My ex says she wants to get back together!

[WiseOne1]

I Just dont see it, I was pretty sure we were over forever

[CaliGuy]

WiseOne1, I am with BadBrit here. I too believe that she always loved you (you WERE friends for 5 years prior to dating). Her actions were not pointed in the same compass direction as her words. See if a woman says "I really love you" but her actions do not follow the same suit, she really doesn't love you. If she says "I hate you" but is jealous of your new GF or asks you a lot of personal questions OR remains in contact quite often, well -- her actions once again are not following her words.

 

BB is right. The love was still there. She's probably confused as well. But what I don't want to happen is a lot of people rushing to go buy an E-Book telling them they can back an Ex who's words and actions are on the same compass heading, ie: "I don't want you, I don't want to be with you."

 

All chasing someone who 100% does not want to be with you does is delay the healing process and keeps the dumpee in a perpetual state of emotional sadness. Books like this E-Book with "tricks" to win your ex back only work if the person really wants to be with you and even then, it's not the book or the tricks that do it. It's simply the dumpee getting their lives back in order and being happy and content. When that happens you become the person your ex first fell in love with and THAT is where the attraction lies. Not in E-Books or tricks.

 

I wish you both the best, but tread carefully.

[WiseOne1]

WiseOne1, I am with BadBrit here. I too believe that she always loved you (you WERE friends for 5 years prior to dating). Her actions were not pointed in the same compass direction as her words. See if a woman says "I really love you" but her actions do not follow the same suit, she really doesn't love you. If she says "I hate you" but is jealous of your new GF or asks you a lot of personal questions OR remains in contact quite often, well -- her actions once again are not following her words.

 

BB is right. The love was still there. She's probably confused as well. But what I don't want to happen is a lot of people rushing to go buy an E-Book telling them they can back an Ex who's words and actions are on the same compass heading, ie: "I don't want you, I don't want to be with you."

 

All chasing someone who 100% does not want to be with you does is delay the healing process and keeps the dumpee in a perpetual state of emotional sadness. Books like this E-Book with "tricks" to win your ex back only work if the person really wants to be with you and even then, it's not the book or the tricks that do it. It's simply the dumpee getting their lives back in order and being happy and content. When that happens you become the person your ex first fell in love with and THAT is where the attraction lies. Not in E-Books or tricks.

 

I wish you both the best, but tread carefully.

 

So bassically you guys dont want to give anyone flase hope about E Books?

 

I understand that, but the E book had to work someway, because me trying to persuade her and telling her loving nice things didnt work. The Reverse Physcology brought her!

Everyone is saying that she always loved me, but she said she was willing to lose me just to be with the other guy, who can that be love? She explained many times that she doesnt want me at all, she only wanted to be friends.

 

I dont know what to say, so you guys think that she loved me the whole time, well I kinda should have knew it, This is the 2nd time I brought up having a GF and she got jealous both times, but last night she was mad as hell! Like I cheated on her or something.

 

I see what your saying though, alot of exs are distant and cold. Mines was the opposite and I thought it was because of us being best friends.

And caliguy I remember you telling me in a post to move on, because she was playing games, from her actions you strongly supported NC.

 

I think it has more to do with my looks, I am like a mix between LL Cool J and Nick Carter, atlest thats what the women tell me.

 

So you guys think that she loved me the whole time, and all I had to do is bring it out????

 

If so do you think the E Book played any part at all????

[CaliGuy]

So bassically you guys dont want to give anyone flase hope about E Books?

 

In a nutshell, yes.

 

I understand that, but the E book had to work someway, because me trying to persuade her and telling her loving nice things didnt work. The Reverse Physcology brought her!

 

How long do you think "reverse pyschology" is going to last? My question to you is "Have you changed the behavior that may have pushed her away?" See, E-Books are band-aids that solve the surface issues, but not the deep, underlying issues. What I am saying is, you may have given her the illusion that you've changed -- and maybe you have -- but once you get comfortable with her again, the old you will come back.

 

You have to change from the inside out for this relationship to stand the test of time. No band-aid E-Book is ever going to repair the root cause of a problem, only the surface issues.

 

Everyone is saying that she always loved me, but she said she was willing to lose me just to be with the other guy, who can that be love? She explained many times that she doesnt want me at all, she only wanted to be friends.

