Savings ? comment!

[Trialbyfire]

While I can see that people are proud of their own self-sufficiency, of which I'm also someone who's fiercely independent, if a person gets along well with their family and is satisfied with their lifestyle with their parents, is it such a bad thing? Is it sponging if their parents want them to remain home and there's mutual need being assauged?

 

I guess I'm kind of torn on this issue since many other cultures thrive on the extended family unit, up to the time the children get married. Everyone wins, from cost savings to having your loved ones close by.

[lovestruck818]

While I can see that people are proud of their own self-sufficiency, of which I'm also someone who's fiercely independent, if a person gets along well with their family and is satisfied with their lifestyle with their parents, is it such a bad thing? Is it sponging if their parents want them to remain home and there's mutual need being assauged?

 

I guess I'm kind of torn on this issue since many other cultures thrive on the extended family unit, up to the time the children get married. Everyone wins, from cost savings to having your loved ones close by.

 

Yes, in Italy it is common practice- many generations of family live in the house together...and it works just fine!

[Trialbyfire]

Yes, in Italy it is common practice- many generations of family live in the house together...and it works just fine!

Different asian cultures also live this way. A very close friend of mine ran screaming from home when her parents told her they were considering expansion of the family home, to incorporate her family after she got engaged.

 

I thought this was kind of funny since it made her leave the nest in a hurry.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Well, renting= throwing money away, throwing money away= poor, poor= not happy. I'd much rather be very well off financially and living at home then on my own and poor.

 

So how does the person adjust when they go from living at home to living with their boyfriend/spouse and all of a sudden they have all of these expenses? Using your logic, they should just both move in with mom and dad!

[lovestruck818]

So how does the person adjust when they go from living at home to living with their boyfriend/spouse and all of a sudden they have all of these expenses? Using your logic, they should just both move in with mom and dad!

 

B/c you have more money for these things...plus when I was living at home I was paying for things anyway- 1/3 electricity in addition to all my bills. I didn't pay rent, I was lucky in that, but it's not really that much of an adjustment, considering I am doing it all now just fine.

[Art_Critic]

I always tried to look for women that has similar ideals about savings, investing , spending etc, etc...

 

I have been saving and investing for my retirement since I was about 22-23 years old.

23 years later that is still what I do.. A cash reserve , monthly savings, monthly investing and a 401-k are all part of my life so anybody that I got involved with needed to be on the same wavelength as me or there would be fireworks in the home/relationship.

 

As far as the OP.. should you be worried ?.. Kinda sounds like you already are

 

I would only be worried if he also has accumulated a good deal of debt, that combined with no capacity to save would spell disaster.

 

If he has no savings and no debt then that wouldn't be all that bad as life happens and the American way is to spend what we earn.

His debt would be the biggest concern to me..

Does he have a lot of debt ?

Good credit ? pay his bills on time ?

[lovestruck818]

I always tried to look for women that has similar ideals about savings, investing , spending etc, etc...

 

I have been saving and investing for my retirement since I was about 22-23 years old.

23 years later that is still what I do.. A cash reserve , monthly savings, monthly investing and a 401-k are all part of my life so anybody that I got involved with needed to be on the same wavelength as me or there would be fireworks in the home/relationship.

 

As far as the OP.. should you be worried ?.. Kinda sounds like you already are

 

I would only be worried if he also has accumulated a good deal of debt, that combined with no capacity to save would spell disaster.

 

If he has no savings and no debt then that wouldn't be all that bad as life happens and the American way is to spend what we earn.

His debt would be the biggest concern to me..

Does he have a lot of debt ?

Good credit ? pay his bills on time ?

 

yeah, but if he owns a house and he is in debt from that...why exactly is that bad? I mean, I own a house and I have debt, but at the end of the day, I OWN a house. I would much rather be in debt and at least have an asset to my name than to have no debt yet not own a single thing...

 

and yes, I realise a house is just as much a liability as it an asset.

[Art_Critic]

yeah, but if he owns a house and he is in debt from that...why exactly is that bad? I mean, I own a house and I have debt, but at the end of the day, I OWN a house. I would much rather be in debt and at least have an asset to my name than to have no debt yet not own a single thing...

 

and yes, I realise a house is just as much a liability as it an asset.

 

Debt from real estate isn't the kind of debt I was speaking about..

 

The bank owns your house.. you don't.. all you have is equity in their home .

 

The debt I was referring to would be loans, credit cards etc etc..

[Lizzie60]

Well, if you're not concerned about it, then great. Only you can accurately assess your feelings on this.

 

I'm happy to help you manufacture anxiety on an issue where none currently exists, though. But I think we all have enough manufactured worry in our lives, hmm?

 

 

Exactly.. where's the problem.. you love him..

