nickelinadime Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 So I'm not going to bore you with my stories, but here's my old thread with all of my relationship information: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t162974/ We talked today and said our "final goodbye", although it wasn't so final because we both left the door open to a relationship down the road. We both agreed to mature a bit more and then look into it again when situation permits. She left the decision about how much contact we should have up to me. I'm leaning towards minimal, but still some contact, because we were best friends before our relationship and would like to keep some kind of friendship, even if it's friends, but not "just" friends. I'm missing her very much now and I'd just like some words of encouragement!
seminoles84 Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 I know it's going to be very hard! But just know in the long run things will be better. You might get back with her, you might not.. either case at least you are working on yourself and healing yourself for future relationships!
BCCA Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Hang in there, everything will be alright. I know its going to be hard, but I would strongly advise you to go NC from now on. You need to get over the hurt of the relationship before you can even think about being friends. but not "just" friends This worries me a bit. If you know you can't just be friends, then it seems you are probably leaning toward contact as a means of judging her feeling on a relationship with you. Understand that when you seriously date some one, they become your best friend. You're always going to do stuff with them, tell them everything about your day, and laugh about stuff together. Unfortunately, 99.999% of the time, when the relationships goes the friendship goes with it. The friendship is very much contingent on your relationship, like it or not. I hear people that want to keep in touch as friends and see what happens with an ex, but ask yourself how you'll feel if she starts dating some one else and asks for advise, or wants you to come out with her and her new man's friends, etc. Those are the types of things 'friends' are for, but I know thats not what you want. She left the decision about how much contact we should have up to me Red flag #2. Why did she do that? Does that mean if you dont call her, she wont call you? Sounds like the easy way out for her to me. If she cared to keep you in her life, wouldnt she be more interested in your communication agreement? Sounds to me like she doesnt want to be on the hook to talk to you if she doesnt want to, and as long as youre the one doing to contacting, she has complete control. YOU'LL BE OK! But, even if you miss her and want her back, take a few steps to take care of yourself. Keep your mind on other things, work on yourself, get out there and enjoy life, and if you hear from her that she wants to give it another shot, see what happens. But dont look at this like a 'pause' on your life, because thats not healthy. Just go NC and in a month, youll be SO glad you did! Good luck
Author nickelinadime Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 Thanks. Just responding to one comment. She left the decision in my hands after clearly laying out a plan to talk a bit here and there and potentially take the bus once or twice a week together. She left it up to me because I'm the one that wants to space. I think I'll go virtually NC for a month or so. More support would be greatly appreciated.
BCCA Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Thanks. Just responding to one comment. She left the decision in my hands after clearly laying out a plan to talk a bit here and there and potentially take the bus once or twice a week together. She left it up to me because I'm the one that wants to space. I think I'll go virtually NC for a month or so. More support would be greatly appreciated. In that case, then thats good. Im sorry for trying to give you a bad time, I just get the "if this was my brother" thing going when I see some posts, and get fired up! Good plan on the NC for a month. If nothing else, your head will be much clearer then! And let things fall into place. If you take your time and think, good things are bound to happen!
Author nickelinadime Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 Not a problem. I understand why you'd get fired up. I really appreciate your help though through this tough time. I've already set up a mini-network of friends to help push me through the days when I feel like caving. I just think about it as, we're going to give eachother time to mature, and when the time comes, re-evaluate. I'm not sticking around by any means, I'm just not closing any doors. Good idea, or bad idea?
BCCA Posted September 3, 2008 Posted September 3, 2008 Not a problem. I understand why you'd get fired up. I really appreciate your help though through this tough time. I've already set up a mini-network of friends to help push me through the days when I feel like caving. I just think about it as, we're going to give eachother time to mature, and when the time comes, re-evaluate. I'm not sticking around by any means, I'm just not closing any doors. Good idea, or bad idea? If you can be ok with it than its fine. But if leaving this door open is going to keep you from going through another, then I would think about it. But if you want my advice and what helped me, I would just make small goals and take baby steps to get back on your own two feet. A good start is the goal of not contacting her for a month. That way, you get used to acting independently from her and adjust to life on your own (plus your head will be much clearer). Then, say EVERY WEEKEND at least one day you go out (bars/bowling/ballgame). I usually make it a rule to try and talk to at least one girl who I find attractive. Not because Im trying to get laid, but because its good practice and it give me confidence. I started asking what time it was, random stuff...now I can just start a conversation from nothing. I've never gone home with any of these girls (not that I would be opposed per say), its always just been working up my confidence and meeting people. Just do what feels right. If it feels right and youre not suffering this way, then thats great. If it starts to hurt, and you need advise, you know where to find us! Good luck.
Author nickelinadime Posted September 3, 2008 Author Posted September 3, 2008 Thanks! I'm sure I'll be back soon enough when I need a kick in the ass; I'm feeling fine now but once it starts to set in, I might feel like caving. I'll be back when that happens.
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