sunnie23 Posted September 2, 2003 Share Posted September 2, 2003 i think it sounds like he wants to break up with you but doesn't have any good reason for it. he's keeping a hold on you so he'll have a safety net when he's alone. how could a year apart possibly bring you closer together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author xyz_212 Posted September 2, 2003 Author Share Posted September 2, 2003 these are all great points and i have thought of mostly all of them - he is coming over tonight to talk and explain himself.. i think hes a commitment phobe and he just wants to keep me on the side burner in case he changes his mind - nice for him - crappy for me.. i wont let that happen.. im way to good. its just hurts that he is so nuts that he wold give me up;/// im confused and sad about this Link to post Share on other sites
dmoore Posted September 10, 2003 Share Posted September 10, 2003 xyz - i'm just getting caught up on previous posts. how did your situation turn out? Link to post Share on other sites
Author xyz_212 Posted September 11, 2003 Author Share Posted September 11, 2003 hi dmoore - thanks for checking in - ive been meaning to post an update - ive just been so busy with the move. well, my boyfriend or should i say ex !? still wants time off - we talked and exchanged letters a few times and he says he just wants to do all of things he has been planning and by remaining in the relationship he would feel guilty to do them and not give me enough time. He wants a year off to do everything - internship, work full time, etc etc. i understand what he needs and am assured that its not to see what else is out there. i am confident and trust him that we will be together again. he says he feels too dependent on me and that he feels as if he cant accomplish anything without me right there by his side - he wants to go at it alone for a while. we have decided to talk weekly and visit when our 'financials' allow.. sometimes i get mad at him for wanting all of this space. but at the end of the day I CHOSE to leave this city and go out on my own for a while. because what he could offer me right now was NOT what i wanted. and he knows that and is willing to take the risk. he needs to get his stuff together careerwise and growing up wise and i will enjoy being single and living in a new city. he says that he will move to my new home in a year or less and give me all i want. it sounds like a big promise to me and a lot happens in a year. i know that i may be signing myself up for some rocky roads in the future but im prepared to deal with it. im not putting all of my eggs in one basket. i can see what he has to offer but i will not depend on it. it sounds like a wierd situation? eh? and i totally agree - but you never know right? you were pretty much in my boyfriend's shoes with your relationship. what do you think of all of this. ? im getting better everyday. i AM confident that leaving is the best thing and that there are great opportunities ahead for me.. so i'll embrace whatever happens. these boards really have been the core reason im moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
dmoore Posted September 11, 2003 Share Posted September 11, 2003 I think you are being very strong about this and have a very good outlook. I don't know if I can provide any more advice than what has been said already. He feels very strongly about you but its obvious he's not ready to commit to you right now so something needs to change. He's obviously confused about what he wants now versus later and I know it probably sucks to be in that position. I think there is a bit of a risk in seeing him occassionally -- but you know better than me if that can be pulled off without any heartache. And your right, things can change a lot in a year, but as long as you are both aware of this & OK w/ it then it sounds like you were able to compromise. As for me, you already know I am in a very similar situation & feel guilty and awful about it but realize that its best to part rather than drag my ex into all of my ****. Its not a black & white situation. I've learned there is a lot of grey in relationships no matter how easily people want to categorize things. I know how you feel about the moving part. I am also actively looking to do so, possibly New York or CA, depending on the best job. I hope to make the most of the experience and not doubt that we've split for the right reasons, although I've also had my back & forth moments of doubt since we parted. I'm trying to stay strong and not go back to her b/c I think its natural to miss her and want to see her.. but that doesn't mean we should be getting back together or I should be confusing her any more. I am probably rambling too much. Sorry about that. Link to post Share on other sites
julieg Posted September 13, 2003 Share Posted September 13, 2003 i think that you can't fault a person who is not ready to commit. regardless if it is really love, how can you make a life commitment to a person if there are doubts. this just isn't fair to the other person. i do not think it is a matter of being selfish and wanting a back up just in case the break period doesn't pan out. Link to post Share on other sites
A wanderer Posted September 14, 2003 Share Posted September 14, 2003 I'm in a similar predicamate. I'll tell you what I've been told first. Put your feelings on the table for him and let him decide. He may help. Now for my opinion. Tell him your feelings but also insist that you wish to stay with him if you haven't and you feel this way. If not then break it off with him. ~ps. Those who have a player attitude can change I would know I was one. "He who is wise is rich, he who is rich pays the wise to think for them" "He who is not proven guilty is innocent" Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts