Are you tired of being second best?

[Event Horizon]

**** dont tell me that by breaking nc thats what i did - gave my xmm an ego boost after its over. I hate that he now has a lifetime of f***en sexual fanasties to replay in his head THAT WILL INCLUDE ME.

Dammit Astra don't do that. That's not what I meant. He didn't get an ego boost out of it or he wouldn't have told you to stop. He probably is having a hard time without you and that's why he told you to stop. But that's neither here nor there. I see your selfishness and bitterness in myself.

 

There's a way out of this I think but it's only by taking the right path this time.

 

Like I alluded to in my last post, if we can make something good come out of this maybe then we'll be alright. When I see God I just want to be able to say yeah, I fudged up, but I made it better than it was before.

 

I've made up my mind I'm going to look into some kind of volunteer work tomorrow. Think about it yourself. Everytime I help an elderly person stand up, or help them eat, I'm going to tell the devil to go fudge himself. He didn't win this one. He believes, IMO, that human nature tends toward evil and I believe he taunts God with this. I'm going to make sure God can look at him in this instance and say "nice try, but I don't think so. :)"

 

E..H

[OWoman]

Whyever would I feel second best, when everything all along in all my As provided evidence of exactly the opposite?

 

I was the one in full control. I was the one for whom they'd drop whatever they were doing and come running, when I decided I wanted to see them. I was the one who got the smiles, the laughs, the hugs, the kisses, the treats, the thrills, the holidays, the fancy restaurants and film premieres, the social events and the exciting night life, the engaging conversation and deep connection, the long walks, the hours staring at the sea over a summer cider, the gifts, the special songs, the glam ball gowns, the adulation, the fun, the secrets, the dreams, the reminiscences, the affection, the respect, the priority focus. I was the one they phoned first to say they'd landed safely in a strange country, the first to hear when their mother died, the one who got to hold their hand when they had to have their beloved dog put down, the one they built sandcastles with to feel like a child again, the one they'd surprise with 99 red roses on valentine's day, the one whose amazon wishlist they kept printed out to dip into, the one whose lawn they'd trim on a whim, the one whose birthdays and anniversaries and extended family's birthdays and anniversaries were remembered and prioritised, the one whose pictures they kept on their desks and their computer wallpaper, the most frequently used contact on their email and sms and IM list.

 

I was the one who had it all - or as much as I wanted, when I wanted. What could possibly be second best about that?

[ioncebelieved]

You seem to boast about this. I am shameful about being the OM and have regrets. Like you you were taken care of by a sugar daddy that had your every whim handled at the snap of your fingers.

 

There is no mention of love from your post. In my case I loved her more than life itself.

 

You bragging still has nothing to do with being second best and this thread probably was not meant for you. Since you had it all. Just curious, whatever come of sugar daddy? Your case is something I would hardly boast about and how can you feel good about it????

[Lyssa]

I don't think OWoman's post comes across as boasting. This is my take on her post - she wouldn't settle as the second best and that everything that the MM does/did for her is/was because he wants to - she didn't demand it. Nothing wrong in that. Maybe for some, it comes across as boasting because they are not getting it all especially when MM/MW claim that they love their OW/OM.

 

Just saying.

 

As for me, I wouldn't settle as the second best - told him straight away. I'm one of the lucky ones where the MM decided what's best for him and his family.

[Lookingforward]

You seem to boast about this. I am shameful about being the OM and have regrets. Like you you were taken care of by a sugar daddy that had your every whim handled at the snap of your fingers.

 

There is no mention of love from your post. In my case I loved her more than life itself.

 

You bragging still has nothing to do with being second best and this thread probably was not meant for you. Since you had it all. Just curious, whatever come of sugar daddy? Your case is something I would hardly boast about and how can you feel good about it????

 

 

You're only second best if you think you are - the problem is with yourself, not other posters

[OWoman]

You seem to boast about this. I am shameful about being the OM and have regrets. Like you you were taken care of by a sugar daddy that had your every whim handled at the snap of your fingers.

 

There is no mention of love from your post. In my case I loved her more than life itself.

 

You bragging still has nothing to do with being second best and this thread probably was not meant for you. Since you had it all. Just curious, whatever come of sugar daddy? Your case is something I would hardly boast about and how can you feel good about it????

 

If it's a boast to refuse to be second best in one's own, or one's SO's life, well then along with many others, I'm boastful, yes. I see myself as worth more than being second best in a relationship context, so my expectation has always been to be treated with the respect I warrant, and that has always been met.

 

I'm quite capable of taking care of myself and have no need, or desire, for a sugar daddy, and everything given has been freely given, and my MM can similarly detail reciprocity. My point was simply to illustrate that I've never been second best - because I don't value myself in that way, others don't value me in that way either.

 

What became of MM - he chose happiness over pain, and left his W. He did not leave his kids - they chose to go with him, although they're obliged to spend some time with his W. We're one of those success stories where the MM and the OW end up together, that so many people here claim don't happen.

 

And we're more in love than ever.

