Star Gazer Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Seeing as the guy I've been dating has decided to drop off the face of the planet, I suppose it's time to move on. There's a guy who's been pursuing me. He's literally "perfect" on paper. He was a finalist for The Bachelor, if that gives you any indication of what he's like. Handsome (more like drop-dead gorgeous), successful, philanthropic, charming, wants to get married and start a family, comes from a great family, exciting interests, and an overall gentleman. One problem: he doesn't drink - at all. I do. I'm not a drunk, but I do enjoy imbibing on occasion. Seeing as I live so close to wine country, I'm also all about the vino - with dinner, wine tasting, etc. His reason? "Just because." Am I just looking for flaws in assuming we're not compatible simply because of this? Has anyone dated a completely-sober person and found it caused relationship difficulties?
alphamale Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Am I just looking for flaws in assuming we're not compatible simply because of this? Has anyone dated a completely-sober person and found it caused relationship difficulties? i've dated a few women who didn't drink at all. i found most of them boring and too conservative for my liking. the most fun women were the ones who liked to get hammered now and then if she doesn't drink at all or has more than 2 cats or is a vegeterian then i run for the hills i also think people who don't drink at all are self control freaks. i mean whats the point behind drinking??? letting go of your self control for a while, right?
CGrace44 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I like to drink as well and I know my limits so unless its a special occasion i will not end the not puking or passed out on the floor. I have dated a few guys who did not drink (one i met at the bar, go figure) and have not had a problem with that. As long as the guy does not judge you for your drinking then you should not judge him for not drinking. Personally, I am a quiet girl and drinking helps me loosen up to meet people. I am not an alcoholic, I am a college student though who drinks 1-3 nights each week, and it annoys me when guys can't accept my drinking habits (for instance, if they call me an alcoholic or criticize me for not drinking more). I would say drink safely when you are with him because no one wants to take care of the drunk girl in the room, but don't judge him for not drinking.
Trialbyfire Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I can take or leave drinking. If I feel like one, two or more sometimes, I'll have it, other times, nothing. I have dated a couple of guys who didn't drink, one from allergies and the other, from being an incredibly fit guy. It never caused any issues, when I did want a glass of wine or a drink. I also rarely drank when around them, not that they cared. So to answer your question, no, it never caused any issues. Go for it!
norajane Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 It would depend largely on his attitude about my drinking. If he were making a personal choice and weren't judging me or disapproving or contemptuous and faintly superior, then it would be fine. At the same time, there would be certain occasions that would be less fun for me, I think, if my bf didn't drink. There's no denying that a little alcohol has a fun and enjoyable effect, and does lower inhibitions. That's a really fun state to be in together with your lover, and I'd miss having those kinds of moments.
fral945 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Am I just looking for flaws in assuming we're not compatible simply because of this? Has anyone dated a completely-sober person and found it caused relationship difficulties? I think you're reaching. I'm a rare drinker (because I don't find it that appealing and I have a health condition that limits my alcohol consumption). Surprisingly (to me at least), I've had quite a few women question me about it (like you are doing with this guy). It did end up being an issue with the women who were regular drinkers, but generally wasn't with more moderate, social drinkers. The way I see it is as long as you and he are not on opposite ends of the spectrum you are probably ok. It sounds like you are a moderate, social drinker and he's an abstainer. I say you have nothing to worry about.
alphamale Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 i don't trust people who don't drink...they make me uncomfortable
Shygirl15 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 i don't trust people who don't drink...they make me uncomfortable i've dated a few women who didn't drink at all. i found most of them boring and too conservative for my liking. if she doesn't drink at all or has more than 2 cats or is a vegeterian then i run for the hills i also think people who don't drink at all are self control freaks. i mean whats the point behind drinking??? letting go of your self control for a while, right? I'm with Alphamale on these points.
Lizzie60 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 It would be a problem for me... I don't drink.. and if my date would get drunk.. he'd be kicked to the curb in a second.. People who get drunk look and sometimes act like 'morons'... and I don't date morons..
JamesM Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I rarely drink, but a few times a year, I may drink wine. Never had a beer. I have no problem with dating a woman (when I did) who drank once in awhile. My wife did. BUT...that is a long way from dating someone who would get drunk occasionally. That I would never do. It will come down to compatibility. Does HE mind that you get drunk occasionally? That is the question.
alphamale Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 theres a BIG difference between casual drinking and downing a fifth of vodka every night...
