Lishy Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I dont think it is that she is wrong I just think that you learn so much from being self sufficiant and having your own place that you alone are responsible for that is it a shame that she is waiting to get married before she moves out. I, personally, did not mean to bash her or put her down for it I just think .... Oh it does not matter what I think, as long as she is happy that is all that matters!
lovestruck818 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Why is it that her being 35 and living at home is so bad that the posters on LS have to bash her for it ? Could someone explain to me what is WRONG about it ?.. She isn't taking advantage of her parents.. they want her to live there.. Thank you- that was the point *I* was trying to make!
stillafool Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 [quote=lovestruck818;1782533 And Marie, you live in or outside of the NYC metro area? That, people, is the exact point I am trying to prove...living at home is very common here. For God's Sake Why????????? I swear I would rather move out of state than not live on my own and take care of myself. My parents were well off also and begged me to stay home until I got married. Hell no, as much as I adore my parents nothing could replace my complete independence. I swear the OP sounds like she's from the early 1900's. I agree with another poster that one may need to move back in after college until they make their plans but at 35 it just seems "old maidish" and weird. I'd rather work 3 jobs and know I did it all on my own.
Stockalone Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I dont think it is that she is wrong I just think that you learn so much from being self sufficiant and having your own place that you alone are responsible for that is it a shame that she is waiting to get married before she moves out. Did you really learn so many new things once you were on your own? I didn't. Sure, living on your own is different, but I didn't feel like it was a huge change. Aside from paying more bills and having do to my own laundry, not much has changed for me.
Jilly Bean Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Why is it that her being 35 and living at home is so bad that the posters on LS have to bash her for it ? Could someone explain to me what is WRONG about it ?.. She isn't taking advantage of her parents.. they want her to live there.. Because it grossly goes against natural order. Humans are the only ones who keep their young around as long we we do. In any other species, the young are reared for days, months, a year or so tops, and then they are independent and never see their parents again. Even among humans, staying at home past the *usual* age of 18 is frowned upon and regarded as odd. This isn't slams on her for being close to her family. I am very close to my folks as well! They live 15 minutes from me, and we see each other quite a bit. I love it. BUT, I maintain my own home and my own life. My folks don't "drop in" unexpectedly, as they respect my boundaries as an adult. When we go out to eat, I will often treat my parents. I don't take money from them. I am fully independent, and 95% of the time, they treat me as an adult, not as an adult child. It's about Marie never having independence. I think Krytie put it best in his post on this thread. It seems that Marie is still infantilized at 35, and seems to love it as well. Krytie - not sure if you noticed, but even Marie admitted that her current BF told her her lifestyle was not reality. Seems like he is already on the same page as you... Art, in summation, I think most people that are offended by her comments are so because of her superiority complex at being able to live the life she does. It doesn't seem like too many emulate this (including me!), and that's where the snarky comments are coming from. Most people would rather have full independence, than run around at 35 like coddled, spoiled children.
lovestruck818 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Because it grossly goes against natural order. Humans are the only ones who keep their young around as long we we do. In any other species, the young are reared for days, months, a year or so tops, and then they are independent and never see their parents again. Even among humans, staying at home past the *usual* age of 18 is frowned upon and regarded as odd. This isn't slams on her for being close to her family. I am very close to my folks as well! They live 15 minutes from me, and we see each other quite a bit. I love it. BUT, I maintain my own home and my own life. My folks don't "drop in" unexpectedly, as they respect my boundaries as an adult. When we go out to eat, I will often treat my parents. I don't take money from them. I am fully independent, and 95% of the time, they treat me as an adult, not as an adult child. It's about Marie never having independence. I think Krytie put it best in his post on this thread. It seems that Marie is still infantilized at 35, and seems to love it as well. Krytie - not sure if you noticed, but even Marie admitted that her current BF told her her lifestyle was not reality. Seems like he is already on the same page as you... Art, in summation, I think most people that are offended by her comments are so because of her superiority complex at being able to live the life she does. It doesn't seem like too many emulate this (including me!), and that's where the snarky comments are coming from. Most people would rather have full independence, than run around at 35 like coddled, spoiled children. I really don't think most people are moving out of their parents' houses @ 18 years old...
Jilly Bean Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I really don't think most people are moving out of their parents' houses @ 18 years old... No? I don't know anyone who stayed at home past high school. Even my friends who didn't go off to college moved out and got their own apartments. In fact, I don't think I've ever known anyone even socially who lived at home past school.
Nevermind Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I don't think it is good or bad. Many people live at home and are independent anyway. If you share chores, expenses and time, it might even be the best solution. But is it a good attitude to talk about buying new cars and how much money your parents give you etc - especially at 35? Jilly: what you wrote really only applies to the US. Many people, in Europe and elsewhere, live at their parents home until they finish university etc. It is perfectly normal and not regarded as odd. Just saying.
Lishy Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Did you really learn so many new things once you were on your own? I didn't. Sure, living on your own is different, but I didn't feel like it was a huge change. Aside from paying more bills and having do to my own laundry, not much has changed for me. Yes I really DID learn alot by having my own place, I learned a thing called responsibilty. To be 35 and always lived with your parents does not give you responsibility and experience of life problems and how to cope. That is how I see it anyway. As a side note I would also run a mile from a 35 year old man who had lived with his parents all his life
Jilly Bean Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Jilly: what you wrote really only applies to the US. Many people, in Europe and elsewhere, live at their parents home until they finish university etc. It is perfectly normal and not regarded as odd. Just saying. The OP lives in Jersey, not Italy...
Nevermind Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I see. You were referring to the Natural Order of New Jersey.