 

Again, her actions belittled her words. She always loved you, that never went away. She may have TOLD you she didn't love you but her actions said otherwise.

 

I dont know what to say, so you guys think that she loved me the whole time, well I kinda should have knew it, This is the 2nd time I brought up having a GF and she got jealous both times, but last night she was mad as hell! Like I cheated on her or something.

 

Getting mad at you for having a girlfriend means she still had those strong feelings.

 

I see what your saying though, alot of exs are distant and cold. Mines was the opposite and I thought it was because of us being best friends.

 

What I am worried about are the people who will go buy this E-Book who have ex's that are cold and distant to them. Who honestly and truly do not want them back. This will give them false hope and delay the healing process.

 

And caliguy I remember you telling me in a post to move on, because she was playing games, from her actions you strongly supported NC.

 

You never stuck to NC though. You freely admit you never went longer than 3 days. Three days of not talking to one another does not NO CONTACT make

 

I think it has more to do with my looks, I am like a mix between LL Cool J and Nick Carter, atlest thats what the women tell me.

 

What does that matter? Women rate looks far less important than how a man makes her FEEL. Women FEEL attraction much more than they do via looks. That explains why less than attractive men can land a very attractive woman. It's how he makes her FEEL when she is around him, not how he looks. You could look like Pierce Brosnan if you wanted, if you don't make her FEEL the attraction, it won't last. And that's why I am saying the E-Books are a band-aid the root problems. Now that you've used reverse psychology on her, I hope that you can make the internal changes to be CONFIDENT around her (not a jerk, CONFIDENT) and in yourself or you'll be back to square one before you know it.

 

So you guys think that she loved me the whole time, and all I had to do is bring it out????

 

If so do you think the E Book played any part at all????

 

I think she loved you the whole time, but you never truly initiated NC to make her miss you. She always had you around she she could have the new guy AND you in her life at the same time. She never had time to miss you at all. Yes, I think the book played a part in it. It made her jealous, but I am not quite convinced it's going to be enough to keep her around for the long haul. I do wish you luck, but only time will tell.

[WiseOne1]

I Just broke up with her, she still has feelings for her ex, and its not a sure thing, she tryed to persude me to stay, and that we would be ok.

 

Not True! I refuse to be in a relationship while she still is flipping out over her ex, we cried for about together, and I told her it was over forever and to never call me again.

 

She begged me, but Im still nobodys 2nd, its about time I come first. She then started saying she was still confused.

 

She begged and cryed for hours about us being friends and about me and her staying best friends, whatever, I told her to go focus on the new guy, and sooner or later shell forget about me.

Bassically its over due to her not being fully into the relationship.

[wareagle]

Wow this has ****ED UP and dysfunctional written all over it!!!!! How long do you think it will last this time? Sorry to sound so harsh, but IMOP we will see you back on here before to long!!!

[CaliGuy]

I Just broke up with her, she still has feelings for her ex, and its not a sure thing, she tryed to persude me to stay, and that we would be ok.

 

Not True! I refuse to be in a relationship while she still is flipping out over her ex, we cried for about together, and I told her it was over forever and to never call me again.

 

She begged me, but Im still nobodys 2nd, its about time I come first. She then started saying she was still confused.

 

She begged and cryed for hours about us being friends and about me and her staying best friends, whatever, I told her to go focus on the new guy, and sooner or later shell forget about me.

Bassically its over due to her not being fully into the relationship.

 

Remember what I told you about NO CONTACT? You never gave her time to miss you. She had you around as a friend and the new guy for company. So she was getting the best of both worlds.

 

I emplore you to read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Glover. It will give you a whole new perspective on being a man in a relationship.

 

This crap she keeps pulling, it's because she is selfish. She values you as a friend but sees the other guy as more relationship potential. She will never see you in a relationship light, maybe ever. Your best bet is to stay away from her and let her sulk in her own wishy-washy-ness without you around.

 

If she is to change her feelings for good (if ever), it will only be after months of no contact. Don't answer her calls or emails. Don't go to places she will be at. If she sees you and wants to chat, learn from me! Say HI and keep going. Don't sit around opening yourself to a conversation.

