lovestruck818 Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 No Maria--in your frenzy to prove how you got it going on, you failed, again to see the very valid point I was attempting to make. Most men that I know, would balk at dating someone who lived at home until their mid-thirties and beyond. You have no real world experience, so you aren't really up to making good choices dating wise. Yes, we all make bad dating choices at one point or another--but we learn from them...you do not seem to be. A woman who had to support herself, would have a clearer view of what denotes a good man from one who was a user, alkie, or whatever else you dated. Because based on her own life experience, she could more easily sus out the losers. One of the reasons I say this is because you were coming to strangers to validate whether or not you had a right to be concerned about some guy's financial decisions. It is like, you don't have your own opinion on the matter, because you do not know what it is like to have to worry about making the mortgage or rent, or the electric bill, or what bill to pay so you can buy food for the week. Again, your responses are that of someone 20 years younger than you are. Zicke- what does living at home have to do with dating & the men she is picking? I fail to see the correlation...
hotgurl Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 MarieD, you know you can still have a very close relationship with your parent and not live at home. Also about having a baby while living at home I think it is unfair to your parents. It is so different being a grandparent and a parent and having a baby around 24/7 will makes them have more of a parenting role since the baby will be there all the time. They have already raised their children and maybe they deserve some time alone just the two of them to rediscover themselves as a married couple. Run around naked and all that. And when you have kids they can be grandparents and visit when they want and not have to deal with a baby 24/7
lovestruck818 Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 MarieD, you know you can still have a very close relationship with your parent and not live at home. Also about having a baby while living at home I think it is unfair to your parents. It is so different being a grandparent and a parent and having a baby around 24/7 will makes them have more of a parenting role since the baby will be there all the time. They have already raised their children and maybe they deserve some time alone just the two of them to rediscover themselves as a married couple. Run around naked and all that. And when you have kids they can be grandparents and visit when they want and not have to deal with a baby 24/7 but if her parents wouldn't mind...as she says they wouldn't...then, if this is what she chooses for her child, what is the big deal? Like I said before, doesn't change the amount of love for the child...
hotgurl Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 but if her parents wouldn't mind...as she says they wouldn't...then, if this is what she chooses for her child, what is the big deal? Like I said before, doesn't change the amount of love for the child... that is what she says has she talked to her parents? Also I still think it is unfair. They have done their job raising kids. They deserves their time alone. When you have kids you'll understand.
zicke Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Lovestruck---I thought I explained myself---Maria is 35, living at home, no worries about paying bills, mom and dad do everything for her....she is very, very sheltered. People need to break away from their parents to become the people they were meant to be and to learn lessons in life. Maria hasn't learned a lot of lessons, one of them being--being able to choose a mate wisely, because she does not have to life skills to make a determination about what makes a man/mate a keeper so to say. Hence--Maria asking a bunch of anonymous strangers whether or not she should be concerned about something she doesn't know if she should be concerned about. Most women, who have lived away from the sheltering presence of their parents doing everything for them, have had to learn how to cull the weak from the strong. At 35, waiting til "marriage" is kind of pointless.
lovestruck818 Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Lovestruck---I thought I explained myself---Maria is 35, living at home, no worries about paying bills, mom and dad do everything for her....she is very, very sheltered. People need to break away from their parents to become the people they were meant to be and to learn lessons in life. Maria hasn't learned a lot of lessons, one of them being--being able to choose a mate wisely, because she does not have to life skills to make a determination about what makes a man/mate a keeper so to say. Hence--Maria asking a bunch of anonymous strangers whether or not she should be concerned about something she doesn't know if she should be concerned about. Most women, who have lived away from the sheltering presence of their parents doing everything for them, have had to learn how to cull the weak from the strong. At 35, waiting til "marriage" is kind of pointless. Zicke, there are plenty of people who get married later in life. There is no law that you have to get married in your 20's. I know plenty of couples in their 40's who are recently married! And asking a bunch of strangers on a forum for advice? That's what we are all doing otherwise no one would be on this site.
vonerik012 Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Ok i think we are getting a little off the subject here now!! To each their own. I choose to live home, so i can save & get my brand 2009 Cadillac tomorrow & being able to buy a house no problem!! :-) The above statement illustrates how people that spend time living at home almost ALWAYS end up making poor fiscal decisions. As soon as you roll off the lot with your 2009 Caddy, you just lost $10,000. In about 2 years you lost $25,000. Any new car, but especially Cadillacs lose their value RAPIDLY. I have seen my friends amass money living at home until 30, only to blow it in a year making DUMB decisions. They never learned on their own, and have no clue as to how to be responsible. There is no way to justify living at home and having mommy and daddy take care of you until 30 or 40. A huge segment of the population will think you have serious problems. Stop trying to make others think it is a smart decision. They won't no matter what angle you try. And Maries plan B is interesting to say the least.. Raise kids with no father, most likely in your parents home. Sounds rather selfish to me to bring kids into this world with no father from the get go. But so is having your parents pay your bills for 35 years. People who live at home don't realize how they have become like adult babies. I see this with my male friends who have chosen that route. Almost everything is prefaced with "My mom says"....Pathetic. It is one of those things that should be good in theory, but in practice the disadvantages of living with mom and dad far outweigh the small monetary advantages.
