lkjh Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Don't fool yourself into believing somehow your marriage is better now. You can not solve a problem by ignoring it
bentnotbroken Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I am not treating him like a idiot, but I think I know my H more than u. He knows the truth and in his own way he is trying to forgive me. Our marriage has come along way from where it was a year ago. I was ready to leave and he was scared. We have worked so just to get to here. Why would I ruin that? I don't have to know your H at all to see he is being used and abused by you. He doesn't know the truth until you or someone else tells him, then what. Are you going to use the same lame excuses and justifications that you have used on here for months. You don't have a real marriage to ruin. What you have is a relationship built on lies,deceit and like a house of cards it will only take a slight bump for it all to fall down around your ears. And guess who will be hurt the most?
Author forbidden fruit Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 Well thanks for all of your advice. I know I am doing the wrong thing. I am still in the A fog and right now I don't know which way is up so I am not ready yet to collapse my world. I am not strong enough for that right now. I know u all possibly could not understand, but it is not the right time now. I will do it when I am good and ready.
bentnotbroken Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Well thanks for all of your advice. I know I am doing the wrong thing. I am still in the A fog and right now I don't know which way is up so I am not ready yet to collapse my world. I am not strong enough for that right now. I know u all possibly could not understand, but it is not the right time now. I will do it when I am good and ready. That has been obvious throughout this whole mess. When you are good and ready. We all know that you won't ever be ready. But, that won't change the fact that the end is near and you aren't prepared for the fallout.
NoIDidn't Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Well thanks for all of your advice. I know I am doing the wrong thing. I am still in the A fog and right now I don't know which way is up so I am not ready yet to collapse my world. I am not strong enough for that right now. I know u all possibly could not understand, but it is not the right time now. I will do it when I am good and ready. No offence, but you aren't thanking anyone for anything. You are just hoping that everyone will stop getting on your case. Unfortunately, you think you are somehow in control of the outcome of your affair. You never will be and you never have been. You said yourself that you are "not strong enough for that right now". A weak person is never in control of anything. I know the things that you have heard here time and time again are very hard to digest. But at some point you are going to have to woman-up and face it. And do what you have to do. Period. You are not in control, though. That you must accept from day one. He is. He and his W. The woman that you view as somehow saintly and not letting you have what you want. This thing is going to blow up in your face, whether you are ready or not. Please don't delude yourself into thinking that things will happen when you are "good and ready" because none of this has happened on that schedule to date. That "good and ready" line made me chuckle. I don't know anyone that lives a life so tidy. smh.......
JamesM Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 smh....... So what is this an acronym for.... So Much Hokey? Staying Mighty Humble? Suck My H**ters? Or is it something boring like your initials? Sorry for being off topic, but my curiosity is getting me.
NoIDidn't Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 So what is this an acronym for.... So Much Hokey? Staying Mighty Humble? Suck My H**ters? Or is it something boring like your initials? Sorry for being off topic, but my curiosity is getting me. :lmao: sorry it means shaking my head..... this is such a sad situation - rolling eyes is too mean and sarcastic
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 FF, you may want to brace yourself. It isn't unusual for BS to lay low for a long time while gathering evidence. The longer they gather, the angrier they get, and the more likely they are to give it to you with both barrels when the time comes to split. I would be very surprised if your H wasn't suspecting something more than what you failed to tell him before by now. My guess is that he has more evidence than you know. Your chances to do damage control are running out. I'm telling you - if he hears it from you, it will be far better than if he confronts you and you try to lie to him, or he flat out busts you.
NoIDidn't Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 FF, you may want to brace yourself. It isn't unusual for BS to lay low for a long time while gathering evidence. The longer they gather, the angrier they get, and the more likely they are to give it to you with both barrels when the time comes to split. I would be very surprised if your H wasn't suspecting something more than what you failed to tell him before by now. My guess is that he has more evidence than you know. Your chances to do damage control are running out. I'm telling you - if he hears it from you, it will be far better than if he confronts you and you try to lie to him, or he flat out busts you. Precisely. "When I'm good and ready" sounds like a joke now, doesn't it? When the affair fog gets this thick, the affairees have no idea of how much they are slipping. But their arrogance and deception have a way of catching up to them long before they thought it would. I hope she considers what's been written to her here and in her other threads.
