Getting them back/Pride/closure/no contact

[1bee]

jmmm,

 

i will say this. the first six months after a break up are hard. when you go out, don't focus on other guys right now since you're only sizing them up to your ex when you shouldn't even be doing that.

 

Did your ex make you feel like sh*^t after he broke up with you? Of course he did.

 

So why spend a good portion of your time in pining for that @$$hole?

 

Yes, you're sad without him. But he left you and is not showing any interest in your downward spiral into gloom. So does he deserve that sadness from you? No.

 

He is not even a friend anymore because you're left with no one but yourself to figure out how you're going to start on the road to happiness again.

 

just think about it. you're being depressed and stopping yourself from enjoying the finer things in life all because of one guy who made you feel worthless without him. thinking about that twit will make you miss out on a lot of opportunities and I don't just mean other guys.

 

focus on yourself now. go out and prove that you don't need him and that you're waaaay too good for him anyway.

[jmmm]

hi everyone

 

this may sound crazy but i am thinking of taking bartending classes as something new to do and working at a bar eventually part time along with my full time job

 

i actually got pretty excited about it because some part of me always thought it would be "cool" to try out or to just experience it and learn it

 

if i was in a serious relationship, i would not do it because i don't really agree with working in such an environment

 

so in a way i am kind of thinking this is something exciting that not everyone does everyday, i will be busy if i do get a part time job doing this, will make extra money and will meet different people

 

how does it sound? my parents are a little worried just due to safety but my mom said you are only young once, it would be a different experience for you

[BCCA]

hi everyone

 

this may sound crazy but i am thinking of taking bartending classes as something new to do and working at a bar eventually part time along with my full time job

 

i actually got pretty excited about it because some part of me always thought it would be "cool" to try out or to just experience it and learn it

 

if i was in a serious relationship, i would not do it because i don't really agree with working in such an environment

 

so in a way i am kind of thinking this is something exciting that not everyone does everyday, i will be busy if i do get a part time job doing this, will make extra money and will meet different people

 

how does it sound? my parents are a little worried just due to safety but my mom said you are only young once, it would be a different experience for you

 

 

Why not, give it a try, just dont spread yourself to thin. I believe youre in college, and that should always be priority #1, but if you think this will make you feel better and give you something to occupy your time with, by all means go ahead.

 

You should always be careful leaving bars anyway, whether you work there or just stopped by for a drink. People are crazy now a days, and you just cant take chances. Just be smart about leaving and you'll be fine. I hope this works out for you, and it seems like a step in the right direction.

[jmmm]

hey

 

thanks..i already graduated and working though..this is something to do part time along with my full time work

[jmmm]

probably not a good idea to chase the guy with saul's idea right?

[BCCA]

probably not a good idea to chase the guy with saul's idea right?

 

LOL

 

If you want to buy your ex an olive tree and see where that leaves you, go ahead and try

 

But no, not a good idea at all.

[jmmm]

i wonder if he thinks he has me forever or something..that he could do his own thing of a year and i will be waiting or that i haven't gone out at all since this happened

 

i actually think he knows i am not sitting home every weekend and probably knows have gone out with friends but he obviously knows i am still in love with him...

[Mikey Action]

i wonder if he thinks he has me forever or something..that he could do his own thing of a year and i will be waiting or that i haven't gone out at all since this happened

 

i actually think he knows i am not sitting home every weekend and probably knows have gone out with friends but he obviously knows i am still in love with him...

 

Give it up. Move on. No matter how nice a person they are, they will twist the knife in the wound. It is human nature to want to build your ego. If he has low self esteem, he will especially do this. Soon he will start acting like they expected your call. Then "innocent" "playfulness" on his part will hurt you more. You'll call and he'll take your calls because you boost his ego. He'll think about you, and your relationship, sure. But only he can decide to be with you and he's decided not to. He's rejected you. That is not love. Not the love you gave him, and why would you take any less in return?

 

Moving on to NC is NEVER about the ex. It's about you. You need to heal. You need to accept that there are things you want to say you'll probably never get to tell him and that they wouldn't carry any weight with them at all.

 

If you really don't believe me. Don't talk to them for a full month, then sit down with their phone number in front of you and decide if you want to call. If you can handle (when you are certain to ask) if he is still single and his answer.

 

Saying "it's over" is harsh. I prefer to call it "commencement" which means that its the beginning again. Not the end. Get out there. Take care of you. Look to repair your karma (we all need to do that) and focus on fixing things you need to do so that when the next Mr. Right comes along he stays.

