Having a Tough Time; Need Support and Tips

[nickelinadime]

And that's understating it!

 

Two years ago, my ex-girlfriend and I met. We spent a year or so as basically best friends (well, it was more of myself dating other people while she crushed on me for an entire year). Anyways, just over a year ago, I finally asked her out (to which she gave an astounding "YES!"), and the relationship began. Now, if you ask anyone around, we were always the "it" couple. Probably because we were inseperable.

 

The relationship began on a pretty good note, as we decided to keep it secret for a month or two to test out how it would work. It went well. So, we decided to finally admit to everyone that yes, we were infact dating. Now both of us are generally pretty strong willed people, so our opinions often clashed. Unfortunately, neither of us were good at backing down. So natrually, the fights got bigger and bigger until we broke up in November (I believe). That night, we reconsiled. Unfortunately, the fights continued. The first part of the relationship was unfortunate in that I took her for granted and didn't do everything I should've to keep the relationship afloat.

 

I really started to fall hard for the girl in January and things started to look up. Things ran relatively smoothly through February and March. Unfortunately, in April there was a party that was going on that she had promised me to not drink at. Well, turns out that she lied about who's party it was and lied about not drinking. I had to pressure the answer out of her. Now, I'm not a very trusting person, but I had trusted her more than anyone, and at this point my trust was virtually shattered, but I decided to stay with her and work it through. Now, here's where it gets messy.

 

A week after I found out, I was still finding it very hard to trust her, and everytime we would fight, she'd make it known that she thought it was insane how I didn't trust her. The fighting continued. In early May, we broke up for a month or so.

 

Fast forward a month, and we're back together, taking it slow. We had two day trips to Toronto planned in July before she left for virtually the whole month of August (I had a trip to BC and a week at camp). The trips went really well, but there were some issues between us in July that lingered on. Unfortunately, they all blew up in one fight and she decided to end our relationship the day before I left for British Columbia.

 

So we spent the month of August in a zone where I was hoping to not talk, but I promised a few emails. She told me she wouldn't have email on her two trips, so for three weeks in August she wouldn't have email. Well, that was partially a lie. I recieved 15 emails in August from her alone. I only responded to 7, and she was upset about that.

 

She came back yesterday and I made the fatal mistake of logging onto instant messanger. We started talking, and unfortunately, the topic of how we were doing about eachother came up. She told me that she was doing pretty well and had fallen out of love with me (ouch), so I told her the same thing (and it was true, so I thought). We carried on the conversation, chatting about her experiences, but the topic came up again. I then asked her if she was in denial (huge mistake).

 

She told me that she still loved me and that she spent all her time driving on her vacation missing me. She said that she's completely in denial of her feelings and that she wishes she could be with me every day but knows she's not mature enough to handle a real relationship. I, then, told her how I was feeling and it went downhill from there. We ended up fighting about our relationship again and telling eachother how we wish it could work and want it to work in the future. This is a mess, seeing as we're going to have 3 classes together come tomorrow.

 

Please, any tips on how to handle a girl who's never been able to get over me in the past 2 years, and how to move on myself but still be civil at school? HELP!

[citizen67]

You are very young, and this stuff is hard. You should make an agreement with her that a year from now you'll revisit your issues and see how you both feel, until then you are going to stay apart and keep any contact to a minimum. Don't get back together though - its too volatile right now. If necessary, go to the registrar and change your classes so you arent in so many classes together. Good luck

[nickelinadime]

Thanks. I appreciate the advice very much.

[citizen67]

Your welcome - Are you feeling better?

[nickelinadime]

Much better. We had a falling out; she ended up telling me she still loves me and wonders if it was a mistake leaving me, and I told her that I still loved her. Ultimately, we decided to go to limited contact, which we're sorting out tomorrow. I'll be back for support shortly, but I really appreciate your tips. Thanks so much!