zombie_romance Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 *NOTE* This is mainly only and venting place for me, but advice and pointers will be appreciated. Alright, being as my last thread wouldn't let me edit my main post to let all know they didn't have to read it, just skip to the comments, I made this one because I have been having issues (like always) and help would be appreciated. If you are new to my situation and you are interested, heres my last thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=159270 mind you, its long. Now I'm having more trouble, but things are kind of looking up for me...I think, you be the judge. Well, I've been keeping contact with her for the last couple weeks, her and I have been kind of switching off who calls who. She'll tell me to "call her sometime", but ends up calling me first instead sometimes, or vice versa. We make plans to hang out, or its just spur of the moment. We usually just hang out at her house, unless we made plans for something. I quit "cuddling" her for the most part, but can't help having that hungry look when I look in her eyes. I feel this because when I do, she usually turns away for a second, then looks at me again and just asks "What?" or says "Go away" kind of playfully. A few days ago, I went over after she got home from a party that she left early. I had a movie that I had gotten from work, and we were going to watch it. We started to watch it, and when i stretched, she randomly poked me in the side (a thing she always did in the past to get on my nerves). Of course, I jumped and laughed, and she says "Oh yeah! I forgot that your really ticklish, huh?" and we get in a big tickle fight. "Awe", right? Ok, well, here's the problem. Her boyfriend calls. Buzz kill. She has to talk to him or he throws a fit. Luckily, though, she cuts it kind of short, and later we continue our antics. Well, he calls again, and at this point I decide its time to leave, you know, leave her reeling. She gets off the phone, and i declare I have to go, because I have a few things I need to do before it gets too late. She asks me what, I just tell her its nothing really. But here's where I messed up. When I tried to leave, I kind of got too confident and indirectly tried to get a kiss out of her, trying to take her expensive chap stick (yeah, I know, lame, but I was a little desperate). I think it was painfully obvious what I was trying to do. She wasn't giving up, so, I just gave it back and she kind of playfully pushed me out the door and told me goodnight. Next night, I go over again, we kind of play the tickle game again, but we got cut short by her boyfriend calling, and he wants to talk...and keeps talking. They get on and off the phone for about an hour, then talk straight for about 30 minutes. At this point, I decide its time to go. Being slightly pissed off, I tell her I have to go take care of some things again, and just get up and leave, she at least walks me out and gives me a hug. I call her when I get home, not sure why, but she apologizes for being on the phone the whole time we were hanging out, but it was one of the few times that her and her boyfriend got to talk for long periods of time. I say its cool and not to worry about it, and she says she's still on the phone, so she has to go. ...That still hurts, just to type about it. I decide that next time, I need to make her want to get off the phone with him to be with me. So next night, I go over, he calls of course, and I kind of act out a little. She does get off the phone with him, but only after she tells him goodnight. (wow, it just kind of hit me, but she's playing me like a damn violin, isn't she?) Anyways, we stay up till about 3 a.m. just messing around on my laptop(laying on her bed), but the whole evening we were right up on each other, crossing legs and everything, but there was no intimacy...mixed signals, right? I'm so confused now. So, about 3, I decide its time to go and leave, again i get a hug, and she says to "call her sometime". She uses that phrase a lot, and I use it all the time when we are broken up, never telling her to call me at a specific time, which leads me to believe that she is playing some sort of game with me, or testing me or something. Yesterday, I get up and get on myspace, she's on and messages me asking what I'm doing, telling me how she's bored right now, but supposedly she is supposed to go see her boyfriend later, then says she has to go and she will call me later. Last night, after I got off work, she called me. We talked for a while, I got insulted by something, can't remember what it was, and tell her I've got to go, tell her to call me sometime if she wants to do something and tell her goodnight. I wake up today, feel like I was a jerk to her, so I call her up and ask her if she's doing anything and if she would like to go on a "picnic" or such today, trying to think of something "sweet" and all. She asks when because she might be kind of busy today, her exact words "You do know that I have to go see this boy at some point today?" No respect for him? Anyways, she asks about maybe later, and I tell her to call me. at this moment, this is where I'm at, if you have read to this point, some quick feedback would be nice and greatly appreciated. If not, I will keep updating on whats going down whether anyone reads or not. Like I said before, this is a great place for me to vent, and possibly get some advice.
