Star Gazer Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Shygirl's comment in another thread ("The best way to make a woman want you so bad is to avoid kissing her on first date.") made me think of this. Do men know this? Do they know that making a woman wait for even a simple kiss will drive them insane? Is it a trick? A tool to get a woman more interested? Or is the more likely scenario that they're apprehensive about kissing her? If so, why? Obviously, if a guy "just isn't that into" a woman, he probably won't kiss her. But assuming he is interested in her and even makes plans with her again, why wouldn't he kiss her? On the first date? The second? The third? The fourth?!
Green Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 seriously I would never wait for a kiss it sounds like a lame tactic. I've never kissed a girl and had it go bad because of the kiss.
Vertex Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 I don't kiss based on a 1st date/2nd date/etc heuristic. I kiss when the time's right Or at least, when I work up the courage, haha.
Trialbyfire Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 It is a lame tactic. There are moments in time to kiss someone during the first part of the dating process. If the guy doesn't, he gives the impression of disinterest. For myself, any sign of disinterest, shuts down my interest level...cold. But then, I'm a distancer.
betterthandead Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 I tend to agree with this. I prefer it to kiss when the opportunity arises and I feel comfortable. I don't kiss based on a 1st date/2nd date/etc heuristic. I kiss when the time's right Or at least, when I work up the courage, haha.
flc Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 If the date went well and I am interested then I go in for a kiss at the end. If I am not interested then no kiss. If I get the kiss on the lips or cheek then I assume their is some mutual interest.
Stockalone Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Do men know this? Do they know that making a woman wait for even a simple kiss will drive them insane? I know now. Is it a trick? A tool to get a woman more interested? Or is the more likely scenario that they're apprehensive about kissing her? If so, why? Obviously, if a guy "just isn't that into" a woman, he probably won't kiss her. But assuming he is interested in her and even makes plans with her again, why wouldn't he kiss her? On the first date? The second? The third? The fourth?! I have never initiated a kiss on a first, or even a second date. However, that has not been for the purpose of keeping the woman on her toes. I am nervous and shy around the women I like and I suck at reading a woman's body language.
carhill Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Do men know this? Do they know that making a woman wait for even a simple kiss will drive them insane? Is it a trick? A tool to get a woman more interested? 1. No 2. No, because, IME with exactly this path, it does not "drive them insane"; if they're not overwhelmingly sure of the chemistry, it's a one-way ticket to the friendzone. 3. No, it's not a trick. At least, it was never purposely used as a trick by myself 4. IMO, it's a tool to get a woman less interested, not more. A basic tenant of a relationship vs a friendship is romantic and sexual contact, and kissing and touching one's partner is a part of that. If such interest isn't indicated non-verbally, then the other person is left to wonder. That's not a good thing, especially when another guy won't leave her wondering. This is another great example of what women saying and actually doing and feeling not matching up and a great reason why men should take advice about women from men
Author Star Gazer Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 Let's add some other factors into the mix. What if the guy isn't feeling well? Has a cold, a stomach ache, or a migraine? Would this make him simply disinterested in kissing, period, regardless of who it is? What if the guy is also casually dating other women? Do any guys think that in kissing a woman they'd be leading her on? What if the the girl didn't overtly flirt with the guy for most of the date, but she's made it ridiculously clear previously that she is very interested? Would he think she didn't want him to kiss her simply because she wasn't obvious about her desire at the end of that date? Based on previous experiences, these are the explanations that have been given to me by men I've dated who made me wait. Each time it's driven me nutso. Had any of these guys not made their interest in seeing me clear (as in following up and planning another date quickly), I would have written them off as being disinterested.
fral945 Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Shygirl's comment in another thread ("The best way to make a woman want you so bad is to avoid kissing her on first date.") made me think of this. Do men know this? Do they know that making a woman wait for even a simple kiss will drive them insane? Is it a trick? A tool to get a woman more interested? I agree with carhill. It's another case of a woman's words and actions not meshing. If you don't act on the first date with a woman she will find a man that does. Most women expect men to be the initiators and many want the men to be smitten with them immediately. Personally, I've been pretty slow in initiating things in the past (i.e., first kiss) when I have had interest and it definitely does not work. IME, as a guy, it pays to be more proactive with women and let the women be reactive. It almost never works the other way around. The last two first dates I went on I didn't kiss either woman and each one immediately questioned me during our follow up conversation if there was a lack of interest on my part after the date. They were both interested in me, but truth was I wasn't interested in the first case and the other was lukewarm interest. Obviously, if a guy "just isn't that into" a woman, he probably won't kiss her. But assuming he is interested in her and even makes plans with her again, why wouldn't he kiss her? On the first date? The second? The third? The fourth?! You can have lukewarm interest on the first date. This happens to me quite often. I tend to push a lot of the initial emotional and sexual feelings to the side and think practically first if she and I are a good fit, no matter how good looking she is or how well the conversation goes. I think after 2 or 3, though, if you really are interested you'll go in for the kill.