 

That's the secert to NC. Either it will bring them back into your circle again and you have the choice or you will be in such a different place you won't care what he did to you or what he's doing.

 

Best of luck.

[BCCA]

i wonder if he thinks he has me forever or something..that he could do his own thing of a year and i will be waiting or that i haven't gone out at all since this happened

 

i actually think he knows i am not sitting home every weekend and probably knows have gone out with friends but he obviously knows i am still in love with him...

 

You know what I think? I dont think you or what youre doing are on his mind as much as you think. He's probably worrying about himself and what he wants to do.

 

And what kind of sense does it make to leave you for a year and do his own thing? No one would do that, he left you with the intention of not coming back.

 

How many months have you been doing this to yourself? Come on, you deserve something better than this.

[jmmm]

i guess its really hard for me to think about him at work or having dinner with family and just enjoying his day or maybe even on a date...hard to think that i may never see him again in my life..which is probably what would happen because we don't live near one another..

 

just miss him alot i guess....miss seeing him and talking to him

[BCCA]

i guess its really hard for me to think about him at work or having dinner with family and just enjoying his day or maybe even on a date...hard to think that i may never see him again in my life..which is probably what would happen because we don't live near one another..

 

just miss him alot i guess....miss seeing him and talking to him

 

There is nothing wrong with missing someone who was a big part of your life. But what you have to do is focus on getting over the loss and filing your life with other things, not wondering if he's coming back and what else he's up to. That won't get you anywhere.

 

To be perfectly honest, I can feel it in your posts - you still have hope that he's going to come back. Youre starting to grasp at straws, maybe him calling your friends bf means this or that, and maybe he just knows he has you so he'll be back in a year. Youre not accepting his answers, and are taking his reluctance to sound like a douche as a sign he's had second thoughts.

 

Focus on what you can control: you and what you do. You cant make him do anything, and you cant make another wonderful man fall out of the sky and replace him. But what can you do? Go out there and live life to the fullest for YOU. Meet new people and have some fun. No, not everyone of them is going to be BF material, or even worth talking to, but some of them are. Make your friends go out with you Fri/Sat nights, and even if you dont meet anyone for a few weeks, its still better than sitting around at home and moping over your ex. When you go out, talk to people with the attitude that youre just making friends, and dont put too much pressure on yourself or the situation.

 

Try to fill your time with thinking about other things. Its been at least 3 months, and youre still killing yourself with this.

[jmmm]

i have gone out..its not possible to go out every weekend though because alot of friends have different schedules, busy etc...so there are times when i have no choice but to be by myself..i think i am doing alot actually but nothing is really helping

 

i just can't help but wonder what he is doing..its on the back of my mind...and it hurts to be without him

 

my mother said he wasn't this nice guy that i made him out to be because he did certain things that were pretty messed up and she said he did make himself look like scum with the way he responded...she said he dumped you like you were with him for a few saturday nights rather than over 3 years and she said you contact him a few months later and he pretty much gave the impression he was doing me a favor by answering..my mom and a few close friends said he showed he was scum and there is something cold in him

[BCCA]

i have gone out..its not possible to go out every weekend though because alot of friends have different schedules, busy etc...so there are times when i have no choice but to be by myself..i think i am doing alot actually but nothing is really helping

 

i just can't help but wonder what he is doing..its on the back of my mind...and it hurts to be without him

 

my mother said he wasn't this nice guy that i made him out to be because he did certain things that were pretty messed up and she said he did make himself look like scum with the way he responded...she said he dumped you like you were with him for a few saturday nights rather than over 3 years and she said you contact him a few months later and he pretty much gave the impression he was doing me a favor by answering..my mom and a few close friends said he showed he was scum and there is something cold in him

 

If your mom and friends said he was a scum and cold hearted, and he acted like he was doing you a favor to respond to you, why are you wondering what hes doing and hurting without him?

 

Nothing CAN help unless you want it to. Do you know what a self-fulfilling prophecy is? If you tell yourself that going out this Friday is pointless and you wont have fun, guess what? Going out this Friday will be pointless and you wont have fun...because thats what you want to happen. You hear people say stuff like "I'll never be over so and so" and as long as they tell themselves that, theyre going to be absolutely right.

 

The FIRST thing you have to do is accept things the way they are. Dont spend one SINGLE second wondering if hes coming back or what hes thinking. If you catch yourself doing that, STOP IT. Focus on whats good for you and what things you can do to make yourself happy. I'm alone most of the time, too, and I've been getting better. It all depends on your thought process and not letting your mind dwell.