[Lookingforward]

As for me, I wouldn't settle as the second best - told him straight away. I'm one of the lucky ones where the MM decided what's best for him and his family.

 

In my case he went back and settled for second best - you just can't help an idiot sometimes........

[ioncebelieved]

If it's a boast to refuse to be second best in one's own, or one's SO's life, well then along with many others, I'm boastful, yes. I see myself as worth more than being second best in a relationship context, so my expectation has always been to be treated with the respect I warrant, and that has always been met.

 

I'm quite capable of taking care of myself and have no need, or desire, for a sugar daddy, and everything given has been freely given, and my MM can similarly detail reciprocity. My point was simply to illustrate that I've never been second best - because I don't value myself in that way, others don't value me in that way either.

 

What became of MM - he chose happiness over pain, and left his W. He did not leave his kids - they chose to go with him, although they're obliged to spend some time with his W. We're one of those success stories where the MM and the OW end up together, that so many people here claim don't happen.

 

And we're more in love than ever.

 

I see you point exactly! Truly a success story indeed. Too bad I can't claim that for myself. I may have come off as pissy in previous post, not that I meant to... I was second best and felt used and taken advantage of. For the most part IT WAS MY FAULT!! That is something I accept because it is what it is. I lost myself in her and her lies. I am too blame entirely after time progressed and allowed it to continue. Hope is what killed me. I aim to better each day and I will always love her more than anything. maybe in time she will see how great I really was. But if not, someone will!

[OWoman]

I see you point exactly! Truly a success story indeed. Too bad I can't claim that for myself. I may have come off as pissy in previous post, not that I meant to... I was second best and felt used and taken advantage of. For the most part IT WAS MY FAULT!! That is something I accept because it is what it is. I lost myself in her and her lies. I am too blame entirely after time progressed and allowed it to continue. Hope is what killed me. I aim to better each day and I will always love her more than anything. maybe in time she will see how great I really was. But if not, someone will!

 

It starts with you, IOB - if you see yourself as worthy, and act accordingly, others will respond likewise.

 

Being taken advantage of can easily become a habit - I've seen this with friends who are "nice" and who believe other will be nice in return. Until one day they wake up and they're depleted from doing all the giving.

 

You're not a lesser person for having loved her, but loving her at the expense of loving yourself can leave you feeling lesser. Especially if she's not loving back in the same measure.

 

Enjoy discovering, and relishing, your greatness

[Lyssa]

In my case he went back and settled for second best - you just can't help an idiot sometimes........

 

Oh yes... he is an idiot!!

[ioncebelieved]

 

Enjoy discovering, and relishing, your greatness

 

Now it does not get better than that!! Thanks a million!! I am trying to get to that level day by day!!

[astra77]

It's not funny but it's life man.

 

As far as my not responding, it's not all out of spite. It's for her too. The things I would say to her would hurt her horribly. She's better off remembering me the way I was instead of what I've become.

 

I already failed God's test once and I'm afraid he's testing me again to see if I'll hurt her emotionally because I didn't get what I wanted the first time around. I don't date right now because I'm afraid of what I'll do to the next girl, emotionally speaking. I'm so so tempted to hurt women emotionally so as to exact some kind of revenge. I feel as if evil is tugging at my soul. After reading what I've written I think I have to change my number but the evil inside me wants to know she suffers(emotionally). I'm so tired of fighting for my soul. All I have to do is let go and the pain stops but I don't want to fail the test again. I think I might need a little therapy, or maybe a lot, or maybe not. At any rate, I'm not letting go of my soul. Not today.

 

I need to be held by a woman I trust 100% right now so bad. What a pathetic human being I've become. Geez as I'm writing this I just had a thought. Maybe I should volunteer at a homeless shelter or something. Maybe that's the way to fight for my soul without so much pain.

 

Maybe something like that would help you too. You asked why this happened in one of your posts. Maybe it's to make us better people but WE have to do it, it won't happen by itself. Maybe God is trying to save our souls and we don't even realize it. I only mention God because you said "praise the lord" in another thread so I hope you aren't offended.

 

Sorry if this post doesn't make any sense it's just what is going thru my mind right now, and it's late here.

 

E..H

 

EH

 

I get what you are saying. I thought that may be the case, I know that somehow i will pull through this. I told H last night. He reacted rather calmly - scared me a bit.

 

Im numb at the moment, thought that by telling H of the A that i would forget xmm - no - i still love him

[Agent_99]

It starts with you, IOB - if you see yourself as worthy, and act accordingly, others will respond likewise.

 

Being taken advantage of can easily become a habit - I've seen this with friends who are "nice" and who believe other will be nice in return. Until one day they wake up and they're depleted from doing all the giving.

 

You're not a lesser person for having loved her, but loving her at the expense of loving yourself can leave you feeling lesser. Especially if she's not loving back in the same measure.

 

Enjoy discovering, and relishing, your greatness

 

That is great advice. That's part of my issue. I love her so completly and would give a lot to be with her in a full relationship. BUT obviously she doesn't feel the same.

 

~99