Citizen Erased Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 ive experienced criticism/bashing a couple of times since i joined here, even recently. and it was always coming from ppl who dont exactly have perfect love lives. its usually other women here who give you grief -men tend to be alot more laidback with their advice. No-one has a perfect love life. But I am sorry you have experienced that here. I guess it is just different experiences. I have had confrontations of sorts with quite alot of the women here but sometimes it is better to just forget about it. Never would I seek an apology from them. And I hope they never expected one from me... It is sad to think of the people that may hold grudges over something you said months, even years ago, without you even knowing it.
johan Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 No-one has a perfect love life. Mine is perfect in it's absence. Pure, unblemished nothingness.
trubella Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 No-one has a perfect love life. But I am sorry you have experienced that here. yea that was kindof used as sarcasm i know no1s love life is perfect(alot of ppl pretend that to be the case though)i just find it odd that a person with a crappy love life will take it upon themself to bash and criticize someone elses relationship.
shadowplay Posted July 29, 2008 Posted July 29, 2008 yea that was kindof used as sarcasm i know no1s love life is perfect(alot of ppl pretend that to be the case though)i just find it odd that a person with a crappy love life will take it upon themself to bash and criticize someone elses relationship. I think someone like that is more likely to because they're bitter and they will also pounce on any problems in another person that they dislike in themselves.
grogster Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 ive experienced criticism/bashing a couple of times since i joined here, even recently. and it was always coming from ppl who dont exactly have perfect love lives. its usually other women here who give you grief -men tend to be alot more laidback with their advice. That's true, trubella. We don't get too frothy. In fact, the only time I get pissed-off is when the Keyboard Queens bash someone for not being as flawless as they pretend to be. Otherwise, I am laid back.
Tomcat33 Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 That's true, trubella. We don't get too frothy. In fact, the only time I get pissed-off is when the Keyboard Queens bash someone for not being as flawless as they pretend to be. "Keyboard Queens"? Now I'm paranoid, who is that supposed to be? Nahh it's not me I am too much of a princess to be a queen. :lmao: That was a rehtorical question, I'll use my imagination.
Jake Barnes Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 That's true, trubella. We don't get too frothy. In fact, the only time I get pissed-off is when the Keyboard Queens bash someone for not being as flawless as they pretend to be. Otherwise, I am laid back. Thats not true, you got pissed off when I said theres no such thing as gay marriage
Jake Barnes Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 .......................................................................................................
grogster Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Thats not true, you got pissed off when I said theres no such thing as gay marriage Not really. That was a debate. Nothing personal.
grogster Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 "Keyboard Queens"? Now I'm paranoid, who is that supposed to be? Nahh it's not me I am too much of a princess to be a queen. :lmao: That was a rehtorical question, I'll use my imagination. Not you, that's for sure.
NoIDidn't Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 What a great thread! I now have a new poster to follow around as I have thoroughly enjoyed her posts: Taramere. Nice to *meet* you. LOL. Okay now, carry on.....
Jake Barnes Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Not really. That was a debate. Nothing personal.yeah i tried to delete my comment but i didnt hit edit, hence the the next post
Virgo1982 Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 I agree with the poster who gave the list of points to remember when helping someone with a difficult situation. I thought everyone knew how they'd like to be treated, but I guess I was wrong... But I guess because everyone's different, they treat people differently than they'd like to be treated. I think it's a little weird to be bullied on the internet. To be bullied via PC, you have to be extremely insecure and/or the lights are out. That's why we all come here. We can come and converse with people in our underwear. We can speak freely about our deepest concerns. We can speak our minds freely. Some of us can do so without getting carried away. Some of us speak to people as we never would if LS was a physical lounge. Some of carry so much pain around. I've gone through many stages since I've been here and continue to learn from those who are different than I. I welcome anyone who'd like to go toe to toe. However, I usually wind up agreeing to disagree for obvious reasons... I am an xOW and I received more cruelty and intolerance from my friends than anyone else because they took it personal. That did not help me. What did help was my father who came to me in the most loving way and spoke to me from his heart. Anyone who treats you like garbage is not supportive no matter what they tell you. They may have some valid points, but should never fool themselves into believing they are insulting you for you. Don't be fooled. It's their form of selfish satisfaction. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Tomcat33 Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Thats not true, you got pissed off when I said theres no such thing as gay marriage And that is a perfect example of concept VS personal, it's ok to argue or get mad at differing concepts we are all emotional and can get very passionate about what we believe in and even angry it's fine. It is not ok to pick on people personally because we don't accept their way of thinking. Not you, that's for sure. Aww thanks! Comming from you I would have been really sad, I respect your style. And to be put down by someone you respect, hurts. Comming from those you don't respect, not so much.