Jilly Bean Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 The question I'd like to throw out to members is, who's smarter, the person with loads of debt due to self-sufficiency or the person who's debt free with a substantial nest egg, who remained at home? Why does it have to be one or the other? I bought my BMW for cash, pay off my AMEX in full every month, so the only "debt" I carry is my mortgage. I have always been self-sufficient, and I have never been in debt. My credit score is 812 - lol. AND, I also have savings, a large amount of liquid cash and a very nice retirement plan in place. It's not one or the other, Trial. Many people are independent AND have savings and no debt. And yes, I see my parents quite frequently - we just haven't shared a home since I was 17.
Author MarieD Posted August 7, 2008 Author Posted August 7, 2008 Lovestruck, I am not even going to reply to Zicke anymore, its like talking to a wall. My dating choices have NOTHING to do with me living home. If a guy is a jerk, he's a jerk whether or not i live home or on my own. Love, be proud that you have ur own house, etc. Don't listen to the negative comments that people have on here! Hotgurl, Its my parents decision about if i have kids on my own. They WANT me to live with them, this way they could be close to my kids. They said if it was up to them, they would never want me to move out, even if i did get married. My mother said that would be very hard for her. OK my original post has gotten WAY off the subject. Thanks for all your replies. Zicke - here's one last comment for you!! I['m sure this will drive ya crazy.............Starting this year, since my parents hit BIG in a stock, they are starting to give us 4 kids, $20,000 a year!! I'm done with this post!! Bye!
vonerik012 Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Wow Really unbelievable..You just said that your parents NEVER want you to move out, and want you to raise your kids with no father in their home. And you think this is normal? Or healthy? Cut the cord already. Not many men will find this to be attractive. Trust me. We should be jealous that now your parents will give you 20,000? lol.. Yes, they own you. Its the least they can do for keeping you there forever.
hotgurl Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 so why don't you just move out on your own than. I understand what zicke is saying staying at home too long kind prevent you from entering you next life phase so you can become like an adult child. You relationship with your parents change when you move out and get older. You start to relate to each other as adults. It is kinda cool. Lovestuck I sure you can see how you relationship changed with your parents once you moved out.
lovestruck818 Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 The above statement illustrates how people that spend time living at home almost ALWAYS end up making poor fiscal decisions. As soon as you roll off the lot with your 2009 Caddy, you just lost $10,000. In about 2 years you lost $25,000. Any new car, but especially Cadillacs lose their value RAPIDLY. I have seen my friends amass money living at home until 30, only to blow it in a year making DUMB decisions. They never learned on their own, and have no clue as to how to be responsible. There is no way to justify living at home and having mommy and daddy take care of you until 30 or 40. A huge segment of the population will think you have serious problems. Stop trying to make others think it is a smart decision. They won't no matter what angle you try. And Maries plan B is interesting to say the least.. Raise kids with no father, most likely in your parents home. Sounds rather selfish to me to bring kids into this world with no father from the get go. But so is having your parents pay your bills for 35 years. People who live at home don't realize how they have become like adult babies. I see this with my male friends who have chosen that route. Almost everything is prefaced with "My mom says"....Pathetic. It is one of those things that should be good in theory, but in practice the disadvantages of living with mom and dad far outweigh the small monetary advantages. Vonerik, while you make some valid points, just b/c it isn't what YOU would do doesn't mean it is wrong or stupid...this is what Marie chose to do and who are any of us to tell her what her priorities should be? If she wants to spend her money on a new car as opposed to a new house, why should that be a concern to anyone else but her? And while, yes, as soon as you drive a car off of the lot its value depreciates...are you saying no one should ever buy a new car? I mean if that's how you feel, that's how you feel...but personally, I bought my car new as well (at the time, it's an 05) and some people just enjoy having a brand new car as opposed to something someone else has owned...and maybe didn't take the best care of.
zicke Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Lovestruck, I am not even going to reply to Zicke anymore, its like talking to a wall. My dating choices have NOTHING to do with me living home. If a guy is a jerk, he's a jerk whether or not i live home or on my own. Love, be proud that you have ur own house, etc. Don't listen to the negative comments that people have on here! Hotgurl, Its my parents decision about if i have kids on my own. They WANT me to live with them, this way they could be close to my kids. They said if it was up to them, they would never want me to move out, even if i did get married. My mother said that would be very hard for her. OK my original post has gotten WAY off the subject. Thanks for all your replies. Zicke - here's one last comment for you!! I['m sure this will drive ya crazy.............Starting this year, since my parents hit BIG in a stock, they are starting to give us 4 kids, $20,000 a year!! I'm done with this post!! Bye! You ARE 12! I knew it! Is it ALL about money for you? Scary. I am not the one putting out my financials for scrutiny--you are. Deal with it. I am not jealous of you princess, trust me on this. You have no ability to be analytical, so I will stop, because talking to you is like talking to a wall. Good luck.