[orangesean]

I also recently have had my ex come back to me but we didn't break up over cheating like you guys.

 

Also I did initiate NC and I thought we were not ever getting back together. We did end up dating other people. She asked around about me and found out I was trying to change and not be such an *******, so it was really all her doing in a way, with a few nudges from me once I found she out she was getting curious.

 

I do agree with everyone who says not to buy these E-Books. They are E-Books for a reason, and even if they were real, published books they would still be a waste of money. Tricks and tactics on getting your ex back DO NOT WORK. Jealous games and push and pulls will not work unless the love was real at one point and you didn't hurt each other beyond repair.

 

This is my opinion. I'd say even skip the No More Mr. Nice Guy books but some guys seem to be born doormats so I don't know. I've personally had problems my whole life being overly aggressive and selfish but women will only put up with that for so long when they see who you really are.

 

Personally I think the books that are worth it are the ones that focus on keeping your relationship healthy and aren't targeted towards desperate people who are panicking and trying to get their ex-back. You have to try harder to write a book that is not being sold to people out of fear and crisis. But taking advantage of others who are in a horrible state is the American way, and I'm pretty sure people will continue to buy E-Books about strategies to get your ex back no matter what people say.

 

In that case if you all must do this stuff, I say torrent those books, don't give them a cent.

 

But I still think the good old advice you'll hear from anyone is if you are the one who was dumped, there is nothing to do but move on, learn from all of your mistakes, and most importantly better yourself. You can't force your ex to come back. Add that with No Contact and let time heal wounds. The dumper may come back. Maybe check up if the door is a little open in a few months.

 

My ex even at one point told us we could never talk again. But we are doing really well on our fourth week together now. I think it will stay this way at this point.

[CaliGuy]

OrangeSean, "No More Mr. Nice Guy" does help men keep lasting relationships because it wrings the weeny, wuss man out of them. It teaches them how to be strong, confident, self-assured men. Not jerks. Not doormats. That is why I pimp the book so much. Hell I think I need to read it again, lol. I think all men could learn a thing or two about how to change the root cause of behaviors that push women away....

[BackonTrack]

Your EX is confused.

She loves you for some reason.

She loves the other man for another reason.

 

Your ex is always going to have feelings for her ex because they have been having sex 6 months, he probably did nothing wrong & she's probably use to him in conjuction with she didn't have time to get over him.

 

for whatever reason she has not let you go, there is something you are doing that the OM is not doing. I don't know what to say but if you let her go, she'll go with the OM, maybe she'll come back, maybe she won't.

 

I know your upset etc, but think smart, the girl is willing to cheat on you with her BF, your FWB, go find yourself a new girlfriend.

 

Keep this one as a bottycall or you'll end up with nothing at all.

[tommiw]

 

I say this as a warning to others. This book, these tactics, they only work if the love is still there and they are actually still in love and it just needs some little tactics like this to spin it around.

 

Everyone else needs to work out if the ex is really done because if she/he is, you can pull all the tricks out of the books and they will have zero affect.

 

Well do you have any recommendations for us that have an ex that is distant and cold? Are we lost causes?

[WiseOne1]

Remember what I told you about NO CONTACT? You never gave her time to miss you. She had you around as a friend and the new guy for company. So she was getting the best of both worlds.

 

I emplore you to read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" - Glover. It will give you a whole new perspective on being a man in a relationship.

 

This crap she keeps pulling, it's because she is selfish. She values you as a friend but sees the other guy as more relationship potential. She will never see you in a relationship light, maybe ever. Your best bet is to stay away from her and let her sulk in her own wishy-washy-ness without you around.

 

If she is to change her feelings for good (if ever), it will only be after months of no contact. Don't answer her calls or emails. Don't go to places she will be at. If she sees you and wants to chat, learn from me! Say HI and keep going. Don't sit around opening yourself to a conversation.

 

This is some bull, I didnt care ether, I let her cry all day yesterday, she begged for about 3 hours for me to be her friend, I told her she doesnt need me that she has her new BF, and thats all she needs.

"Hey but atlest now I see how unattractive it can be when someone begs you"

 

I told her to let him replace me, and just forget about me. And she said no one can replace me and I was like whatever, he already did.

