I don't know anymore

[whichwayisup]

Is it possible to block his email? Or flag it and it gets directed automatically into the trash bin? Whatever you do, DO NOT REPLY back!

 

so he knows I'm thinking of him.

 

Yeah, so he can get his ego feed? Nope, don't think so! Stay strong, keep ignoring him and just know that you CAN do this!

[bish]

For the last 9 months I have felt ashamed of myself for what I am doing to another woman, but I'm into deep I love him & can't walk away.

 

Well what can I say? Cheating jerks get women who know they are cheating jerks wrapped around their finger all the time.

 

Maybe I'm looking at life all wrong and need to be like the jackasses out there.

[dylanatalanta]

Well what can I say? Cheating jerks get women who know they are cheating jerks wrapped around their finger all the time.

 

Maybe I'm looking at life all wrong and need to be like the jackasses out there.

 

I'm sorry, maybe it's the blonde thing!!!! Are you calling me a jackass?

[bish]

I'm sorry, maybe it's the blonde thing!!!! Are you calling me a jackass?

 

No, calling the guys that are able to get the women wrapped around their finger all the while being cheating jerks the jackasses.

 

I figure if that is the kind of guy that seems to get the women to fall all over them, then maybe I should be a jackass just like them and cheat on women. Seems the cheating jerks have their s##t together.

 

Now the fact that you fall for this type of guy, well you can fill in your own blank here.

[dylanatalanta]

No Bish stay the way you are!!!! It's not the cheating that is attractive, very far from it, it's the promises they make you that get you where I am today.

 

And my blank....well I won't go there today, it's too long ;-)

[dylanatalanta]

MM has been constantly e-mailing for 2 weeks, between banter, declaring his love for me & explicit situations that he would like to find himself in with me, he has told me that he is going to come & see me on Monday because he wants to see me before I go on holiday, why am I telling you this well read on……

 

I went into town with my sister yesterday morning, we got there @ 8.30am & the shops were not open so stood outside, as I looked over the road into the coffee shop window I could have sworn it was my MM sat in there with his W, I called my sister over & she confirmed that yes def him, I panicked & dived into a phone box that was to the side of me, as I looked over I saw him put his arm around her, my sister said that she felt like walking over & telling his W the truth, as I looked over I saw him kiss her & sat there as though he didn’t have a care in the world, I snapped & told my sister to do it, she walked off & I started shaking & just wanted to hide.

 

Within 2 mins my sister walked past me & said stay there, she had walked in & he sunk in his chair when he saw my sister, she walked over & said to his W “do you know that he is still seeing ***** & slept with my sister 2 weeks ago”, within seconds his W had followed my sister over the road & was asking if she was telling the truth, MM was pulling her arm & telling her “who are you going to believe me or her”, my sister told her “I am not saying this to be nasty to you or to hurt you, but I think you deserve to know the truth” his W repeatedly asked my sister if she were really my sister & to please tell her if she were lying. My sister told me that his W’s face was full of hope that it was a lie.

After a couple of minutes I snapped & couldn’t leave my sister out there to do this, as I walked out of the phone box I looked at his W & said “I’m *****” she asked me if all this were true & I told her it was, you could see she was in complete shock, I was so God knows how she was feeling!!

 

 

She asked me a few questions & I answered them truthfully, she asked if since July had he promised me that he would leave, I told her he hadn’t, she asked when I last saw him & I told her 2 weeks earlier, he told me to tell her why we had met, I said I had asked him to meet me, he said no tell her that we met to finish it, I said “ok so it took ½ an hour of me being sat on the bonnet of your car & you kissing me to finish it”, she told me that he had sworn on her life, her children’s life & even my child’s life that it was over, I told her that he was e-mailing me every day & that if she wanted I would give her my log-in & password so that she could see for herself.

 

All through this he just kept pulling at her arm trying to drag her away, but she wanted to stay & hear the truth, I told her that he had promised when he left we would go to the beach every sat, come home & drink hot chocolate with cream in the bath, she looked at him with horror & told me that he had just started to do that with her, there were a few things that were said that made it very apparent that he had taken ideas from me & injected them into his marriage to try & improve it. My sister told her that he had spoken with me & told me about the phone call he had from his daughter the previous week saying “Dad guess what? I’m sat at my desk marking books, I’m actually a teacher” at that she looked @ him again with pure disbelief.