vonerik012 Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Lovestruck.. I believe you said you drive a Hyundai. That is an economical car, and buying one new is not a bad idea. I certainly would not buy a used Hyundai. But it is a an inexpensive mode of transportation to get from point A to point B.That is far different from buying a brand new luxury car, when you had to save your entire life for a piece of rapidly depreciating metal. People who live at home say "it is a smart financial decision". So since life is all about "smart financial decisions" , it is relevant to point out instances in which they make very poor financial decisions, since they are basing their entire lives around saving money, and "smart financial decisions" When people liver at home, they trade real life experiences, and the building of character, for money. I feel that is a bad trade off.
BUTTAFLYH Posted August 7, 2008 Posted August 7, 2008 Wait, you're whacking him for not having any savings, yet you are 35, live at home, and sponge off your folks and don't pay any bills? I think if anyone is off here, it's you. He sounds like a normal American who is a little indebted, and struggling to make ends meet. But, 35 and living at home with Mom and Dad and NOT paying any bills? Yeesh. I'm SO with her.
Krytie TV Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Lovestruck, I am not even going to reply to Zicke anymore, its like talking to a wall. My dating choices have NOTHING to do with me living home. If a guy is a jerk, he's a jerk whether or not i live home or on my own. I think the idea is that reality is affected by your situation. In your situation, there are a lot of men who would avoid getting involved romatically. Having been with someone rather like what you describe yourself to be, here's the problem: Women who have lived in the comfort of parents' home as long as you have never needed to do anything for themselves, and as such, do not gain the valuable experiences that brings. I'm guessing if you ever had a financial crunch, your parents would be there for you. If you ever had to fix a screen door, dad would come do it. Dad would mow your lawn. If someone ever mentioned that their life has not gone so good and they had no savings you would literally scratch your head and look at them like they're an alien. Your whole reality is skewed from those who have had real life experience. Further, what man wants to feel like he is not at all needed? The girl I was with, that I mentioned earlier, seriously needed me for nothing. Parents paid her mortgage while she was in school. Daddy fixed everything around the house. I had to argue just to be able to mow the freakin lawn. I was essentially useless in her life. It's not a fun place to be, and no one wants to feel like they are viewed as lesser because they have not had the good fortune you have had, and apparently will have for the rest of your life. As such, you are left with the people who just don't give a sh*t about anything or that want to mooch. People who want to be respected, appreciated, and valued will move on... wealthy enough for your standards or not.
vonerik012 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I can relate to Krytie. I recently dated a woman that received everything from dad at the age of 32. Her dad is the most important person in her life, and thats the way he likes it. She will most likely be single until her father passes away. He is overly involved in every facet of her life, and she has no grasp of the real world. If she starts dating a new guy, he then tries to control her through giving her more money, or less money, being mean to her, threatening to cut her off, etc. They travel together, go out together on weekends, etc. I find it strange. I would much rather date a woman with nothing who has been independent, and completely broke, than a woman who has been coddled by her parents but has money saved.
Nevermind Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Hotgurl, no i will continue to live home when i have my kids & take care of my parents as well! I am not taking any money from my parents, i'm not living off their dime. Zicke - here's one last comment for you!! I['m sure this will drive ya crazy.............Starting this year, since my parents hit BIG in a stock, they are starting to give us 4 kids, $20,000 a year!! Mh..Interesting way of not taking money. I guess pocket money doesn't count?
tomwiz Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I wouldn't date you, that old nad living at home regardless of your financial situation sets off some red flags. Give the guy a break.
lovestruck818 Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I can relate to Krytie. I recently dated a woman that received everything from dad at the age of 32. Her dad is the most important person in her life, and thats the way he likes it. She will most likely be single until her father passes away. He is overly involved in every facet of her life, and she has no grasp of the real world. If she starts dating a new guy, he then tries to control her through giving her more money, or less money, being mean to her, threatening to cut her off, etc. They travel together, go out together on weekends, etc. I find it strange. I would much rather date a woman with nothing who has been independent, and completely broke, than a woman who has been coddled by her parents but has money saved. There is nothing wrong with being close to one's father though...
Krytie TV Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 There is nothing wrong with being close to one's father though... There is when you're so close no one else can get through.
stillafool Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I'm still trying to get over a 35 year old woman still living home with her parents? I would rather have been on my own and have no savings.
Lishy Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I'm still trying to get over a 35 year old woman still living home with her parents? I would rather have been on my own and have no savings. Me too!
Art_Critic Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 Why is it that her being 35 and living at home is so bad that the posters on LS have to bash her for it ? Could someone explain to me what is WRONG about it ?.. She isn't taking advantage of her parents.. they want her to live there..
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