question for the men :) about commitment issues and what makes you run

[extraordinarymachine]

Hi guys,

 

I am just wondering if I could get some different mens' perspectives on the commitment aspect of things.

 

Have you ever broken up with a girl you truly cared about because you just weren't ready to settle down? Did you regret it later?

 

Was there a point in your life where you finally felt "ready" to settle down or did it depend on meeting the right person?

 

Do you think there is a common age where this desire to find your one true love starts to creep in or is it dependent on the person? Would you say that some men never reach this point?

 

What makes you run from a good relationship? What scares you?

 

Lastly, is a lack of sexual conquest ever a factor? Have you moved on just because you wanted to take a lengthier "tour" of the world that is women?

 

Just wondering

[oregonbigc]

I have broken up with a few girls, because I wasn't ready to settle down. Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake passing on a couple girls who were wonderful. The issue is, it seems that girls are always wanting to settle down and get married and have a family. I am 31 now and at this point I feel like if I found the right one I would be ready to settle down, that being said, I had a great one for 7 months up until a month ago, where i wanted a break, because things were getting really serious and i was feeling the pressure. It's a lot to think of, marriage, family, no other girls.......ever. Things that eventually work themselves out of a guys mind, probably when they get to their 30s.

 

As chris rock put it, men are only as faithful as their options and as guys age options get less

[JohnnyBlaze]

Didn't I just leave this party?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t159329/

[extraordinarymachine]

Didn't I just leave this party?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t159329/

 

Sorry about that. I cross-posted because it occured to me (too late to delete my post) that it might make more sense in a different forum. Thanks for your comments on that thread, they were really insightful.

[Keridan]

I did break up with a girl once after dating her for 3+ years. This was a decade ago. I'll be honest that I missed her for a while, but I never regretted the decision. We were 19 and 18 or something similar and were far from ready to talk marriage.

 

I don't know if there is a common age or anything for guys to feel "ready" to settle down. For me, I was dating a wonderful woman and just found myself ready. I got lucky, I couldn't ask for more in a wife.

 

I honestly couldn't tell you if the conquest factor played a part in waiting so long. I just never felt ready till somewhat recently. By then I had already been around the block once or twice. I know that for some guys this is very important, though.

 

Hope that helps at least a bit.

[kizik]

EM,

 

I don't have commitment issues, I loved this girl and she couldn't handle it and didn't love me back anymore. She's 25 and was talking about marriage and kids. I told her I wasn't ready yet (I'm 24). Give me a few years, I said.

 

Nowadays, the thought of having kids and being married to such a chaotic, dramatic, emotionally abusive person is absurd. I truly dodged a bullet, though she MADE me dodge it by continually pushing me away. I still would have stayed with her if she had treated me AT ALL like a motherf*cking human being.

 

Point is that I was committed all the way. Not ready to marry yet, but definitely would have if we'd stayed together. Men get a bad rep about commitment but I don't think it's so gender-centric. Honestly I think my level of commitment scared her. She will undoubtedly choose an unavailable fixer-upper for the next guy.

[kyta]

I have allways just gone with the flow, if you with someone then just live it as it happens, you know after a time with some one if it moving forward to the next level, or stagnant, or down hill, i dont think age is an issue i have know ppl settle down in there teen 20's 30's and later, iv never dumped a girl because they wanted more, i have sat down with them and talked about it and said what i mean and want, as im on ls now oviously made some mistakes along the way,if i love some one deeply then im not going to want to play the field and think i could have lots of women so not staying with this one.

I think to many ppl want to be in a commited relationship, but the point ogf that is imo is that if you feel like that then your looking for something to make your life whole, and thats the issue of being happy with yourself, i dont want to be in a commited relationship, but if i met some one and we clicked then i would go with how we both feel as time moves on, its about being able to comunicate with you partner openly and honestly, and thats both ppl in the R, i say dont look for it, dont want for it, live you life and let it happen when it happens, and it allways happens.

Let ask everyone here a question!

 

How honest were you to your partner did you ever lie to them?

 

before you answer think about it for a bit and be honest to yourself

 

my answer is 100% i never lied to my parnter in 7yrs i told her the truth no matter what it was good or bad, i was tottly honest with her, but the down fall of it was she couldnt be 100% honest, which were her faults and i cant change her, but i was true to me.

Live life and let what happens happen.

[extraordinarymachine]

Thanks for the honest responses, I had a hunch many men around here would object to the stereotype of being commitment phobic, just because you all seemed to be very committed to your former partners, hence why the ending of those relationships have hurt and we are all here talking about it.

 

In terms of your question, kyta, I definitely have always been 100% honest, particularly in this last relationship. I think I took it more seriously than he did and he knew that. Perhaps it is well that I was out there with my feelings, maybe I averted disaster by spending more time with someone who had one foot out the door.

 

love to you all.xo

[justaman99]

Hi guys,

 

I am just wondering if I could get some different mens' perspectives on the commitment aspect of things.

 

Have you ever broken up with a girl you truly cared about because you just weren't ready to settle down? Did you regret it later?

 

Yes. When I was much younger, in my early 20s. Didn't regret it. I wasn't ready for the long term.

 

Was there a point in your life where you finally felt "ready" to settle down or did it depend on meeting the right person?

 

Both. I am ready now but only with someone who fits me well and there is a special connection. It won't be just anyone.

 

Do you think there is a common age where this desire to find your one true love starts to creep in or is it dependent on the person? Would you say that some men never reach this point?

 

I think all men are different but I would guess that in their late 20s, early 30s is when they start to think more seriously about something real and long term. Of course if the right person jumps into your life things can just move in that direction anyway. And yes, some men may say they are ready but they aren't.

 

What makes you run from a good relationship? What scares you?

 

Nothing scares me from running from a GOOD relationship.

 

Lastly, is a lack of sexual conquest ever a factor? Have you moved on just because you wanted to take a lengthier "tour" of the world that is women?

 

Not these days. I've never really been wired that way anyway.

[Melrapuo]

Yea I actually don't mind commitment. As long as the relationship is good, I don't see anything wrong with it. I've actually found that all the women I've dated were the ones that were afraid. Maybe I should start dating older women...