At one point he told her to come away because people were watching, she said that he had made her friends pity her for keeping him, her family pity her & her children pity her & that they phone her everyday to see how she is so why should she care what people watching would think.

 

 

There was no bitchiness or malice shown between her & I. I could be wrong but I believe that although she hates what I have done she hasn’t walked away hating me, she could see that he had made all this happen with lies & false promises. She actually looked at him at one point & said “you have been leading a life with 2 women & you don’t know which one to choose”. At one point he walked off & she just stood with her face in her hands & said “I’m 46, I have never loved anyone the way I love him & I’m scared I wont have that again” it was awful, I walked over to her & told her that if she wanted to go for a coffee & to talk that I would, she actually said thank you to me. I know this will sound patronising but I wanted to put my arms around her & take her away from him, it stood out a mile that she is petrified of life without him, & it stood out a mile that he knows it, every time he tried to pull her away I wanted to shout at him to stop trying to pull her away from the truth.

 

So anyway come the end I said that I would go & tell her we had to go, we had just been stood there for 5 mins not knowing whether to stay or go, & tell her that if she wanted to call me @ work she was welcome to do that, my sister said that she would go tell her, which she did, my sister asked if she wanted to know & his W replied that she did & thank you for telling her, she looked over my sisters shoulders & smiled at me.

 

All through this right up to the very end he tried to lie until he eventually said "everything she says is true" several times he looked @ me & said "well there you go you have ruined me" @ one point he also said to his W "I was obsessed with her & still am" he also added @ one point I'll ruin your life for this I told him carry on a do what you bloody well like.

 

2 hours after all that he e-mailed me, it reads:

 

Thank you for today although it’s no more that I expected from you.

At the end of the day ***** you knew I was never going to leave *** & it was only sex & e-mail that we had in common, but as of now I will never ever want any contact with you again.

I love *** more than anything or anyone in this world, & she doesn’t deserve to be treated in this way & all I can hope is that one day she will forgive me.

I do not love you & never have.

 

So there we go that woman’s face is in my mind, my sisters mind as well actually, her life is totally blown apart because of me.

[jj33]

You dont express any remorse. Are you done now? Are you proud of yourself for doing what you did? You didnt do it for her. Im not sure why you did it. It mindboggling.

 

I hope she doesnt contact you. If you have any conscience you will simply tell her you are very sorry for the way you have hurt her and that you wont contact or accept contact from her husband again.

 

having an affair with someone you believe is leaving is one thing. Throwing details like the hot chocolate and the beach in her face is another. You really need to look at why you behaved the way you did. If you were angry at him thats understandable but to throw it in her face was not necessary.

[dylanatalanta]

No I'm not proud, & of course I care!!! But she asked me questions & I believe she deserved for me to answer them honestly.

 

& at the beginning I didn't do it for her & I didn't do it for him, it was a decision made on the spur of the moment, yes for the wrong reasons I admit, I didn't think straight, but after having met her face to face & seeing him in his true colours, she deserved to know, she would rather know the truth.

 

I've always told him that if his W asked me I would tell her the truth & that is exactly what I did.

 

And as for phoning me that is up to her, if she does & asks me for the the truth then I will, not to be nasty but because if it were me in her shoes I would want the truth.

 

Yesterday I saw him for the scum that he really is, I have no feeling for him.

 

I did not throw anything in her face I just answered her questions honestly.

[cybersister]

sounds like at the least there is now closure of sorts.

what really strikes me in this is how you have been ashamed of how you have treated W, and taken some criticism .

I have not seen very much about MM's cowardly actions.

He is responsible for most of this mess, leaving two very hurt women in his wake.

Yes you knew he was attached, but it was him made marriage vows to W, not you. We do seem very quick to condemn the OW.

