RecordProducer Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I couldn't disagree more. That principle, in my experience, applies FAR more to women than to men. It's true that men want a challenge, but when women play that "untouchable" game, it does little more than irritate them. I don't want a woman to make me work for her attentions, just like I wouldn't have a woman work for mine. Playing that game is a very quick route to getting your ass unceremoniously dropped. I'd MUCH, MUCH, MUCH rather date a girl who is wise, witty, and good-hearted than one who just strings you along, playing aloof and disinterested, trying her best to keep you on the hook. I don't have patience for that bull****, and I know a lot of other people who don't either. There is something to be said for not giving yourself away too soon, however. Being careful.I am not talking about the bullsh*t, I am talking about being really untouchable. Yes, women have the same mindset. Let's imagine that George Clooney starts flirting with me; regardless of the outcome, I would feel very flattered. Why - because not everyone can have Clooney, it would mean I am really special. If, however, the same guy with the same looks, were just a regular guy, let's say an engineer, I would be glad (he's kinda handsome), but certainly wouldn't call all my friends immediately to tell them "Guess who just asked me out!" We feel special when people who are above our league pay attention to us. But if the same big Clooney started drooling over me, I'd lose the feeling that he's so special. I am always very interesting to those men who shouldn't really bother hitting on me. For some reason, they like to test their "value" on me. In my entire life, I've never had a man who was close to both my looks and age making advances. That's why many women are single, because they don't like the ones who try to hook up with them. The other end is: people who date and marry the "safe" partners. I am like that. I subconsciously think that if I am a "jackpot" for them, that they will love me more. It's a bad thing, I know. It never turns out well, because these men feel insecure around me and always end up hurting me. So the profile that the original poster described is often single because she doesn't like the guys who approach her and the ones that she would hook up with - just don't approach her, they want someone who is not so good. Please note that I am not making a general rule from this; I am just describing a phenomenon that I've noticed happens sometimes.
Green Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I couldn't disagree more. That principle, in my experience, applies FAR more to women than to men. It's true that men want a challenge, but when women play that "untouchable" game, it does little more than irritate them. I don't want a woman to make me work for her attentions, just like I wouldn't have a woman work for mine. Playing that game is a very quick route to getting your ass unceremoniously dropped. I'd MUCH, MUCH, MUCH rather date a girl who is wise, witty, and good-hearted than one who just strings you along, playing aloof and disinterested, trying her best to keep you on the hook. I don't have patience for that bull****, and I know a lot of other people who don't either. There is something to be said for not giving yourself away too soon, however. Being careful. seriously this definetly aplies much more to women. Like if I hear a girl is single I love that, but if women here a guy is dating some new girl it makes them want him even more. As far as girls at bars and clubs they are the same girls you see everywhere else when you are talking about the early twenties age group. Not to mention the same girl is alot easier to form a relationship with if you meet her at a houseparty then if you met them at a club because they are so leary of the sterio typical club guy just looking to get laid
Author Isolde Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 Record producer makes the interesting point that guys like girls to be somewhat detached... in the beginning stages of a relationship. I have a friend whose bf actually admitted he liked it better when she was aloof... kind of jerky thing to say but he was just being honest, things are better between them now though. I think she does somewhat understate the value of being good, kind, witty etc (because anyone I"d want to date would value those things), but it seems there's some truth to men not liking a woman to be too easy to catch. But I still don't think this is specifically MY problem because I can count the number of guys I've asked out on one hand.
Author Isolde Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 They don't make eye contact with men in stores and such, then later complain how men won't talk to them. You act as though all a girl has to do is bat her eyelashes... and people will start up a deep conversation that proves compatibility, then exchange numbers, then go on a date. Doesn't work like that for any of my friends. I also don't get the deal with "nice guy friends..." Not all women have guy friends madly in love with them around, ya know. I think a lot of guys have unrealistic ideas of what it's like to be a girl.
You'reasian Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 (I'm not really talking about myself, though I guess I would be considered attractive by many (certainly not all) guys). I've noticed that there are a surprising number of really nice, "successful" but not power hungry, pretty girls who face constant rejection from guys they like. What I've noticed these girls have in common is that they're all kind, considerate of others, and attractive without having to be "hot" and "sexy" and the center of attention. This sounds like the kind of woman I WANT to bring home to mother. This one is not... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1856936#post1856936 I can name 2 off the top of my head who fit these criteria: an old school friend of mine and a college friend of my sister's. As well as of course many girls on this board. All serially single but not crazy prudes. In fact many of them love sexual relationships. They just don't want to date the first guy that likes them. Judging by what guys say they want, these girls should be popular with men. But they're not. Is it possible that the "nice guy" syndrome applies to women also? Yes. But the nice girls aren't meeting the nice guys somehow?