[lovestruck818]

Debt from real estate isn't the kind of debt I was speaking about..

 

The bank owns your house.. you don't.. all you have is equity in their home .

 

The debt I was referring to would be loans, credit cards etc etc..

 

Ok, but...wouldn't a loan to further eduaction be an ok loan to have? For me, it would be. Anything to promote education is alright in my book. Why should a school loan be a huge concern? Would that be a dealbreaker for you?

[Trialbyfire]

Ok, but...wouldn't a loan to further eduaction be an ok loan to have? For me, it would be. Anything to promote education is alright in my book. Why should a school loan be a huge concern? Would that be a dealbreaker for you?

Debt is debt, regardless of what it's for. If it's killing your monthly income, it doesn't matter if it's for a good cause or otherwise.

 

Consider how a business runs. Cash flow is key in ensuring continuity of the business.

[lovestruck818]

Debt is debt, regardless of what it's for. If it's killing your monthly income, it doesn't matter if it's for a good cause or otherwise.

 

Consider how a business runs. Cash flow is key in ensuring continuity of the business.

 

but it's virtually impossible to find any young person without debt...

[Trialbyfire]

but it's virtually impossible to find any young person without debt...

Not necessarily. It depends on the individual. I've never had debt of any kind. Most of my close friends have never had debt. It depends on how you choose to handle your money from the time you become responsible for yourself. Also, it's not as much the debt itself as to how much debt it is and how it's affecting your monthly cash flow.

 

Buying a home is no exception. If you've over-extended yourself, is that smart investing? Consider the tanking of the real estate market due to sub-prime lending practices.

[lovestruck818]

Not necessarily. It depends on the individual. I've never had debt of any kind. Most of my close friends have never had debt. It depends on how you choose to handle your money from the time you become responsible for yourself. Also, it's not as much the debt itself as to how much debt it is and how it's affecting your monthly cash flow.

 

Buying a home is no exception. If you've over-extended yourself, is that smart investing? Consider the tanking of the real estate market due to sub-prime lending practices.

 

you never had school loans? car loans? mortgage of any kind?

[Trialbyfire]

you never had school loans? car loans? mortgage of any kind?

Nope, never.

 

Edit: Hold it. I have taken out a loan at 0%, then invested the money at a greater percentage. Then sold the investment and paid down the loan.

[vonerik012]

LOL

 

I love when people BRAG about owning a home..

 

So you put no money down, or 5%, maybe even have an interest only loan, and recently saw you 400,000 purchase plummet to 300,000 in one year.

Wow Great!

 

Or in a traditional mortgage you are paying close to 900,000 for your 400,000 dollar home over the course of 30 years. Not including repairs, tax, maintenance, etc.

 

Lovestruck, why did you move out if living at home is so wonderful. You could have saved more money, which would have allowed you to make a bigger down payment on a home, and save tens of thousands in interest.

 

You only live once, and to live your single years with your parents IN THIS SOCIETY is pathetic. Sure, Mexicans live 10 people in a 1 bedroom apartment too. How does that relate to the average American culture? Should we all live like that because it saves money?

 

In some cultures women are virgins until marriage. So? We are in the USA. Poor examples.

[lovestruck818]

LOL

 

I love when people BRAG about owning a home..

 

So you put no money down, or 5%, maybe even have an interest only loan, and recently saw you 400,000 purchase plummet to 300,000 in one year.

Wow Great!

 

Or in a traditional mortgage you are paying close to 900,000 for your 400,000 dollar home over the course of 30 years. Not including repairs, tax, maintenance, etc.

 

Lovestruck, why did you move out if living at home is so wonderful. You could have saved more money, which would have allowed you to make a bigger down payment on a home, and save tens of thousands in interest.

 

You only live once, and to live your single years with your parents IN THIS SOCIETY is pathetic. Sure, Mexicans live 10 people in a 1 bedroom apartment too. How does that relate to the average American culture? Should we all live like that because it saves money?

 

In some cultures women are virgins until marriage. So? We are in the USA. Poor examples.

 

1) I put down a sh*tload of money on my home 2) I don't get a long with my parents and couldn't tolerate much more them.

[lino]

OP, it's you who must make your decision in the end. I don't think there is much of a problem so long as the guy is working.

 

 

Yes, in Italy it is common practice- many generations of family live in the house together...and it works just fine!

 

Actually, other than in very small towns & rural areas this doesn't happen in Italy much anymore.

[MarieD]

Zicke, the comment below is the most ridiculous comment i ever heard!! Me not being married has NOTHING to do with my living situation what so ever!! Me living home had nothing to do with -one of my exes cheating - one of the being an alcoholic, - one them using drugs daily - one of the constantly lieing - one of them being a God freak - one of them expecting me to be his slave, - one of them being a major hypocondriac. I broke up with them!!!! I REFUSE to settle for anything less than i deserve. I much rather be single for the rest of my life than marry just to marry.