Jilly Bean Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I see. You were referring to the Natural Order of New Jersey. Oh, that would be a whole OTHER order, if it were Jersey... And btw, I lived overseas when I was 19. Not too many kids were still living at home until they got married even then. Even in more traditional parts of the world, it's a dying trend. And the natural order of the animal kingdom OVERALL is to bear young, raise them to independence, then kick them out. That doesn't mean you stick around and sponge until your mid-30's...
stillafool Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 No? I don't know anyone who stayed at home past high school. Even my friends who didn't go off to college moved out and got their own apartments. In fact, I don't think I've ever known anyone even socially who lived at home past school. I don't either. I thought everyone moved out of their parents house at 18. You go off to college, graduate and move on. My friends who didn't go to college still left home to work, go into the military or something to independent and start a life. Isn't that what growing up means?
stillafool Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 And the natural order of the animal kingdom OVERALL is to bear young, raise them to independence, then kick them out. That doesn't mean you stick around and sponge until your mid-30's... This reminds me of the bird who has been taking care of her babies here in one of my shrubs for weeks. Last week, they took flight and I was so happy for them and her! Poor thing, she has been working like a dog to keep them fed well. (Sorry this was so off topic, but they were adorable!)
Art_Critic Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 From what I have witnessed the natural order anymore is that children are staying at home much longer than they used to... With rent of an apartment being as much or more than a home mortgage it is much harder for an 18 year old who is in school to afford a 2k a month apartment while working at the pizza joint. We have employees here that are 26-27 and still living at home.. I was out of the house at 18.. Rent was much cheaper than today and I also made more than most so I was able to afford an apartment without any roommates.
lovestruck818 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 No? I don't know anyone who stayed at home past high school. Even my friends who didn't go off to college moved out and got their own apartments. In fact, I don't think I've ever known anyone even socially who lived at home past school. But staying home is what people in NY/NJ/CT- states around this area do...midwest and south are generally different, in that they move out faster.
Jilly Bean Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 But staying home is what people in NY/NJ/CT- states around this area do...midwest and south are generally different, in that they move out faster. I lived in Manhattan and CT for years. I still NEVER knew anyone who stayed home past school. Even my townie friends I grew up with in CT who didn't go to college moved out at 18.
Art_Critic Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 If I had grown up today I don't know if I would have left the house at 18 just because of the high cost of it all for the younger crowd.. That being said... If a person doesn't fledge the nest and the parents wind up having a deadbeat child on their hands then I think it damages the parents and interferes with their life.. They wind up spending their retirement money on taking care of someone who should be able to take care of themselves.. But in the OP's case the parents want her to live there with them and they haven't tried to get her to move out. Her parents also are not spending their retirement taking care of her..
lovestruck818 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I lived in Manhattan and CT for years. I still NEVER knew anyone who stayed home past school. Even my townie friends I grew up with in CT who didn't go to college moved out at 18. Ok but they didn't go to college...did you go to college? If you don't go to college it's different- people who go to college generally live home.
lovestruck818 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 If I had grown up today I don't know if I would have left the house at 18 just because of the high cost of it all for the younger crowd.. That being said... If a person doesn't fledge the nest and the parents wind up having a deadbeat child on their hands then I think it damages the parents and interferes with their life.. They wind up spending their retirement money on taking care of someone who should be able to take care of themselves.. But in the OP's case the parents want her to live there with them and they haven't tried to get her to move out. Her parents also are not spending their retirement taking care of her.. and she's not a deadbeat...thus, she has a job I am assuming.
Art_Critic Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I lived in Manhattan and CT for years. I still NEVER knew anyone who stayed home past school. Even my townie friends I grew up with in CT who didn't go to college moved out at 18. But JB.. you are in your 30's... times are different today then when you grew up.. can't you see that ? Gas is 4 bucks a gallon and to heat a home in the winter can cost 400 bucks a month..
lovestruck818 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 But JB.. you are in your 30's... times are different today then when you grew up.. can't you see that ? Gas is 4 bucks a gallon and to heat a home in the winter can cost 400 bucks a month.. I'm in my late 20's so probably not that much younger than Jilly...and I did work when I was 18 as well as went to college, but honestly...rent is so expensive that I can't see what job an 18 year old would be able to get that would allow them to afford to be able to move out. I mean, when I was 18, for chrissakes I worked @ CVS...
carhill Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 There is nothing wrong with being close to one's father though... How would you feel about a man who is that close to his mother? Did you really learn so many new things once you were on your own? I didn't. Sure, living on your own is different, but I didn't feel like it was a huge change. Aside from paying more bills and having do to my own laundry, not much has changed for me. That's partly because you're a man. Men are socialized differently and experience the world differently than women do. That's just how it is. I put the rest of my comments in a journal....
lovestruck818 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 How would you feel about a man who is that close to his mother? That's partly because you're a man. Men are socialized differently and experience the world differently than women do. That's just how it is. I put the rest of my comments in a journal.... I think family closeness is an amazing thing...I wish i was close to my father. I find myself relying more & more on my boyfriend and less on my father and yet my father yearns so much for me to need him. I see the sadness in his eyes & hear it in his voice everytime i tell him "no it's ok dad, my boyfriend did it."
hotgurl Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I think family closeness is an amazing thing...I wish i was close to my father. I find myself relying more & more on my boyfriend and less on my father and yet my father yearns so much for me to need him. I see the sadness in his eyes & hear it in his voice everytime i tell him "no it's ok dad, my boyfriend did it." yes but that also is part of growing up. It is pretty natural. I mean when you have a husband you wouldn't want your dad coming over and fixing the house.
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