Author Isolde Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 But if the same big Clooney started drooling over me, I'd lose the feeling that he's so special. Some qualifications to what you said, though: Don't agree at all about the Cloony analogy: I think what you say is only true if status and fame appeal to you (those two things do NOTHING for me). I also think that many guys go after girls who they may not have a great chance with because they simply HAVE A CRUSH ON THE GIRL, not because she's intrinsically hard to get.
Author Isolde Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 I just feel kind of immature because when I like guys, I don't like them for who they ARE because they never give me a chance to get to know them properly. When I crush on a guy, it's so superficial, and usually very fleeting. I yearn for deeper connections, but those are so hard for me. Because I'm not the easiest person to get to know or to feel 100% comfortable with, people often don't give me a chance. I know I don't give everyone a chance either... sigh.
pandagirl Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 I yearn for deeper connections, but those are so hard for me. Because I'm not the easiest person to get to know or to feel 100% comfortable with, people often don't give me a chance. I know I don't give everyone a chance either... sigh. I feel the same way. I have the experience of guys being really into me in the beginning, but I'm just not comfortable being so open right away. So in turn, they get a little turned off and lose interest in me. It's takes awhile to get to me know me. Unfortunately, that can be a negative in the world of dating.
RecordProducer Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 I think she does somewhat understate the value of being good, kind, witty etc (because anyone I"d want to date would value those things), but it seems there's some truth to men not liking a woman to be too easy to catch. Of course those things matter, but not so much in the first round of the stupid game. Actually wit, intelligence and education might be part of the girl's league. Don't agree at all about the Cloony analogy: I think what you say is only true if status and fame appeal to you (those two things do NOTHING for me). Personally, it does nothing for me either. Most people have a clear picture of what is above their league. If it's not fame, it's looks, if not looks, then money or younger age or more education or everything together. I also think that many guys go after girls who they may not have a great chance with because they simply HAVE A CRUSH ON THE GIRL, not because she's intrinsically hard to get.Yes, that's true, but why do unattractive guys chase the hottest girls, why do well-educated men marry uneducated women (and vice verse); and why do so many people jump out of their league in so many aspects? I just feel kind of immature because when I like guys, I don't like them for who they ARE because they never give me a chance to get to know them properly. When I crush on a guy, it's so superficial, and usually very fleeting.Yes, because people don't get to know each other right away, how you present youself to others plays the main role at the begining. When our radars detect self-confidence, our ainner alarm instinctively recognizes a high-quality person (which might be completely fake and well-learned).
carhill Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 It's takes awhile to get to me know me. Unfortunately, that can be a negative in the world of dating. Define "awhile" I dated my wife for 10 months and we were engaged for another 9 months prior to getting married. Is that "awhile"? What do you mean by "so open"?
Green Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Like I said the chronicaly single girl is a very easy phenom to spot because of things like Facebook. Now this thread got me thinking about that and once again I am hitting on these serially single girls in my area. So its her own fault she's serialy single in this case she won't even hang out with me... I am only one guy though maybe she hates me for some reason. Oh and as for easy girls this girl last week at a dance club pinched me and then out of no where kinda pulled all the moves on me and wanted dance and then we were kissing and I've been thinking about her alot can't wait till I get to see her again.
Author Isolde Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 I don't think this is really an issue of "leagues." I don't even know if I believe in leagues, quite frankly. Anyone can date anyone if the mutual interest is there. We're people, not factory goods that can be classified like A, B, C. I never thought anyone that I rejected or who rejected me was "out of my league," it just didn't work. And besides, if what you're saying is true (that no one dates within their league), how come you see so many doctors marry other doctors, or people getting with people from work? In general like DOES attract like.
Author Isolde Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 Like I said the chronicaly single girl is a very easy phenom to spot because of things like Facebook. Now this thread got me thinking about that and once again I am hitting on these serially single girls in my area. So its her own fault she's serialy single in this case she won't even hang out with me... I am only one guy though maybe she hates me for some reason. Oh and as for easy girls this girl last week at a dance club pinched me and then out of no where kinda pulled all the moves on me and wanted dance and then we were kissing and I've been thinking about her alot can't wait till I get to see her again. I've been tempted to go back to the bars and clubs route but I don't think it's good for me. Too bad because dancing is fun.