 

. Apparently your ex's do have a problem with it, otherwise they wouldn't be ex's and you would be living with your husband now. quote]

 

Yes, i am living home to save for when i get married. But i also have a plan B. If i'm not married by the time i'm 38, i am having kids on my own without a man. I want to save enough so i could stay home & raise my kids without having to work.

 

So i really have 2 reasons why I want to live home & save as much as i can. Just because I can't find mr. right, thats not gonna stop me from missing my chance to have kids. I could always find mr. right, i can't always have kids.

 

Art Critic - Yes I would be concerned if my BF is in debt. I don't think he is, but i'm not sure. I really don't ask any questions about money.

 

I guess i have nothing to worry about right now. I'm sure my BF knows what he's doing. He decided to get a new 2008 BMW, which he gets in a week! I'm sure he wouldn't have gotten a BMW if it was a major problem.

 

Lino, yes you took the words right out of my mouth. I am not really concerned right now. He does have a job & works for a great financial company, in NYC. If he sat on his but all day & didn't want to work, THEN i would be very concerned..

[lovestruck818]

Zicke, the comment below is the most ridiculous comment i ever heard!! Me not being married has NOTHING to do with my living situation what so ever!! Me living home had nothing to do with -one of my exes cheating - one of the being an alcoholic, - one them using drugs daily - one of the constantly lieing - one of them being a God freak - one of them expecting me to be his slave, - one of them being a major hypocondriac. I broke up with them!!!! I REFUSE to settle for anything less than i deserve. I much rather be single for the rest of my life than marry just to marry.

 

. Apparently your ex's do have a problem with it, otherwise they wouldn't be ex's and you would be living with your husband now. quote]

 

Yes, i am living home to save for when i get married. But i also have a plan B. If i'm not married by the time i'm 38, i am having kids on my own without a man. I want to save enough so i could stay home & raise my kids without having to work.

 

So i really have 2 reasons why I want to live home & save as much as i can. Just because I can't find mr. right, thats not gonna stop me from missing my chance to have kids. I could always find mr. right, i can't always have kids.

 

Art Critic - Yes I would be concerned if my BF is in debt. I don't think he is, but i'm not sure. I really don't ask any questions about money.

 

I guess i have nothing to worry about right now. I'm sure my BF knows what he's doing. He decided to get a new 2008 BMW, which he gets in a week! I'm sure he wouldn't have gotten a BMW if it was a major problem.

 

Lino, yes you took the words right out of my mouth. I am not really concerned right now. He does have a job & works for a great financial company, in NYC. If he sat on his but all day & didn't want to work, THEN i would be very concerned..

 

And Marie, you live in or outside of the NYC metro area? That, people, is the exact point I am trying to prove...living at home is very common here.

[MarieD]

Lovestruck, I live in NJ. - 20 minutes outside of NY.

 

Yes living home is very common here.

Girls on my block that i went to school with are still living home.

2 of my girlfriends, who are 35, also still live home. I have a friend who is 38 & still lives home & she is $20,000 in debt, figure that one out! hahah

 

I am VERY happy where I am, if i could do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing!!! I would choose living home & having the closeness with my parents over ANY strangers opinions, any day!!! Family is #1, no??

 

Lovestruck, where do you live???

[lovestruck818]

Lovestruck, I live in NJ. - 20 minutes outside of NY.

 

Yes living home is very common here.

Girls on my block that i went to school with are still living home.

2 of my girlfriends, who are 35, also still live home. I have a friend who is 38 & still lives home & she is $20,000 in debt, figure that one out! hahah

 

I am VERY happy where I am, if i could do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing!!! I would choose living home & having the closeness with my parents over ANY strangers opinions, any day!!! Family is #1, no??

 

Lovestruck, where do you live???

 

Long Island...and unfortunately I don't have that great of a relationship with my parents which is why I had to move out...seems like you and your parents are very close. Same with my boyfriend- tight knit family, very warm. Living at home can be pleasant if one has a good relationship with their family. I'd kill for that...

[Ronni_W]

I love him & don't consider this a problem, should I? I haven't been this happy in years!!

I would look at it as there being no problem in the current moment. Being happy and in love is, as the commercial says, "priceless" .

 

So maybe it's just a matter of considering some possible future scenarios. (Or is that your concern...that it may become an issue if you guys continue seeing each other, get engaged, get married, have kids, etc.?)

 

Would you be okay with his money-management style of payday-to-payday? Might it cause constant fear (of threat of one financial crisis after the other)? Is it possibly something that will engender constant 'background' worried and anxious thoughts in you?