Virgo1982 Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Aww thanks! Comming from you I would have been really sad, I respect your style. And to be put down by someone you respect, hurts. Comming from those you don't respect, not so much. Agreed One of the obvious reasons I spoke about;)
Virgo1982 Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Far more commonly, though, my own reaction is to be GRATEFUL, THANKFUL and RELIEVED that I'm not anything like those posters who spew-out their sick vitriolic condemnations, like an overflowing sewer drain. I cannot imagine what it must be like for the poor souls who have to deal with them IRL. OpenBook, my goodness... I nearly dropped my laptop. We've been here before. Love it!
Tomcat33 Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 II am an xOW and I received more cruelty and intolerance from my friends than anyone else because they took it personal. That did not help me. What did help was my father who came to me in the most loving way and spoke to me from his heart. Anyone who treats you like garbage is not supportive no matter what they tell you. They may have some valid points, but should never fool themselves into believing they are insulting you for you. Don't be fooled. I totally agree it's nonsense that people want the harsh reality over a respecful and supportive way of being guided. I have witnessed this falsity first hand around here. Those very people that claim "don't candy coat anything around me I would want tough love" are the first to get their backs up when they get a taste of their own medicine. So no one is excempt of having their feathers ruffled. Honestly I can dish it out so damn hard and I tone it down a million times over here and nothing irks me more than seeing someone being picked on I can take being picked on myself a 100 times over and will dish it out NO PROBLEM and bring it on, but when I see it done to those that are really suffering and just needing a little comfort, and on top of it they snitch on you for doing that because you fight them off so the weak can get a moment;s peace, it really gets my back up. I still toe the line of what is not acceptable and at times cross it but the thing is if we could go at it openly things would be VERY different around here, there would be far less intimidation of the weak, let me just say that. You haven't seen viscious until you've crossed the Tomcat's whiskers. BUT that's not the answer for most level headed people. One of my dear friends from LS said this brilliant quote and I totally agree with her, "it's not true you shouldn't stoop, sometimes certain people is all they understand and the only way they will understand you is if you DO stoop to their level" I agree with that, as a circumstancial concept.
Virgo1982 Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Honestly I can dish it out so damn hard and I tone it down a million times over here and nothing irks me more than seeing someone being picked on I can take being picked on myself a 100 times over and will dish it out NO PROBLEM and bring it on, but when I see it done to those that are really suffering and just needing a little comfort, and on top of it they snitch on you for doing that because you fight them off so the weak can get a moment;s peace, it really gets my back up. I still toe the line of what is not acceptable and at times cross it but the thing is if we could go at it openly things would be VERY different around here, there would be far less intimidation of the weak, let me just say that. You haven't seen viscious until you've crossed the Tomcat's whiskers. BUT that's not the answer for most level headed people. One of my dear friends from LS said this brilliant quote and I totally agree with her, "it's not true you shouldn't stoop, sometimes certain people is all they understand and the only way they will understand you is if you DO stoop to their level" I agree with that, as a circumstancial concept. I agree. I see A LOT around here. I've had my share of LS battles. Typically when provoked. I've even had somebody agree with one point and argue with something I never addressed. Another one of those reasons I was referring to:lmao: I finally got tired of trying to explain that I didn't express an opinion on what she felt so passionately about and was ultimately forced to leave the discussion because no one was home... I see you've earned quite a few fans though...It must be nice to be a LS celebrity. Where's the red cybercarpet? TomCat's in the hizzouse!
Ariadne Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 Or maybe some people are easier to bully than others? It is one thing saying things to people out of frustration but a complete other thing when a clique gang up and bully one person, epecially when it is a person whome they know is meek. That is exactly what it is. People that are insecure just have it coming... It is bound to happen that way, it just escalates more and more because that person just can't stand for herself. And it is just natural. Being bullied is the only way that the insecure person is going to learn to have confidence. The insecure person is not going to learn to be confident and strong by being pampered and soothed. It's really nobody's fault.
