JP77 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 How can you be sure your BF wasn't painting you to be the unreasonable one? How do you know your BF wasn't saying, "Well, LB doesn't want you there, blah blah blah, she's being a pain in the butt, she wants to keep an eye out, she won't leave me be, etc." as opposed to, "I, wonderful BF that I am, want to make a compromise with my wonderful GF because it's important that I make my relationship a priority." Not using those words, of course, but the intended effect. I'm not sure why he would feel uncomfortable talking on the phone to his friend in front of you if he was supporting you and your relationship. However, he'd have every reason to need privacy if he didn't want you to know what he was saying... What the OP's S/O says to his friend is of no business to LaurieBell, just as what happens between Laurie and her boyfriend is no business of her S/O's friends. Clearly you are too insecure to trust a man, which is why you don't have one. Stop trying to add petrol to an already small flame.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 How can you be sure your BF wasn't painting you to be the unreasonable one? How do you know your BF wasn't saying, "Well, LB doesn't want you there, blah blah blah, she's being a pain in the butt, she wants to keep an eye out, she won't leave me be, etc." as opposed to, "I, wonderful BF that I am, want to make a compromise with my wonderful GF because it's important that I make my relationship a priority." Not using those words, of course, but the intended effect. I'm not sure why he would feel uncomfortable talking on the phone to his friend in front of you if he was supporting you and your relationship. However, he'd have every reason to need privacy if he didn't want you to know what he was saying... I trust him enough to know he wouldn't do something like that. I doubt that he pinned me up as girlfriend of the year, but I know he wouldn't talk about me like that...he loves me. I don't know why he went in the other room and I didn't want to accuse him of anything, which probably would have caused more un-needed drama. I'm going to take his word for it that he supported me during the conversation. Plus I never said I didn't want his friend to come..and I told him that. I actually never even said that I would bother them while they were there, I just planned on going on the computer or watching dvds in our room. I havent told my boyfriend OR his freind anything to that effect so I don't know why they would be saying things like that about me.
bish Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 This is to piggy back off my other thread regarding the 7 guys my bf is inviting into our apt for a guy's weekend. As many of you know we did work out a good compromise regarding the situation. I am intending on spending some time in our apartment..Friday night and Saturday afternoon until I go to my cousin's grad party and then go to spend the night at my parents and go out with my sister. (this is going to be the crazy night when they are wasted). So anyway, after my boyfriend and I had our "talk" he told his friend about the compromise we reached. His freind wasn't too happy about the deal so he IM'd me on AIM and basically asked me why I felt the need to be there and that I should be giving them "space." I told him that I was sticking to my plans. Well then that particular friend can just get a friggin' hotel.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 I would always talk in private to somebody who is upset. I basically always call in private, but when I sense emotion on the other side - no matter which kind - I automatically try to be alone with the phone. This might have been the bf's reason for leaving the room. Also, I don't see the need to feel suspicious about her boyfriend this time. She told him, they talked about it, they are on a good page. If the boyfriend had tried again to make her move, then it would have been a problem. Btw, the second time the friend contacted LB tells me that the boyfriend did not bash her, or else the friend would have had no reason to "attack" her for telling. He left also because I think his freind was saying mean things about me to him and my bf didn't want me to hear what HIS friend was saying.
JP77 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I trust him enough to know he wouldn't do something like that. I doubt that he pinned me up as girlfriend of the year, but I know he wouldn't talk about me like that...he loves me. I don't know why he went in the other room and I didn't want to accuse him of anything, which probably would have caused more un-needed drama. I'm going to take his word for it that he supported me during the conversation. Plus I never said I didn't want his friend to come..and I told him that. I actually never even said that I would bother them while they were there, I just planned on going on the computer or watching dvds in our room. I havent told my boyfriend OR his freind anything to that effect so I don't know why they would be saying things like that about me. Girl, will you chillax, don't listen to sour krauts who think all men are the same. Each man and woman is different. Just, because a few sour krauts met their match, doesn't mean sheeet. You know your boyfriend, better than any sour kraut on here does.
bish Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I don't see why you're boyfriend doesn't rent out a few motel rooms and throw a wild party there. That way you are left in your own home and they get to have their fun. Why it needs to be in an apartment, I don't know. You're happy, the friend is happy, your boyfriend is happy. Because this jerk friend of his is probably the biggest cheapskate on the planet. Wants free room and board and to kick out one of the occupants.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Because this jerk friend of his is probably the biggest cheapskate on the planet. Wants free room and board and to kick out one of the occupants. Yeah, my bf DID already agree to put them up in his old apartment, it just happens to be OUR apartment. None of these guys would ever agree to a hotel just to accomodate me.
JP77 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Because this jerk friend of his is probably the biggest cheapskate on the planet. Wants free room and board and to kick out one of the occupants. No, Sh*t, Sherlock. I thought this thread was about mail order brides.
Star Gazer Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 What the OP's S/O says to his friend is of no business to LaurieBell, just as what happens between Laurie and her boyfriend is no business of her S/O's friends. Clearly you are too insecure to trust a man, which is why you don't have one. Stop trying to add petrol to an already small flame. If you read any portion of the 380 responses on the other thread, you'll see that I was one of few DEFENDING her BF.
JP77 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 If you read any portion of the 380 responses on the other thread, you'll see that I was one of few DEFENDING her BF. Well you are not now are you, Oswald Moseley?
Star Gazer Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Well you are not now are you, Oswald Moseley? I haven't reached any conclusions either way. While the "friend" is certainly being portrayed as a big cry baby, I do wonder if his actions in contacting LB were really just in defense of the BF after hearing from BF what LB's thoughts were on the matter.
