, but I totally disagree with this.... I agree that Signed is not helping you by flaming you. I am not flaming anyone. I was just simply stating the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 yes your are, stating that someone would not be a good mother is very insulting since you really dont know that person. May I remind you this is a support board for OW/OM. Your bitterness is shinning through, where ever it comes from, we do not know, one can only guess. But it would be nice if you have nothing to give to the poster, but insults, you may want to just not bother to post. And yes i do understand its a public board, but i am sure you can vent eleswhere and not beat people with nasty bitter remarks, if they are already down. Water cooler is across the hall! Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 I am not flaming anyone. I was just simply stating the truth. Not that I feel that you are only telling the truth, but there is a such thing as being "brutally honest". And that isn't helpful in most cases because it causes more hurt than was already there. Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 maybe you can read some of wwisup post, she is always very honest... but she has a caring way to get her point across, She is also blunt... but her post are always helpful... sign in, you may want to "learn" from others, if you are truly here to help others... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 You think I LIKE being an OW, getting scraps of attention from him when he didn't have to run home to his family? It sucks. Alot. Kismet, when you've had enough of being the OW and getting table scraps, being treated like second fiddle over and over and over again, you'll wake up and walk away. Sadly, you still want him and something in you hasn't snapped yet - You haven't reached your ENOUGH is ENOUGH boiling point..Maybe you need to go through more heartache, more rides on the rollercoaster to finally get him out of your blood, I don't know...But just keep in mind that YOU can end it at anytime. Noone's holding a gun to your head, (MM certainly isn't, he just knows what buttons to push with you so you'll cave) so when you've had enough, just end it. Tell him to buzz off, ignore him and go on with your life... I mean, for a while you connected with someone else! Actually saw potiental in a single guy, but all that is erased because of the recent action between you and the MM. If you want out, get counselling to help you get stronger, to help find "you" again. The person you were BEFORE the MM ever entered your life. PS Thanks mino Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Maybe you need to go through more heartache, more rides on the rollercoaster to finally get him out of your blood, I don't know... WWIU You just said what I said already. I said keeping having sex with him until it repulses her. That's what it sounds like its going to take. Once the sex starts to feel like the dirty secret it is, she'll get tired of it. This guy repulses me and I haven't even slept with him. I think he breaks up with her because he knows that when he feels the itch, she'll think she's really hot stuff while he play acts resistance to her seduction - when it was what he wanted the entire time. I think he is playing her like a fiddle. And when she sees that, she'll be repulsed alright. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 This guy repulses me He probably smells like a combo of Irish Spring and Ron Jeremy - Slimy combo!! (NOT that I know what RJ smells like, but one can imagine seeing as what business he's in..) I think he is playing her like a fiddle Yes he is. He's being selfish, manipulative (not meanly or malciously), he's just in it for himself. If he truly cared about Kismet, he wouldn't be having sex with her, let alone chasing her around looking for an ego (stroke in more ways than one) feed. If he had respect for her, loved her, he would leave her alone because he would want what was best for her, even if it hurt him. But no, he's thinking with the tool between his legs, and that's about the jist of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Shannon2008 Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Kismet, be careful of what you ask for, you just might get it. Clearly in this case, you wanted an excuse to see him again, you got it and it ended with a romp in the bedroom. While I know the high IS very high...the crash will be very low.....This relationship is toxic. You are doing more harm to your SELF than you realize. You are allowing this man to use you....this game you are playing is a dangerous one as it WILL do long term damage to your self-esteem. You seem like a good person with a good heart. I have no doubt that you can do better than this guy. Time to re-evaluate your life and look inside yourself and ask yourself why you believe you can't do better than this fool? Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden fruit Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Kismet what is so weird is from an outside person looking in I see what this guy is doing to u and yet my xmm did and still tries to do the same thing to me and for the life of me I cannot see it. I really feel your pain and no exactly what u are going through. Trust me u will have a nervous breakdown if u keep this up. They make it seem like this is what u want and what u deserve, but really this is what they want and need to survive, they just flip it and u end up being devalued. Try NC with me- it is the hardest thing imaginable, but yet it is the only way to escape. One day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Die Hard Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 I know what you're going through Kismet and it sucks. This will sound simplistic but have you ever asked MM to cut you off? I used to ask the MW I was seeing to "let me go" all the time because I couldn't end it myself. She finally did. I don't know why but it could have been because I asked her to on many occasions. I used to tell her in detail the pain I was in. If he really does love you maybe he'll cut you off if he truly knows what you go through. It can be difficult to get someone to walk in your shoes but with some effort maybe you can get him to see why he needs to let you go. I know all this goes against your feelings but I think you also know if you could cut contact 100% that you have a shot at getting over this. It's sounds to me like it will take effort by both of you to get this ended(assuming you really want it over...I'm not judging you). He needs to be made to understand(assuming he's capable) the pain he's causing you and that he isn't doing you any long term favors by making love to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Im so confused right now. When MM broke up with me again two weeks ago, he sounded so sure of his decision........... after-work drinks that he'd lamented about how there was just no spark between him and his wife. She was a good woman, a good mother, but no real romantic chemistry was there. After two years of marriage? Seems a bit sad to me. He IS sure of his decision. He has no intentions of leaving his marriage, period. And you're fine with it. However, if some chick offers to have sex with him, no strings attached, no demands, just a little f-buddy who strokes his ego...why not? No skin off his back. Oh and the lament that there's "no spark" between him and his wife? LMAO..that is the oldest line in the book honey. Straight from the MM handbook. Don't feel too sad for him, he's feeding you BS and you're swallowing it, hook, line and sinker. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 This cycle won't end till you make a decisive, final step and cut him loose. I haven't read the entire thread but here's my advice to you. Go out and have casual sex with another man. Force yourself to do this. Make it a symbolic gesture and it will free you from the grips of this man. If necessary, repeat. Often, in extreme cases such as affairs, it is the only way to jump start the disattaching process. Ok, now you can all bash me. Link to post Share on other sites