Yes, part of the hurt was hearing things she did not have to learn, but I can see why you did it. Not pretty but human, and from your description sounds like W sensed this too. I doubt there is useful purpose in further contact between any of you.

Time to lick your wounds and move on.

[dylanatalanta]

cybersister - thank you

 

I deserve the criticism, I knew he was M, albeit thought he was going to leave. I think if she had of been a bitch to me then it would have been easier, but she was so decent, it turnt the whole situation around for me, to actually meet the woman whose H I had been having an A with & a woman that so did not deserve any of this.

 

It feels like it was good for both of us to have met each other, she could tell I cared & was sorry, not that that helps any I don't suppose.

 

& as for further contact between his W & I, there is no need, but should she want to talk to me or ask a question then I feel if it helps her decide her future the it is the least I can do, her H will not tell her the truth, so if she looks to me for that truth then I care enough to tell her

[jj33]

I think this is a chance for you to really take a good hard look at your behavior and your motivations. You didnt feel the need to alert her to anything when the affair started, when he was making big promises to you when you thought you would "win". How is it that you suddenly decided to be the bearer of truth? Why are you suddenly on her side? Because you didnt win.

 

Its hard to admit that we have engaged in behavior that is not pretty but this is your chance. You dont have to admit it on the board but you would do well to give it some consideration.

[jj33]

Lets face it Dyslanta you slept with him 2 weeks ago - if you cared enough about her the story would be much different. You acted out of anger which is unfortunate but dont fool yourself by pretending you are now spilling the beans because you care.

[dylanatalanta]

I didn't sleep with him 2 weeks ago. I have cried everday for almost a year & have never been in this to "win" as you put it, sorry but I didn't see this as a competition. When his W found out in March & rang me I told her the truth, when she text me in April I told her the truth, so you see I have never lied to her.

 

I have never "been on her side" & never not "been on her side", I have felt guilt for her & felt disgust at how she has been treated by her H.

 

So I am not pretending to spill the beans because I care, or because I'm sulking that I didn't "win" I told her because she asked me as she has before, but this time face to face, with hope in her eyes that I'd tell her it wasn't true. I can tell you right now I told her the truth for her & not me, not him, not for revenge because standing there with her yesterday I realised this wasn't the first time he had done it to her. She told me they were having sex every morning & every night, she basically told me she was doing what she could to keep him because she was scared he would leave her again. So no not for 1 minute did I not care & not 1 minute did I think about my hurt - her life is ruined & I saw that with my own eyes yesterday - so that is why I told her the truth, because she deserved to know.

[dylanatalanta]

& I have admitted that I have engaged in behaviour that is not pretty, that is what I have been doing on here for the last 6 weeks!!!! But yesterday I saw the result of that behaviour & stopped thinking about what I want out of this.

[dylanatalanta]

The other thing she asked me yesterday was if he had made me change my number because he had made her change hers because she wanted to contact me.

 

If I was a bitch & didn't give a toss I would have contacted her months ago & tried to rub her nose in this mess.

 

jj33 have you ever been asked by your MM's W for the truth?

 

Does his W not deserve the truth & to be able to have the chance to meet a man that would love her? or does she deserve to be with a man that will tell her over & over again it was nothing? that it's all lies, every time he met me, every time he slept with me, every time we spoke, everytime he promised something, every time he promised it was over & it wasn't, he wasn't going to ever tell her the truth, so unless I had she wouldn't ever know.

[dreamy1945]

Hi Dylan....we need to talk. Can you send me a personal message?

[bentnotbroken]

Dylan, I don't know what to say. I am glad she knows the truth, she deserves that, but I do wonder why you waited until you were hurt to do it. She has been hurting all this time and you kept the lines of communication open with the butt hole. You aren't responsible for his cheating, but you are responsible for helping him destroy her trust. What you saw in her eyes didn't have to be there at your hand. Her pain over the man she loves, didn't have to involve you. I pray that you take away the look on her face, your sister having to do the dirty work because she loves you and the actions he took after the fact to never involve yourself in a M again.

[dreamy1945]

How do we send personal messages? Thought I knew that but no. Help please.

