grogster Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 See, this I don't get. No one person is universally attractive or dateable. When a generalized statement is made, it doesn't mean there aren't exceptions or more importantly, that it's a personalized message to be taken internally and harboured as a resentment. Some folks are more eggshell than others. Perhaps irrebuttable presumption is too strong a phrase. I should have used "adverse inference"--as, for example, "Mary drew an adverse interest based on John being 35 and never married." My point: We all depreciate in marital value over time as we grow older:We cheat or get divorced or decline in attractiveness or accumulate more and more baggage (children, for example). The trick is finding someone who has depreciated substantially less than oneself. But with assortative mating that's a difficult task. Hell, my MV-- "marital value" --is in the single digits.
StartingOver07 Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 Some folks are more eggshell than others. Perhaps irrebuttable presumption is too strong a phrase. I should have used "adverse inference"--as, for example, "Mary drew an adverse interest based on John being 35 and never married." My point: We all depreciate in marital value over time as we grow older:We cheat or get divorced or decline in attractiveness or accumulate more and more baggage (children, for example). The trick is finding someone who has depreciated substantially less than oneself. But with assortative mating that's a difficult task. Hell, my MV-- "marital value" --is in the single digits. Spot on! I also agree with Bones' statement about relying on intuition. On paper (or in a forum) it is bound to look "suspicious" if someone is in his mid 30's and has never been in love. Until you get to know him and understand not only what he means by that but how those circumstances occurred there is no way to make an assessment. Besides, is it any better to be in your 30's and have loved often and wrongly? Again, on paper, this is not such an attractive quality either.
underpants Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 Star, Is the flag that he asked you to buy him a shirt? Here is what you should do. Go and purchase the most obnoxious shirt you can find. Like some terrible t-shirt that says...Guns and America or Redneck and proud or just something awful. Available at your local Walmart. That will be funny and he will think twice about asking you to buy him a shirt. If he gets upset you can laugh about it and explain that it was a joke and that you felt all weird about him asking you to purchase a shirt so early on and you two can further discuss the issue. If things go well I bet he will wear that silly t shirt all the time around the house. This is going to sound terrible, but I think maybe if you treat new prospects like someone you are breaking up with it might help you find the assertiveness needed to knock down or deal with the flags instead of questioning them so much. I wish you the best.
Trialbyfire Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 Some folks are more eggshell than others. Perhaps irrebuttable presumption is too strong a phrase. I should have used "adverse inference"--as, for example, "Mary drew an adverse interest based on John being 35 and never married." My point: We all depreciate in marital value over time as we grow older:We cheat or get divorced or decline in attractiveness or accumulate more and more baggage (children, for example). The trick is finding someone who has depreciated substantially less than oneself. But with assortative mating that's a difficult task. Hell, my MV-- "marital value" --is in the single digits. I agree that we all depreciate in market value but then, that's not such a bad thing. While the numbers game is fun as a tweenie and young adult, as a 33 year-old, especially with my recent multi-dating drama, it's def. not for me. Better to have less to filter through, to find someone compatible, since my top five criteria have become rigid. Star, maybe you should give him a couple more dates. Do be careful of getting too involved with someone who's unable to return the investment. In some ways, he might already be warning you that he's emotionally unavailable. Why not lead into a flirtatious conversation with some serious undertones about why he's never fallen in love? Was it always everyone else's faults that turned him off? Were there any LTRs? You get the picture.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 Star, Is the flag that he asked you to buy him a shirt? Here is what you should do. Go and purchase the most obnoxious shirt you can find. Like some terrible t-shirt that says...Guns and America or Redneck and proud or just something awful. Available at your local Walmart. That will be funny and he will think twice about asking you to buy him a shirt. If he gets upset you can laugh about it and explain that it was a joke and that you felt all weird about him asking you to purchase a shirt so early on and you two can further discuss the issue. If things go well I bet he will wear that silly t shirt all the time around the house. This is going to sound terrible, but I think maybe if you treat new prospects like someone you are breaking up with it might help you find the assertiveness needed to knock down or deal with the flags instead of questioning them so much. I wish you the best. Different guy, Unders.
