Is he throwing toys?

[Owl]

.. he isn't married. He is engaged.

 

They have been living together for 5 years. Engaged for 2. No ring. No date.

 

Both he and I have been married before.

 

Does that change anything?

 

Oh please say it does.

 

Well...I guess the only people who's opinions MATTER on that subject would be yours, his, and his fiancee's.

 

I think it doesn't change anything...but then again...my opinion isn't an important one in this process.

[whichwayisup]

It's about him. I love everything about him. We're very similar in many ways.

 

And well.... we just clicked.

 

Blue - That's not friendship - That's being inlove. That's wanting MORE than a friendship. Settling for less is only going to continue doing damage to you! I wish you'd see this.

[blueberry]

...my opinion isn't an important one in this process.

 

 

If it wasn't - why would I be asking you?

 

We all rely on each other for a little cyber shake-up / slap.

 

If we didn't - there would be no forum.

 

And for that, I thank you.

[TogetherForever]

Maybe you can sit down with him & his fiance & talk this out.

 

No?

 

TF

[blueberry]

How can they be engaged if there's no ring? That's odd. Are you sure he isn't pulling a fast one on you? Think about it......

 

 

Because material things are not important. He'll buy her a big fat rock when he is good and ready. What counts is that he proposed.

 

He surely isn't "pulling a fast one". It took him a while to own up to the fact he was engaged (i thought she was "merely" a girlfriend).

 

He came clean about the fact they are also trying for a baby. She is 35 (I'm 32) and has had problems so now she is doing the whole temperature taking / having sex during her most fertile times.

 

Get this: (ok - now I'm getting mad) - when he came clean about the fact they had been trying for a baby. He admitted:

 

a) he doesn't want to have one (with her) [although possibly a lie];

b) he "just lies there" whilst she "does all the work"; and GET THIS

c) if it makes me feel any better - he had to THINK OF ME THE WHOLE TIME!

 

Gee, thank you. I'm honoured.

 

What a c*nt.

[TogetherForever]

Because material things are not important. He'll buy her a big fat rock when he is good and ready. What counts is that he proposed.

 

He surely isn't "pulling a fast one". It took him a while to own up to the fact he was engaged (i thought she was "merely" a girlfriend).

 

He came clean about the fact they are also trying for a baby. She is 35 (I'm 32) and has had problems so now she is doing the whole temperature taking / having sex during her most fertile times.

 

Get this: (ok - now I'm getting mad) - when he came clean about the fact they had been trying for a baby. He admitted:

 

a) he doesn't want to have one (with her) [although possibly a lie];

b) he "just lies there" whilst she "does all the work"; and GET THIS

c) if it makes me feel any better - he had to THINK OF ME THE WHOLE TIME!

 

Gee, thank you. I'm honoured.

 

What a c*nt.

 

 

Do you really think he'd tell you the truth?

 

My God, my fiance rocks my world in bed.

I would have no other than my fiance bear my children.

 

Most likely, what he's told you is the complete opposite.

[TogetherForever]

Did you call his fiance the C word?

 

That wasn't very nice & really not called for.

[blueberry]

Did you call his fiance the C word?

 

That wasn't very nice & really not called for.

 

 

I called HIM the C word. Re-read my post.

 

What *isn't* very nice and un-called for - is me shagging her fiancee.

[blueberry]

My God, my fiance rocks my world in bed.

I would have no other than my fiance bear my children.

 

Most likely, what he's told you is the complete opposite.

 

 

I happen to believe him. He is very honest about everything else and has no need to lie to me.

 

He's told me worse.

[TogetherForever]

I called HIM the C word. Re-read my post.

 

What *isn't* very nice and un-called for - is me shagging her fiancee.

 

 

Ooops. I've never heard of a guy being called the C word.

My bad.

 

Then don't shag her fiancee, don't fantasize over him, don't, don't,

don't & don't.

 

You'll thank us later for telling you this.

 

TF

[TogetherForever]

I happen to believe him. He is very honest about everything else and has no need to lie to me.

 

He's told me worse.

 

 

I repeat, don't, don't, don't & don't.

[Owl]

I repeat, don't, don't, don't & don't.

 

TF, I hate it when you're so ambiguous.

 

Please...stop being shy, and come out with how you REALLY feel!

 

:D :D

[whichwayisup]

Some men are worthy of the C word, and he definately is.

 

9/10 what a MM (well he's almost a MM) tells their OW (same goes with MW to their OM) isn't really true.

 

Do you really believe he would go through this with her? Her fertility and try for a baby, be engaged yet tell you he isn't really into her or having a baby? He's just along for the ride?

 

He has no reason to lie to you? Try he'll OMIT truths from you, to keep you in his life. He'll make it seem like he's just not too happy at home..Just enough to keep you interested and on your toes.

 

Fact - He IS lying and has been lying to fiance, so what makes you so special that he wouldn't ever lie to you? Or omit truths?

[blueberry]

Ooops. I've never heard of a guy being called the C word.

My bad.

TF

 

 

Hello! London calling!