Author forbidden fruit Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 I now know why i wasn't posting, thanks but not thanks. There are only a few of you and you know who u are who have provided me with any really support. The rest of you are bitter and angry. Thanks for not caring this is not a support forum it is lynch mob.
Author forbidden fruit Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 Why is he in control? No offence, but you aren't thanking anyone for anything. You are just hoping that everyone will stop getting on your case. Unfortunately, you think you are somehow in control of the outcome of your affair. You never will be and you never have been. You said yourself that you are "not strong enough for that right now". A weak person is never in control of anything. I know the things that you have heard here time and time again are very hard to digest. But at some point you are going to have to woman-up and face it. And do what you have to do. Period. You are not in control, though. That you must accept from day one. He is. He and his W. The woman that you view as somehow saintly and not letting you have what you want. This thing is going to blow up in your face, whether you are ready or not. Please don't delude yourself into thinking that things will happen when you are "good and ready" because none of this has happened on that schedule to date. That "good and ready" line made me chuckle. I don't know anyone that lives a life so tidy. smh.......
bentnotbroken Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I now know why i wasn't posting, thanks but not thanks. There are only a few of you and you know who u are who have provided me with any really support. The rest of you are bitter and angry. Thanks for not caring this is not a support forum it is lynch mob. As long as you don't want to except the truth, everyone will always be bitter and angry and you are about to be divorced. Then you can join the rest of us bitter angry people.
lkjh Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 FF, dont play the victim, for months you have been ignoring everyone's advice and just looking for people to agree with. You need to grow up fast because this is all going to crash down on you.
Author forbidden fruit Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 All of you scaring me is not going to tell my H any faster. Divorce, crashing down on me ...... Trust me after being involved with a sociopathic narcissist makes u guys look like pussycats. I have not been in contact with xmm for some time and I will continue to avoid him. He will never tell his wife and she will never find out by him. She had enough evidence already and did nothing. Unless she caught him in the act she will continue to do nothing. Since she did not catch him in the act she will turn a blind eye. My h knows based on many of our conversations and is deciding to stay because I know my H and if he wanted to do just based on emotional affair he would of already left. He like xmm has alot to lose and does not want to disrupt his entire life. Yes I speak for H because I have known him for 15 yrs. You all assume to know my H and categorize him like he like every other BS. Everyone has their own tolerance.
bentnotbroken Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 All of you scaring me is not going to tell my H any faster. Divorce, crashing down on me ...... Trust me after being involved with a sociopathic narcissist makes u guys look like pussycats. I have not been in contact with xmm for some time and I will continue to avoid him. He will never tell his wife and she will never find out by him. She had enough evidence already and did nothing. Unless she caught him in the act she will continue to do nothing. Since she did not catch him in the act she will turn a blind eye. My h knows based on many of our conversations and is deciding to stay because I know my H and if he wanted to do just based on emotional affair he would of already left. He like xmm has alot to lose and does not want to disrupt his entire life. Yes I speak for H because I have known him for 15 yrs. You all assume to know my H and categorize him like he like every other BS. Everyone has their own tolerance. The most kind person will lose tolerance when they find out how they have been lied to, placed in a position of potential life threats, and generally being made a fool off. You can bury your head in the sand until the only thing sticking out is the heel of your foot, and it won't change the fact that you are dead wrong and wrong never lasts. And apparently knowing him for 15 years means you still don't respect him or you wouldn't be in this mess and hiding what you have done to him and your family. NO one is trying to scare you, but know one is going to lie to you either and tell you all will be okay, it won't. You H is no exception to human nature. You stood a chance in the beginning. But now you have dug a whole so big, it will take a the grace of God to lift you from it. You are banking on the om and his wife never saying anything. You put your future and your family's future in the hands of two people outside your family. Does that make any sense to you? You placed your decision in the hands of a person you described as a sociopath:eek:. Yet you want to come on here and stamp your feet and pout that no one knows your H or that you will do it when you are good and ready. Brilliant. Take some responsibility for yourself, stop letting the wind blow you whatever direction it chooses and you wait for the next gale to move. You have done all the speaking for your H because you haven't given him the information or the opportunity to speak for himself. Sounds like you are his mother not his wife. His partner, the person who wouldn't do anything to hurt him. Yet, all your actions some how impact his life and he doesn't even know it, and if he does, I would bet money he has no idea the extent.
