Shygirl15 Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 wow, people are really this dumb? Sad but true.
Star Gazer Posted September 7, 2008 Posted September 7, 2008 Me and SP, are you serious? We have totally different writing styles. We're both real, I'm pretty sure. I actually see a lot of similarities. You're both just so off-your-rocker (and I mean that in a loving way, Spook ) and yet ridiculously brilliant, that you both shock the living ***** out of me every time you start a thread.
Green Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 he was trying to set the mood with all the candles and lights off
Tomcat33 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 I guess I enjoy situations like this for the same reason people do extreme sports. It's a huge rush. You're relying on yourself for survival. I see. Do you feel a sense of well being after this is done? And what about emotionally speaking?
Author spookie Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 I see. Do you feel a sense of well being after this is done? And what about emotionally speaking? No, I feel like s!ht about myself after it's done. I feel terribly guilty today for disappointing my bf. He told me he loved me the day before and the next night I go out and do something like this. I know he wasn't happy about it: me going over to some random dude's house at 2 AM to buy drugs. And I don't blame him. Another part of me thinks I continue with this kind of behavior to keep my self-esteem down or something. The times I tend to pick to have these adventures are either when everything is going badly in my life or really well. In the first case, it's like I need to reinforce how s!htty I feel about myself, to make me feel like I deserve everything terrible that's going on; and in the second case, I think it has something to do with self-sabotage, but I'm not sure how. I really don't know. I don't have a good answer for why I do this kind of thing, though I've done it on a regular enough basis since I was a kid for it to constitute a dangerous pattern. Maybe last night the answer was as simple as I really like weed. And maybe not: after all, I've pulled something similar in every single relationship at exactly the same points - when we get pretty close and he starts to trust me.
Green Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 haha I never read that book, the things insane people tell themselves
Tomcat33 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 No, I feel like s!ht about myself after it's done. I feel terribly guilty today for disappointing my bf. He told me he loved me the day before and the next night I go out and do something like this. I know he wasn't happy about it: me going over to some random dude's house at 2 AM to buy drugs. And I don't blame him. Another part of me thinks I continue with this kind of behavior to keep my self-esteem down or something. The times I tend to pick to have these adventures are either when everything is going badly in my life or really well. In the first case, it's like I need to reinforce how s!htty I feel about myself, to make me feel like I deserve everything terrible that's going on; and in the second case, I think it has something to do with self-sabotage, but I'm not sure how. I really don't know. I don't have a good answer for why I do this kind of thing, though I've done it on a regular enough basis since I was a kid for it to constitute a dangerous pattern. Maybe last night the answer was as simple as I really like weed. And maybe not: after all, I've pulled something similar in every single relationship at exactly the same points - when we get pretty close and he starts to trust me. EXACTLY. Well at least you know you are doing that. Reason I asked you those questions earlier and did not just jump the gun even though I sensed you would answer this, was because I WAS going to say that unlike someone who is into extreme sports who after they beat the odds get a general sense of wellbeing and accomplishment, you on the other hand are left with the aftermath of your poor choice and emotionally speaking it kills you every time. So are you beating the odds or you just dying a slow death in this extreme sport of yours?
Author spookie Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 EXACTLY. Well at least you know you are doing that. Reason I asked you those questions earlier and did not just jump the gun even though I sensed you would answer this, was because I WAS going to say that unlike someone who is into extreme sports who after they beat the odds get a general sense of wellbeing and accomplishment, you on the other hand are left with the aftermath of your poor choice and emotionally speaking it kills you every time. So are you beating the odds or you just dying a slow death in this extreme sport of yours? I don't know. A little of both? I've made a lot of really good changes to my life since last year, when I was basially living this extreme sport 24/7. I mean I would get wasted and drive to a really trashy strip club nearly every night where there was honestly a pretty high chance I'd get raped during lap dances before secirty figured out what was going on. Not to mention that someone could have stabbed me, injected me with god knows what with a syringe, spiked my drink, etc. And then oftentimes I'd leave with someone I met that night to go to someone's house and do cocaine. How the hell nothing terrible happened is beyond me but I doubt the reason was that I was trusting my good intuition about people, like I liked to believe, since I was always trashed. At least now I have a respectable job, I don't drink at all, and I'm miles and miles away from my bad-influence friends. I really hope last night was an exception more than the rule in my life from now on. Or really, that it doesn't happen again. I want to be someone successful and logical and sane. Someone normal people wouldn't be scared to be in a relationship with, or to be friends with, because I might put their lives in danger or hurt them a lot by getting killed. I really do. I guess I hope I have the strength.
johan Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 I like all this dangerous behavior juxtaposed with the cute little kitten-in-a-kermit-costume avatar. Somehow it just all seems adorable and harmless.
