"Casual Encounters" and other personals...

[ShouldveKnownBetter]

Hey all. This is more of an observation than anything else.

 

I've sold items on "Craigslist" before, but I never realized (until a co-worker pointed it out to me this week) that the web site had a personals section.

 

I went online to look at it... and was AMAZED at how many MM & MW post on the "casual encounter" and "personals" sites. And not in a good way. Many of them are looking for discreet, no-strings-attached affairs while they're out of town on business, their spouses are out of town, their spouses are at work... etc. Of probably 100 postings, at least 75-80 of them were by married people just looking to get laid by someone other than their spouses. Many of them also included pictures (most body parts, but some of faces too).

 

To each their own, I guess... but as a former OW, I wanted to respond to all of them with a big "WATCH OUT" about what you're getting yourself into!

[wildsoul]

Yeppers. And have you heard of the website called Ashley Madison? (I'm not going to give them a link.) It's a personals site specifically for married people and the people who want to have affairs with them. The tag line is something off putting like "you deserve to have an affair."

 

How do I know about it? Because my guy told me that he had a listing and met a woman there. She was a lesbian, looking to cheat on her W.

 

I also know my guy tried Craigslist before. Dunno if he actually met anyone, but he definitely was close with some pretty skanky sex hookups (I saw an email between him and a woman.) There's a ton of other sex sites, and they are mostly married people too.

[wildsoul]

I went to Craigslist and searched for a few keywords that I know my guy would use in an ad, then skimmed through.

 

I am very sure that I found 2 ads that are his. I know his writing style very very well. He also mentions his last relationship a bit, saying how the things he had with made him unable to go back to a boring sex life again. He describes who he's looking for in phrases that he uses to describe our relationship and things he says to compliment me. He even put my exact height/weight requirement as the maximum. I'm sure it's him. He is advertising for my replacement.

 

It specifically says that married women are welcome to reply. It's true: he'd do better to get a MOW than a single OW like me.

 

This is not a total suprise, as he has made it clear that he "deserves happiness" and a few other things that let me know he fully intends to continue cheating while going through his marriage process that he thinks will take a few years.

 

This is not a total surprise, as I did break up with him. The ads were dated this last Friday, after the blow up we had when he came over Thursday night.

 

The thing that stings is that while I know that his cheating is more about him and his needs, this just makes it more clear that our A was not about me. Yes, he fell in love with me. But some little naive part of me still wants to believe that he might be loyal to me. That he might go back into his M to clean it up, end it, and then be with me. In my fantasy, that is what my true love would do. I know this is unrealistic, but my emotional side had hope that my involvement would be redeemed.

 

I have to admit that the strength and power of my denial is huge. I'm humbled by my own weakness. Unrelentingly, his unsuitablity keeps getting thrown into my face, yet I am still filled with (unhealthy) longing and hope. Why is is so freaking hard to let go of this guy?

 

Sorry to hijack your thread, ShouldveKnownBetter!

[jj33]

 

But some little naive part of me still wants to believe that he might be loyal to me. That he might go back into his M to clean it up, end it, and then be with me. In my fantasy, that is what my true love would do. I know this is unrealistic, but my emotional side had hope that my involvement would be redeemed.

 

I have to admit that the strength and power of my denial is huge. I'm humbled by my own weakness. Unrelentingly, his unsuitablity keeps getting thrown into my face, yet I am still filled with (unhealthy) longing and hope. Why is is so freaking hard to let go of this guy?

 

Sorry to hijack your thread, ShouldveKnownBetter!

 

 

Great post Wildsoul - MM is not seeing anyone else yet but cant imagine he will be celibate forever... Hes not the ad type, but everytime I see him speaking to an attractive woman or meet someone attractive whom he might know, I wonder if someday she will be my replacement (way to torture myself I know...) You summed it all up so so well. Am sorry you had to see the evidence.