Krytie TV Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 Different guy, Unders. So any plans to see this new guy again or is he considered too psycho at this point?
bones1 Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 Well i asked how old Star gazer is, and did not get an answer. So I am guessing early 30's, never married, no kids. At this age, which isn't exactly young for a woman, what are your choices? Marry a young guy? A divorced guy who owes child support? Or a guy that is a little older, and never married. Obviously the latter is your best choice. So, thats my point. What are you reading into? Seems perfect to me. And if you say its because he said "he has never been in love", well when you look back on relationships, how do you really know if what you had was love, lust, etc. Everyone defines that differently.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 So any plans to see this new guy again or is he considered too psycho at this point? For the time being I've decided against discussing the details of my love life on LS.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 Well i asked how old Star gazer is, and did not get an answer. So I am guessing early 30's, never married, no kids. I just turned 30. And you're correct: never married, no children.
sb129 Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 For the time being I've decided against discussing the details of my love life on LS. Awwww. Spoilsport! Some of us actually CARE you know.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 Awwww. Spoilsport! Some of us actually CARE you know. As if I'd ever keep you out of the loop!!!
Krytie TV Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 Some of us actually CARE you know. Who?! Where?! I do agree... it's pure entertainment.
Lishy Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 For the time being I've decided against discussing the details of my love life on LS. Probably a good idea!
Author Star Gazer Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 Who?! Where?! I do agree... it's pure entertainment. I can't wait for you to post about your little problem again.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 Probably a good idea! A second time, we agree! What's this world coming to?
grogster Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 Good idea. This whole thread (and your lovelife) have become a repetitive trainwreck! Anyone's life would appear to be a "repetitive trainwreck" if subjected to extensive public messageboard scrutiny. No one's exempt. Star simply has more courage than the average LS poster who'd rather "carp and snark" than reveal anything less than ideal about his or her life. I'm happy to hear you're taking a sabbatical, SG. Enjoy your relationships away from public gaze.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 Anyone's life would appear to be a "repetitive trainwreck" if subjected to extensive public messageboard scrutiny. No one's exempt. Star simply has more courage than the average LS poster who'd rather "carp and snark" than reveal anything less than ideal about his or her life. I'm happy to hear you're taking a sabbatical, SG. Enjoy your relationships away from public gaze. The TROLL is referring to my and JB's posts on Shadowplay's new thread. Don't bother responding.
Jilly Bean Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 FWIW, I think you should consider dating Grog. I know, I know, you said you wouldn't date another attorney, but pishaw! I suspect he is ruggedly handsome and a bit macho-ish. Well, at least that's how I chose to fantasize about him - lol. Anyhoo... thoughts, Star?
Author Star Gazer Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 FWIW, I think you should consider dating Grog. I know, I know, you said you wouldn't date another attorney, but pishaw! I suspect he is ruggedly handsome and a bit macho-ish. Well, at least that's how I chose to fantasize about him - lol. Anyhoo... thoughts, Star? We've had great affection for one another here since...oh...2003, right, J? Sadly, he's on the wrong coast.
Krytie TV Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 I can't wait for you to post about your little problem again. You'll be disappointed to know that my "little problem" disappeared with my ex-wife. Well, there was a little difficulty at first, but it's up and running now. Well... for now anyway
grogster Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 We've had great affection for one another here since...oh...2003, right, J? Sadly, he's on the wrong coast. That's true, SG. We've been through much together on good ol' LS. We have each other's back. Thanks for the kind speculation, JB. Alas, I'm not ruggedly handsome.
Jilly Bean Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 Thanks for the kind speculation, JB. Alas, I'm not ruggedly handsome. Metro hot, then?
Author Star Gazer Posted July 3, 2008 Author Posted July 3, 2008 Metro hot, then? He's like got the class of Clooney mixed with the looks of a younger Harrison Ford.
Jilly Bean Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 he's like got the class of clooney mixed with the looks of a younger harrison ford. hawt!!! !!
Lishy Posted July 3, 2008 Posted July 3, 2008 He's like got the class of Clooney mixed with the looks of a younger Harrison Ford. Or maybe he has the looks of Pee Wee Herman and the personality of Simon Cowell?
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