Green Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 No there is no such thing as leagues but if there was your hottness puts you in the Major leagues but I do think you could fall in love with some weird bum guy if he romanced you. Thats all you need is some romance and adventure in your life something cool/sexy to do
Author Isolde Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 No there is no such thing as leagues but if there was your hottness puts you in the Major leagues but I do think you could fall in love with some weird bum guy if he romanced you. Thats all you need is some romance and adventure in your life something cool/sexy to do You mean like a real bum? Okay, now THAT'S out of my league
Green Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 well you should go take some kind of action I mean realisticaly you don't have to be single anymore by the time this weekend is over
Author Isolde Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 If you mean hook up with someone, no thanks. Not my style. Besides, hooking up doesn't take away serially single status, right?
Green Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 If you mean hook up with someone, no thanks. Not my style. Besides, hooking up doesn't take away serially single status, right? No I didn't mean hook up I meant you could go to the beach and read a book or go to the farmers market or a museum or what ever and just be really nice and a guy who you like would probably ask you out and it wouldn't just be a sex thing. Go hang pool I always talk to the girls at the pool
monkey00 Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 It might've been mentioned already but as usual, relationships always boil down to personality. If someone doesn't have the persona to back up the looks, then obviously it isn't going to work out long-term. Obviously if they have both then it definitely makes them a great catch. However I think aside from the personality dept. Just on the topic of looks alone for either sex really plays a major role on the type of people you wind up attracting. To play devil's advocate and play the generalization of stereotyping here...most people would agree that an attractive person is bound to attract multiple sexual partners because of their beauty, and in that effect are incapable of being long-term material. However, it may be true or untrue depending on the individual. But people are always judgmental of looks on first sight. The average person could spot that attractive person and have that idea cycle through their heads and already write them off as LTR potential and instead use them for sex. Looks are a paradox if you ask me. You get out of life with your appearance by the way people treat or have expectations of you because of the way you appear to them OR do you dictate the situation by using your looks? therefore your environment creates 'you' rather that allowing yourself to dictate who 'you' really is and control the environment. (Read this over several times and you might understand what I'm trying to say) At my job there's a stunning half Portuguese, half Irish girl. With the curves and body to kill. To be blunt, yes I would do her in a heartbeat. But for some reason she lacks depth to her personality that would allow me to want to get to know her better as a person. Most of the female co-workers I have are catty and don't like her for some reason. I think she's an OK person, but I wonder if her looks are allowing her to be a vain person at times or if she had a spoiled upbringing. She's definitely not a slut or the flirty type of person, but there's just major depth lacking from her as a person.
pandagirl Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Define "awhile" I dated my wife for 10 months and we were engaged for another 9 months prior to getting married. Is that "awhile"? What do you mean by "so open"? Anywhere from 3 months to a year! I have really good friends now, that I've known for four years, that I've just started feeling comfortable opening up to. "So open" means...being verbal with my emotions/affections. Feeling like I can be myself.
Author Isolde Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 No I didn't mean hook up I meant you could go to the beach and read a book or go to the farmers market or a museum or what ever and just be really nice and a guy who you like would probably ask you out and it wouldn't just be a sex thing. Go hang pool I always talk to the girls at the pool I guess I should try to be friendlier to guys when I'm out in public (nothing to lose, right?) but the thing is, there are NO single guys in my city. I'm not kidding. I live in one of the most paired up cities I've ever seen. For this reason, starting up a conversation could get really awkward.
Green Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 It might've been mentioned already but as usual, relationships always boil down to personality. If someone doesn't have the persona to back up the looks, then obviously it isn't going to work out long-term. Obviously if they have both then it definitely makes them a great catch. However I think aside from the personality dept. Just on the topic of looks alone for either sex really plays a major role on the type of people you wind up attracting. To play devil's advocate and play the generalization of stereotyping here...most people would agree that an attractive person is bound to attract multiple sexual partners because of their beauty, and in that effect are incapable of being long-term material. However, it may be true or untrue depending on the individual. But people are always judgmental of looks on first sight. The average person could spot that attractive person and have that idea cycle through their heads and already write them off as LTR potential and instead use them for sex. Looks are a paradox if you ask me. You get out of life with your appearance by the way people treat or have expectations of you because of the way you appear to them OR do you dictate the situation by using your looks? therefore your environment creates 'you' rather that allowing yourself to dictate who 'you' really is and control the environment. (Read this over several times and you might understand what I'm trying to say) At my job there's a stunning half Portuguese, half Irish girl. With the curves and body to kill. To be blunt, yes I would do her in a heartbeat. But for some reason she lacks depth to her personality that would allow me to want to get to know her better as a person. Most of the female co-workers I have are catty and don't like her for some reason. I think she's an OK person, but I wonder if her looks are allowing her to be a vain person at times or if she had a spoiled upbringing. She's definitely not a slut or the flirty type of person, but there's just major depth lacking from her as a person. this serially single attractive girl is 22 though do you really think guys in her age group for the past few years care about depth... and your Irish/port girls sounds super hot Private Message me the location lol
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