Nemo Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Many countries around the world have legalised cannabis. It's a very soft drug, with a myriad of health benefits.
Tomcat33 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 I don't know. A little of both? I've made a lot of really good changes to my life since last year, when I was basially living this extreme sport 24/7. I mean I would get wasted and drive to a really trashy strip club nearly every night where there was honestly a pretty high chance I'd get raped during lap dances before secirty figured out what was going on. Not to mention that someone could have stabbed me, injected me with god knows what with a syringe, spiked my drink, etc. And then oftentimes I'd leave with someone I met that night to go to someone's house and do cocaine. At least now I have a respectable job, I don't drink at all, and I'm miles and miles away from my bad-influence friends. I really hope last night was an exception more than the rule in my life from now on. Or really, that it doesn't happen again. I want to be someone successful and logical and sane. Someone normal people wouldn't be scared to be in a relationship with, or to be friends with, because I might put their lives in danger or hurt them a lot by getting killed. I really do. I guess I hope I have the strength. SPOOOOOOK!! WOWWW congratulations you gave up drinking that's AWESOME!! I remember your thread where you were talking about that and I was going to ask what happend. Good for you!! That's AWESOME!! You are working so hard why are you mucking it up with this nonsense??? Why if you have made such great positive changes why regress to this kind of stuff? You DO have the strength look at how much you managed to change so far!! That's amazing and you should reward yourself with good things for your hard work not by punching yourself like you did last night. You will never progress to your full capacity if you allow yourself to keep slipping back into this kind of stuff. I think maybe you are afraid to be someone other than who you know as of today. And that's understandable it is scary, it is a transition. You will have to give up old habits to become a new person one you don't even know if you will enjoy, correct? Well you know that whatever lead you down this path of wanting a change was not working for you anymore, so no matter how scary and how different the new you can be it will be better than what you are leaving behind. But you have to stay on track, and you have to stop being your own worst enemy. You DO have the strength you quit drinking and dancing and made all these changes all on your own YOU DO have the strength. Take that profile down form CL and don't even look that way. You just need to ride out this period of transition and once you do it will fall into place naturally STOP sabotaging all the good you are doing for yourself.
whichwayisup Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 I'm almost a little surprised since I met this guy at his house, at 2 in the morning You're putting yourself in a dangerous situation. Going to someone's house, especially a guy's house at 2am that you DO NOT KNOW AT ALL, is dangerous! Please don't do that again! If you want to make new friends, then join a social group, or find a hobby that involves people. Art, photography, any kind of sport like tennis or even joining a gym. Take a course, it can be one that only is afew hours for a week. Meeting people off of a social website isn't always a great thing..
Author spookie Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 You're putting yourself in a dangerous situation. Going to someone's house, especially a guy's house at 2am that you DO NOT KNOW AT ALL, is dangerous! Please don't do that again! If you want to make new friends, then join a social group, or find a hobby that involves people. Art, photography, any kind of sport like tennis or even joining a gym. Take a course, it can be one that only is afew hours for a week. Meeting people off of a social website isn't always a great thing.. For what it's worth, in this case I was looking to meet drug dealers, not friends, and my experience has been that they tend to keep odd hours.
Author spookie Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 SPOOOOOOK!! WOWWW congratulations you gave up drinking that's AWESOME!! I remember your thread where you were talking about that and I was going to ask what happend. Good for you!! That's AWESOME!! You are working so hard why are you mucking it up with this nonsense??? Why if you have made such great positive changes why regress to this kind of stuff? You DO have the strength look at how much you managed to change so far!! That's amazing and you should reward yourself with good things for your hard work not by punching yourself like you did last night. You will never progress to your full capacity if you allow yourself to keep slipping back into this kind of stuff. I think maybe you are afraid to be someone other than who you know as of today. And that's understandable it is scary, it is a transition. You will have to give up old habits to become a new person one you don't even know if you will enjoy, correct? Well you know that whatever lead you down this path of wanting a change was not working for you anymore, so no matter how scary and how different the new you can be it will be better than what you are leaving behind. But you have to stay on track, and you have to stop being your own worst enemy. You DO have the strength you quit drinking and dancing and made all these changes all on your own YOU DO have the strength. Take that profile down form CL and don't even look that way. You just need to ride out this period of transition and once you do it will fall into place naturally STOP sabotaging all the good you are doing for yourself. Thanks Tomcat. I think I'm slowly learning that making one mistake does not mean I am a worthless person or that I have to revert back entirely to the same old patterns. It just means I made a mistake. I think if I were a little better at forgiving myself every time I slipped up it wouldn't be to fall all the way down.