 

She told me that I didnt care about her, and that If I did I would be her friend, I told her to call me in another life, I said its not working in this one. She bassically said me and him could break up anytime, I was like Im not waiting.

 

So then again I listen to her story about her being confused, and she kept saying she was gonna call me back, and Im like no just go, and we hung up and she called back a couple of hours later.

 

Im going NC, but its not to make her feel any diffrent, Im going NC to move on forever, and to forget about her.

In this case I wish my ex was like alot of yours, Distant and Cold. Guys be happy that there distant and cold, being friend with a ex sucks.

 

She knows I mean forever too! She knows about my past ex, first love, she knows me and her hasnt talked in 4 years str8.

 

Maybe I didnt do NC long enuff, but i've learned from a ex longgg ago that when things get like this, run for the hills.

[orangesean]

Well do you have any recommendations for us that have an ex that is distant and cold? Are we lost causes?

 

I'd say give it time and No Contact. If she initiates, maybe light contact, respond politely, be courteous.

 

Distant and cold doesn't mean there is no feeling, although it can mean that. It depends on the person.

[Treasa]

1. Pretend your okay with the breakup.

 

2. Agree with her when she says bad things about your relationship.

 

3. Act as if you think her current bf is a better person than you.

 

4. Tell her you've moved on.

 

5. Dont disclose any information about your current new gf "If if you really dont have one".

 

6. Admit to the mistakes you made during the relationship and say im gonna treat her better than I treated you, Im not gonna make the same mistakes, I cant lose her.

 

7. When she ask do you want to be contacted back, always say whatever or its up to you, never say yes!

 

Speaking as a woman, if a man did steps #1-4 with me, it would push me further away. Why would I want a man who agrees to all the bad things about our relationship? Why would I want a man who agrees that my current boyfriend is better than he was?

 

These mind games drive me nuts.

[WiseOne1]

Speaking as a woman, if a man did steps #1-4 with me, it would push me further away. Why would I want a man who agrees to all the bad things about our relationship? Why would I want a man who agrees that my current boyfriend is better than he was?

 

These mind games drive me nuts.

 

I Sure miss her, but I think im missing her as a friend. We went 6 years str8 and talked everysingle day.

 

She called today, but I didnt answer.

[zxcirce]

Speaking as a woman, if a man did steps #1-4 with me, it would push me further away.

 

That's probably because you have a strong enough self-image to not be attracted to these kinds of push-pull/codependent/need-to-be-needed tactics used to "win the ex back."

[WiseOne1]

Well she actually txted me telling me that she was just so jealous when she found out I had a new gf. She says it hurted really bad. So therfore I dont think we should be friends, Im moving on, If we were to be friends she can get use to the same feeling I had.

 

Im not gonna respond, "But damn im good looking" What does she expect?

[sid3]

Wise I think you should stick with the n/c for the next month. Like CG said, she needs a chance to miss you and not contacting her will help you start to heal and you move on. We all want instant results and the peace of mind in knowing where we really stand. A big part of letting go is giving up on that 'what is going to happen in the future'. I wouldn't be surprised if she's apologizing and missing you after a few weeks of n/c.

[Melrapuo]

Wise, I know your head is probably spinning just as badly as your ex's is, but believe everyone when they say no contact. I did just what you did (minus the E book). After she dumped me for another guy, for a month and a half I tried to get her back - from talking to her friends, her family, getting advice, trying every tactic in the world (except gifts, money and stalking )

 

She went back and forth. First she thought she made a mistake, then she decided to keep going with the guy, then she wanted to get back with me. Then, after aggravating myself (and letting it happen), I did NC. I didn't talk to her for 10 days. Then, all of a sudden she starts IMing me. She tells me she wants to dump the guy. Three days later she tells me she did it. Then that weekend she keeps IMing me online, talking to me like we were together again (minus the I love you's).

 

However, I finally ask where we stand, and she tells me she still wants to date other people. WTF! So I become distant within a day. Short conversations. Then I deleted her off my myspace, facebook, and my buddy list. She asks me about the myspace thing, and I told her I was just getting rid of things that reminded me of her. I only got a text once from her since, and it was after one of my friends took it upon himself to confront her about it (he pissed me off doing this, cuz even tho he was trying to help he ended up making things worse). She texted me about it, saying he treated her like she was a jerk. I told her that the fight was with him, not with me, and to talk to him instead.