Virgo1982 Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 I totally agree it's nonsense that people want the harsh reality over a respecful and supportive way of being guided. I have witnessed this falsity first hand around here. Those very people that claim "don't candy coat anything around me I would want tough love" are the first to get their backs up when they get a taste of their own medicine. So no one is excempt of having their feathers ruffled. Honestly I can dish it out so damn hard and I tone it down a million times over here and nothing irks me more than seeing someone being picked on I can take being picked on myself a 100 times over and will dish it out NO PROBLEM and bring it on, but when I see it done to those that are really suffering and just needing a little comfort, and on top of it they snitch on you for doing that because you fight them off so the weak can get a moment;s peace, it really gets my back up. I still toe the line of what is not acceptable and at times cross it but the thing is if we could go at it openly things would be VERY different around here, there would be far less intimidation of the weak, let me just say that. You haven't seen viscious until you've crossed the Tomcat's whiskers. BUT that's not the answer for most level headed people. One of my dear friends from LS said this brilliant quote and I totally agree with her, "it's not true you shouldn't stoop, sometimes certain people is all they understand and the only way they will understand you is if you DO stoop to their level" I agree with that, as a circumstancial concept. Also, it wasn't what they were saying to me directly. It was the cattiness involved. The passive aggressive behavior. The me, me, me over something going on in my life. I took their behavior very well and met passive-aggressive behavior with aggressive behavior. Calling them on what they were doing and ultimately letting them know I was done with them and him. Now they want to call and ask how I'm doing and be chummy:rolleyes: True friends are hard to find IRL and on LS.
johan Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 That is exactly what it is. People that are insecure just have it coming... It is bound to happen that way, it just escalates more and more because that person just can't stand for herself. And it is just natural. Being bullied is the only way that the insecure person is going to learn to have confidence. The insecure person is not going to learn to be confident and strong by being pampered and soothed. It's really nobody's fault. People don't resort to bullying because they want to teach someone a lesson. They do it because it's low behavior that makes them feel powerful. And they do it because they're allowed to get away with. And they only target those who they feel least threatened by so they are not at risk of actually being hurt. You're not right that the person who is targeted is always someone who lacks confidence. You're not right that they have it coming. And you're also not right that that person is going to benefit from the experience.
Lovelybird Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 People don't resort to bullying because they want to teach someone a lesson. They do it because it's low behavior that makes them feel powerful. And they do it because they're allowed to get away with. And they only target those who they feel least threatened by so they are not at risk of actually being hurt. You're not right that the person who is targeted is always someone who lacks confidence. You're not right that they have it coming. And you're also not right that that person is going to benefit from the experience. so true I found this masochist/sadist phenomena here from time to time. masochist/sadist is twist of lust and power, I don't think they themselves recognize this Only true love heals, abusement will not
Lyssa Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 People don't resort to bullying because they want to teach someone a lesson. They do it because it's low behavior that makes them feel powerful. And they do it because they're allowed to get away with. And they only target those who they feel least threatened by so they are not at risk of actually being hurt. You're not right that the person who is targeted is always someone who lacks confidence. You're not right that they have it coming. And you're also not right that that person is going to benefit from the experience. I second this. I don't think those being bullied lack confidence and they sure do not ask to be bullied.
Ariadne Posted July 30, 2008 Posted July 30, 2008 People don't resort to bullying because they want to teach someone a lesson... You're not right that the person who is targeted is always someone who lacks confidence. Nobody ever thinks that they are going to teach someone a lesson. That is not how it works, that is just a consequence. It escalates because the person prone to being bullied starts to defend herself and gives foot for all that to happen.
Author underpants Posted July 30, 2008 Author Posted July 30, 2008 Well, This thread has spun into fascinating areas. It is bittersweet that some have aired harbored grievances. I would say, 'hug it out' in pms. From some of what I have read both sides in whichever strange undertone this topic has unearthed, do want a common understanding and respect. It is possible so, try, maybe? Since this has spun into the world of "forum". My personal take is that part of the beauty of the forum arena, is the input from others' thoughts. Meaning they might not say it to your face in real life, and it may not be supportive...in current circumstances, in presentation, or sometimes ...and rarely (trolling) at all. However, you do get a read on thoughts here. I find it most enlightening and sometimes shamelessly entertaining. As far as real life goes. I'm afraid a person I know is continuing to build with sand and it is crumbling all around her. Months and months, perhaps years of this. It is a tragedy and by continued choices. This person is frantic to find another enabler Yet there seem to be none available at the moment. I've observed this phenomenon more times then I care to.
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