Meet 4 Coffee Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I don't think it's a problem at all. Maybe he used to be a drinker and he quit so it wouldn't become a problem. I know someone like that who boozed up all the time in college and decided to stop altogether because she realized she wasn't the best person she could be and didn't ever want to be a drunk. She could see herself becoming an alcoholic eventually and quit altogether to prevent this. She still goes out, she just drinks diet soda. No big deal.
Capricciosa Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Hmmm. I was dating a non-drinker for a while, and though it was fine at a basic level, because I don't drink that much, on another level it was a bit of a drag because it is nice to have a drink or two with a person you like, get a bit giddy.
alphamale Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Hmmm. I was dating a non-drinker for a while, and though it was fine at a basic level, because I don't drink that much, on another level it was a bit of a drag because it is nice to have a drink or two with a person you like, get a bit giddy. not to mention drunken sex...which is a great thing if all parties are hammered
sandflea Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I hate to say it, but I tend to avoid the total non-consumption gals. Don't get me wrong - I respect them, and admire them in a way. For me, I like it when you can get a bit tipsy with your partner. You tend to take a few more chances - and sometimes those chances lead to fine things. Occasionally. YMMV. Of course, Everyone is different.
Tony T Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Seeing as the guy I've been dating has decided to drop off the face of the planet, I suppose it's time to move on. There's a guy who's been pursuing me. He's literally "perfect" on paper. He was a finalist for The Bachelor, if that gives you any indication of what he's like. Handsome (more like drop-dead gorgeous), successful, philanthropic, charming, wants to get married and start a family, comes from a great family, exciting interests, and an overall gentleman. One problem: he doesn't drink - at all. I do. I'm not a drunk, but I do enjoy imbibing on occasion. Seeing as I live so close to wine country, I'm also all about the vino - with dinner, wine tasting, etc. His reason? "Just because." Am I just looking for flaws in assuming we're not compatible simply because of this? Has anyone dated a completely-sober person and found it caused relationship difficulties? You have GOT to be kidding. MOST woman would jump at a guy like this. Drinking, in and of itself, is not particularly productive but I don't put it down for those who enjoy it. (Drinking wine in moderation is actually considered healthy...along with small quantities of beer.) But I don't consider the act of pouring alcohol into one's gut something that you would consider a "quality" that you should have in common with another person to make him or her a keeper. Also, drunkenness and alcoholism is a MAJOR problem in healthy relationships. If you consider the desire to go out and get shxt faced once or twice a week....or even to just down a few beers now and then...something that is essential to a great relationship then you need to go ahead and let this guy go. However, a guy who has sufficient character not to do something that is innately unhealthy in excess and that in many instances has caused death or injury to the drinker or other innocent people or a guy who simply won't do something totally unproductive just because everybody around him is doing it IS A GUY YOU OUGHT TO BE CHASING WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT. Again, it's a free world and if it's a drinker you want you need to dump him...and I promise you will regret having done so all the days of your life.
marlena Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 At the same time, there would be certain occasions that would be less fun for me, I think, if my bf didn't drink. There's no denying that a little alcohol has a fun and enjoyable effect, and does lower inhibitions. That's a really fun state to be in together with your lover, and I'd miss having those kinds of moments. Most people don't drink because they ALWAYS want to be in control and never let their guard down. Personally, I find these kind of people boring,unadventurous and not at all sexy. Nothing beats having a few drinks with your boyfriend. That slighly giddy feeling is simply fun and often leads to more stimulating conversation and yes, more uninhibited sex,too. That said, however, no, I would not want anyone who gets totally sloshed. Drinking, then, becomes a turn off. People should learn how to control their drinking which means knowing when to stop. So, yes, it would be a problem for me. A tee-totaller at a bar or out to dinner would drive me mad. I'd just as soon stay home and watch TV.