Is it something that having a financial counselor will alleviate? Or automatic savings plans? Or just you taking charge of family finances, both working on and sticking to a family budget, getting professional advice on an as-needed basis, etc.

 

Having different financial backgrounds and money-management styles is NOT a problem. How couples handle the differences CAN become a problem.

 

Your lifestyle to date is a blessing -- you have been blessed. That's a GOOD thing .

[zicke]

Zicke, the comment below is the most ridiculous comment i ever heard!! Me not being married has NOTHING to do with my living situation what so ever!! Me living home had nothing to do with -one of my exes cheating - one of the being an alcoholic, - one them using drugs daily - one of the constantly lieing - one of them being a God freak - one of them expecting me to be his slave, - one of them being a major hypocondriac. I broke up with them!!!! I REFUSE to settle for anything less than i deserve. I much rather be single for the rest of my life than marry just to marry.

 

. Apparently your ex's do have a problem with it, otherwise they wouldn't be ex's and you would be living with your husband now. quote]

 

Yes, i am living home to save for when i get married. But i also have a plan B. If i'm not married by the time i'm 38, i am having kids on my own without a man. I want to save enough so i could stay home & raise my kids without having to work.

 

So i really have 2 reasons why I want to live home & save as much as i can. Just because I can't find mr. right, thats not gonna stop me from missing my chance to have kids. I could always find mr. right, i can't always have kids.

 

Art Critic - Yes I would be concerned if my BF is in debt. I don't think he is, but i'm not sure. I really don't ask any questions about money.

 

I guess i have nothing to worry about right now. I'm sure my BF knows what he's doing. He decided to get a new 2008 BMW, which he gets in a week! I'm sure he wouldn't have gotten a BMW if it was a major problem.

 

Lino, yes you took the words right out of my mouth. I am not really concerned right now. He does have a job & works for a great financial company, in NYC. If he sat on his but all day & didn't want to work, THEN i would be very concerned..

 

Obviously living at home hasn't made your dating choices any wiser has it? I am glad that your boyfriend, who has no savings and is self-proclaimed living paycheck to paycheck can afford to get a loan for a 2008 BMW. I am sure that the 500 buck payment isn't going to be a problem for someone who is already shelling out 3300 in expenses a month.

 

Question--anyone ELSE in your life buying a BRAND NEW CAR this week?

 

You plan B sounds like a trainwreck--how do you plan on raising children when you are still living at home with your parents? Are they going to take care of the kids for you as well. I just do not sense any real world skills from you. Your writing and tone sound to me like someone still in their late teens and early 20's.

 

You've known your "boyfriend" 4.5 months---not enough time to make a determination as to whether or not he is the love of your life, or even a good fit. You are currently dating his PR agent, not the real him.

 

But good luck, I guess it's a "jersey" thing.

[lovestruck818]

Zicke, the comment below is the most ridiculous comment i ever heard!! Me not being married has NOTHING to do with my living situation what so ever!! Me living home had nothing to do with -one of my exes cheating - one of the being an alcoholic, - one them using drugs daily - one of the constantly lieing - one of them being a God freak - one of them expecting me to be his slave, - one of them being a major hypocondriac. I broke up with them!!!! I REFUSE to settle for anything less than i deserve. I much rather be single for the rest of my life than marry just to marry.

 

 

 

Obviously living at home hasn't made your dating choices any wiser has it? I am glad that your boyfriend, who has no savings and is self-proclaimed living paycheck to paycheck can afford to get a loan for a 2008 BMW. I am sure that the 500 buck payment isn't going to be a problem for someone who is already shelling out 3300 in expenses a month.

 

Question--anyone ELSE in your life buying a BRAND NEW CAR this week?

 

You plan B sounds like a trainwreck--how do you plan on raising children when you are still living at home with your parents? Are they going to take care of the kids for you as well. I just do not sense any real world skills from you. Your writing and tone sound to me like someone still in their late teens and early 20's.

 

You've known your "boyfriend" 4.5 months---not enough time to make a determination as to whether or not he is the love of your life, or even a good fit. You are currently dating his PR agent, not the real him.

 

But good luck, I guess it's a "jersey" thing.

 

Zicke- are you just jealous that she can afford a new car and you can't? Why is everyone who is living at home in their 20's & 30's getting flack for it on this board? There is nothing wrong with it.

 

I am sure once she plans on having kids she will move out...and even if she doesn't, doesn't mean she will love her kids any less or that they wont be taken care of properly. There are all kinds of families and all kinds of situations and people in this world. You may not agree with her decisions and choices and you don't have to, but she doesn't deserve the sh*t she is getting from all you people who know nothing about her or her situation.