 

I told her how I felt. I told her how much I cared. I told her I could change (I've made myself healther, gotten a job, will soon get a car and finish school). But that doesn't seem to matter. I don't know if she was trying to let me down easy, was stringing me along, or was genuinely confused; either way, I started NC again. Haven't spoken to her in 15 days. Don't plan on ever talking to her again unless she tries to initiate the conversation first. In the meantime, I'm going to parties, meeting new people (girls, too), and getting on with my life. She may come back, she may not - but I know I'm worth more than the way that I've been treated, and you should feel the same way about yourself too.

 

My ex is immature and not ready for the real world. From what her dad has told me (he got me my job), my ex is miserable, hoping to become a musician or something. She isn't hanging out much with her family, and they're concerned about her. I feel bad about it, but I know I can't do anything. Some people just have to learn from their mistakes, or else they never grow up.

 

Hang in there, bud. NC can help no matter what. Just make sure its for you, and not for her. Sometimes people need a reality check. You know you can't control her actions, but don't let her think that she can control yours either.

[vertigocidic]

This is really funny because in a way, I can relate. Only, I'm suppose to be your current girlfriend, you are my boyfriend, and the ex is my bf's ex. Very funny. Ironic even!

 

Anyways, setting aside my bitterness, I'm going to ask you this; Do you love her? Do you want her back?

 

If so, BREAK UP WITH YOUR CURRENT GIRLFRIEND SO YOU WON'T GET LABELED AS THE BIGGEST JERK IN TOWN WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH YOUR EX!

 

And have her do the same with her current beau.

 

Jesus. Doesn't anyone have any respect for relationships now a day?

[WiseOne1]

Guys thanks alot.

 

I Agree with NC, and I really wanna do NC really bad, its super hard because me and her talked the last 5 years str8. When we were friends we even slept on the phone together. We were friends and had other gfs and bfs and still sleep on the phone together.

(Like with the phone to eachothers ears, and wake up in the morning still on the phone witheachother)

 

Melrapuo - So your ex actually broke up with her current bf?

 

sid3 - How exactly should I go by NC and I dont know how life feels without her anymore?

 

vertigocidic - And part of the book is to pretend you have a GF, I didnt at the time, she had a BF though.

[BackonTrack]

dude whats your updates?

I am following your story.

[WiseOne1]

dude whats your updates?

I am following your story.

 

Well I been attempting to do NC, but I never went over 3 days without talking to her, and i've been talking to her for the last 5 years str8 so I kinda forgot how it feels not to talk to her.

 

I Think im gonna go NC today maybe for 2 months if possible. Its not that I feel that I need her back as much, I think I have attachmed myself to her, and I need to prove to myself that I dont need her in my life.

 

I need to prove to myself that Im just fine without her, and thats what I havent done yet. The last time I talked to her she was telling me that they had a argument because she wouldnt tell him that she loves him???

 

I dunno what to say about that.

[Scorpio13c]

Well I been attempting to do NC, but I never went over 3 days without talking to her, and i've been talking to her for the last 5 years str8 so I kinda forgot how it feels not to talk to her.

 

I Think im gonna go NC today maybe for 2 months if possible. Its not that I feel that I need her back as much, I think I have attachmed myself to her, and I need to prove to myself that I dont need her in my life.

 

I need to prove to myself that Im just fine without her, and thats what I havent done yet. The last time I talked to her she was telling me that they had a argument because she wouldnt tell him that she loves him???

 

I dunno what to say about that.

 

Wiseone,

Stick with your convictions & prove to yourself you can go NO CONTACT with her! She is spoiled & has both you and the other guy hanging on like emotional tampons. You don't deserve her, you deserve someone much, much better!!

I wish you well & know that in time you will realize you are better off without her, friendship or not. Afterall, would you let your guy friends treat you this way?

Don't be second fiddle to anyone!

My best wishes for you.

 

Scorp

[0hpenelope]

She is spoiled & has both you and the other guy hanging on like emotional tampons.

 

Emotional tampons.

 

Word to the Wise: you've done what you can with her. You can't control her, but you can control yourself. Now get going with that NC! The longer you hold off on making the effort, the deeper your fall is going to be.