JP77 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I haven't reached any conclusions either way. While the "friend" is certainly being portrayed as a big cry baby, I do wonder if his actions in contacting LB were really just in defense of the BF after hearing from BF what LB's thoughts were on the matter. Star Gazer, read post the post, I posted at 2:50 PM, learn it, love it and you too can find a decent man.
Trialbyfire Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Yeah, my bf DID already agree to put them up in his old apartment, it just happens to be OUR apartment. None of these guys would ever agree to a hotel just to accomodate me. Hold firm to these thoughts. You've already agreed to accommodate your b/f enough. He's now sticking to his side of the bargain. You're not responsible for the whiny/selfish nature of his friend. Don't let guilt or a need to take it up the wazoo to ease the way for the selfish friend, affect your stance. Also, don't get defensive with the friend or your b/f. You have a right to be and live at your shared place. Your b/f's friend has no rights but should be relying on your good nature, to even be allowed to stay free of charge, for the night(s). What an ungrateful baby, he is!
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 I haven't reached any conclusions either way. While the "friend" is certainly being portrayed as a big cry baby, I do wonder if his actions in contacting LB were really just in defense of the BF after hearing from BF what LB's thoughts were on the matter. I don't have any reason to suspect my bf of any wrong doing. I think his friend is an immature a-whole who didn't get what he wanted, therefore had to piss everyone off like he was a little 2 year old.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Hold firm to these thoughts. You've already agreed to accommodate your b/f enough. He's now sticking to his side of the bargain. You're not responsible for the whiny/selfish nature of his friend. Don't let guilt or a need to take it up the wazoo to ease the way for the selfish friend, affect your stance. Also, don't get defensive with the friend or your b/f. You have a right to be and live at your shared place. Your b/f's friend has no rights but should be relying on your good nature, to even be allowed to stay free of charge, for the night(s). What an ungrateful baby, he is! Thanks. If his friend DOES end up coming I'm not planning on being nasty to him or anything because that would just sink to his level. I'm just going to go about my plan, I have the right to be there so his friends better accept that.
Trialbyfire Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Thanks. If his friend DOES end up coming I'm not planning on being nasty to him or anything because that would just sink to his level. I'm just going to go about my plan, I have the right to be there so his friends better accept that. Now that's a mature way to handle it! If he wants to go pout in the corner, let him pout by himself!
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 I feel like I'm in the middle of some soap opera or something!
Walk Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 Don't know if this is wise, but what if you assured the friend (through email or phone) that you wanted all of them to have fun, and that it would be more fun if he came. Basically letting him know that your intent is not to stop the fun. Anyway you could assure the friend that you aren't hanging around because you secretly desire to squash their male bonding experience, or turn them into frily girls. Remove his perception that you're going to be lurking in the background just waiting to pounce on anyone who dares enjoy themselves. Maybe that would ease his resentment of the situation, and might also allow him to back down on his "I'm not coming" stance if you extend the friendly hand first... allow him to save face. (not that you really want the twerp there, but sounds like your bf will be dissappointed if he doesn't come) Like I said... not sure if you should do that or not. If you think you might do that, make sure you run it past your bf first. (you probably would've anyway.)
Art_Critic Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I feel like I'm in the middle of some soap opera or something! As the apartment door opens These are the days of our lives
Trialbyfire Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 As the apartment door opens These are the days of our lives The Young and the Useless (in reference to the b/fs friend)!
JP77 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 The Young and the Useless (in reference to the b/fs friend)! The W*nker and the W*nked.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 Don't know if this is wise, but what if you assured the friend (through email or phone) that you wanted all of them to have fun, and that it would be more fun if he came. Basically letting him know that your intent is not to stop the fun. Anyway you could assure the friend that you aren't hanging around because you secretly desire to squash their male bonding experience, or turn them into frily girls. Remove his perception that you're going to be lurking in the background just waiting to pounce on anyone who dares enjoy themselves. Maybe that would ease his resentment of the situation, and might also allow him to back down on his "I'm not coming" stance if you extend the friendly hand first... allow him to save face. (not that you really want the twerp there, but sounds like your bf will be dissappointed if he doesn't come) Like I said... not sure if you should do that or not. If you think you might do that, make sure you run it past your bf first. (you probably would've anyway.) Yeah, I was thinking something along those lines to. My bf will be disappointed if he doesn't come even though I think he is pissed at the crap that he is pulling right now. I'll run it by him to see if he thinks that would be a good idea.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted July 9, 2008 Author Posted July 9, 2008 As the apartment door opens These are the days of our lives LOL, yeah. I can see the turning hour glass now...
JP77 Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 You can't really get that "wild" at a hotel because there are neighbors and if you trash the hotel room and destroy anything, you get in big trouble. As far as the apartment, you get too wild and it's disturbing the neighbors, you're in trouble too. So these guys can't get wild enough to bother the neighbors so I hope they realize that. What a fun soul you are. Who cares about hotels and neighbours? I don't, get a load of people, music and alcohol and some drugs and you've got yourself a wild night. Funtastic.
Star Gazer Posted July 9, 2008 Posted July 9, 2008 I think his friend is an immature a-whole who didn't get what he wanted, therefore had to piss everyone off like he was a little 2 year old. Yeah, but I'm curious how mature you presented yourself when dealing with his friend by saying things like this: I told him to leave me alone, that it was my apartment and I was staying no matter what. I'm curious what word choice you used in communicating this to him? In other words, why didn't you have the conversation Walk suggested to begin with?
Recommended Posts