Art_Critic Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Well.. she seems to be using the 2x4 method and smacking you in the head with it and you don't see it.. You have to walk away.. entirely.. You cannot be friends with someone who has a BF and you want more... Leave her be with her BF.. if it fizzles out she will come a running abut only if you walk entirely away and stop hanging out with her..
Author zombie_romance Posted July 30, 2008 Author Posted July 30, 2008 You think? I don't know, I've done that before...it didn't really work out...Thats why I'm so desperate this time, I don't know what to do. I ask people, and they all say different things, and I'm trying to use my better judgment. That's really hard, though, when your emotions are on overdrive... I don't know, it seems like she's confused about her feelings, and at the same time seems like she's taking her sweet time to decide. I'm begining to grow impatient...Should I say anything to her about it?
Author zombie_romance Posted July 30, 2008 Author Posted July 30, 2008 I'm getting so frustrated! I don't know if I should be honest, be friends, leave her alone, or try to draw away. I don't know what the best way to get back together with her would be! I want to just open up and tell her how I feel again, and get her to open up, but for some reason, I feel like that would just backfire. It's been ok being "friends", but I want more, to touch her, to kiss her, and not have to wait for her to get off the phone with her boyfriend. I don't want to leave her alone, again, because I'll miss her too much, even if I'm with friends. Drawing away almost seemed like it worked, but its so hard to continue when she instigates, like with the tickling. What should I do? I'm tired of waiting around on her, but can't help it for some reason. I know I could get over it, I've done it before, but my emotions are so strong this time. I feel like a fool, I feel like I sound like one, but I'm getting to the point that I don't care.
nopainnogain Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 What should I do? . I feel like a fool, I feel like I sound like one, but I'm getting to the point that I don't care. you move on with life
justaman99 Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 What are you doin Zombie? This girl owns you! You go to her place while she takes calls from a boyfriend, she talks to you 'cause she's bored. You are doing this to yourself. Do you have balls or not? It's time to stop being played and stand up for yourself. Don't be at her every beckon call. She has you wrapped around her little finger and she has everything she wants. She has your attention while she's ****in some other guy. You have nothing. Actually it's worse than nothing, it's false hope. Try this for once. Go cold turkey. Don't give her any attention at all. No email, no phone calls, no texts nothing. Do this for at least 2 weeks and report back on what happens. If you don't not much will change and the cycle will repeat. -Just
nopainnogain Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 What are you doin Zombie? This girl owns you! You go to her place while she takes calls from a boyfriend, she talks to you 'cause she's bored. You are doing this to yourself. Do you have balls or not? It's time to stop being played and stand up for yourself. Don't be at her every beckon call. She has you wrapped around her little finger and she has everything she wants. She has your attention while she's ****in some other guy. You have nothing. Actually it's worse than nothing, it's false hope. Try this for once. Go cold turkey. Don't give her any attention at all. No email, no phone calls, no texts nothing. Do this for at least 2 weeks and report back on what happens. If you don't not much will change and the cycle will repeat. -Just Hey justaman . You give great advice. I was curious....whats your vice (everyone has one ) ?......wait I know your vice ,its advice .
WiseOne1 Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 I'm getting so frustrated! I don't know if I should be honest, be friends, leave her alone, or try to draw away. I don't know what the best way to get back together with her would be! I want to just open up and tell her how I feel again, and get her to open up, but for some reason, I feel like that would just backfire. It's been ok being "friends", but I want more, to touch her, to kiss her, and not have to wait for her to get off the phone with her boyfriend. I don't want to leave her alone, again, because I'll miss her too much, even if I'm with friends. Drawing away almost seemed like it worked, but its so hard to continue when she instigates, like with the tickling. What should I do? I'm tired of waiting around on her, but can't help it for some reason. I know I could get over it, I've done it before, but my emotions are so strong this time. I feel like a fool, I feel like I sound like one, but I'm getting to the point that I don't care. I know exactly how you feel, im not here to tell you to move on. Im not sure why so many people on LS always say move on. If people moved on as quickly LS wouldnt exsit. Its much easier said than done. You tried NC and you've tried being her friend and nothing seems to be working. It hurts to be her friend and hurts even more to go NC. You cant help it because you love her, no matter what your brain tells you your heart seems to be in control. I was going thru the exact same thing with my ex gf, im now doing NC, simply because i've tried being her friend and it doesnt seem to work, but im thru with the plotting and planning, I think ill just move on. I told her that she should focus on her new bf and not call me anymore. This is my 2nd time being in love, and if i got over my first love, I for damn sure know I can get over this one. The first one was so painfull all I did was cry 4 times a day. But!!!!!!!! I think you should lay the cards out for her, tell her to make a decision or your gone.