Lovelybird Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 spookie It is good you won't revert back to old patterns I think you are using excitement to escape yourself from time to time. Yes, it is hard life lesson to learn to accept yourself, forgive yourself, and get along with yourself. Joyce Meyer wrote many this kind of books. In Pursuit of Peace: 21 Ways to Conquer Anxiety, Fear, and Discontentment (Meyer, Joyce) by Joyce Meyer How to Succeed at Being Yourself: Finding the Confidence to Fulfill Your Destiny by Joyce Meyer I advised many times on this web about these books, one more time won't hurt Joyce Meyer had more tough lives, her own father sexually abused her for many years. Yet she overcame it with help of God, and she is inspiring and funny preacher, who now has very happy and successful life. she is bold and brave. YOu are brave too, it would be wonderful to use your braveness on positive things rather than on ruining your life and hurt others. Many people cannot be peace with themselves, I couldn't until God entered my life. Without God in my life, I was like following Satan, hated myself and others, rebelling against authorities, did self-destructive things to hurt myself, did things to please others but left an empty shell, but after I knew there is a God and He is in my life, I began to learn to love myself, accept myself, began to learn to listen to right voices. Now God's guidance and voice is vital for me, think about this world, how many wrong beliefs forced into our mind? how many self-destructive ideas creep into our mind? Guard your mind and follow God you would be fine
Jilly Bean Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Spookie - do you have a green thumb? Perhaps if you had a sustainable weed garden of your own, you wouldn't need to put yourself in harm's way. Like they said in the bible, give a man a fish...
Author spookie Posted September 8, 2008 Author Posted September 8, 2008 Spookie - do you have a green thumb? Perhaps if you had a sustainable weed garden of your own, you wouldn't need to put yourself in harm's way. Like they said in the bible, give a man a fish... Haha, I just got what you meant. The first time I read that I thought you meant I should take up gardening as a hobby, and I had begun formulating a response when it struck me that I could take up gardening WEED as my hobby and then all my problems would be solved. That's a great suggestion, JB.
Tomcat33 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Thanks Tomcat. I think I'm slowly learning that making one mistake does not mean I am a worthless person or that I have to revert back entirely to the same old patterns. It just means I made a mistake. I think if I were a little better at forgiving myself every time I slipped up it wouldn't be to fall all the way down. You are not a worthelss person, no one is worthless Spookie, but you can for sure do things that will make you feel worthless. While I agree that forgiving yourself for making mistakes is good, committing acts that you know will make you feel bad is not a mistake you do need to take accountability for that and it seems like you are you have started doing that. Even by what you are posting here today it shows that you see the patterns for what they are. So when you get the urge to do something destructive dig this thread up and remind yourself that in the end it's not really what you want and you won't have to put yourself in a position that is undesriable for your well being. It's not going to be easy, you already tried the easy way the way in which you were lead by external forces and in which you were not in control and it made you unhappy and ultimately feel less than what you should. Now you are in control stay that way.
Lovelybird Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Yes, it is exactly about God, if you have God in your life, you would have guidance how to conquer any problems. It is real for many many Christians, if you know their life experiences. nothing is too difficult for them Where problems come from? our souls
rod_in_gtown Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 I actually see a lot of similarities. You're both just so off-your-rocker (and I mean that in a loving way, Spook ) and yet ridiculously brilliant, that you both shock the living ***** out of me every time you start a thread. I'm willing to bet this happens often when she's stoned.
Prodigal Princess Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Well spooks, you know where I stand on all of this. Been there and still doing that. My main concern is why you told your bf about it. You knew how he'd react. You shouldn't feel the need to punish yourself about this. The world is not as black and white as you sometimes view it; many successful, "good" people are regular users (and I'm not just talking about pot). Well, desperate times call for desperate measures and at least you got what you wanted. You do need to source out a stable hook up, though. Persistence is the key.
Tomcat33 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Shoot I totally missed the 420 friendlies reference last night I really thought you were looking for these dudes to have sex with them!! Ok while my previous posts still stand sort of, it's not half as bad as I thought it was. But Spooki you do put yourself in a very compromising situation by meeting guys late at night and at their place like that. That is still very dangerous. Jilly said it best, grow your own girl. If you must do that just grow your own or go looking for it during the day, not in the middle of the night!!
Nemo Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 Shoot I totally missed the 420 friendlies reference last night I really thought you were looking for these dudes to have sex with them!! You have just lost all credibility. , it's not half as bad as I thought it was. Really? Please excuse me to laugh up my internal organs. This could get messy.
Tomcat33 Posted September 8, 2008 Posted September 8, 2008 You have just lost all credibility. Bahhh c'mon I was busy losing my cred in another thread when I posted here I figured I came in with nothing...
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