lkjh Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Bent, we are just wasting are time. She acts like that child that puts their hand on the stove and then does it again.
bentnotbroken Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Bent, we are just wasting are time. She acts like that child that puts their hand on the stove and then does it again. Indeed. I feel so strongly that her H is going to be hurt to the point of doing something to himself. If he loves her as much as she used to state, I can only imagine the devastation that he is going to go through when he finds out from somebody other than her.
Author forbidden fruit Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 What hole have I dug. I have not been in contact with xmm. What now has changed since the last time I have posted?
Author forbidden fruit Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 Just so u know bent and lkjh u are on my ignore list so I would not bother posting because I cannot read it. Just telling you so u don't waste your time.
bentnotbroken Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 If you still haven't told your husband, nothing has changed, except more time has passed when you could have grown a pair and done the right thing. The hole....one of continued deceit and ignored responsibility. The hole of waiting for someone else to do your job. You are still soooo fogged over you don't get it, or is it you don't want to get it.
bentnotbroken Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Just so u know bent and lkjh u are on my ignore list so I would not bother posting because I cannot read it. Just telling you so u don't waste your time. I am sooo hurt:rolleyes:
JamesM Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 If you still haven't told your husband, nothing has changed, except more time has passed when you could have grown a pair and done the right thing. The hole....one of continued deceit and ignored responsibility. The hole of waiting for someone else to do your job. You are still soooo fogged over you don't get it, or is it you don't want to get it. It is possible that he knows nothing, yet it is unlikely. The longer the affair, the more likely he knows something, Waiting for someone else to tell him is a gamble. It may pay off in that he ie never told, but yet there is still the guilt that stays.
RecordProducer Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 FF, I think I understand how you felt for MM in the past. While I haven't been in a similar situation, I do know how toxic love can be. I think you're already stressed enough and the pressure you're getting on this board to tell your husband about the affair is not making things easier for you. Of course you shouldn't tell him unless you absolutely feel compelled to do so. Whether he deserves to know or not is a valid question, but it's up to you to make a decision for your whole family now. Your husband and children will be better off NOT knowing about the affair, especially if that brings divorce into perspective. Next, you must make it a goal, a strong determination to get this loser out of your mind and heart - and then do whatever it takes to achieve that. If you can't move away from that street/town, you'll have to get your sh*t together and see the reality of the situation. He is not doing any good to you, he is just causing harm. You're not happier with him in your life; you're less happy because of him. Find a grain of wisdom inside you to convince yourself that you deserve to be happy; you don't deserve to be a walking mess. One of your posts indicated that you saw him for who he was all this time. Good! Go back to your husband and children (in your heart and mind) and force yourself to forget about this man. There is no other solution, as WWIU pointed out. The alternative is to move, but that's just running away from the problem and admitting that you're too weak to handle this. You're not too weak - you want to be too weak. You allowed yourself to be too weak, because you focused on your hopes for a future with MM. There is no future. There is nothing there. he's one big nothing in your life and you have to start thinking of him as such. Discard any thoughts of him as soon as they touch your mind. Think of them as a bunch of mosquitoes that you want to get rid off. You have a good husband, you have kids, you have a home. You don't have MM, you don't need MM. It seems like your mind is idle enough to retain thoughts of MM and your life is not exciting enough. Find excitement elsewhere and revive the romance in your marriage. But erase this POS from your life once and for all.
Owl Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 RP, how do you propose she get this man out of her heart and her mind, when he's her NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR? I would agree with you, but there's no way to enforce NC in this situation without moving...which is why this has been brought up over and over. FF, I don't think that there is a single thing anyone can do to help you, or what kind of support we can give you that would truly help you work out your situation. You've been given the same advice by nearly every single poster here...and steadfastly refuse to consider it in any fashion. What kind of support are you hoping for from LS? What is it you hope to gain posting here? What is it that we can provide that will REALLY help you? (not just make you feel good...that's not always 'support' or 'helping you')
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