Geishawhelk Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Am I just looking for flaws in assuming we're not compatible simply because of this? Has anyone dated a completely-sober person and found it caused relationship difficulties? i've dated a few women who didn't drink at all. i found most of them boring and too conservative for my liking. the most fun women were the ones who liked to get hammered now and then..... i also think people who don't drink at all are self control freaks. i mean whats the point behind drinking??? letting go of your self control for a while, right? Hmmm. I was dating a non-drinker for a while, and though it was fine at a basic level, because I don't drink that much, on another level it was a bit of a drag ..... I hate to say it, but I tend to avoid the total non-consumption gals. Don't get me wrong - I respect them, and admire them in a way. I think you guys are definitely hanging out with odd people. I never touch a drop. I'm completely teetotal. I have also, on numerous occasions, been called 'the life and soul of the party' and a friend nicknamed me 'the pickaxe'... because I'm so good at breaking the ice! Being completely sober, sounds from the above posts, as if I might be straying into the realms of being a social pariah...let me tell you, when you've seen erstwhile, elegant, well-dressed young ladies reeling in the street, yelling profanities and falling into the gutter in their own sick, or guys who are too hammered to notice the knife-wound in their arms or the gash in their heads, because they're too drunk to care - I'm really really glad I don't go near the stuff. Self-control freak? Better than a lose-control utter jerk. You may say that you would never drink to those limits, but having been a barmaid and worked in a pub, I know it takes one simple little drink to transform an otherwise respectable business-person, with impressive credentials, into a cretinous, blubbering, confused, eyes-glazed moron, who slurs how beautiful I am, or what a good mate I am, before sobering up and returning to their highly valued job of teacher, doctor or Clerk of the Court. All three have fallen at my feet in an alcoholic stupor, for me to have to prop them up and find a way to get them home. But not before confiscating their car keys. people who drink to over their limits are complete and utter morons and wastes of space. I've seen the damaging and ravaging effects of acohol, and not even in large continuous doses. I'm not talking alcoholics here, or alcohol dependents. I'm talking about ordinary, normal, run-of-the-mill citizens. So if the OP is experiencing "relationship difficulties" through dating a person who doesn't drink - I would consider a review of what constitutes a reasonable acceptable and enjoyable relationship.....Alcohol is not, and never should be, a pre-requisite of being 'normal'.
jayOG Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 As far as relationships, I enjoy people who don't drink. ... I've had problems with people who drink too much. Personally I believe you are only truly spontaneous and fun if you aren't under the influence of some substance. I was talking to this girl and she was telling me how she was drunk rolling around in a graveyard or some nonesense and I told her that it was pretty lame on the basis that she was drunk. Doing crazy things when you are drunk isn't anything amazing... I've been on dates and dated people who liked to drink and use other substances and it simply wasn't fun. I prefer knowing the sober person all the time. I drink and get drunk frequently. However, if I am in a relationship or on a date I refrain from such activity. If somebody needs a drink then someone isn't doing something correctly. I don't drink to be less inhibited, I drink to excuse the actions I would do sober.
marlena Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I thought this thread was about mature, adult people having a drink or two on a night out and not about teenagers getting drunk out of their minds and not knowing what the heck they are doing. All my friends have a drink or two or a bottle or two of wine and NO ONE has ever conducted himself/herself in an objectionable fashion. What's wrong with moderation? The ancient Greeks believed that moderation in all things was perfection. Why go to any of the two extremes?
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I used to drink reasonably often, I do occasionaly now. I find people that can't let go and enjoy themselves without a drink to be the least confident people. I think it's all a bit sad that people have to medicate themselves to loosen up. People that don't drink at all are good in my book, it means that they have enough backbone not to copy what everyone else is doing.
marlena Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 it means that they have enough backbone not to copy what everyone else is doing. It isn't copying. Not for a mature adult at least. For some people, it is pleasurable to drink in moderation. What's important is to know how to hold you liquour.
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 It isn't copying. Not for a mature adult at least. For some people, it is pleasurable to drink in moderation. What's important is to know how to hold you liquour. You're missing the point. Non drinkers get so much grief from the drinking masses that they have to have some backbone to avoid the unecessary peer pressure from drinkers. Take for instance the guy who talks about not trusting a non-drinker. What's all that about? E and LSD is technically less harmful than alcohol, I've done those too. If I tell you that I don't trust you or find you as fun because you don't do E and LSD what kind of muppet does that make me? Funny, because people who take drugs tend to have the same attitude towards non drug takers.
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 i don't trust people who don't drink...they make me uncomfortable That would make you a bigot then.
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