Author Star Gazer Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 This is another great example of what women saying and actually doing and feeling not matching up and a great reason why men should take advice about women from men I don't understand why you're talking about this being a good example of a WOMAN's words and actions not matching up. Here, it's the MAN's words ("I had a great time, and I'd like to see you again...") not matching up with the actions (no kiss).
Stockalone Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 I don't understand why you're talking about this being a good example of a WOMAN's words and actions not matching up. Here, it's the MAN's words ("I had a great time, and I'd like to see you again...") not matching up with the actions (no kiss). Why are his actions (asking you out again and then going on a second date) not matching his words ("I had a great time, and I'd like to see you again...") ?
carhill Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 1. Women (some) say a man making them wait will/does drive them "insane". 2. Women express continuing interest in men who are expressive and upfront physically. Witness "oh, just a hug" which I took to mean she expected more, and her actions (disinterest thereafter) bore that out. Her words and actions matched. I'll bet the UPS guy she married didn't just hug her on the first date. Just one example from my vast library
Author Star Gazer Posted October 27, 2008 Author Posted October 27, 2008 Why are his actions (asking you out again and then going on a second date) not matching his words ("I had a great time, and I'd like to see you again...") ? I guess I mean from a romantic standpoint. When it's obvious that a woman wants to be kissed, to not do so but still ask her for another outing suggests he doesn't see her in a romantic light. Right? Can you tell I'm getting frustrated and confused? LOL
likestolaugh Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 Let's add some other factors into the mix. What if the guy isn't feeling well? Has a cold, a stomach ache, or a migraine? Would this make him simply disinterested in kissing, period, regardless of who it is? In my case (with my last date), it was actually her that was kinda sick. So I didn't kiss her... not because of that mind you (I just didn't feel the time/place was right)... but she seems to want to see me again, and expressed that at the end of the date. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t168052/ anyway, she may have thought that I didn't go in for the kiss because of how she was feeling, which I think would normally be a legit excuse. As long as you verbally make things sure, I'd say it's good. Oh, and follow up the next day (I sent her a nice text expressing interest, got a nice reponse back). then again, I'm no expert . Then again, none of us are... and that's mostly why we're here, lol
flc Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 I guess I mean from a romantic standpoint. When it's obvious that a woman wants to be kissed, to not do so but still ask her for another outing suggests he doesn't see her in a romantic light. Right? Can you tell I'm getting frustrated and confused? LOL If this is the first date and he is asking you for a second then I would say no. Maybe he just wants to play it safe and not come on too strong and will wait for the second date for the kiss. Maybe his experience is that the women he has dated generally don't kiss on the first date. Asking you out means he is interested, if you give signs that you are interested and he doesn't go for the kiss on the second date then I would be confused. And yes if you are sick it is probably not polite to kiss someone unless you have a relationship and even then depends on how sick you are. If I have a bad cold I will not even shake someone's hand.
sandflea Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 If this is the first date and he is asking you for a second then I would say no. Maybe he just wants to play it safe and not come on too strong and will wait for the second date for the kiss. Maybe his experience is that the women he has dated generally don't kiss on the first date. Asking you out means he is interested, if you give signs that you are interested and he doesn't go for the kiss on the second date then I would be confused. And yes if you are sick it is probably not polite to kiss someone unless you have a relationship and even then depends on how sick you are. If I have a bad cold I will not even shake someone's hand. In my experience (with a few rare exceptions) - maybe a peck on the first date, but mostly I wait until the time "feels" right. So many variables - is it a dinner date versus a lunch date? Did you two really "click"? More often than not it's obvious to me when someone wants to be kissed. You know the signs - lingering eye contact, sharing personal space, private time - intimate stories, desires, wants and needs. When someone opens up to you and stares you pie-eyed in the face, you're both standing close, silence decends on you - yeah - time to plant one! LOL! SF
Stockalone Posted October 27, 2008 Posted October 27, 2008 I guess I mean from a romantic standpoint. When it's obvious that a woman wants to be kissed, to not do so but still ask her for another outing suggests he doesn't see her in a romantic light. Right? Asking for a second date means interest, at least that is how it is for me. Heck, a first date means there is a romantic interest. I would never date a woman if there was no romantic interest. However, that romantic interest needs to be reinforced/verified through a couple of dates to get to know the woman better before I want to kiss her. Come to think of it, I had one woman initiate a kiss on the first date and that date turned into a total disaster. I guess I need to thank my lucky stars that at least some of the women I dated put up with me past the first few dates and didn't write me off as not being interested or worse.
Recommended Posts