[TogetherForever]

TF, I hate it when you're so ambiguous.

 

Please...stop being shy, and come out with how you REALLY feel!

 

:D :D

 

 

:pYou're the best Owl!!!

 

TF

[TogetherForever]

Hello! London calling!

 

 

I just figured that out.

[TogetherForever]

BlueBerry,

 

Think long & hard about this please!!!!!

 

TTYS

 

TF

[blueberry]

Fact - He IS lying and has been lying to fiance, so what makes you so special that he wouldn't ever lie to you? Or omit truths?

 

 

Good Lord. This is like a slap to the face.

 

And all too needed.

 

I guess we all go through moments where we think we are special and my guy is different, and his tears and torment are real - yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah.

 

I revert to the age-old adage - actions speak louder than words.

 

Anything else is like Charlie Browns teacher, non? - anyone else remember that?

[whichwayisup]

Sorry to slap you Blue...

 

This guy is planning a FAMILY with the woman he is going to marry. It's that plain and simple. He wants you on the side for selfish reasons. I know deep down you know this.

[blueberry]

I just figured that out.

 

 

Yep - over here, we are all c*nts. No exceptions.

[blueberry]

Sorry to slap you Blue...

 

This guy is planning a FAMILY with the woman he is going to marry. It's that plain and simple. He wants you on the side for selfish reasons. I know deep down you know this.

 

 

WWiU: Slap needed and deserved - and I truly thank you.

 

Yes, I do know this.

 

I've been waiting for him to leave I guess. I've never given him an ultimatum, never given him grief, never insisted he leave her.

 

In short - I've made it incredibly easy for him.

 

So at what point do I give up? Now? The day he walks her down the aisle? What if he ends up leaving her for me? He has spoken about it before and its been me to put the brakes on that (I'm only recently out of my marriage - seperated, not divorced)

 

Christ. Maybe its *me* that was initially looking for something and he was the one fulfilling my needs?

 

My husband was physically abusive for the 4 years we were married. I was in hospital twice, broken ribs blah blah blah. When I moved out in Feb (this year), I felt new all over again. I may have started this affair simply because it *was* an affair. He wasn't mine - and therefore he couldn't get close enough to do me any actual real damage.

 

Does that make sense?

 

Do me a favour though, please no-one suggest IC. I got the t-shirt.

[mopar crazy]

Him [16:43]:no its not cool

[16:43]:ur coming out for lunch with me whether u like it or not

 

SG, MM, in a CR, doesn't matter. This sounds controlling to me.

 

I haven't read your whole thread but did read Owl's and WWIU and I agree w/ them.

[whichwayisup]

WWiU: Slap needed and deserved - and I truly thank you.

 

Anytime. Sometimes it's good to try to take a step back and see things from another angle. If your bestfriend was in your situation, what would you tell her? Or your sister? What advice would you be giving them?

 

I've been waiting for him to leave I guess. I've never given him an ultimatum, never given him grief, never insisted he leave her.

 

He isn't going to leave, even if you asked him to, he won't. So, don't even bother opening that door. Close it, lock it and throw away the key.

 

In short - I've made it incredibly easy for him.

 

You've made it easy for him to have two women in his life. A partner at home, whom he shares his life with, sleeps with, is in the process of making a baby with ... Then he has you - Fun times, someone who understands what he goes through at work, you listen to him, make him feel special and give him an ego feed..Why would he want to give that up?

 

So at what point do I give up? Now? The day he walks her down the aisle? What if he ends up leaving her for me? He has spoken about it before and its been me to put the brakes on that (I'm only recently out of my marriage - seperated, not divorced)

You give up now. Walk away.

 

Fact is, you ran to him from your abusive marriage (I am sorry that you went through that, noone should have to deal with stuff like that, but I am glad you got out!) to him. He was safe, taken already, didn't put demands on you, in the sense of committing TO him. He is/was your safety net.

 

Maybe it's time for you to be alone, sort stuff out, your divorce and heal. You HAVE been through alot and the last thing you need to deal with is pain from an affair and possibly being busted by his fiance. Better to walk away now rather than later. I mean, what IF she does get pregnant? That is a good possibility..Would you still date him then? Keep him in your life? Or would you RUN far and let go..

 

Christ. Maybe its *me* that was initially looking for something and he was the one fulfilling my needs?

 

You both fulfilled needs, that's what an affair is all about.

 

My husband was physically abusive for the 4 years we were married. I was in hospital twice, broken ribs blah blah blah. When I moved out in Feb (this year), I felt new all over again. I may have started this affair simply because it *was* an affair. He wasn't mine - and therefore he couldn't get close enough to do me any actual real damage.

How soon did your affair start after February? Or was your affair ongoing when you left?

 

I think this makes sense and it's something you need to focus on...Insight, you have it!

 

Do me a favour though, please no-one suggest IC

 

No can do..IC will help you alot, it's something to consider. Especially right now.

 

Stay strong and know you can leave this guy - You aren't committed to him and he isn't committed to you. NO promises were made.