[dylanatalanta]

Hi Dreamy I was just thinking the exact same thing.....I don't know, are you ok?

[dylanatalanta]

Dylan, I don't know what to say. I am glad she knows the truth, she deserves that, but I do wonder why you waited until you were hurt to do it. She has been hurting all this time and you kept the lines of communication open with the butt hole. You aren't responsible for his cheating, but you are responsible for helping him destroy her trust. What you saw in her eyes didn't have to be there at your hand. Her pain over the man she loves, didn't have to involve you. I pray that you take away the look on her face, your sister having to do the dirty work because she loves you and the actions he took after the fact to never involve yourself in a M again.

 

Hi BNB

 

The truth, I have walked round in a daze since yesterday, I feel so guilty, I feel like the biggest piece of scum out there. I didn't do the right thing did I? How do I make this go away? I don't know what to do. I didn't wait til I was hurt to do this, I have been hurting for months, I just made a decision right there & then, she actually thanked me & that has made it a thousand times worse

[dylanatalanta]

How do we send personal messages? Thought I knew that but no. Help please.

 

 

Dreamy just tried to send you a message but it said you either have private messages blocked or you are not allowed to receive them. Can you not talk here? Or are you worried about the reaction of others?

[dreamy1945]

Hi Dylan...guess I can't post private yet. Sure we can talk on here...others can help and support us or not post at all. Anyway, I just want to tell you how sorry I am but personally you did the right thing. It had to come to a head somehow. I talked to my MM wife for 4 hours in person one day and told her everything she wanted to know. She then called him and we all talked. He tried to deny stuff too but we held him to it. After that it went crazy and she tried to make up stuff about me and things that were said so she could turn him against me. The stuff she was telling him seemed so real...that's why he quit calling. Now is a different story.

 

I'm thinking of you and hoping you can get through this okay. I know your pain. It's not so easy to just let go like everyone wants us too. We work it out in our own time frame. Stay strong.

[dylanatalanta]

Thank you Dreamy.

 

I think I'm through it, not in the sense that I don't hurt, but that it will be over now, going by his last e-mail I think he will hate me for a long time to come, I can live with that, seeing the look on his W's face, that is a different story, but I feel I did the right thing simply because I know I didn't do it out of anger or spite, I ended it by doing it this way, the second I made the decision to let this happen I knew it would end it & I knew that although this would hurt his W, the only person she would ever hear the truth from was me. He started it, I ended it.

 

I'm afraid I differ with some of the opinions on this board, I'm afraid I don't share the opinion of oh well as long as I never kiss & tell then that makes it alright for me to sleep with someone elses H.

 

& Dreamy as long as you know the truth that's all that matters, as long as you know in your heart that you are a good person then you will rise above this & in time accept that you & I made a horrible mistake.

[bentnotbroken]

Hi BNB

 

The truth, I have walked round in a daze since yesterday, I feel so guilty, I feel like the biggest piece of scum out there. I didn't do the right thing did I? How do I make this go away? I don't know what to do. I didn't wait til I was hurt to do this, I have been hurting for months, I just made a decision right there & then, she actually thanked me & that has made it a thousand times worse

 

 

She needed to know, and for you I am glad she was a classy lady and not a psycho. I didn't mean to imply that you weren't already hurting. Maybe a better paraphrase would have been, when your eyes showed you the truth, that your heart already knew. You took the immediate flash of anger and acted. It was a catalyst. It wasn't two weeks prior when you last saw him.

 

You can't make it go away now. All you can do is live the best life you can from here and learn from the entire mess. I don't mean live in a quagmire of guilt and condemnation. But don't forget things that happened, the emotions that were felt(by all)and the destructive consequences. That will serve you in future relationships. Don't ever allow yourself in this position again. All is now in your control. Choose your path and stick to it. Don't let some sly talking, lying, sack of cow pies into your life again.

[wildsoul]

I don't understand the deal with your sister. What was your reaction upon seeing MM and W kissing and being close? Sounds like your sister ran in there and meddled because she was emotionally caught up in your drama. Was she avenging you? What were you feeling and saying to her before she busted into the diner?