lofi_tokyo Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Thank you for saying that. I don't know why it helps, but it does! I think part of what's making it a little tougher is that I'm having a very hard time imagining being friends with him in the future. I am pretty sure that if I were to contact him and want to be friends, he would want to (he told me that the last day we saw each other), but I don't want to. Though I thought I could, right now I just see no benefit to being friends with him. Maybe in time my feelings will change, but I think it's going to be quite a while. I feel the same Ruby! Though I was not really the dumper in my relationship, I feel the same. Friendship is definately possible right now, but I don't really want it, don't see a point, really. Maybe a long time from now, but as it stands, I'm not interested in the concept. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 Almost two years, all but 8 months of it long distance. I didn't feel that we had real closeness, or that we were really working toward any kind of future together. I tried to just relax and not worry about it, but the fact is I was never really happy and content with him. The times it really felt right were fleeting. I felt that he kept me at arm's length. Whenever I got more distant in response, he would work hard to lure me back in, and as soon as we got close, he would push me away again immediately. He was very hot and cold, and it was exhausting for me. I started to realize that he would be great FWB material, but was not good relationship material. And since FWB is not what I want, I moved on. yeah when a person is hot and cold...it is exhausting. Especially when you love that person. My ex was like that too at times and it would come on so suddenly. One minute he was happy to be with me, the next he didnt want to be bothered. I hated that cause I did not have peace. Thank God you did not do the FWB thing....that would have drove you crazy too. I dont believe in going from full relationship to reduced to FWB....it is a insult. What is so weird is that he texts me some of the dumpest stuff....like "are you busy, I need help with the computer?....Im like, what in the hell are you talkng about. I dont respond but it is irritating....I dont get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 12, 2008 Author Share Posted October 12, 2008 What is so weird is that he texts me some of the dumpest stuff....like "are you busy, I need help with the computer?....Im like, what in the hell are you talkng about. I dont respond but it is irritating....I dont get it. Sounds like he wants to maintain a tie, but wasn't capable of being fully invested in a relationship. I think you're right not to respond to his lame texts. You can do better. Link to post Share on other sites
CherishG Posted October 12, 2008 Share Posted October 12, 2008 for me, there's not one second in the day that I don't wonder, especially knowing we have a baby together. I know he misses her because he calls all the time to ask about her or wanting to see her, and to be honest it KILLS ME each time because I sometimes wish deep down inside that he wants to call to miss me too. but...I will never know, and with my tough situation of trying to separate the pain of our relationship ending, and his rights as a father of our baby, it eats me alive each time. It's like having your heart ripped out of ur chest over and over like a broken record. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted October 12, 2008 Share Posted October 12, 2008 Sounds like he wants to maintain a tie, but wasn't capable of being fully invested in a relationship. I think you're right not to respond to his lame texts. You can do better. You hit it on the nose!! That was what we were going thru. Thank you for responding. I think he does want to remain tied together. He wasnt fully invested in our relationship. So yes, Im not dealing with him. I hope we get back together on better terms but I wont be making any moves and I will be care watching his if he makes any. I was a good girlfriend. I supported him in everything..EVERYthing. He lost a good woman Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted October 12, 2008 Share Posted October 12, 2008 for me, there's not one second in the day that I don't wonder, especially knowing we have a baby together. I know he misses her because he calls all the time to ask about her or wanting to see her, and to be honest it KILLS ME each time because I sometimes wish deep down inside that he wants to call to miss me too. but...I will never know, and with my tough situation of trying to separate the pain of our relationship ending, and his rights as a father of our baby, it eats me alive each time. It's like having your heart ripped out of ur chest over and over like a broken record. I feel for you cause this is kinda hard. Right now you need to protect yourself too. I think maybe to avoid him, you should arrange for him to pick up the baby from a friends house or relative so you dont have to see him for a while until YOU ARE READY. I would take that route for a while. It does not have to be forever....but temporarily until things get better for you. Link to post Share on other sites
CherishG Posted October 12, 2008 Share Posted October 12, 2008 I feel for you cause this is kinda hard. Right now you need to protect yourself too. I think maybe to avoid him, you should arrange for him to pick up the baby from a friends house or relative so you dont have to see him for a while until YOU ARE READY. I would take that route for a while. It does not have to be forever....but temporarily until things get better for you. trust me, I really really want to do it this way, have a "proxy" be there when he takes her, or spends time with her. I would do anything NOT to see him because its far too painful. BUT he won't have it that way. He tells me that he wants me to be there when he spends time with her since she's still a baby and ofcourse is much closer to me since I'm her mother. Our daughter tends to look for me all the time since she's not really used to too many people yet, including her own father. I have no family out here, my ex was really all I had when I came out here. Now it's just me and my daughter. This really sucks... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 12, 2008 Author Share Posted October 12, 2008 I have no family out here, my ex was really all I had when I came out here. Now it's just me and my daughter. This really sucks... This sounds so hard. It really makes my situation seem like small potatoes. I hope you can make a friend or two, because I think that will really help. I have moved around a lot, and in the last city, a single mom who had recently gotten divorced befriended me. Her situation was a little easier because she had her family there to keep her daughter when we went out. I just think it's really important to have someone on your side who will listen and understand, so I hope you can find that. Maybe a playgroup with other single moms or something like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ruby Slippers Posted October 12, 2008 Author Share Posted October 12, 2008 I was a good girlfriend. I supported him in everything..EVERYthing. He lost a good woman Save that for someone who will truly appreciate it, and truly appreciate you. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Save that for someone who will truly appreciate it, and truly appreciate you. Yeah, sad but true Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 trust me, I really really want to do it this way, have a "proxy" be there when he takes her, or spends time with her. I would do anything NOT to see him because its far too painful. BUT he won't have it that way. He tells me that he wants me to be there when he spends time with her since she's still a baby and ofcourse is much closer to me since I'm her mother. Our daughter tends to look for me all the time since she's not really used to too many people yet, including her own father. I have no family out here, my ex was really all I had when I came out here. Now it's just me and my daughter. This really sucks... You got to do something...this is horrible and he has the upper hand. I would figure something out. Something has to give Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Mine let me go so easily, saying, "You'll find someone else," and telling me he could stay with me and pretend but he'd be lying. Thus, I know he hasn't missed me for a second. It was weird that he called me after almost a year, I'm not sure why that happened. But I know he hasn't missed me at all. I doubt he's even given me a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 Mine let me go so easily, saying, "You'll find someone else," and telling me he could stay with me and pretend but he'd be lying. Thus, I know he hasn't missed me for a second. It was weird that he called me after almost a year, I'm not sure why that happened. But I know he hasn't missed me at all. I doubt he's even given me a thought. I think you are being hard on yourself.. lighten up. Link to post Share on other sites
BackonTrack Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I know my ex doesn't miss me. I sometimes think she'll come back but then I say "Nope, that will never happen" Started cheating on me 15 months ago. Started denying me sex 11 months ago Found out about cheating 8 months ago. Been 7 months NC Phone call indicating I was harassing her 5 months ago. I sent Drunken text 2 months ago. Looking at the stats, ex was detaching herself slowly from me all that time. I noticed but wrote it off as she's acting weird. I was tototally blinded. Despite it all I Dont hate her... she did mess me up for a good 7 months Gave me a STD & Blamed me for everything. In the end, there has not been a day that has gone bye that I don't think about her. Link to post Share on other sites
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