Billie63 Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Oh and the lament that there's "no spark" between him and his wife? LMAO..that is the oldest line in the book honey. Straight from the MM handbook. I agree with the above but Kismet you won't buy this, will you? In fact you have no real clue about their marriage - no one does - unless you're a fly on the wall in their house. He certainly isn't acting like a man in love with his wife. But so often these men discover how much they do love their wives when it's too late - usually on D-Day. I agree with you that if you had met him earlier and it had been a straight competition between you and the wife (no kids) you would have been in with a good chance of being chosen. But I can assure you he is not with her just because of the kids - marriage isn't black and white like that. They have a bond that you and he do not have. And it's not just having kids that created that bond. It is the day to day experiences of living together, building a home, the ups, the downs that have forged this bond. You are only a small part of his life, the wife is the centre of his life. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Oh and the lament that there's "no spark" between him and his wife? LMAO..that is the oldest line in the book honey. Straight from the MM handbook. No, it isn't. A spark by definition has a very short life span. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 I haven't read the entire thread but here's my advice to you. Go out and have casual sex with another man. Force yourself to do this. Make it a symbolic gesture and it will free you from the grips of this man. If necessary, repeat. Often, in extreme cases such as affairs, it is the only way to jump start the disattaching process. While I am not necessarily agreeing with this, I do think one condition to the statement "another man" should be added. Be certain he is unmarried and unattached. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Be certain he is unmarried and unattached. James, you and I are agreeing more and more!! It must be the good ol' Christmas spirit! Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 James, you and I are agreeing more and more!! It must be the good ol' Christmas spirit! I am mellowing out in my old age...I AM almost 45 ya know! Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 KG, some people have issues and will continue kicking someone who's down because it gives them satisfaction. Don't give them the satisfaction of rising to their bait - put them on ignore and let the mods handle their out-of-line comments. Responding will only earn you infractions, too. Back on topic, I think it's obvious you're confused. You're far from done with this guy - you were gutted when he dumped you, hoped for some sign that he still cared - and now he's given it to you. That's in the plus column. But he's still M, still unable / unwilling to give you the kind of R you want from him, still using you as a booty call and still has your heart in his grasp (and yes, that will condition your response - or ability to respond - to other guys, whether you want it to or not). That's in the negative column. This A is feeding you in some ways, but starving you in others. Until you decide for your own reasons, and yours alone (not any arguments posted here, however articulate, will do that for you) that the negatives outweigh the positives, you won't be able to move on. Because, at core, you won't want to. That's not said in judgment - it's merely an observation. You've compared your A with MM elsewhere in this thread to a drug addiction - and, like a drug addict needs to hit their own personal bottom before they're willing and able to leave the drugs behind, you have to reach your own point of no return. You're not there yet - there's still too much in this A for you, and there's still too much hope. Until that fades, you're not ready to leave it and there'll be many more dammits for you still to come. You have good friends. Treasure them - they care for you. (((((hugs))))) Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 While I am not necessarily agreeing with this, I do think one condition to the statement "another man" should be added. Be certain he is unmarried and unattached. :laugh: For a moment there I thought you were about to volunteer, James :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 I am mellowing out in my old age...I AM almost 45 ya know! I think I like the mellow you! Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 :laugh: For a moment there I thought you were about to volunteer, James :laugh: I almost did, but for two things.... I am not sure KG would take it as the humor I meant under the circumstances, and I would understand that, plus... I am not ready to read stories about ME here on LS just yet. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 I think I like the mellow you! There you go James - the rest of us will leave the two of you for some privacy Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 I am not ready to read stories about ME here on LS just yet. I'm sure Marlena won't kiss & tell Link to post Share on other sites
wildsoul Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 KG, some people have issues and will continue kicking someone who's down because it gives them satisfaction. Don't give them the satisfaction of rising to their bait - put them on ignore and let the mods handle their out-of-line comments. Ditto. Seems like you don't know about the "ignore user" function. Look at the FAQ for instructions. It makes for a better experience here. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted December 5, 2008 Share Posted December 5, 2008 Back on topic, I think it's obvious you're confused. You're far from done with this guy - you were gutted when he dumped you, hoped for some sign that he still cared - and now he's given it to you. That's in the plus column. Disagree. There is NO plus column. When he needs an ego boost and to get laid...he knows where to go. This does nothing for her. Still confused, still in pain, still clinging to false hope, still suffering. He knows this and preys upon it. And KG is to weak to pull away. I just don't think she is well served by anything that is even reomtely close to "This has a chance". This A is feeding you in some ways, but starving you in others. Technically true. But it is at HIS choosing and her needs only get met when he has needs to be met. Otherwise, he goes back home and makes two more kids. Ugh. It satisfies him far more than her. And we all know he isn't hanging on to KG's every word or dissecting EVERY LITTLE THING LOOKING FOR HOPE. HE gets what HE needs and leaves. Leaving KG twisting in the wind. I almost wonder if this SoB gets some sort of satisfaction or perverse validation knowing how he affects her. And she still clings. Well, it wouldn't be a post of mine if I didn't say this - Tell the W!!! There I said it - and it is still valid. And stop rolling your eyes KG. Link to post Share on other sites
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