my wife had an affair with another woman

[syz]

look into voice activated recorders I believe they are silent and they are digital. they do not announce anything. there is no mechanism to click on or off.

 

The only way to get to the phone is to check the usage on line. If your W isn't on line this could be a great way to check up on what is going on.

You won't be able to see the texts but you will be able to see how many texts how often to whom and what kind of minutes are being used in conversation.

 

I'm really surprised I didn't do this earlier as both our services were tied together and I could have gotten on verizon and just looked. I basically checked her cell in the am when she got into the shower for 3 minutes. Initially she had her cell in the bathroom with her but eventually she left it with her stuff in her room. so I would pretend to be asleep and then get up at 5:45 am and check her messages. this is how I discovered it. because somewhere somehow they want to keep the momentos even if it is just a text message etc...or a picture somewhere or something.

 

I had been checking email, looking for cards etc (I didn't think to check her car and it would have been hard to do that although I could have checked in the middle of the night) but my internal warning bells were going off like crazy and yet I couldn't bring myself to believe she was capable of such things. I felt like a suspicious jerk but i was right.

 

unfortunately you've tipped your hand that you think she is up to stuff so she is covering her tracks. I think hiring a PI is a good move (because a picture is worth a thousand words) for even one weekend. (especially if you have something to do that weekend like a conference etc or some other excuse to be away that gives her opportunity...)

[dissed]

look into voice activated recorders I believe they are silent and they are digital. they do not announce anything. there is no mechanism to click on or off.

 

The only way to get to the phone is to check the usage on line. If your W isn't on line this could be a great way to check up on what is going on.

You won't be able to see the texts but you will be able to see how many texts how often to whom and what kind of minutes are being used in conversation.

 

I'm really surprised I didn't do this earlier as both our services were tied together and I could have gotten on verizon and just looked. I basically checked her cell in the am when she got into the shower for 3 minutes. Initially she had her cell in the bathroom with her but eventually she left it with her stuff in her room. so I would pretend to be asleep and then get up at 5:45 am and check her messages. this is how I discovered it. because somewhere somehow they want to keep the momentos even if it is just a text message etc...or a picture somewhere or something.

 

I had been checking email, looking for cards etc (I didn't think to check her car and it would have been hard to do that although I could have checked in the middle of the night) but my internal warning bells were going off like crazy and yet I couldn't bring myself to believe she was capable of such things. I felt like a suspicious jerk but i was right.

 

unfortunately you've tipped your hand that you think she is up to stuff so she is covering her tracks. I think hiring a PI is a good move (because a picture is worth a thousand words) for even one weekend. (especially if you have something to do that weekend like a conference etc or some other excuse to be away that gives her opportunity...)

 

I have a year's worth of phone records downloaded into excel so I can categorize it all. 40-60 hours a month in calls and since they have unlimited messaging, it's not tracked. I can tell when and for how long she's on the phone with her.

 

They have been on several "girls weekends" but only the two of them. They run this business together and spend about 30 hours a week at it including weekend trips. The events do happen - I checked. I know it's just a front b/c it makes very little money unlike her regular job. the OW's job is to stay home with the kids.

[joedee1957]

Hey man, i know what you are going through and feel your pain. To update , my wife has now admitted what i knew all along. The ow is her co worker but the affair is over. I have confronted the ow via phone several times and she has denied and told me to talk to my wife about it, which i have. If she was a man it would be so easy to confront and take care of this the way that i want to which would make me feel a whole lot better. I intercepted a phone message which the ow left on my wife's cell saying simply " i really wish , i could talk to you " after another confrontation , i realized this may be good because it means my wife has turned her off and is not speaking to her. Right now the sex is null and void but she is going to counseling. I stopped because, after venting my anger, there was nothing else for me to say. Good luck too you and keep in touch.

[dissed]

Hey man, i know what you are going through and feel your pain. To update , my wife has now admitted what i knew all along. The ow is her co worker but the affair is over. I have confronted the ow via phone several times and she has denied and told me to talk to my wife about it, which i have. If she was a man it would be so easy to confront and take care of this the way that i want to which would make me feel a whole lot better. I intercepted a phone message which the ow left on my wife's cell saying simply " i really wish , i could talk to you " after another confrontation , i realized this may be good because it means my wife has turned her off and is not speaking to her. Right now the sex is null and void but she is going to counseling. I stopped because, after venting my anger, there was nothing else for me to say. Good luck too you and keep in touch.

 

But do you think you'll have a fully hetero marriage again with sex, hand-holding, and all that? Once lesbian they never go back. Ann Heche didn't last that long with a hetero marriage following her lesbian marriage.

[syz]

sorry for the t/j Joedee but Yeah I got to say without totally dissing bi-sexuals that there is a reason that they are somewhat stigmatized in the gay community as dating prospects. Most bi sexuals end up in heterosexual marriages for two reasons. The first is simply that they are easier, second is that ironically heterosexual men are more open to bisexual women than lesbians are.

 

Generally speaking for most lesbians the above reason that heterosexuality is just plain easier is obivous. But there is also just dealing with the ins and outs of someone who is often times capable of being committed to a woman or a man but can have the desire for both. It isn't about being cheated on it is about desire and a lot of people don't want to be with someone who might be desiring something they aren't. You know what I mean?

 

In fact I won't date bisexuals. One of my very best friends is a bisexual woman and we have actually talked about her difficulty with this at length. While I do feel for her situation I have also stated the reasons for the other side of the equation.

 

BTW Ann heche is a quack and portia de rossi is waaaaay hotter. I'm sure ellen de generous is actually greatful at this point it didn't work out. God knows I would be.

 

sorry for the thread jack joedee... I think it is fine to let your W be in IC alone for a while.

[dissed]

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BTW Ann heche is a quack and portia de rossi is waaaaay hotter. I'm sure ellen de generous is actually greatful at this point it didn't work out. God knows I would be.

 

I think Ellen is hysterically funny. I like to watch her show if I'm ever home on a weekday (rare). But Rosie gets on my nerves big time.