Author zombie_romance Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 What are you doin Zombie? This girl owns you! You go to her place while she takes calls from a boyfriend, she talks to you 'cause she's bored. You are doing this to yourself. Do you have balls or not? It's time to stop being played and stand up for yourself. Don't be at her every beckon call. She has you wrapped around her little finger and she has everything she wants. She has your attention while she's ****in some other guy. You have nothing. Actually it's worse than nothing, it's false hope. Try this for once. Go cold turkey. Don't give her any attention at all. No email, no phone calls, no texts nothing. Do this for at least 2 weeks and report back on what happens. If you don't not much will change and the cycle will repeat. -Justyeah...I was flipping out a little yesterday....still not feeling 100% ok, just puting this out there, forgot to mention it, and I know its hard to believe because you guys can't see all this. But actually, she isn't ****ing him. In fact, he hasn't even tried to kiss her, as far as I know last week. How do I know? Well, though these were her words, I can believe it, knowing what kind of person he is and how he is. She says she's probably the first real girlfriend he's ever had (yeh, lame), and she's kind of glad he hasn't tried to kiss her or anything, because she is still having to think about things. She says she's not sure how she feels about him, because he makes her happy and laugh, but he is incredibly immature, and really not that good looking. Those are her words. We had that talk a few weeks ago...and since then, I've been trying to be ok and happy around her, trying to remind her she can have a good time with me, and of the things we used to do to have fun. But, its so hard to do this without getting to touch her like I used to, and holding her and all... and since then, I've kind of been in the dark on whats going on with her, other than following what she told me then. She even told me ways to possibly get her attention, that for some reason when I draw away from her, she's drawn back to me. Then later said it felt wrong to her to be telling me how to get her back, and that she was going to stop. I don't know why she would tell me ways to get back with her...does anyone understand that? This is why I'm having "false hope" I guess... and I've tried going "cold turkey" once...it didn't really do anything, as far as I could see, that is.
Author zombie_romance Posted July 31, 2008 Author Posted July 31, 2008 I know exactly how you feel, im not here to tell you to move on. Im not sure why so many people on LS always say move on. If people moved on as quickly LS wouldnt exsit. Its much easier said than done. You tried NC and you've tried being her friend and nothing seems to be working. It hurts to be her friend and hurts even more to go NC. You cant help it because you love her, no matter what your brain tells you your heart seems to be in control. I was going thru the exact same thing with my ex gf, im now doing NC, simply because i've tried being her friend and it doesnt seem to work, but im thru with the plotting and planning, I think ill just move on. I told her that she should focus on her new bf and not call me anymore. This is my 2nd time being in love, and if i got over my first love, I for damn sure know I can get over this one. The first one was so painfull all I did was cry 4 times a day. But!!!!!!!! I think you should lay the cards out for her, tell her to make a decision or your gone. I feel like if I did that, she would just feel pressured, and tell me she still needs time to think or something like that....I don't know, you think that could go over well? And, I think I just realized something. I think that when I was kind of pulling away a little bit, and she started that "tickle fight", I screwed up by letting myself get emotionally attached again to quick...that might be why I'm so down...again =\...
Ssheena Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 The most frustrating thing on LS for me is people that are in involved in stuff like this that has been going on for years. I'm not going to call it a relationship because this is not a relationship. It's some sort of warped, skewed way of life. This has been going on for more than 2 years. You have, and you will look back and realize this, wasted 2 years of your life when you could have moved on and grown. You are stagnant. I know you state this is just a venting place for you and you welcome advice, but you don't take any offered you unless it fits what you want to believe. So vent away and know that you are not the only person who has and is continuing to be in limbo. It's all up to you.
WiseOne1 Posted July 31, 2008 Posted July 31, 2008 I feel like if I did that, she would just feel pressured, and tell me she still needs time to think or something like that....I don't know, you think that could go over well? And, I think I just realized something. I think that when I was kind of pulling away a little bit, and she started that "tickle fight", I screwed up by letting myself get emotionally attached again to quick...that might be why I'm so down...again =\... Dude it can go either way, she might stall for more time, or she might pick him or you.
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